Something Unexpected - 23. Chapter 23

The next morning I woke up alone in Chandler’s bed still dressed in what I wore to the party. The party came rushing back into my head, as I looked myself over. I knew nothing happened to me really. It was all stopped before it could get worse. The thought of t he intentions Jess had that night is what made me hate myself. I realized last night that I couldn’t protect myself at all. I hated that Marcus left me like that. I wanted so much to blame it all on him, hoping that it would make me feel better. I knew it wouldn’t though. Marcus didn’t stay with me because I told him what he didn’t want to hear. For some reason I thought that justified him running out on me like that. It all happened to me because of who I was and I was in no way ready to admit that I was some weakling that people saw as easy to tamper with. I hated that I woke up alone, but in a way it made me calm to know that I was alone. Chandler and Tony rescued me when I didn’t really deserve being rescued. I was being an ass hole at best and even if Chandler told me a thousand times that I didn’t deserve being attacked like I was I knew it wouldn’t have happened if I took the time to listen instead of being selfish.

 

“You’re awake.” Chandler stated carefully when he entered the room wearing a towel around his waist. I turned my head not looking at him.

 

“Yeah, I just woke up.” I answered weakly.

 

“Just let me get some clothes.” Chandler stammered after he realized that him being naked made me uncomfortable. “Do you want breakfast?”

 

“I’m not hungry.” I answered barely able to talk. I thought I was over this. Why couldn’t I just speak to him normally and look at him. I couldn’t bring myself to do it even when I glanced at him I had to turn immediately back to the window.

 

“You really need to eat something.” Chandler countered carefully.

“I told you I wasn’t hungry now go change.” I snapped my voice rising and it surprised me.

 

“Ok, sorry.” Chandler apologized then I heard the bathroom door shut a few seconds later and I wanted nothing else but to leave this house and go back home. I was going to treat Chandler like shit and he didn’t deserve me like this. He didn’t deserve me at all. When he reappeared in the room fully dressed I scooted off the bed and stood.

 

“Take me home.” I ordered sighing, reaching down to put on my shoes.

 

“Your sister isn’t home.” He announced ignoring my order.

 

“I don’t care.” I countered; I didn’t want to see Laura anyway. She told me to call her if I got into trouble, but I couldn’t with her not having her phone on.

 

“Let’s talk for a little bit.” Chandler sighed walking over and sitting on his bed motioning for me to sit as well.

 

“I don’t want to.” I countered crossing my arms. “I’ve already treated you like shit once this morning, don’t make me do it again.”

 

“I don’t care if you treat me like shit. I just want to talk to you.” Chandler countered strongly. I didn’t like Chandler trying to push the subject, but it wasn’t like I had a choice. He was my ride home and I wasn’t about to walk my ass home by myself with Jess lurking around.

 

“Fine, have it your way.” I snapped glaring at him, but sat down on the bed.

 

“We need to talk.” Chandler responded calmer than he had before.

 

“So you’ve said.” I added shortly, “So lets talk.”

 

“Ok, well first,” Chandler started, “How do you feel this morning?”

 

“Not real talkative.” I answered sarcastically. I watched as a small smirk appeared on his face and I rolled my eyes looking down at the floor. “Fucker.”

 

“Seriously Andy, please just talk to me.” Chandler pleaded reaching out to rub my shoulder and when his fingers touched me I shrugged it off only to have him place his hand more firmly against my shoulder until I stood up and walked around to the foot of the bed to lean on the bedpost.

 

“What are you doing?” I asked noticing that my hands were starting to sweat.

 

“Nothing.” Chandler answered, “I just want you to trust me.”

 

“I do trust you.” I countered stubbornly.

 

“Fine, you do.” Chandler caved, “So did anything happen to you in that room?”

 

“I don’t…” I started weakly.

 

“Just tell me.” Chandler ordered interrupting me.

 

“Nothing happened that you didn’t see.” I answered crossing my arms. “It was about to until you broke the damn door.”

