The Best Year - 35. Chapter 35

It’s Saturday and I still haven’t fucking told him. The day after I skipped, I returned home after practice to Mom sitting on the couch. She hadn’t lost any practice from her lecturing me, during my Luke induced good behavior stint. She didn’t appreciate me telling her that either. The rest of the week was filled with awkward silences. Cindy was still terrorizing her freshman English classes. Toby was getting surly about his detention all week, it was with Coach and knowing Tate he was still on the idea that physical and free labor was the best punishment. Most of what Toby was sent by his teachers to do became extra homework for him and by Friday in the rare glimpses we got, Toby looked ready to explode. I knew I would have to think of a way to thank him for taking the bullet, but I hadn’t been able to come up with anything.

Luke though hadn’t pushed me since that morning in the parking lot. He had a hard time explaining to his mother how he ended up locked out of the school. Especially when she and him arrived a full hour before school started. Luke lying to his mother will always amuse me, since he didn’t do it often and the guy couldn’t lie, not on things that weren’t important. It would have been a better story if we weren’t giving one another this annoying silent treatment thing. I had to hear it second hand as he gave full effort to his story to the rest of the table, refusing to look at me. The only thing that I smiled about is how proud he seemed to be about being in trouble with Welker and I couldn’t help being silently proud of him too. Even if I was the one that caused him to be locked out to begin with. If I had my way, we would’ve been over all this. I would have my answer and we would be normal again and I would know where I stood. If he had stayed in the car and went with me to nowhere in particular, I would be better by now.

What made it worse was everyone picked up on it right away. I was in a foul assed mood that got worse as the week progressed and Luke didn’t help matters when he would rub his foot against my leg under the table. Him smirking at me or cocking a blond, slightly darker than the hair on his head eyebrow at me when he thought I should have a witty comeback from something Derek said only made it worse. The only person that seemed to be enjoying the tension between us at the lunch table all week was Olivia, but even she seemed tired of it by Friday. To her credit though, she hadn’t said anything which was new for her.

The shitty week ended with Emma Camp asking me to prom. Something I should’ve known was about to happen. Especially since both Lily and Heather warned me about it. She had just broken up with Sam Johnston over winter break. Everyone at the table knew that Bailey Ashton would’ve been her first choice at a rebound prom date, being the captain of the basketball team. Ally was still hanging all over him though and as much as that still annoyed me. I knew I didn’t have any say in what Ally did anymore. Not that I had much of one to begin with, Ally always did what she wanted.

“Hi,” Emma said after walking from the other side of our back row of tables. She was wearing a pink top with buttons and more than half of them were undone. If she were walking around like that outside of the cafeteria teachers would have already written her up for dress code violations. I could see the top of her lacey, purple colored bra peeping out. Luke was already nudging me under the table with his foot and I shot him a look that made Olivia laugh.

“Hey, Emma,” I said when I realized I had left her greeting in the air longer than I should have.

“What are you doing this weekend, I’m thinking about having a party,” she said as she casually brushed up against me. “My parents will be gone.”

“I have a swim meet,” I answered, feeling what her boob brushing against my shoulder was doing in my pants. “It is the last one before districts.”

“Oh,” she said and I glanced up to see her nose just softening from a snarl. No one at the school really cared much about my swimming, even if I was easily the most successful athlete here. “How long do those last?”

“All weekend,” I answered shrugging. “Or at least all day Saturday. I won’t be home until late.”

“Well that sucks,” she said, leaning away from me to stand back up. “Maybe we can hang out Sunday afternoon?”

I tried and failed at not looking across the table. Emma didn’t seem to notice, but she wasn’t all that invested in me either. I was just a prom date to her because she would look good with me on her arm. She was also in direct competition with Ally and I had been Ally’s first choice too. Luke had found my leg again and when he finally looked up I saw him coming back to me. Not the half-amused, half-annoyed Luke that fed my stubborn streak and the silence all week, but the one that could make me do whatever he wanted. The Luke that had everything I was and didn’t even know it. I could see him and he definitely didn’t want Emma Camp hanging on my arm at prom.

“No, Emma,” I said, turning to offer her a small smile. “I’m really just busy with swimming.”

“Okay then,” she said and I saw her glance right at Ally who was poorly pretending not to be interested in our conversation. Everyone but Connor and Bailey fucking Ashton knew the real reason I refused a pretty girl like Emma. They all had a mix of facial expressions that only made it more awkward. Lily looked apologetic, but I didn’t really know which one of us she felt sorry for. Lily got along with everyone and didn’t fall into these petty girl fights that Ally and Heather always seemed to enjoy. Ally looked smug, Luke still looked like a scolded puppy and Derek was smiling like he was watching the best fucking thing he ever saw. Olivia just looked like Olivia when someone was going through a highly embarrassing and entertaining series of events.

To his credit Connor looked completely confused still and I was thankful that at least he wasn’t getting anything out of my misery. I also knew that Emma wouldn’t be the only one. Every single girl in the school that thought they had a shot at me would try. Emma was just the bravest one to go first. I hated what prom did to girls. I hated it last year and this one will be far worse with the expectations that one of them would be named prom queen and be made the center of attention for the rest of the night. Soon there would be campaign posters and empty promises. Parties trying to outdo one another to get the votes needed. The parties I didn’t mind.

Prom would be something that I would enjoy if I could enjoy it with Luke. Now it all just seemed like an unwelcoming thing on the horizon. Something that I would be obligated to attend, because without any grand campaign or party, I would still be on the shortlist to win. Just because I was the one that gave Welker and a handful of other teachers hell the last four years and threw a couple badass parties. Otherwise I wouldn’t have had much of an impact on this place at all.

For the rest of Friday the girls were trying to convince Luke to take his own date to prom and fake it. If we weren’t annoyed with one another and talking I would have told them to knock it off, but he ended up telling them he would think about it. He was looking at me when he said it and I knew he wouldn’t be thinking about it. His mind was made up, just like mine was and we shared some of the same sort of stubbornness when it came down to it.

