The Journal of Chris Williams - 18. Journal 18

Journal entry 26:

It felt like 11:30 would never arrive. I nervously checked the time on my phone for the tenth time. Or was it the twentieth time? I left my apartment a few minutes early so I’d get to the coffee shop on time. Rory showed up shortly after, and his sister was with him. Why was she there? I thought he wanted to talk to me and kind of figured it would just be the two of us. I had to admit she was smokin’ hot and given the chance I’d try to get her into bed in a heartbeat. If she wasn’t the enforcer’s daughter. (Please tell me doctor/patient confidentiality prevents you from EVER telling Enforcer Hanson I said that).

It sounds so bad, knowing her brother’s supposed to be my mate, and I was still perving on his sister. In my defense, I’d always been attracted to women and as I’ve said, she was hot. Yes, I’d wondered about a romantic connection to guys like Connor before, but when I was horny, it was women I thought about. Well, most of the time. It just clicked and my happiness at seeing him crashed into the devastation I was about to face. He brought her because he wants someone else around when he rejects me. There’s no other explanation.

As soon as I caught Rory’s wonderful scent, I felt a calming sensation wash over me. For as sexy as his sister was, he seemed even more so. That was an odd feeling for me. The day before I thought he was handsome but when I saw him I realized he was downright gorgeous. I could pick up her scent and while it’s similar to his, it did not interest me. Neither was she—beyond being his sister—the longer I breathed in that wonderful pine. I tried to prepare myself for what I knew was coming. Hopefully, he’d be nice in the way he dismissed me.

Rory and I stood staring at each other while his scent continued to wash over me like a wave. Until she broke the spell by introducing herself. “Hi, I’m Rebecca, but you can call me Becca.” I blushed from getting lost in Rory’s eyes. Those wonderful, warm, puppy-wolf eyes. We each ordered a coffee and took a table away from everyone else.

She apologized for coming along. Something about wanting to meet me too, and it being a twin thing. I was having a little trouble concentrating on anything but him. My wolf was practically begging me to jump Rory right then and cuddle up in his arms. Somehow I knew he’d make me howl. As much as I wanted to, not with her there. That was something to share with my mate. I was already thinking of him in those terms, and we’d barely spoken. And I still expected to be rejected. If I didn’t rein in my wolf, I was going to screw up everything.

Rory’s voice was like music as he explained having her along was her way of acting as a chaperone for our first real meeting. For some reason, when he said it like that, it sounded so sweet. She was sort of a buffer so our wolves didn’t overwhelm our human restraint.

Once sitting, I became a little more serious. He hadn’t rejected me yet, but I still thought it was coming. I focused on stirring absolutely nothing into my coffee. “I need to tell you a few things about me before anything else is said. If you want to walk away after, I’ll understand.” He nodded, and I let it all out. Everything I had done, all my crimes, being convicted of conspiracy to commit rape and murder of a human, and everything else including my exile. I held nothing back. I wanted him to know exactly who I was and why I was here up front with no false illusions. I even told him I always thought my mate would be a woman. Although I thought I could possibly be bi, I never gave any thought to the chance my mate would be a guy. I repeated my only experiences with guys had involved force. When I finished, I couldn’t look at him. I knew if I did, all I’d see was disgust. I avoided eye contact with Becca too.

As we sat in agonizing silence, I focused on a spot on the floor. A finger under my chin lifted it so I was gazing into Rory’s eyes. They were soft and warm, and I once again thought how easily I could get lost in them. I managed to glance at Becca for a moment and there was nothing negative in her expression either. Rory finally told me he already knew about my past. As I’d feared, his father had filled him in. The fact I wanted to make sure he knew about it before anything else meant a lot to him. “It doesn’t change the fact you appear to be my mate, and I will never reject you.” He explained his father also told him since I’d been here, I had been trying to change. The man I so feared described me as someone who had worked hard to make up for what I did. Mr. Hanson extolled how I continually asked what more I could do to help out, what jobs I could volunteer for.

Seeing my confusion, Becca giggled. “He’s adorably cute when he’s like that, don’t you think?

Rory went on to tell me about himself, how he and Becca attended Washington State University, and would be only in town for the week. He would head back to finish out the term, but would return in mid-December after finals. He had never thought about his mate being a male either, but wasn’t opposed to the idea. “Having a mate as handsome as you would be great.” He would graduate in spring then return to the pack full time. That is unless he received a job offer outside the territory. But he was only interested in taking a position in Oregon or Washington. With me here, returning to the territory would be his first choice.

Becca mentioned their parents had gone to see mine after I left them this morning. The four were spending the day together, to show my parents around, and to get to know them since it seemed our families were meant to be connected. It was also mentioned their mom demanded Mr. Hanson apologize to my parents for his abruptness in walking off yesterday. I joked it was going to open up a whole new line of discussion when I saw my shrink.

I brought up my fears about him being the enforcer’s son and being tied to someone in power in the pack. Even with everything I had already told him, I talked a little about Michael. I worried about falling into a similar situation. Actually, I worried anyone I was with could potentially be some power hungry monster, and I didn’t want to end up like I did before. I didn’t want to return to being that person. He grinned, placing his hand over mine. “Power in the pack is not something I have any interest in.” Glancing at Becca, he mentioned she was the one with aspirations of being a power-mad corporate lawyer. Even if he were in a position to be the enforcer to the presumptive heir of the pack, he would turn it down to allay my concerns.