 

“Ok, that’s good.” Chandler offered looking at me weirdly. “What happened that made Marcus leave?”

 

“Oh he wanted to kiss me and I told him that we were just friends so he stormed off.” I blurted coldly, this would have never happened if Marcus hadn’t stormed off. I was also to blame going to that party. I was more to blame than Marcus.

 

“That asshole.” Chandler hissed shaking his head. “He never could deal with his feelings the right way.”

 

“Oh and cheating is a good way to deal with them?” I asked before I could stop myself.

 

“What?” Chandler asked looking surprised.

 

“Sorry.” I apologized looking away. “I didn’t mean to…”

 

“No, I think you did and I deserved that.” Chandler interrupted me again and I was beginning not to like it.

 

“Fine, I did mean it.” I snapped glaring over at Chandler who was again smirking at me.

 

“Is there anything on your mind?” Chandler asked after a short staring contest, which he won after I stopped glaring and looked down at my hands. There was a lot on my mind after what happened. I had a lot of questions that I couldn’t answer. No one could really answer them. I wanted to know why Jess picked me out of all the other guys there. I wanted to know what was so special about me. Was it because I looked weak? Or was it because I was alone and new? Had he had his eye on me this whole time? Chandler could answer none of those, but I couldn’t help but answer them myself. I was weak compared to Jess and I knew that I was new. I hadn’t saw Jess around before I walked out after Marcus, but I couldn’t help wonder if he knew exactly who I was. He knew Chandler and he knew Marcus so he had to know me. I thought if I had the courage to have sex that the appeal of me would go down, that I’d no longer be new to this. “Andy?”

 

“No, there’s nothing on my mind.” I lied after being snapped from my thoughts.

 

“Then why were you thinking?” Chandler asked skeptically.

 

“How do you know that I was?” I asked weakly.

 

“You’re not a stranger to me.” Chandler answered, “I know you more than you like to think that I do.”

 

“That’s because I’m new right?” I asked looking up at him expecting him to say yes.

 

 

“No why would it matter if you’re new?” Chandler asked confused. “What are you new at doing?”

 

“That fucker had to know.” I whispered coldly. “You know it, he had to know it too.”

 

“Know what?” Chandler asked growing concerned at my little outbursts.

 

“I was right.” I groaned sitting down on the bed with my back turned to Chandler. “He knew that I was young and weak. He knew that I hadn’t been with anybody and he knew that I was alone when Marcus left me. He had been waiting for a chance to get some helpless person alone and I was it.”

 

“Come on Andy, there is no way he could know any of that.” Chandler offered attempting to soothe me.

 

“Maybe if I wasn’t a virgin I’d lose my appeal.” I whispered.

 

“What?” Chandler asked and I could feel him moving on the bed so I stood and turned to find him crawling over to me. “No, that’s stupid.”

 

“It’s not stupid.” I countered, “If I wasn’t some new piece of ass he’d never have anything to do with me.”

 

“That has nothing to do with it.” Chandler countered shaking his head.

“Chandler…” I huffed. “Yes it does.”

 

“This is why we need to talk.” Chandler stated grabbing my hand. “You’re so confused that you’re sounding crazy.”

 

“I’m not crazy.” I snapped shaking my hand away. “I want to stop being so new at this.”

 

“No one knows anything about you, but that you’re a freshman basketball player and that you’re gay.” Chandler explained carefully.

 

“That’s the problem.” I sighed, “I’m a gay freshman.”

 

“Jess is twenty-two years old he wouldn’t care what grade anyone was in or if they hadn’t ever had sex.” Chandler responded, “He probably figured you had since you were with me.”

 

“Why don’t we just do it and get it over with?” I asked looking out the window. The day had brightened up a lot.

“That won’t solve shit, because that’s not the damn problem.” Chandler answered strongly. “There is not problem other then you hating yourself.”

 

“I don’t hate myself.” I countered trying to sound just as strong.

