How real is your online you?

[Agaith]

My profile name means 'false face' (so guess how introvert I am). However, that really applies to real life where I wonder if friends really actually want to hang out with me thats how bad i can get. Being closeted doesnt help me much either!

On GA though i am a lot more open, perhaps too much but it is probably because i feel safe here and it is a place to chat to people that can understand me and vice versa as well as read the amazing stories on here.

[phana14]

Nephylim---You are TRULY incorrigible! TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY!

(but i wouldn't want it any other way) p

[Nephylim]

Nephylim---You are TRULY incorrigible! TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY!

(but i wouldn't want it any other way) p

 

 

Haha. I'm really not joking you know. I would love for any of you to turn up on my doorstep (hint hint Sam ) I have a history of taking in strangers, somtimes for a few days, sometimes a few months. Some I never see again, some become friends for life. When I ran a druid grove it was completely open house. I guess I have just been lucky, but until my luck runs out I'll carry on opening my door to whoever needs to enter. And I feed you till you can't move out of the chair... which is just as well because that's probably where you'd be sleeping

[AnytaSunday]

Um, I'm honest about who I am here (although I use an artist's name here). But I find it easier to express myself through words than if you'd speak to me directly. hehehe.

[Krista]

I am pretty much the same person here as I am online... personality wise. I've showed a few people my pictures on GA, so they know what I look like as well. I'm not one to lie or anything, I couldn't keep them straight if I tried. I've always been a bad liar.. so I just don't do it. I am though, afraid that my real life friends, especially Aaron to stumble onto my site and stories.. I would be so self-conscious if he was to read my blog and stories - more so my stories.

 

But heh.. definitely the same person offline and on.

[Tipdin]

Only my Avatar name is made up, it's a character that I have been writing about for 30 plus years. The rest is real - for good or bad!

[phana14]

Only my Avatar name is made up, it's a character that I have been writing about for 30 plus years. The rest is real - for good or bad!

Mister Tipdin,

I do so much admire you!

And there cannot possibly be anything *bad* about you! *hugs*

[Tipdin]

Mister Tipdin,

I do so much admire you!

And there cannot possibly be anything *bad* about you! *hugs*

Bless you my child! ;-)

[zland666]

The Show Yourself topic started this seed of thought and it has grown. How real and honest is your online persona, on this site in particular (but also on the web as a whole)? It really surprised me when I first read some posts by people who are so fully involved in the site but then also say that they have a wife or kids at home that know nothing of this life.

 

When I first joined I made sure my real identity could not be discovered through my online identity. My thought was I would be a little fly on the wall and simply read and observe what everyone else was doing, and post a few stories that aren't suited for other places. I wanted to be completely anonymous so that I could say or do whatever I wanted if I chose to say anything at all.

 

Now I am much more active than I thought I would be, have made true friends, and have expressed so much of who I am. I thought high anonymity would equate to a high level of lies, aggression, and fake personality traits, interests, and opinions (see John Gabriel's Greater Internet f**kwad theory).

 

I find my anonymity has done the opposite. I am very true to my personality and opinions because I am anonymous and don't have to worry about people in my real life finding out what I've said or done. If I had any of my personal information available, I would be much less involved and much more conservative.

 

I suppose by taking a simple look at display names and pictures we can see most people have some amount of anonymity. So are you still the person you are when talking to people in real life, or is your online you a whole different person? Are you a built personality, essentially a "character" from the story Gay Authors? Are you the person you wish you could be in real life? Or, are you a hybrid of any of the previous?

 

I'm true to my word with alot of the things i say, i can easily annoy people with my obsessions and I also told my friends and family of this fetish of mine about gay boys. I'm wierd, annoying but i am also trust worthy and a good friend:)

[shawn9]

This is a timely subject for me. I was online here for a decent chunk of time. Very involved. I was always honest with everyone about who I was, but I maintained my anonymity and privacy. I feel bad that I left it all behind me, to the point where I lost all touch with everyone around here on a moment's notice.

 

Now, I'm back. Everything I said then was true. Everything I say now is true. I'm the same me, but I'm different. My nickname has changed. My life has changed and is continuing to change. I feel stupid for getting to this place in my life so late in life. Yet all the time I spent here prepared me for this as well. And I'm the same old me. Heh.

 

Bottom line: You can't be REAL to everyone online until you're REAL to yourself.

 

 

[jon-jon]

I'm okay with being honest: I am far different online than I am in life.

