Cards on the Table - 43. Chapter 43 Showdown

Cards on the Table

Chapter 43

The ringing of the phone at Colleen's side momentarily startled her, but she wasted no time in grabbing the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Mom, it’s Megan.”

Colleen looked at her husband and nodded at his questioning look. Michael was still right beside her, and could hear his sister clearly “Hey, darling girl, are you alright? You don’t sound very good.”

“It’s been a tough morning, and I’m having trouble thinking straight. Is Nate okay?”

“Yes, dear, he’s fine. Don’t worry about Nate. We’ll take good care of him… he’s up in his room talking to his Uncle Kendall now.”

“Uncle Kendall?”

“Yes, Uncle Kendall. He decided for himself he would call him his uncle from now on.”

“That sounds more like the old Nate. He’s always liked Kendall. He’d talk about him for months after we got home from a visit.”

Colleen heard a sniffle. “Honey, what’s going on? Did you and Mark talk?”

“Oh yeah, we talked. We talked, and we yelled, and we cried. He took off… he’s… he’s upset. He was really angry because I sent Nate to Ontario without consulting him first. He doesn’t get it, that I couldn’t talk to him beforehand because he was the reason I had to send Nate to you. It’s been a tough week, but we’ve never fought like this before. It was awful,” Megan started to cry. “I think I might have to leave him, but I feel so bad for him too.”

“Meg, honey, I’m sorry. This has got to be hell for you. Does this mean Mark still feels the same way about Nate?”

Megan talked through convulsive whimpers. “Honestly, I don’t know. He wants him home, and I said no, and he started yelling that I had no right to do what I did, sending his son away from him. I slapped him, really hard… as hard as I could, and I screamed that he had no right to do what he did.” Megan lost what little composure she had, and lapsed into full-out heart-wrenching wailing. Colleen cried in commiseration, while Michael, listening to them both, felt helpless.

Colleen gave her daughter some time to let her emotions out before she gently prodded her to continue. “What did Mark do when you slapped him?” That question caused Michael Sr., sitting in one of the big chairs between the couches, to raise an eyebrow.

“He didn’t do anything… he just stood there. I was so mad. We stared at one another, and then I threw the bottle of pills at him, and said he almost cost us our son… our beautiful son.” Megan was crying again. “He had no idea… and when I told him where I found them, and what Nate had said about having them… how he hated being gay, and that Mark hated him, he staggered out of the room like he was drunk. When he didn’t come back, I went to look for him; he was on the floor of the garage, sitting in the corner with his head in his hands. He wouldn’t look at me. He got up and walked out to his car and drove away. He was crying, and as angry as I am, I’m worried about him. I should have been calmer, shouldn’t I?”

“Don’t you go blaming yourself for anything. Mark probably has trouble facing what he did. He needs to be alone to sort this stuff out. Just remember how you felt when you found those pills. Maybe you woke him up to what he was doing? Are the girls okay?”

“They don’t know anything yet. I talked to Caroline, and she says the girls are having a great time, and offered to keep them, and get them to school in the morning. I didn’t tell her anything specific, but she’s a good friend, and she knows something is going on. I don’t want them here if Mark comes back and we get into it again. What do you think I should do?”

“Just keep doing what you’re doing. But, honey, don’t make any decisions yet. Wait till the dust settles, and see where Mark stands. The Mark I know is smarter and more caring than this. You at least have to hear and try to understand why he’s reacted the way he has before you move forward. You owe yourself that. Am I making any sense?”

“Yeah, you are. I guess I should go into work for a while. It was a busy week, and I have gotten way behind in my paperwork. We almost doubled our equipment rentals this month.”

“Megan. Listen to me. I know you work hard on that business, and I commend you for it, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s taking up too much of your time.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that sometimes people get lost in their work, and as couples, they can stop connecting. You and Mark couldn’t make it here for last Christmas because of the business, and this year it’s the same. Now you’re talking about going into work today. Don't you think you need to be there when Mark comes home? Honey, everyone needs family time, and in your case, you’re not getting it. While one of you is home, the other is at work. How long do you think you can do that for?”