 

“Oh, so you just want to have sex that you don’t want, with me so that you can feel less new.” Chandler responded sarcastically, “Do you know how much more you’d hate yourself if you done that?”

 

“I wouldn’t hate myself. I don’t hate myself now.” I countered rolling my eyes.

 

“You keep saying that I hate myself and I don’t.”

 

“It sure sounds like it.” Chandler responded, “Or you wouldn’t be trying to change things.”

 

“Fucking hell!” I snapped. “Take me home.”

 

“Why?” Chandler asked looking frustrated.

 

“Because you’re no help.” I hissed looking at him.

 

“Just because I won’t have sex with you doesn’t mean that I can’t help,” Chandler countered.

 

“Take me home.” I repeated walking towards the front door swatting his hand away when he went to grab my hand to stop me.

 

“Fine.” Chandler huffed grabbing his keys and following me out the door down his stairs. His parents weren’t home and I was thankful of that. I didn’t want them hearing what all I said to Chandler. The ride back home was quiet and the closer we got home the more anger I felt towards my sister. I still hadn’t forgot that she didn’t have her phone and now it was all too late. She didn’t come to help me when I was in trouble I had to call Chandler and he only made it worse for me. I wasn’t going to tell her what happened, I wasn’t going to do anything about Laura. I didn’t want her to know that I was in trouble. I didn’t want her to blame me for it and I didn’t want her to see just how much I was pissed. I wanted to act normal around her and that’s what I planned to do. I was going to hide from my sister.

 

“Bye.” I whispered quickly getting out and slamming Chandler’s car door. He got out and followed me to the door, but I didn’t leave the door open for him to follow me as I slammed it in his face.

 

“You finally getting home?” A voice surprised me from the living room.

 

“Mom?” I asked not expecting this at all.

 

“Why’d you slam the door?” She asked and I looked at the door.

 

“No reason.” I shrugged trying to play it down.

 

“Oh well make sure you have a reason before you do it again.” She responded, but then walked up to me and attempted to hug me, but I took a step back. I wouldn’t know what I’d do if she hugged me. I didn’t want to break down or tense up so I avoided her.

 

“How’s dad?” I asked quickly.

 

“Really busy Andrew.” She answered and I knew something was up when she didn’t call me Andy.

 

“Oh I guess that’s expected.” I responded rubbing the back of my neck. “I need to go shower.”

 

“That can wait.” Mom countered, “I haven’t seen you for a while.”

 

“Ok, what do you want to talk about?” I asked trying not to look anxious.

 

“Where were you last night?” Mom asked curiously. She hadn’t lost her pleasant smile, but it wasn’t as wide as it was when I first walked through the door.

 

“I spent the night with a friend.” I answered sitting down in the chair and watched as she walked over to the couch.

 

“I came home to an empty house last night and I was pretty surprised.” Mom stated unreadable.

 

“Laura didn’t come home?” I asked feeling relieved that she may have not had a chance to talk to Laura about me.

 

“She did this morning and went straight to bed after calling somebody.” Mom answered. “You two need to tell me what you two have been up to.”

 

“Why?” I asked shortly.

 

“So that I won’t have to get nosey.” Mom answered smiling.

 

“So you don’t trust us?” I asked as easily as I could.

 

“I will if you tell me.” Mom answered like it was something that I should know about already. I couldn’t tell her that I got in trouble at school or that I was involved with a guy. That I was attacked. That I got a friend attacked. That I went to two parties and drunken alcohol. I couldn’t tell her any of that.

 

“It’s been a little rough with out you.” I answered, “But I’m ok.”

 

“Really honey?” She asked growing concerned. “If it was rough here why didn’t you call?”

 

“I knew how much you wanted to be with dad and look it worked out.” I lied. I was a mess and I hoped that it wasn’t showing through.

 

“Well he’s going to be home for a month next July so hopefully we can take our first family vacation after you were born.” Mom answered smiling, “But the bad thing is we won’t see him until then.”

 

“Then he’ll be gone all year?” I asked frowning. “A whole year.”