 

I'm incredibly shy, and I won't approach people. I'm quiet and I often get a lot more attention than I care to. I'm not very social, and alcohol doesn't help at all. I have a personal bubble and I freak out when people break it, which they love to do. I'm awkward and I'm bad at small talk. I flinch a lot; I'm always afraid someone is going to hit me because when I was younger, I did get hit and beat up and picked on, a lot, by my own family and friends, when it was a stranger, it was far worse. I don't show much of any emotion besides laughter and 'smiling'; if I'm smiling, it's usually fake; I've been called selfish because of it more than once. I avoid eye contact at all costs; when someone is able to look me in the eyes for too long, I fear they see through me, and that scares me to no end. I switch between getting ignored and getting attention a lot; most of the time though, I get ignored. People don't usually listen to my opinions, or even listen to anything I say. I'd give anything to be someone else, to be more confident, more social; but it's just not who I am, and my family feels that they can change who I am by forcing me into their friends crowds. It doesn't work, and it just makes things worse. I'm always complacent when it comes to anything in life, I refuse to ever decide on a place to eat because I'd die knowing I chose a place someone else doesn't like, so I suck it up and eat at place and eat food that I hate and that makes me sick. I do the same thing when it comes to going places; I do them solely so other people can be happy, if I can't be happy, I might as well make someone else happy, right?

 

All of that being said, when I'm around certain people, I can be hilarious and the life of a party (for a short time), but in the end, I always shoot back to my quiet, closed off self.

 

When it's via message rather than voice or in person, I try and be as upbeat as humanly possible, but even in that, I always try and make others happy; my own happiness isn't important when it means jeopardizing the happiness of someone else. There are a few people online that I've met that I've developed crushes on, and although I'd love to express those feelings, I dare not jeopardize the friendship I have with them, because I know they don't feel the same way about me, and so I ignore the feelings as best I can so I can work on making them happy, because as long as they're happy, I've achieved something.

 

 

/rant

 

 

did you take a walk in my shoes???? if i bothered to type a longer answer, i would have written what you said

 

Dejavu. If I were dead I would be thinking that I had been reincarnated. What you see here is what I am. And this is my only on-line persona. I haven't messed with any other site. The only difference is that here I have time to think before I insert my foot although I have still managed to do that here too! My response time in real life is slow, so having time to think is a bonus.

[Former Member]

Maybe it's unfortunate, and it certainly can have its drawbacks...but my "online persona" very much reflects the "surface shield" of the "real" me. And for better or for worse, that's how it goes. I know I can come across as wary, cautious, and I've been called arrogant, pernicious, standoffish. A difference a cultures that, and really, it's just how we tend to be to outsiders, people we don't know. If someone comes over that, or chooses to, you've got a lifelong friend. But there is the tradition of being "run over" and forced to do things, so it can seem I am that way. Brittle perhaps, or cool. I just know I can very, very warm and true in my emotions and it can overwhelm.

 

There isn't anything I would say online I wouldn't say to someone to their face, and vice versa. The answers, comments, questions, etc. I give here...that's exactly how I am if someone were sitting beside me. The falseness I sense in some people in person or online is that they try to invoke an immediate overfamiliarity just because you are not in "personal contact", I don't accept that in life or online. I remain always at a constant baseline of truth. That can really piss some people off. When even your mother tells you, you are the most contrary person imaginable... :-) of course that's going to convert to wavelength also, yes?

 

I am always the "odd man out", as it were. I can be easy to talk to and talk, but I can ask hard questions and give hard answers. If someone is quick to take offense, make assumptions or jump to conclusions...we're not going to get along because they aren't going to like me, because I am not easy. Same in "real time".

 

I don't display that much personal information besides a few things that would or which might be necessary to gain at least a sliver of insight into what makes me Red, but I know I cannot convey utterly who I am here.....and this is very, very important for me....so there is no point in beginning to try. Just putting information on a page, even very detailed info, will not get anyone to understand me any better. Only interaction, should they desire it, will. Honest interaction without perceptions.

 

If I acted very cheerful and loopy, I'm sure I'd be caught out. I'm just an intense person, and that can be bothersome to some because they don't know what's behind it. If you don't ask, or don't care (and that's fine and understandable), then you won't get me. Might seem strange to those who've interacted with me, most only minimally, I am usually the friend everyone goes back to because I'm always the same. Predictable perhaps, but I don't think that's always a bad thing. They know they can rely on me for anything, without question or have my absolute honest opinion if I say no.

 

Graeme has mentioned being too old to try to "be someone" else, for me it's that I don't care what anyone thinks in the end. Mentioning my mother again, some days she says "I'm the funniest person she knows," then next, like above, "the most vexatious", it's usually based only on her mood, not my own. Another point Graeme made has been substantiated also, in some forums online, even Facebook, by majority, people tend to truly represent themselves over time. I've been bull's eye shot each time by someone who seemed very helpful, friendly, soliticious and encouraging at first, yet if you disagree with someone they say, they try to smoke you in a vicious way. I think the "real" person comes out whether you want it to or not.