Now I sat here staring past my reflection in the bus window to the trees in the darkness. Still thinking what I have been thinking ever since Cindy slammed that door in my face. I ignored the glances that Emily was giving me every few miles. My practices hadn’t been the best this week, but just good enough not to land my ass in Tony’s office either. Maybe he was tired of having the same talks with me. Right now I needed to be psyching myself up, getting rid of the nerves I had knowing that I only had three chances to impress the lingering college recruiters.

When we finally arrived I grabbed my bag and shuffled off the bus before everyone else. Tony made us wait by the bus like children, not taking any chances on us checking ourselves in and finding our designated spot to sit by ourselves. Not wanting to look at everyone as they exited I didn’t notice the white truck and I didn’t notice Luke standing beside it, not until Drae coughed loud enough to get my attention. When I looked up he nodded his head and there Luke stood, his hands balled into fists shoved into his pants pockets. Derek was just coming around the back side of the truck, but he didn’t hesitate and kept closing the distance until Luke called him back.

“You and him having a problem?” Drae asked and I was more amazed that Drae asked, Charlie was the nosy one. Drae liked to get into the pool and do his business, only really talking on breaks and down times. Charlie and I would lose him to Shaye as well, who rode on the bus with us, but she never really talked to anyone but Simon.

“No,” I lied and back to the Drae I knew, he shrugged and pulled on his headphones to drown everyone out so he could focus on himself. It made him easier to be around when I wasn’t feeling up to talking. He was a nice brick wall between me and the Townsons too. One look from him shut them up before they got started. Not that I was worried about either one of them, I was more than capable.

As more people exited the bus I was about to start walking towards the truck, but Tony bounded off the steps and I knew better than to break from the crowd now. I glanced over my shoulder to see Derek trying to convince Luke to join us in our sloppy semi-circle around Tony and Jackie. It didn’t help that Simon and Charlie were leaning on one another and Shaye was rubbing her fingertips up Drae’s arm. Some of the girls had brought their boyfriends along, but not having a lot of time to talk to them I didn’t know any of their names. The fucking displays of affection made me snort and I received a few more glances from Emily who stood on the other side of Tara. My favorite girl on the girl’s side of the pool since she wasn’t afraid to give Aiden shit whenever he said something she didn’t like. She was a redhead and pretty and I was still surprised that it wasn't completely lost on me either.

“We’re not late for once,” Tony said with his clipboard in hand. He scanned everyone standing in the small semi-circle in front of him. He didn’t bother Drae knowing he had his own way of doing things. “Double check your gear after you get changed. Townsons if I see any bullshit during the relay you better hope your parents are here because you’re not getting back on my bus.”

“Tony,” Jackie said as she elbowed him before she walked by to usher her divers along.

“And Jackson get out of your own head,” he added, pretending the elbow from Jackie hurt to lighten the mood. He barely glanced at me after he called me out and I had only just worked up to a full smirk after he called out Aiden and Matt. “Also, girls you’re perfect as usual.”

“Thanks,” Tara said from beside me. The wind was just blowing enough to send some of her hair curling around my neck. It smelled of a soft lavender and when she glanced at me and noticed she smoothed her hair back down then patted me on the shoulder with a small smile.

“Now let's get in there and get checked in,” Tony said, letting his clipboard fall to his side. His eyes fell on Derek and Luke standing off to the side as he started leading us towards the front entrance. He didn’t say anything even though we all knew it was nearing time for us all to part ways.

“Jack,” Derek said as he joined the crowd with Luke falling in step beside him.

“Derek,” I said when I realized he wasn’t going to say anything past my name. “What are you doing here?”

“Church begged me,” he answered grinning as he turned his head to look at Luke. “Toby is still in shit or his ass would be here too.”

“Tell the truth,” I said, smirking. “You’re dodging the girls.”

“Fuck yeah I am,” he said shaking his head. “They’re out for blood, I’m scared for my life.”

“Who is this?” Charlie asked as he fell in step beside me throwing his arm around my shoulder. With Luke there I felt myself wanting to shrug him off, but Simon was also here so I didn’t. Charlie was always more of a hands on type of person anyway and Luke knew this.

“Derek,” I answered and I shook my head when Charlie pretended to look him over.

“Stop that,” Simon said, grabbing Charlie by the shoulder and pulling him off me. “He’s new.”

“Look all you want,” Derek countered and I looked over just in time to see him flex, but since it was cold and he was wearing a hoodie, it didn’t do much. With the banter though it only made Luke’s silence more obvious. I noticed Charlie looking in his direction, but we were at the entrance and had to take separate doors inside and the noise and excitement of the place distracted him. He had Simon to kiss and push towards the line to buy tickets to get in as we all knew this was as far as we could go together.

“Five minutes,” Tony bellowed, tapping his watch as he walked by. “I’ll be just inside the door getting our station number.”

“I have to piss,” Derek grunted and I saw him nudge past Luke as he took off towards the restrooms. Luke didn’t close the distance though so I had to, but when I hesitated he shook his head and turned towards the line to get his ticket and popcorn if he wanted.

“Wait,” I said, holding out my hand as I readjusted my bag on my opposite shoulder. I didn’t want to say anything to stop him. I didn’t want to do any talking right here in the foyer of a fucking gym, but seeing him standing by his truck snapped me out of my own head. I didn’t want him disappearing into the crowd with nothing said between us.

“Hey,” he said when I closed the distance between us. We were standing a couple of feet just inside the doors and people were having to dodge us, but I didn’t care.

“Hey,” I said, feeling my face warm. I couldn’t catch his gaze and when I followed his eyes, he was looking at my necklace. When I reached up and ran my finger down the J to the sharp point he finally looked up. “I’m glad you came.”

“Me too,” he said and I watched him relax his shoulders and slide his hands out of his pants pockets. “I had to lie to Mom.”