 

“I know honey.” She soothed, “But he sends his love.”

 

“I know.” I replied offering her a smile. “Who did Laura call?” I asked remembering that Chandler told me that she wasn’t home.

 

“I don’t know.” Mom answered, “Why?”

 

“No reason.” I answered shrugging. “I was just trying to call her last night and I couldn’t get hold of her.”

 

“Oh.” Mom responded slightly amused. “Are you hungry?”

 

“No, I ate already.” I lied patting my stomach.

 

“Oh, ok.” She replied, “Your homework done?’

 

“Yes mom.” I groaned rolling my eyes. She had definitely returned.

 

“Well why don’t you call Jase, he’s looking for you.” Mom stated after she gave me an amused smile.

 

“He is?” I asked a little surprised. “Why?”

 

“Well you two are friends aren’t you?” She asked ignoring my question.

 

“Of course.” I answered looking at her wondering why mothers have to be so nosey all the time.

 

“Well I have to run into the office to do some paperwork that I’ve missed, but I will be back when ever I finish. If you leave the house wake Laura up she doesn’t need to be sleeping all day with school tomorrow.” Mom explained grabbing her purse from the table she always left it on.

 

“Alright.” I answered forcing the frown that crossed my face away. “See you later mom.” She kissed me on the forehead then walked out the front door and I was finally relieved that she had left. I felt like I was being interrogated the whole time and I was afraid that I was going to crack. Mothers are the best interrogators especially when they might suspect that something is up and with neither of her kids home gave her a reason to worry. I hated worrying my mom and I wondered if she tried calling my cell phone. I needed a new cell phone since my other one is in a million pieces on a bedroom floor that I will never step foot in again. I walked up and set Laura’s alarm clock to go off in the next hour. I didn’t really know what to do with myself after Mom left. Her being here surprised me. She said that she was going to be gone for a couple of weeks and that only turned out to be a few days. I didn’t want her to be here not when I was so close to losing it. I needed anything that would keep me from thinking about last night. I knew that Jase wasn’t happy with me going to that party and I didn’t want to really talk to him, but my options were running pretty low. I was mad at Chandler for not being able to help me out. I knew what was best for me and he just wouldn’t listen he just thought I was nuts. Laura didn’t come like she promised she would, I only guessed that she was somewhere with Rob doing things that I didn’t ever want to think about. Marcus, I wouldn’t feel terrible if I never talked to him again. He couldn’t take rejection; there is something bad wrong with him. I didn’t care though I just wanted fun not a life-altering problem. I dialed Jase’s number and I almost hung up right after the second ring, but I didn’t and when his mom answered the phone I was a bit relieved that it wasn’t him.

 

“Hello?” She asked expectantly after she picked up the phone.

 

“Hey.” I greeted after a short pause. My mind was trying to figure out if this was what I wanted to do or not.

 

“Who is this?” She asked just as expectant as before.

 

“It’s Andrew Keller, Mrs. Singer.” I replied politely.

 

“Oh, hey Andrew how are you?” She asked a little excitedly. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

 

“All good I hope.” I responded as evenly as I could. “I’m fine I guess.”

 

“Well here’s Jason, I better give him the phone before he breaks my arm.” Mrs. Singer responded, “Oh and Andrew call me Gina.”

 

“I will if you call me Andy.” I replied, but then a few seconds later I heard voices and a shuffling of the phone.

 

“Andy.” Jase said in an unreadable tone.

 

“Hey.” I greeted carefully.

 

“What do you want?” Jase asked a little lighter than before.

 

“Uhh, do you want to hang out?” I asked uneasily.

 

“Sure.” He responded, “I’ll have my mom drop me off in about thirty minutes.”