“Are you saying that’s why this happened? About the way Mark was with Nate?”

“I don’t know. I’m just asking questions, but it seems to me you two are not acting as a team anymore, and I think you should figure out why. I know your business is your baby, but you have three other ‘babies’, and sometimes they need both parents at the same time, on the same page. I’m not judging or lecturing you, but I do want you to think about whether you need to change your priorities. You’re not mad at me for saying this, are you?”

“No, definitely not. I’ve been thinking about the same things. Mark and I aren’t connected the way we used to be, except for work, and I don’t know if we’ve drifted apart or if we’ve changed as people. I feel like I don’t know Mark anymore. Maybe he feels the same way about me. I never in a million years would have thought he would act the way he has over Nate being gay, but we’ve been so busy, I don’t think we’ve devoted the time to it, and to Nate, that we need to. I really thought he would be fine after a few days… it was a shock. I didn’t know until yesterday about the awful week Nate had at school, and I didn’t know Mark had gone behind my back about church counseling… and I should have. You’re right. For Nate’s sake I need to get to the bottom of this… and I need to at least try to get through to my husband.”

“That’s my girl.” Colleen was smiling for the first time in the conversation.

“Thanks for the advice, and for always being there for me. You and Dad are the best. Do you think it’s okay to interrupt Kendall and Nate for a few minutes? I want to say hello, and see what Nate is thinking now that he has some distance.”

“Of course it is. I think Nate needs to hear your voice too.”

Colleen watched Michael jump up and hurry to get Nate. Her grandson came flying down the stairs like only teenagers can do, a nervous smile on his face, and reached for the phone. Michael and Kendall weren’t far behind, and they sat on the opposite couch.

Nate took possession of the phone and looking around, went to sit between his uncles, squeezing into the narrow space and forcing them to concede some territory. Michael smiled at Kendall over Nate’s head and received a wink in return.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hi, Nate, are you doing okay, baby?”

Nate sighed. “Mom, I asked you not to call me that.” He slid a sideways glance to see if Kendall had heard, and grimaced when he saw that he did. Kendall smirked at Nate’s embarrassment. “I’m doing good. Grams made an awesome breakfast, and Uncle Kendall and I ate it in my room… and we talked about a bunch of stuff.”

“That’s great, honey. Did Kendall, your Uncle Kendall, help you feel better about yourself?”

“Yeah, he did. You’ll never guess, He told me…” Nate stopped cold, as Kendall stiffened beside him. “He told me about lots of things that made me feel better, about how much him and Uncle Mike love each other, ‘to the moon and back’ is what he said.” He grinned from one to the other, and the grin turned to a giggle, as his Uncle Mike stuck his tongue out at him. “I’m glad you sent me here. Don’t worry about me doing anything… to myself, okay? I promise I won’t, and I promised Uncle Kendall too.”

“I’m so happy to hear you say that. I’ve been so worried.”

“I’m sorry.” Nate hung his head, and a couple of tears spilled out. Both uncles gave him reassuring touches at the same time. “Mom… I don’t want to go back to my school anymore. They all call me a fag… or they don’t talk to me… even Josh,” he choked out.

“Oh Nate, you and Josh will probably work things out after a little time has gone by.”

“I don’t think so. On Friday, Josh was holding hands with Sarah Washington, and he left me a message on my phone saying he wasn’t like me.” Nate blushed when he looked around the room.

“Oh God, baby, sorry, Nathanial… I understand… let’s not worry about school now. There’s only a couple of days before Christmas holidays start, so we have time to figure out what will be best for you. Your dad wants you home right away, but I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea… is that okay with you?”