“Where does she think you are?” I asked not wanting to talk about Cindy. I was glad he was actually talking though, so I would play along as long as it took to get us back to normal.

“With Olivia,” he answered shrugging. “Not that she thinks Olivia is the best influence for me to be around anymore.”

“Who is these days?” I asked and when he shot me a glare I glanced up at the digital clock wondering how long into the five minutes we were from the time Tony said it.

“Can we not talk about this right now?” He asked and I turned and nodded my head.

“You brought it up,” I said as I took a half-step out of some dude’s way that brushed against me.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come,” Luke answered and I watched his eyes follow the guy before turning back to me. “I don’t know why you haven’t talked to me all week.”

“Me?” I asked, crossing my arms. The movement caused my bag to slip off my shoulder and fall to the bend of my elbow. Swearing to myself I pulled the strap back up. “You haven’t said two fucking words to me all week.”

“Because I didn’t think you wanted me to,” he argued, glancing around us and when I looked away from him I saw that a few people had stopped walking.

“What are you assholes looking at?” I asked, waving my hands not caring who heard me.

“Jackson,” Emily said and I turned to see her coming towards us. “It’s time to get changed.”

“Ride with me on the way back?” I asked, turning to Luke. “Let Derek drive your truck to my house.”

“I don’t know,” he answered as Derek came up from behind me. Emily was still standing there expectantly and I knew Tony would be next.

“Okay,” I said, my face flushed. “Do whatever you want, I don’t care.”

I didn’t wait for him to answer me and I didn’t want to look at him after so I fell into step beside Emily. Luke and Derek would still need to buy their admissions ticket and if I knew Derek, a large popcorn and Dr. Pepper.

“Do we need to talk about that?” Emily asked as we entered the center. It was an older school, the brickwork was chipped and discolored in places from repairs. The bleachers had been replaced and stood out from the older architecture like a zit on a forehead. The pools looked a little aged as well, some of the tiles looked faded and chipped, but the water was clear and the smell of chlorine felt as inviting as it always did.

“I can’t talk about it,” I answered, turning to look at her. She offered me a tight lipped half-smile that was more worried than anything. We both knew this wasn’t the time to talk about it, but my heart was hammering in my chest and my palms were clammy.

“You need to try to calm down,” she said, grabbing my shoulders. I refused to look at her, but when I looked past her all I saw was everyone gathered in our station. The girls were pulling their hair up into tight ponytails they could hide under their caps. Tony was talking to Aiden and Matt was standing off to the side of everyone else playing with the zipper of his warm up jacket. Part of me wondered if he would even bother with trying out for next year’s team. The relay and loyalty to Pete still divided them, but I was also feeling the distance. Unlike him though, I would be gone. Aiden and Drae were also graduating and moving on too. Maybe Matt would find a friend, but I doubted Charlie would ever really warm to him.

“I am,” I lied glancing at her when she shook my shoulders.

“I don’t know what you’re going through,” she said, stepping closer to me. I didn’t want her to hug me, not in front of a building full of people. I could see the hug coming if I couldn’t convince her that I wasn’t about to lose it. “So I’ll tell you that my boyfriend is here, he’s a coach for a really good college program.”

“Which one?” I asked, turning my full attention back to her.

“I’m not telling you,” she answered smiling. “I have been sending your progress reports to him and he wants to see you in person.”

“Why the hell are you telling me this now?” I asked and her arms tightened on my shoulders when I scanned the crowd. I didn’t know who the hell he was, but coaches had a look about them and I wondered if I could spot him in the crowd. If he was watching now, I doubted he’d be impressed.

“To get your mind off everything else,” she answered and the hug came. It was brief and I accepted it with my hands at my sides. When she backed away she patted me on the shoulders then motioned for me to walk with her to our station. “I wouldn’t have, but you need something better to focus on.”

“About time Jackson,” Tony said when I stepped around the dividers that divided every team from one another. The seats were small and plastic, a couple of them cracked and I shrugged out of my bag. “Go get changed, your medley is your first event. There are just five entrants, so there isn’t a qualifier for it.”

“Okay,” I offered and gave one last glance at Emily before I grabbed my bag and walked back around the dividers. I followed a small crowd of guys still in their normal clothes to the locker rooms. Once inside I started stripping. It was hot and smelled like a mixture of body sprays. It drowned out the welcoming smell of chlorine so I didn’t take my time. Tony hadn’t told me how much time I actually had either. Glancing in the small mirror over one of the only sinks I saw what Emily probably saw. Someone that didn’t really want to be here. I briefly attempted to straighten my shoulders, but when I noticed a guy looking at me I blinked and double checked my gear, making sure I had my cap and nose clip. When I found them I shoved my street clothes into the bag and pulled out my warm up tracksuit and slid on the pants, ignoring the jacket for now.

Stepping out of the locker room I took a few deep breaths, the air was cooler and lacking the assaulting body sprays and cologne. There were people taking laps in the small warm up pool and I looked up, searching for any sign of the events schedule. Not seeing one I walked back to our station.

“When am I up?” I asked when Tony caught my eye.

“Here you go,” he said as he slid a piece of paper off his clipboard. Looking down at it, it was the itinerary and I grabbed my phone from the front compartment of my bag and glanced at the time.

“Thanks,” I offered, but then I looked around and saw that everyone had a copy and when I looked back at Tony he was studying me, but didn’t say anything.

I had some time before I should be warming up so I found an empty chair and started scanning the crowd again. I already noticed the school was smaller, but with the crowd increasing it only made it worse. There was only one warm up pool and the diving pool where Jackie was only had the bare minimum. It was a school in my school’s district though, so I knew it probably didn’t have the funding like Tony’s place had. Tony and Jackie also screamed loaded with their Escalades and being a private facility they could splurge for whatever they wanted. Here it looked like they were barely hanging on. The pool water looked clean enough, but that was it.