As I looked between Rory and Becca, I could still admit she was beautiful, but my attraction was definitely for her brother. His scent drove me crazy and calmed me at the same time. She got up to get us each another coffee. He leaned in towards me. “May I?” When I nodded, he gave me a light kiss on the lips. It was earth-shattering, suns exploding, pick any description you want, that’s what it was. For just a light kiss it was everything I ever dreamed of when I envisioned my first kiss with my mate. He moved his chair closer to mine. “I wanted to do that since I arrived. Now that we’ve met, we have all the time in the world to get to know each other. My heart isn’t going anywhere but to you. My wolf knows you’re the missing part or our soul.”

I leaned my head against his shoulder. “My heart is yours too. I may not understand it, but it’s yours. I thought you brought her along for support when you rejected me. Thank you for giving me a chance. I smell your wonderful fresh pine needles covered in dew and it makes me feel more at peace than I can ever remember. I want to take the time to get to know you properly. I want us to make a home together someday.” That last part surprised me the most since I’d never really given something like that any thought before. Yeah, I’ve had dreams of my mate, our pups, but not the actual part of making a home together.

He stroked his fingers through my head. “Rejecting you never entered my mind. You’re mine, and I intend to do everything I can to keep you. Your scent makes me feel the same as mine does for you.”

A bright flash startled us. Becca was giggling again. “You two look so sweet like that. It’s your first time holding each other. Trust me, you’ll want to remember this moment and now you have a picture.”

We discussed spending time together the next day, just the two of us, and I am already looking forward to it. I get to go on my first date.

When I got back to my apartment, I ran into Kyle, and he immediately noticed the goofy ear-to-ear grin plastered across my face. He scented the air to confirm my happy mood. Breaking out in to his own smirk, he looked me in the eyes. “Okay, spill it.” I chuckled as we went someplace to sit and talk. When I told him I’d met my mate, he pulled me into a tight hug. “When? How? Who?” I had to laugh again at his excitement and told him Rory Hanson. If I thought his eyes were big before, they almost doubled in size. “Rory’s a great guy. He’s always super nice to everyone.” I could tell from his scent he was overjoyed for me. He asked me how I felt about my mate being a guy. I mentioned I was still a little confused by it and that in the last several weeks I’d figured I might be at least a little bit bi. I also mentioned when I’m around him, everything feels like it’s as it should be.

Kyle kept going on and on about what a terrific guy Rory was and how I couldn’t have been matched to a better mate. A lot of the guys I’d met through Kyle had looked up to Rory for years. He mentioned after I got to spend time with Rory in my wolf, he and the guys would expect to go for a run with us. He made sure to stress just because I found my mate doesn’t mean anything changes with my friends here and our little pack. I was still expected to run with him, Corey, and the guys. I happily nodded.

I think because of the way my friendships were in the past, I cherish these new ones I’m building all the more. He’s right though, my friends here are going to be friends for a long time if I have any say in it.

He gave a little guilty grin. “Maybe you and Rory could go on a double date with my boyfriend and me sometime.” I think I had to pick my jaw up off the floor, and I asked who. He teased it was all my fault. “With the amount of time Corey and I spent together as a result of working with you, we fell in love. Neither of us expected it and we’re not going to question it. I know we aren’t true mates and don’t know if it’ll last, but we have strong feelings for each other and make each other happy. I guess we need to thank you for bringing us together.” He pointed out on the nights spent with one of them holding me or keeping me company that’s why the other was always there. They knew being close to me was a friendship thing, but their wolves demanded them both be there.

I gave him a long hard look. “Does that mean I’ve kinda had a three-way with you guys?” We both broke out laughing, and he gave me another hug as he told me how glad his was I came here. “I couldn’t imagine life anymore without having you as my friend. I was developing a serious crush on you, but knew you weren’t ready for anything like that. Then this thing with Corey developed.”

“I had a big crush on you too. But I didn’t understand it enough. And like you said, I wasn’t ready for anything like that.”

I asked if I had some non-personal questions about a gay relationship, would it be okay if I went to them. He told me I’d better.

We were still talking when Corey got back to the apartments and for the first time I actually noticed the subtle glances between them. Corey could see me watching them. “You told him, didn’t you?” Kyle admitted he had, but only after I said I’d met my mate. Corey gave me just as big a hug, lifting me off the floor as I went through talking about meeting Rory again. I had to smile when their fingers laced together as we talked. Corey reminded me it was still our duty as friends to call the other on butt-headed actions. Since as friends we had to look out for each other.

I like this new me who’s developed since I’ve been here. I like how writing in this journal has gone from the tortured soul who had to accept what I’d done to someone who can write about joyful things. I don’t ever remember feeling this happy in my old life, and it makes me sad I wasted so many years the way I did. My happiness isn’t just due to meeting Rory, but from my friends too. At the very least, it makes me appreciate what I’m learning in life now.

I think this is the first entry I’m going to tell Doc is just for me. I’ll talk to her about some of what I wrote but not all, since those happy thoughts belong to me, my friends, and my mate.