“For sure. I, ah, I don’t really want to see Dad right now. I want to stay here… I’d like to stay here, and go to a new school, where no one knows me. Can I do that, please? Grams and Gramps wouldn’t mind, I don’t think?” Both grandparents smiled at him and he looked relieved. “They said yes,” Nate informed her, stretching the truth a bit.

“Oh, honey, I agree about the new school, but it should be in Edmonton, not in Ontario. You should be with your own family.”

“But, we’d have to move in order for me to go to a new school, and I am with family. And none of them hate me because I’m gay.” Nate whispered the last part.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with your father, but I know he doesn’t hate you, and if he can’t accept you for the wonderful son you are, then that’s going to be his problem. But we, the rest of us, your sisters and I, are your family. I promise you if I have to make a choice, I would never choose your dad over you.”

“But I don’t want to be the reason you have to make a choice. If I stay here you wouldn’t have to.”

“Sweetie, you have to understand something. You would not be the reason... your dad would be. Do you really think I could stay with your father if he doesn’t accept you?”

“No, I guess not,” Nate sounded dejected over the reality of their situation.

“Anyway, you’ll be there for a while, over your birthday and Christmas, and that’s going to be hard enough for us. I’ll call you every day… and I’m going to try to get through to your father, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“I love you, Nate, and you give my love to everyone. There’s some stuff I have to take care of now, and I have to go see Lacey and Kelsey… they’re still at Caroline’s, so I’ll talk to you tomorrow at the latest.”

“Alright, I love you too. Bye.”

“Bye, baby.” Megan’s endearment earned a sigh and an eye roll from her son.

“Are you okay, baby?” Kendall teased, and Nate’s scowl made them all laugh.

“I hate when my mom calls me that,” Nate complained, which got him more laughter.

“Do you hate it when I call you baby boy?” Colleen asked him, teasing slightly.

“No, it’s fine when you do it, because you’re my grams,” he said with a giggle. The giggle ended with a sudden look of surprise, and Nate took off running for the stairs. The faint sound of a ringtone could be heard coming from his room.

Nate returned slowly, with his cellphone in his hand. “I missed a call from my dad,” he explained in a toneless voice. Michael was trying to decipher what his nephew was feeling, and he looked at his partner, but all he got was a subtle shrug. Nate had been somewhat cheery after his mother’s call, but now he looked like a lost kid again. Michael was reminded once again of what the boy had been through over the last week, and felt the rage at his brother-in-law start to climb again. One missed phone call from the man, and his son’s spirits had plummeted once more. “Come here, and sit with your uncles, Nathanial Michael.” Michael was attempting to get Nate past the downer it had become apparent he was in. They were all caught off guard when Nate’s phone started ringing again. He shot in between Michael and Kendall like a scared little boy.

“What should I do?” he blurted out.

Kendall immediately said, “Answer it. He’s your dad.”

“Hello?”

“Hi, Nate… it’s Dad.”

“I know… Dad.”

“How are you, son?”

“Okay, I guess,” Nate said quietly.

“What are you doing?”

“Um, I’m just sitting here… with my uncles. And Grams and Gramps.”

“Uncles?”

“Yes, uncles.” Nate sighed as if he was getting agitated. “Uncle Mike and Uncle Kendall.”

“Oh, okay, yeah, right. You have two uncles now.”

“Yeah, I do, and they’re great, and they really love each other.” Michael could feel the tension in Nate’s body, and hear it in his tone. It was as if he was challenging his father.

“Um, yeah, I’m sure they do. They’re good men. Maybe they can help you with, ah, stuff I don't know much about.” Michael and Kendall looked at each other with surprise. Mark wasn’t sounding very homophobic, and the rage that was boiling in Michael at the sound of his voice, subsided just a little.

“But they’re gay. How come it’s not a bad thing for them, but it is for me… why is there something wrong with me being gay?” A tremble went through Nate, and Michael gripped his shoulder in support.

They could all hear the sigh from Mark. “I screwed up, Son. Maybe we can fix things when you get home.”