Pete’s team wasn’t here and I was thankful for that. The temptation for Aiden and Matt to throw for him again was out. I hated knowing he was my top competition in two of my events though. The eight hundred meter freestyle and the one hundred. Falling to him would be something I wouldn’t do, at least for that I was determined. I didn’t want to see the smug assed faces on the Townsons thinking I didn’t deserve to be here.

“Hey,” Charlie said and I jumped in my seat and shot him a glare. Charlie always took these things in stride though and offered me a wide smile as he shoved my shoulder. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Emily said her boyfriend was here,” I said, turning my full attention to him.

“You’re not into Emily are you?” He asked, his eyes creasing at the corners as he smirked. His blond hair was a lot lighter than Lukes and he didn’t have the contrasting brown eyes either. His were a very deep blue, that didn’t brighten when he smiled or was up to something. Comparing him to Luke made me shift in my chair and I felt my face getting hot.

“No, no,” I said looking around for her to make sure she wasn’t close by. “Her boyfriend is a coach and she’s been talking me up to him.”

“Oh,” he said and this time he looked around the people sitting around in the bleachers. “Is that why you’re being weird?”

“Yeah,” I said, not wanting him to think much past that. It did bother me, knowing a coach was here to scout me in person. Rick had always told me in the past about scouts, so it wasn’t something I hadn’t heard before a meet. It just added to everything else and the fucking small school made everything seem claustrophobic.

“You’re up soon,” he offered and I nodded my head. “For what it’s worth Jackson, I think you’re a really strong swimmer and can go as far as you want.”

“Thanks,” I said wondering if Emily sent him over here as a precaution. Charlie didn’t need anyone telling him how talented he was. He hardly ever faltered and his schedule was tougher than mine, but he was a junior and he had time to try all these new things.

“I’m serious,” he said leaning closer to me. “I know there’s more going on with you, you’ve been off all week.”

“I probably shouldn’t even be here,” I said looking back down at the piece of paper in my hands. Part of me wanted to crumple it up and trash it. Luke was here, him and Derek could just take me home and I could try to figure all this out. For better or worse I was just tired of feeling this way. Something had to give.

“I don’t want to push you to tell me,” Charlie said and I looked back up to see him smiling, but it wasn’t his usual toothy grin. “You don’t really have the time to either, but if you need me to, I will listen to whatever you can share.”

“Have you told Simon you loved him?” I asked as someone walked close behind us. Looking over Charlie’s shoulder I saw Tony going over to talk with Emily. The girls were about to start and I should be stripping down to my race shorts and getting into the warm up pool. It was clearing out a little.

“I haven’t,” he said, studying me. “I don’t know if I’m there yet.”

“Oh,” I said, grimacing having brought it up. Charlie and Simon just seemed so steady and familiar. Like they had been together for ages and were past all this.

“But if I did know I was there, I could see where it would be killing me if I didn’t just tell him,” he added and I felt his knee knock into mine. “I’d probably have to just blurt it out and live in the aftermath.”

“Yeah,” I said, turning away from him to scan the crowd. Most everyone was sitting in the bleachers now as the meet officially kicked off with the first event. I couldn’t see Luke anywhere I looked, but I knew he was still in the crowd. His stubbornness wouldn’t have allowed him to leave.

“Jackson!” Tony bellowed and I sighed. I already knew what was coming so I stood and pulled off my track pants and grabbed my cap, goggles, and nose clip. I avoided his glare as I sidestepped the divider, tugging on my goggles then my cap as I went.

When I got to the warm up pool I saw some of the girls taking laps. Remembering the schedule, their relay was the event after mine. It was a qualifying race. The water was choppy and I frowned when I noticed I had to share a lane, the pool had already filled. The four guys in the pool were my obvious competition.

Sliding into the water in lane one, I hugged the wall until the person I was sharing the lane with, a girl, noticed me. She gave me the space when we met towards the center of the pool. Being in the water all I could think about was what an aftermath with Luke could look like. I knew there was a possibility that he could love me back. That thought always seemed to flutter in my stomach and fill me with a mixture of nervousness and warmth. It was the one I clinged the most to. It was the only sort of aftermath I could live with.

The choppy water and the off-beat roar in my ears from everyone else swimming didn’t do anything to calm my nerves. I kept doing laps, finding the walls with my hand, my mind on auto-pilot. I hadn’t even noticed when my lane partner changed from the girl to another guy and when I stopped after I finished a lap I looked up and saw that I had only a few minutes before my event.

Swearing under my breath I pulled myself out of the pool and walked over to a towel station as I pulled my cap, clip, and goggles off. I grabbed a towel and walked around to the showers. I pulled the handle and hung my towel on the rack beside it. I felt the warm water and it slowly brought me back to what I was about to do.

“Jackson come on,” Emily said as she appeared around the corner. I nodded my head and pulled the handle until the water stopped. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my shoulders. Emily never left my side as I stood with the other four in the waiting zone behind the pool as the race in front of me went on. No one from our team was in it, so I didn’t have to cheer for anyone. I had missed the girl’s relay and when I glanced over I saw them all smiling and talking with one another. Part of me wished I had made more of an effort to get to know them, but they were always on a slightly different schedule than me.

“Ready up,” one of the race officials announced as she walked by us. Standing with the four other guys I finally forced myself to look at them. There wasn’t really one that stood out. They all looked about my size. They were all already in their gear so I pulled on my goggles and sealed them to my face. Then I pulled my cap on and smoothed it out on my head. I glanced over my shoulder to see Emily watching me and I offered her a small smile. I watched her shoulders relax and I realized she was still worried about me and I hated that I felt like I needed this much fucking attention. All of this should be second nature by now.

I barely heard the announcement of my event. The girl’s four hundred meter freestyle qualifying race just ended and I glanced up at the scoreboard and saw the top five finishers in this heat were all from different teams. The home athlete just barely missed qualifying for the finals. She was one of the last ones to leave the pool and when we were allowed to approach the pool I started stretching my arms and getting into my pre-race routine. It was more or less copied from everyone else. Swinging my arms in circles and bending over, splashing water over my chest to alleviate the shock of the cold water before diving in. The four by one hundred meter medley always started out with the butterfly, my second worst stroke of the four. So when the whistle sounded and the race official pointed me to lane three I wasted no time getting onto the starting block.