 

 

SPECIFIC TO WRITING: Right now, I'm having a bit of a conundrum in that some publishers do suggest (strongly suggest) you put info out there that allows your readers to connect to you. Therefore, you begin to Twitter, to have a Facebook fanpage, all such things to gain a solid reader base, but in many ways to me that can seem so very false, because you're expected to be clever, seem up-to-date with all news stories, announce bits and dits to keep them amused, etc. And I just don't give a damn to try to be something I'm not. I am not the clever out-going person, and never have been comfortable with "followers". I am usually the one walking at the back of the line because I want to be. I can be at the front, give good speeches, but I have no interest in it. I don't like that attention. It's really counterproductive to what a couple of my publishers want. I exasperate them, infuriated a couple. *sigh* But that is just me. It makes me smile at the same time though. I know I'm vexing but I can't be something I'm not. I don't know how to create a fabrication in that way, or even give a false face to make me appear more possible. I wouldn't anyway but...

[Forty-Two]

Oh man, I so wish I had checked this thread sooner and gotten to reply as people commented. Oh well, here goes the mass of responses:

 

I'm wondering why you think that people who would create a fictitious persona would then turn around and admit to it here?

 

Lol, touche. I will take what everyone says with a grain of salt

 

I'm okay with being honest: I am far different online than I am in life.

 

*snip snip*

 

When it's via message rather than voice or in person, I try and be as upbeat as humanly possible, but even in that, I always try and make others happy; my own happiness isn't important when it means jeopardizing the happiness of someone else. There are a few people online that I've met that I've developed crushes on, and although I'd love to express those feelings, I dare not jeopardize the friendship I have with them, because I know they don't feel the same way about me, and so I ignore the feelings as best I can so I can work on making them happy, because as long as they're happy, I've achieved something.

 

/rant

 

You never know if those people feel the same way unless you ask. Also, you aren't entirely wrong about the concept of acting happy to make others happy. If you utilize cognitive dissonance, acting a certain way even though you don't feel that way, studies show you can actually cause yourself to feel that way. The basic idea being if you smile and act happy enough you will start to actually feel happy in those situations. But, it kinda sounds like you've settled for your current situation, so just remember, the only person who can decide to change who you are is you, and you have to be determined to make it work. (Sorry if this sounds preachy or after-school-specially, but it's the frankest way I can think to respond.)

 

A really interesting question. Thank you!

 

In real life I have a very similar personality to what I have here. I'm too old to make up a new persona when I'm still getting used to my current one

 

In my case, my online persona has helped my real life persona, and they two have largely merged. Before hand in real life I was very introspective and rather grumpy. A lot of that was due to not being out, and even though I didn't realise it, it was eating at me. I know this because once I finally came out to my wife, and endured several months worrying if I had destroyed my family, I finally relaxed. People who didn't know that I had come out remarked on the difference in me; how much more relaxed and happy I was. But that started with my online life, because that's where I finally found an outlet for being gay.

 

As a consequence, I try to be as honest as I can online, and I try to be as honest as I can in real life. The one significant caveat is that my family takes precedence, so I don't lightly reveal information that may identify me. Technically, I'm still in the closet, but that's no longer for my own 'protection' -- it's for the protection of my two boys.

 

*snippity*

 

I believe research has shown people tend to be more honest online (generally), because of that anonymity. On the downside, some people can also be more deceitful, too, as well as many people sometimes losing the social courtesies that make up part of our social fabric.

 

You're welcome!

 

I have definitely become a more confident person because of exploring this side of myself. I still have a deadly fear of anyone in real life finding out about my online persona and activities, and I think I have more questions about myself than when I started, but I feel better about myself none the less if that makes any sense. I have had confrontations about who I am with family members, and it has really helped to see how other people deal with expressing new and hard issues and ideas to people who just don't understand them.

 

About people losing social courtesies, I again point to John Gabriel's Greater Internet F**kwad theory:

 

*snip*

As for strangers knocking at my door... well I've had enough of them in my time and I consider strangers to be friends I haven't met so if anyone wants to visit it's open house. Send me a pm and I'll give you my address for a promise of cookies and that you'll wash the dishes as long as you're here. You'll probably have to sleep on the sofa (except Sam or Rush who will be sleeping with me) but if you can rough it you're welcome.

*snip*

 

I admire that so much about you (and really hope no one ever takes advantage of your generosity or hurts you for your openness). If I ever go to England I would love to look you up... alas, I fear I am much too shy. I feel I would lose something of myself by showing my face, if that makes any sense.