“Fix things, or fix me, Dad? I don’t want to come home. I don’t want to go back to that school ever again, and I’m never going to see Minister Upton again either.” Nate’s voice had become higher pitched.

“Nate, you have to come home. You belong at home.” Mark was using his ‘father’ tone.

“I sure didn’t feel like I belonged there. It didn’t feel safe anymore. And you threw Josh out like he was dirt. You used to like him before that day.”

“It… it was a shock. I didn’t expect… I over-reacted.” Uneasy silence met his words. “Nate? Nate, please talk to me.”

Nate had his eyes squeezed shut, and Michael kept a grip on his shoulder, while he continued to be silent.

“Nate, can you tell me… please explain to me… what were you doing with those pills of your mother’s?”

Nate seemed to come back from somewhere… somewhere painful. His voice was brutally cold. “What do you think I was doing with them? You really can’t figure it out? I lined them all up in a row… seventeen of them, and I had a big glass of water, and I stared at them for a long time.” A gasp from Colleen didn’t intrude on Nate’s response. “I picked the first two up and held them for a while, and the whole time I thought about how you looked at me… or how you didn’t look at me. I remembered the look on Josh’s face when you threw him out, and I remembered my teammate laughing when the minister told those guys I was gay.” Nate pulled his knees up to his chest, like he was protecting himself, but his voice stayed emotionless. “I remembered what the kids in my school called me when I went in on Wednesday. I remembered how Josh looked at me. I remembered how you grabbed me Friday night like you hadn’t heard a single word I said, like you really thought I could be fixed. I wanted to die, Dad.” It was so matter-of-fact, it further stunned the listening uncles.

“Nate, I’m sorry, I….”

“I don’t want to hear it. I didn’t take the pills because I remembered Mom, and Lacey, and Kelsey. Maybe you don’t love me anymore, but they do. But I kept those pills in case….” Nate hesitated. “Dad, I don’t want to do this…,” Nate’s temporary toughness left him and he started to weep.

"Nate, please, in case what? Why did you keep the pills? Do you think you might still do something… is that what you're telling me?" A definite sob could be heard through the phone, and while Michael wanted to intervene, he decided to let his nephew make the decision of when to end this. Despite the tears, he was surprised at the strength he was seeing in his nephew.

Nate was back in control, however tenuous, as his Ontario family sat transfixed, watching this young man deal with his father and his pain. “I kept them in case I couldn’t find a way out. If you didn’t start looking at me again. If you kept thinking I was broken. I tried to be straight, but I couldn’t. I tried to like girls, I really did. I didn’t want to be like this, but I am. Mom found me a way out. She sent me here, and they don’t treat me any different than they ever did. They didn’t do what you did. Uncle Kendall talked to me today, and seeing how happy him and Uncle Mike are makes me think I can be happy someday too.”

The silence from the other end was deafening. Michael found himself holding his breath waiting for a response. When it came it was a groan of a man in pain.

“Oh my God, Nate, what have I done?”

Nate looked surprised at hearing his father cry, and his expression softened as he listened to the keening wail rolling out of him. Nate glanced around the room, obviously looking for strength, and he found it. “You hurt me, Dad. I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you, but this is who I am. I’m gay, and nothing is going to change that. I’ve been fighting this for three years, and I give up. God did this, not me. This is how he wants me to be, and I’m not broken, and I don’t believe it’s a sin like the reverend said. It wasn’t wrong to love Josh.”

Michael, Kendall, and Big Mike could all hear the sounds of a devastated man coming through the phone. Colleen’s widened eyes told Michael that she could hear some of it as well. It was hard to maintain anger at the man when his son’s openness had stripped him bare. Nate had a look of disbelief at the noises his father was making. “Dad, are you okay?” he finally asked.