“You ready?” Emily asked, leaning slightly on the starting block.

“I’m good,” I answered as I settled into the block, relaxing my back as I waited for the officials to ready us. Emily offered me a smile and I watched her walk back to the waiting zone with Tony. Charlie had joined them with a towel draped over his shoulder. I guessed he had a race after mine.

Only being the five of us we were in the center lanes. Being in lane three I had no one on my other side. Glancing beside me I saw I was next to the guy that was swimming for this school. He was tugging on his goggles trying to get a nice seal on his face and when a whistle sounded, the official in my lane told me to ready up. So I got down in my stance, my right foot on the edge with my toes curled over the side and when the horn sounded I launched myself into the water. I searched out the lane markers as I got into my underwater kicks and used up my fifteen meters to finally focus on what I was supposed to be fucking doing. Surfacing I edged myself to the clean water side of my lane taking a quick glance over to the swimmer beside me. The butterfly took more out of my shoulders than any of the other strokes. This was the stroke that Emily and I worked on the most, it had the most resistance in the water to overcome. I never really looked forward to racing it, but since it opened the medley I was hopeful that I could stay within reach of the leaders just enough for my other three strokes to put me over the edge.

When I got to the first turn I lunged forward and touched my fingers to the wall with both of my hands. Turning under the water always seemed violent, sending bubbles up around me and distorting my vision. It didn’t last long after kicking off the wall and getting back into rhythm and back to clean water though and when I glanced around I saw that I was already well ahead of the home crowd guy beside me.

Being an event final the crowd was actually paying more attention and I heard the cheering, it always sounded muffled and overpowered by the sound of the kicking and stroking of the water from me and the other swimmers. Me and the guy next to me seemed to have the same stroke rhythm, but I was just naturally faster than him. Glancing over at him he was on my feet and I could see the person in the middle lane just above him. That was as far as I could see when I was able to steal glances though.

Confident that I wasn’t too far behind and knowing I only had the wall to touch before I got out of my butterfly and into the backstroke I put my head forward and focused on the approaching wall. Emily had me practicing the transition turn between the butterfly and the backstroke for weeks. She quickly found out that I liked to cheat my double hand touch, which didn’t work on the medley. My ears were ringing well after practice on the day she broke me and had me slamming both hands into the wall before twisting under the water to get into the backstroke.

So when I lunged forward I made sure I slammed both my hands into the wall before I twisted under the water. Now facing the surface of the water I looked around and saw that I now had clean water on both sides of me. I found the lane markers and edged closer to the divider for the cleaner water and when my fifteen meters were up I surfaced and took in a quick breath as I steadied into my backstroke.

Growing up this one was the hardest for me to learn, Rick had a difficult time getting me to focus on where I was in the pool. I was always scared of bashing my head on the unseen wall so as he tried not to yell at me for stopping short or being too scared to charge the wall before a turn, I tried not to give him just enough snark and backtalk to get me doing laps. It took months for me to learn how to read the lane lines. The YMCA hardly cared about official lane markers either, but that didn’t slow Rick down in his determination for me to learn.

Glancing around I saw that I was still ahead of the guy next to me. There wasn’t an answering rally from him on this stroke. The open and clean water made focusing on the race easier. Sounds of the race were slightly more dampened without someone charging beside you. I could hear further out and more of the crowd’s cheering. So when the markers on the lane dividers told me I had less than a meter I lunged for the wall, brushed it with my fingertips and turned underwater and kicked off the wall with my feet. Then I twisted underwater and started back the other way.

The backstroke was also a peaceful sort of stroke. It used smooth arm circles and a rhythm was easier to keep. With the lead I seemed to have over the two people I could see I didn’t feel the pressure to push my pace yet. I wasn’t feeling any burning in my muscles or strain to get more breaths in between strokes either. I worried my conditioning this week had fallen off and I would be feeling it by now.

The other two strokes were my better strokes so I grew more confident as I approached my second turn. After turning I saw that the guy next to me was just entering the fifteen meter mark and I smiled under the water as I started my underwater kicks. When I surfaced I got right into my breast stroke. Being just over halfway, having to go down the pool and back before doing it again with my freestyle, I fell into a slightly quicker rhythm. Most people had a decent freestyle and as I approached my first turn I did a few strokes further out of the water and glanced down the other side of the pool. The guy farthest from me seemed to be slightly ahead so when I lunged forward and hit the wall then did my turn I kicked my legs faster. The dude in the next lane was far out of the race now as he was just entering the closing fifteen meters as I was surfacing. Knowing I was sitting at least second I started pushing myself just enough to start feeling the strain of the race. The breastroke was another stroke that put more strain on the shoulders and back of the neck than the others, and the one I most resembled a drowning fish. It didn’t require as much force to lift out of the water as the butterfly though. So it was always a more forgiving swim for me in practice, even after Emily and I worked on some tweaks, since all of my strokes needed work.

I felt myself getting nervous as the turn into the last leg of the race approached. Not breathing I pushed forward, charging to the wall knowing I only had the freestyle to get through. A trip down the pool and back. Actually being in a race had allowed me to forget about everything else and I didn’t want this race to end knowing that as soon as I was allowed to think, I would go back to Luke. Pressing forward I approached the wall and when I was within a couple of meters I lunged forward and slammed my hand into it. Taking my second to last turn I kicked off the wall and pushed forward. Wanting to get into my freestyle I almost surfaced too soon, but when I did I glanced over and saw that the only two people in the race now were me and the guy on the other side of the pool we were the only ones disturbing the water. He was still ahead, that much I could see so I kicked harder and quickened my stroke rate. Not wanting to freak out about being behind right now I kept my head down and breathed every couple of strokes, rotating between breathing out of around my left arm and right, just so I could sneak glances towards him. The cheering had increased and I could hear a blow horn, that probably wouldn’t have been allowed inside if security was actually checking people as they entered.