 

“That’s fine.” I stated easily. He didn’t sound mad, but he didn’t sound like he wanted to really talk to me either. I didn’t want him to get down here and yell at me for being stupid. I wanted to tell Jase about last night, but I’d be surprised at myself if I did. Jase hung up after that and I was left alone to my thoughts again. I fixed Laura a small breakfast in the thirty minutes that I had to wait. Her alarm clock went off and she came down the stairs looking pretty pissed off, but ignored me and went to the food. When I saw her though I wanted to yell at her for forgetting about me. I wanted to make her feel as sorry as I did about what happened.

 

“You set my alarm to wake my ass up.” She growled finally noticing my presence in the kitchen as she ate at the counter.

 

“Mom told me to.” I offered shrugging, “Where were you last night?”

 

“With Rob and a few friends.” Laura answered sounding a bit hung over. “I shouldn’t be eating, but I could smell it all the way upstairs.”

 

“Did you have fun?” I asked after a short pause of me watching her eat and glance at me from the corner of her eye.

 

“Yeah,” Laura responded offering me a brief smile, “Did you?”

 

“I guess so.” I lied hoping I sounded as uninterested as I tried to be.

 

“Marcus pretty boring?” She asked as she put her fork down to rub her eyes.

 

“No.” I stammered then the doorbell rang and I bolted for it. Opening the door I saw Jase. He had just taken a shower a few minutes ago because I smelled the soap in the breeze. His mom was backing out of the driveway waving as she done it narrowly missing our mailbox.

 

“Are you going to let me in?” Jase asked after I found myself staring at him.

 

“Yeah sorry.” I responded opening the door wider and he walked in.

 

“I brought my trunks if you wanted to swim.” Jase stated holding up a bag that I hadn’t noticed him carrying.

 

“Sure we can do that.” I responded then we walked up to my room bypassing Laura. I grabbed my swimming trunks out of the drawer and walked into the bathroom not saying a word to chase. I changed from the clothes I had on at the party into my swimming trunks and carefully opened the door. I didn’t want to see Jase naked and when he was looking at me with an odd expression I opened the door wider and stepped out of the bathroom.

 

“We’re going to talk about you’re behavior.” Jase stated almost like an order. Then we walked down the stairs and out the back door to the pool. I knew that Laura probably had went back to sleep, but I didn’t care. I did what my mom said and it didn’t work. I sat down on the edge and stuck my legs into the water the intense sun already hot on my bare back. Jase got on into the pool and swam a lap before returning to where I was sitting.

 

“When does swimming season start?” I asked curiously.

 

“In the spring.” Jase answered, “But tell me about the party.”

 

“There’s nothing to tell really.” I responded, “Marcus made me dance with him to some fast techno music had a few drinks.”

 

“Then why are you acting weird?” Jase asked as he got onto a float and laid down looking through his sunglasses at me.

 

“Maybe because you were pissed at me before.” I answered as knowingly as I could.

 

“That’s not it or you’d not call.” Jase countered, “Did something happen with Marcus and you?”

 

“No.” I lied frowning.

 

“You’re a bad liar.” Jase stated smiling slightly. “I’ll splash you if you don’t tell me.”

 

“I don’t want to talk about the damn party!” I snapped glaring at him, but he couldn’t see the way I was looking at him through my sunglasses.

 

“What did Marcus do?” Jase asked sliding off the float and walking over to me. He got within a few inches of my legs before I took them out of the water and stood up. “Where are you going?”

 

“To the lounge chair.” I stated quickly then left him in the pool. Jase followed me like I expected him to.

 

“Something bad happened didn’t it?” Jase whispered breaking a long uncomfortable pause. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t have to. I finally let myself completely remember that night and when I took my glasses off to dry my eyes with a towel he saw it. I hated this. Every time something goes wrong I have to cry about it. It only made me realize just how weak I really was.

 

“I’m sorry.” I apologized glancing over at him. He was looking at me, he had taken his glasses off as well and had sat up to watch my breaking down.

 

“For what?” Jase asked scooting his lounge chair right next to mine. “Just tell me so I can help you.”