They all heard the sniffling, and Mark blowing his nose before he answered his son. “No, I’m not okay. I’m ashamed of what I’ve done, to you, and to Josh, and your mom. But mostly to you. I can’t believe I almost drove you to… Nate, I’m going to do everything I can to make this up to you. I don’t ever want to lose you. I’ve never hated you. You are my pride and joy, and I don’t even know why I got so upset, or why I acted the way I did. I could tell you it was too much of a shock, but that would just be an excuse. Every time I thought about it, I felt sick, but it’s the same kind of sick I felt when your mom told me what you almost did. It wasn’t hate, or disappointment. I think it was fear… I was afraid for you… I was afraid for my son. I had no right to ask you to be any different than you are. You’re right... you’re not broken... I am. Will you promise me you won’t consider taking pills or anything else? Will you give me another chance?” His requests went unanswered. “Nate, tell me what you want, and I’ll do it, just please, promise me.”

Nate blew out a long breath, and looked around the room at all the caring faces. “I, I promise, Dad. Dad?”

“Oh thank you, Nate. I’ll go for counseling and we’ll switch churches. And I promise I will get back to being the dad you deserve.”

“Dad?”

“Yes?”

“You asked me what I want. I want to stay in Ontario, and finish my school year here. I never want to go back to my old school again.”

“But you belong with your family, with your mom and your sisters… and me.”

“You asked me what I want, and this is what I want. My family is here too. I’m sorry, but it might be too hard for you to change how you feel, and I need to be with people who understand and accept me completely. I don’t ever want to feel the way I was feeling again… it hurts too much… and it scares me.” The bravery the kid was showing continued to astonish Michael.

“I’m listening, and I hear you. I’ve lost your trust, and I understand that. It’s what I deserve, but please try to have faith in me. I’ll show you I know where I need to be. I’ll get there. When your mom threw those pills at me this morning, everything started changing. It was my wake-up call. I can’t lose you, Nathanial. You will always be my boy.”

His son listened to his plea with a steady flow of tears dripping off his chin.

“I’m going to really talk to your mom when I get home, and we’ll figure this out. No promises just yet, but if it’s what you want, I’ll try to make it happen. Tell you grandparents that Megan will call them later. I’m sure they don’t want to talk to me right now, and to be honest, I’m too embarrassed to talk to them. I love you, son, so very much, and I’m sorry I made you doubt that. You mom will probably call you later, and I’ll call you tomorrow, for sure, okay?”

“Okay. I love you too, Dad. Bye.”

“Bye, Nate.”

Nate closed his flip phone and stood up, wiping his eyes. He took one look at his grams, and flew into her arms. She held him and cried along with him. Before long his gramps was at his side, while Kendall and Michael closed the distance between each other, and shared the relief and release Mark’s apparent turnaround had given the boy. The biggest part of their nephew’s ordeal appeared to be over. Michael was still angry at Mark for the damage he’d done, but it was more manageable now. He’d be able to get past it, as long as Mark carried through on his promises. Glancing down at his and Kendall’s clasped hands, he found it very telling of how rough this had been on his parents that they hadn’t noticed the matching glints of carved gold.

Looking back up, he saw that Nate had settled down, and was allowing himself to feel the positive change his father had given him a solid glimpse of. He had turned around, sitting between his grandparents, and he was grinning back and forth between his two uncles. He had an impish look on his face.

“Is there anymore breakfast, Grams? I’m feeling pretty hungry now."

“Anything for you, baby boy. Help me up, young fella.”

As they headed to the kitchen, Nate turned back and gave his uncles a loaded look, before turning back around. “Guess what, Grams?”

“What?”

“I know something you don’t know,” he said in a sing-song voice as he and his grandparents entered the kitchen.

Michael looked at Kendall. “Does he know?”

Kendall grinned at his semi-secret fiancé. “Oh, yeah, he knows.”

“Well, that little bugger.”

Kendall laughed. “Get ready, Sunshine. Mom’s going to be on high alert now.”

“Don’t I know it,” Michael lamented with a chuckle. As long as Nate was happy, so was Uncle Mike.