When I approached the wall I heard the whistle that signaled that this was the closing lap. I slammed my hand into the wall and turned under the water. This time I made sure to focus on my underwater kicks for the full fifteen meters and when I surfaced I looked over and saw that I was now slightly ahead. So I pushed myself, hoping that I would have a couple of events between mine and the next so I could recover. Knowing I had a coach somewhere in the stands that could be between me and my future I dug in, feeling the full strain in my thighs and shoulders and when I entered the last fifteen meters I tucked my head and increased my pace, not daring to breathe until my hand slammed into the wall.

And when it did I surfaced blowing water out of my mouth. I gulped air as I ripped my cap and goggles off wanting to see past the cascading water. Shaking my head I leaned all of my weight on the lane divider.

“Clean race,” the official said over my shoulder and I glanced up to acknowledge her. Then I looked past her to the scoreboard and when I saw J. Forrest listed first with an asterisk beside my name, I slapped the water smiling as Emily bent forward and slapped me on the shoulder. I pulled myself out of the water knowing the officials would want the water to smooth before the next race. Emily handed me a towel as Charlie clapped me on the shoulder standing in the waiting zone for the next race.

“You broke the district record, you’re just over the regional record too,” Emily said as we walked over to where Tony waited. He was standing just outside of the station, clipboard still in hand. He had a smile on his face though, so maybe I was partially forgiven for the shitty week of practicing.

“Really?” I asked, trying to steady my breathing as I draped my towel over my shoulders.

“I hope you didn’t completely waste yourself out there though,” she said as we separated with a small smile as she went to ready the girls for their next event since she was technically their full time coach now.

“Nice work, go take some cool down laps,” Tony said as he offered me a small smile and I glanced up at the scoreboard just in time to see my name being cleared from the list to prepare for the next race. Knowing, at least for however long it lasted, for my name to be beside the district record holder, made me smile and when I got to the pool I saw that Tara was warming up and that she didn’t have a lane partner so I sat on the edge and put my gear back on then slid into the water. When she noticed me taking laps he held out her fist under the water as we passed and I pressed my own fist against hers before falling back into my slow and easy swim.

When my muscles loosened up and my breathing evened out I slid out of the pool. There were some people waiting for an open lane so I didn’t rest on the side. Instead I walked around and took a quick shower to wash off the warm up pool funk that I knew was always there and went back to my station to continue drying myself.

Sitting in an open seat by Drae I grabbed my phone and my schedule. Seeing that the relay was next I relaxed in my seat. The one I dreaded was the 800m, but as I scanned the sheet of paper it wasn’t on the list. That usually meant there weren’t enough people to make the event competitive. Being a smaller school, this invitational probably wasn’t on a lot of people’s list. I wondered why Tony picked this particular school when we all knew there were other invitationals we could have scheduled for this day instead. I wasn’t complaining though.

“You think they’ll behave themselves?” Drae asked and I looked up to see that he had pulled back one side of his headphones. He nodded towards Aiden and Matt smirking.

“If they don’t want to be dragged behind the bus, yeah,” I answered and he smiled, shaking his head.

“Good job on the new record,” he offered, leaning his head back against a pillar our station was nestled around. The smooth white painted block didn’t look comfortable, but Drae was the most relaxed person I ever met. If he wasn’t a fucking good sprint swimmer I would have wondered if he even wanted to be here. Nothing seemed to excite or phase him, aside from Shaye, but she was in the stands with Simon and if Tony caught us using our phones other than to listen to music or check the time, we’d get lectured.

“Thanks,” I said and I couldn’t help smiling. It was the first record I ever broke that was actually kept as an official record. I still had the fastest freestyle in the YMCA, but that was just a fun race that only the parents paying Rick cared about.

“Charlie told me a coach is here to watch you,” Drae said and I glanced around for the little shit. Not seeing Charlie I glanced up and saw that he was waiting for his event. I checked the schedule and saw that it was his four hundred meter butterfly. The relay followed and it was also an event final like most of the other events listed. My only qualifying race was the one hundred freestyle and it only had two heats.

“She could’ve just told me that to make me focus,” I said, glancing around the stands still looking for any sign of a coach.

“She’s not that diabolical,” he countered, sliding his phone over to me. “I already looked him up anyway.”

“Georgia,” I said as I read the white print on a scarlet background. It wasn’t that far away. It wasn’t a party school like Texas or had an ocean within a day’s drive either. He was here though, I doubted Emily would lie to me.

“Yeah,” he said as I handed his phone back to him. “Not that flashy of a school unless you’re into football, but always competitive.”

“I hoped for Texas,” I said and he smirked, shaking his head.

“Don’t we all,” he countered. “Charlie’s the only fuck here that will get in there, but he has his sights set on Cal.”

“Go cheer on Charlie guys then get warmed up,” Tony said and I glanced over to the pool. The only thing I could see were the tops of their heads as they bobbed in and out of the water. Standing I walked with Drae around the divider with Aiden and Matt somewhere behind us. Charlie didn’t need any cheers though, his red cap was well ahead of everyone else.

“This place is a joke,” Aiden snorted as he came to stand beside me. Seeing him this close I knew he had something planned for me. “Tony wanting to give your sorry ass a boost since you’ve been sulking all fucking month.”

“Shut the hell up,” I hissed knowing Tony wasn’t too far ahead of us. We couldn’t really get much closer, but as a coach he had a designated area where he could view the pool.

“Shitty place or not, records are district wide dumbass,” Drae said and I smirked when Aiden took a half-step away from us. He probably thought Drae would still be lost in his music blasting in his headphones. He still had the one pulled back though.

“Aiden’s right though,” Matt added, “we should be at a better invitational, we don’t know where the hell we stand.”