 

The word help stood out the most when I listened to him say that. Chandler refused to help me like I wanted, but I was afraid to even approach it with Jase. I wasn’t comfortable with him enough. I didn’t even want him to touch me so when I noticed his hand moving toward my shoulder I scooted away to avoid it.

 

“I’m sorry.” I apologized again and he frowned dropping his hand to his lap.

 

“What the hell happened?” Jase asked quickly. He sounded concerned and scared at the way I was acting. I tried fighting it and calming myself down, but I couldn’t. I thought I was over the not being able to be touched part of all of this. I thought I was starting to get a grasp of myself, but I wasn’t.

 

“Nothing.” I answered weakly.

 

“Don’t lie to me.” Jase responded a lot calmer than before.

 

“I don’t want to tell you.” I mumbled looking down at my sunglasses folded in my hands.

 

“Why not?” Jase asked, “You can tell me anything.”

 

“Not this.” I responded pointedly.

 

“I don’t see any bruises or scratches or even a hicky, you look normal.” Jase stated and it made me uncomfortable as he looked me over, but hearing that I looked normal calmed me down a little. “So what happened?”

 

“Something bad.” I found myself saying.

 

“Marcus did something bad to you?” Jase asked and I could hear him growing tense.

 

“No he left me.” I answered, “What happened after he left was bad.”

 

“Shit.” Jase gasped. “You were…”

 

“Almost.” I cut him off. I didn’t want to hear him finish what he was thinking. I wanted him to know that physically I was ok.

 

“I don’t know what to tell you.” Jase responded, breaking another long pause. “Are you ok?”

 

“Does it look like I’m ok?” I responded quickly. “I don’t even want to be touched and I actually wanted to have sex with Chandler thinking that it would solve everything.”

 

“Well that’s understandable, but you need to calm down and stop thinking.” Jase soothed, “You’ll just have to wait and come around.”

 

“Yeah, ok.” I responded giving up I had already had this talk once today. I knew I was way different from what I was normally. High school was hard, but all of these unexpected occurrences are starting to leave their marks on my innocence. I witnessed so much already and I still had a lot of living left to do. That’s when I realized it, that I did have a lot of living left. There could be a lot more bad things happen to me, but there were some good things too. I was trying to find the best ways to change myself and make myself better and happier and I only managed to fuck myself up. I wasn’t going to do that anymore I was going to take me however I came out.

 

Jase and I talked until Gina, his mom came back to get him leaving me with Laura who had went back to sleep. I cooked dinner for her, but she didn’t eat so I put it away for mom to heat up when she got back in from work. Being left alone was getting harder as time went by. Mom came home, but figured that we were in bed so she left us alone and I heard her walk to her room. When it was completely dark it was unbearable. I looked at the clock it was past midnight so I finally sat up in my bed slinging the covers off me and turned on the lights. I picked up my phone and dialed Chandler’s number.

 

“Who the fuck are you calling me this damn late on a school night?” Chandler asked growling into the phone.

 

“Chandler I’m sorry for calling you.” I apologized preparing to hang up.

 

“Not its ok you’re allowed.” Chandler responded quickly. “Sorry, I’m not very friendly when I get woke up.”

 

“Come get me.” I whispered embarrassed now that I was talking to someone my loneliness felt less threatening to me.

 

“What’s wrong?” Chandler asked tiredly.

 

“I need you, I can’t stand…” I trailed off not wanting to say it.

 

“Ok, I’ll be there soon just be waiting for me and don’t forget about packing for school and make sure you leave a note.” Chandler responded, “You do know though that you’ll have to explain why you ran away in the middle of the night to come sleep at my house to Laura though.”

 

“And to my mom, but I don’t care.” I added then hung up the phone to do everything that he told me to do. When he came and lightly knocked on the door I opened it and he carried my stuff out to the car while I waited. Then we drove back to his house, his parents were already in bed and I was thankful that I didn’t wake them up and got Chandler into more trouble. We didn’t talk as we dressed down to our underwear then got into bed. I scooted next to him and he put his arm around me and I finally felt safe enough to fall asleep.