“Afraid your own bullshit isn’t good enough, Townsons?” I asked, turning to face them. “I’m not in any fucking mood to put up with either one of you, so fuck off until the relay.”

“Go on,” Drae added, nodding towards the warm-up pool. “We both know your asses aren’t standing here for Charlie.”

I let Aiden shoulder past me as they walked towards the warm up pool. I doubted they were all that afraid of just me, but with Drae’s imposing figure standing next to me I probably looked more badass. I glanced over at him, but when he started clapping I turned to see that Charlie won the race and was pulling himself up out of the pool. Tony stepped forward and gave him a playful shove then pointed him towards the pool to cool down.

Knowing we were next and only had a small window to get warmed up, Drae and I took off towards the warm up pool, Drae handing his phone and headphones over to Tony as he passed.

When we got there the pool was crowded so we had to separate and warm up in different lanes. Aiden and Matt had found a lane to themselves and to their credit they actually looked like they were attempting to get warmed up for the next race. Not wanting to waste anymore time I slid on my gear and slid into the pool, careful not to disturb the person already taking laps. Pushing off the wall, I knew I probably only had two laps in me before they announced our relay, so I took slower strokes, feeling some soreness in my shoulders, but it wasn’t bad and when that ebbed away I found the end of my lane and pulled myself out of the water.

I was the last one to the shower station and didn’t bother taking off my goggles and cap to shower. Instead I let the water run over my body for a few seconds then I pulled the handle and grabbed a towel before I walked over to the main pool. There were four other teams waiting and I shouldered around Drae to stand in our starting order. Tony had changed the order, making Drae the anchor. I was second, but Matt would be starting the relay so I stood beside him. Without Aiden around to give him more confidence, Matt stayed quiet and ignored me as I continued to dry myself.

Then our relay was announced and Matt was told to ready up. He slid on his nose clip and climbed up onto the starting block. He leaned slightly forward waiting on the signal to get down in the stance and when it came he leaned forward. When the horn sounded he dove into the water and I walked up to the starting block watching him. I had to admit he had a nice fluid freestyle, the water glided over his shoulders and down his back and when he touched the far wall I climbed up on the starting block and got down in my stance. I glanced up just enough to see that he looked to be sitting in third. The home team was in the middle lane and swimming in first. When I saw that Matt was within fifteen meters I put my head down and stared at the wall, waiting for his fingers to touch.

When they did I dove into the pool. Looking around under the water I saw that Matt had gained some ground in the last fifteen meters and when I surfaced I fell into a quick pace. Relays were fun when it came down to them. It was the closest thing we had to celebrating as a team. Most of the time we were just collecting points, but the only time points ever really mattered was in the season finals. So this was just for the fun of it.

Coming into the turn I saw that I was at least ahead of the teams on either side of us. We drew lane six. I had passed the home team somewhere around the turn, but now that I was heading down towards the end of my lap I sped up my strokes and like before, when I was within the last fifteen meters I lowered my head and didn’t take a breath until after my hand slammed into the wall.

Aiden was next into the water and I climbed out of the pool. Not seeing a red flag from the official I knew that my laps were clean so I walked around Drae who was readying himself to climb onto the starting block. After grabbing a towel I allowed myself to look up to see my split time. It was faster than Matt’s by half a second. Smirking, I stood beside him and listened as he cheered on his brother as he turned and was coming home. Looking around we had taken the lead by a couple of strokes, but Aiden seemed to falter slightly and give it up in the last few meters.

“Finish strong!” Tony bellowed as Drae dove into the water with Aiden climbing from the pool.

“My goggles slipped,” Aiden groaned when he climbed out of the water. His goggles were hanging around his neck.

We all edged ourselves towards the starting block, just giving enough space to the official to make sure Drae had a clean race. Watching his broad shoulders plow through the water like a snowplow in snow it didn’t take him long to overcome Aiden’s poor finish and when he had a clean turn and headed back I started clapping my hands calling out his name and hoped he heard me. Aiden and Matt sat beside me silent until Tony walked into view, but they only managed half-hearted clapping that immediately stopped when Drae hit the wall and surfaced. Being the anchor he stayed in the water, clinging to the lane dividers as he pulled off his cap and goggles. A few guys swam over and high fived him as it wasn’t even close. The soft schedule might have been partly to blame, but it was still our win. So when he climbed out of the pool I handed him my towel and slapped him on the shoulder and I was surprised when he wrapped me into a crushing hug then let me go just as quickly.

“It feels good to win one of those,” he said just loud enough for Matt and Aiden to hear him.

“Jack, your qualifying heat is up next, go get in the warm-up pool,” Tony said and I nodded and broke from Drae and made my way to the pool. It wasn’t full so I picked an empty lane, but I was only a couple of laps in when I noticed that I had a lane partner. When I saw that it was one of the girls I held out my hand and she slapped her hand against mine as she passed.
I easily qualified for the event final. The second heat only had seven swimmers in it and after the girl’s relay finals I was up again for my one hundred meter finals. Like before Emily was by my side as we walked over to the waiting zone.

“You’re doing awesome,” she said, offering me a smile.

“Georgia, huh,” I said and I glanced over to see her roll her eyes, but her smile didn’t falter any.

“I knew you’d look him up,” she sighed, shoving my shoulder. “He’s just coming in this year and with every new coach, some kids just want to transfer out, so he has a couple spots open.”

“Yeah?” I said reaching up to make sure my goggles were securely sealed to my face.

“It isn’t a sure thing, I don’t want you to get the impression,” she added while studying me. “He does sincerely like you though, so try not to mess your great night up.”

“I won’t,” I countered scowling at her as I tugged my towel off my shoulders and tossed it to where the other used towels lay forgotten until after the event.

In the end it was another cupcake race that ended with my name at the top of the list. I didn’t break the district record though, that still belonged to some dude I didn't know. Being the end of my night I took a few cool down laps then a quick shower before I went into the locker room to change out of my racing shorts and into my regular clothes.

Tony allowed the swimmers that were finished to wander around. I scanned the crowd of people hoping to see Luke and Derek, but didn’t see them. I glanced down at my phone knowing I could call them and find out where they were sitting easily enough, but instead I slid my phone into my pocket and walked over to the diving pool. Jackie was consoling one of the girls off to the side, but since I barely knew her name I didn’t want to go stand beside them.

I knew I was willfully ignoring Luke still feeling the high of the night and knowing that I was struggling to keep it. By the time the last event closed and we were all packed and ready to leave, everyone was reunited by the exits. Not seeing Luke or Derek mingling around Simon or Shaye I started to think they had actually left me, but when we shuffled outside I saw the white truck with both of them leaning against the driver’s side door. Seeing me Derek pushed himself off the truck and made his way towards us.

“Don’t get any ideas, you’re riding the bus,” Tony said as he walked by me. He gave me a smile though, happy with how everyone performed. I slowed my pace and let everyone else pass me heading towards the bus and waited for Derek.

“Hey bud,” Derek said as he threw his arm around me. “Dude, you know you can see every inch of you in those shorts?”

“Why were you looking?” I asked, my face getting hot despite the cold in the air that lifted our breath as we spoke.

“A man needs to know where he measures up,” he answered as he pushed me away from him.

“The water is cold, you know,” I added, shaking my head when he snickered.

“We’ll see you at your house,” Derek said and I glanced over to see Luke still leaned against his truck.

“How bad is it?” I asked, hoping Derek wouldn’t turn and look his way.

“In a mood,” Derek answered with a snort. “Worse than Toby when Heather convinced him to go vegan.”

“Her ass was sneaking chicken nuggets the whole time,” I added laughing as I remembered that week.

“Go easy on him, Church is hurting too,” Derek said, getting serious for the briefest of moments. The concern was enough to make me look his way again, but Luke had gotten into the truck and started it.

“We’re not really fighting,” I countered just as the bus driver honked.

“You better go,” Derek said as he clapped me on the shoulder and pulled his hood over his head as he made his way to Luke’s truck.

Back on the bus I was back to staring out the window past my reflection in the glass. I knew I had a bit of time, time I needed to use to think. Instead I leaned my head against the cold glass and closed my eyes hoping not to think. Thinking got my ass into the mess with Luke anyway and I just didn’t want to be there anymore.

I woke up when the bus pulled to a stop and the safety lights came back on. Looking around as I stretched, people were already shuffling off the bus carrying their bags. More than a couple of us had fallen asleep on the way back home. Wanting nothing more than to be back on the road and home I stood and grabbed my bag sliding it up my shoulder.

Tony said a quick dismissal, still smiling as Jackie did the same with her diving team. I didn’t wait around as I walked to my car and opened the back door. I shoved my bag inside and closed the door. Then I opened the driver’s side and slid in, ignoring the cold and my car not being warmed up, I started the engine and pulled out of the parking spot. The bus was still there, so I had to drive all the way around it to get to the exit and back on the road. Derek had told me they would be at my house, so I didn’t want to keep them waiting. The longer Luke waited the more likely he would just give up and go back home. Cindy was probably watching for him out some window as it was and she likely would know when he pulled into the driveway next door. The fucking winter didn’t provide as much coverage and the false sense of distance like the summer foliage.

The white truck was parked in the driveway when I got home though. Seeing it my heart began to race and I stared at it as I slowly pulled up beside it in my usual spot in the driveway. I also saw that Derek’s truck was missing, but Mom’s car was home and the living room and porch light had been left on for me.

Letting out a nervous breath I slid out of my car and gently closed the door behind me thinking we were thieves in the night stealing time we didn’t have. He was waiting in his truck and when I stepped up to the truck he opened his door and I backed away to give him room. When his door closed behind him I grabbed his hand.

“What are you doing?” He asked as I started leading him away from his truck. He wasn’t resisting, so I was hopeful that I could get him where I wanted before he got too stubborn or I lost my nerve.

“We need space,” I answered, glancing over my shoulder towards his house. I could just see the porch light on between tree limbs that sheltered our house from theirs.

“I need to be getting home,” he countered and I felt him fight against my insistence.

“Please,” I whispered, slowing down so that he was walking beside me. “I need this, don’t leave me now.”

“Okay,” he said and I felt his hand squeeze mine and I smiled as he picked up the pace and it was me tripping over tree roots and rocks frozen in the ground like usual.

When we fought through the trees to Luke’s meadow I hesitated. I knew I was overreacting bringing him all the way out here. We could have done this on my front porch under the light. It was too dark out here and it was too cold. This is where I first felt it and I wanted to again, if I felt it again I knew I could just tell him and see where we stood.

“What is it,” he said, stepping forward. I felt his breath on my face and I reached up knowing my hands would be cold and found his shoulders. I slid my fingers around to the back of his head and careful in the darkness, I leaned forward until our foreheads touched.

“I love you,” I whispered, my voice failing to a jittery airy sound. If he didn’t tense in my hands and suck in a breath I wouldn’t have thought he heard me. “I fucking love you and it’s killing me not knowing if you love me.”

“Jackson,” he breathed his forehead still against mine. I felt his hands find my arms as I cupped the back of his head holding him into place too afraid to let him go. When his hands found my wrists I closed my eyes tight and waited for the aftermath.

“Just tell me,” I said, feeling myself building up to a fall I wasn’t prepared for. “Whatever it is, just say it.”

“I love you too, Jackson,” he breathed and I felt myself fall into him as I started breathing again.

Steadying myself before we both fell onto the frozen ground I tilted my head until my lips found his. He let his hands fall to my sides and when I kissed him again he pulled me closer to him, balling my shirt up into his fists catching my skin, but I didn’t care.

“Is this why you stopped talking to me?” He asked between kisses.

“Shut up,” I groaned and I felt him smile against my lips before he started returning my kiss.