 

*snip*

 

About what Graeme told us about his difficulties to getting used to his current persona...dont worry, its the same for all of us, young and old. Each morning, when I wake up, I discover new sides of my personality. Thats one of the nicest pleasures of life.

 

*applauds* Thank you for sharing some awesome wisdom

 

My online persona on GA is basically me, but like in other situations in life, I vary how much I let my hair down.

 

For example, work Vic is much more reserved & professional versus hanging out with friends Vic. Hanging out with Family Vic is also a different person. Tipsy/Drunk Vic is just a monster .

 

GA Vic is also different than all those other Vic's.

*snippity-doo*

 

Take Care

[NightOwl88]

My online persona meshes pretty well with my real life. I'm a bit..louder..bit more confident online than I am in person but I do try. I first came to the net to be everything I couldn't be in real life. Outspoken, confident, gay lol. overtime I've gotten over my simpering peaople pleasing attitude, stopped being and doing what everyone else wants lol.

[meowsan]

i'm a bloody purple meow... ermmm.....wot do u think?

[Bumblebee]

in real life im to anxious to do anything by myself if i think i'll do it wrong, i dont like talking to people, and when i get on a subject i like talking about... i tend to not shut up

 

online im totally different, i dont really care if i say something and it turns out to be wrong, i dont have a problem with talking to people and im more confident, but im still worried about what everyone will think of what i say

 

no one knows the real me, not online and definatly not in real life, but online i feel a bit more happier because i dont have to hid so much

[Steve3]

Hmmm. This is fascinating. There's no doubt in my mind that many, many a conversations have been had by all folks on GA. ie. "is he/she for real?"

 

Some folks here have stated that they are an "open book". I think I fit into this group as well. For awhile there I was posting pics of myself and Jim that were 15 years old, but then realized "Why?" We're happy, I'm happy, prolly not insecure enough (brazen), and express myself or emotions openly, sometimes I admit, to a fault.

 

I'm guessing that "Ya gotta take the 'good' with the 'bad' as well". ..............or not.

 

Steve

[Arpeggio]

There's no doubt in my mind that many, many a conversations have been had by all folks on GA. ie. "is he/she for real?"

 

I know I have thought about it with a few people, and I get annoyed at myself for doing so because I know how much is upsets me when people point the fake finger at me. I dunno, it makes me tired so I stop caring and trying to out people as fake. I personally hate the whole process in general.

 

Rant over.

[Gandalf]

Hum, I have tended to be upfront but really havent posted much here recently. I was on here alot several years ago but not so much now that I am not living alone on my boat. I probably ought to figure out where best to let you all know more about me. eh. I do enjoy getting back into the stories here and also what I read on here from time to time. Since I am not a writer or at least a very constipated one I tend to tread lightly on my suggestions or thoughts about other's writing but I do enjoy reading online to the point that I am wicked behind in my book reading and the pile grows and grows.. Hope to let u all know more about me in the future. Pax Ste

[Camilo]

I'm smarter in real life

[Nephylim]

 

Bottom line: You can't be REAL to everyone online until you're REAL to yourself.

 

 

That is so very VERY true

 

 

I admire that so much about you (and really hope no one ever takes advantage of your generosity or hurts you for your openness). If I ever go to England I would love to look you up... alas, I fear I am much too shy. I feel I would lose something of myself by showing my face, if that makes any sense.

 

 

 

It doesn't make any sense at all. It's not the face I'm interested it's what's behind it. If I find out you've been to the UK without calling in I'll send a bat after you Seriously we're all far too concerend about how we come across to others and I am no different in that. The only pictures I have posted on the site are ones that are VERY flattering. If anyone has looked at my facebook ones you will see more the real me. Thinking about it I suppose my online me is not real at all... not in that I lie but that in I don't tell all of the truth. I think I might blog on this... hmmm Anyway. I promise I won't take a thing away from you... or anyone else who knocks my door. i will add to your waist size though as no one gets away without being fed

 

My online persona meshes pretty well with my real life. I'm a bit..louder..bit more confident online than I am in person but I do try. I first came to the net to be everything I couldn't be in real life. Outspoken, confident, gay lol. overtime I've gotten over my simpering peaople pleasing attitude, stopped being and doing what everyone else wants lol.

 

You simpering? Now that I would have liked to have seen... actually no I wouldn't I like the you, you are too much.

 

I know I have thought about it with a few people, and I get annoyed at myself for doing so because I know how much is upsets me when people point the fake finger at me. I dunno, it makes me tired so I stop caring and trying to out people as fake. I personally hate the whole process in general.

 

Rant over.

 

If somone points a fake finger at you either laugh or pull it off... especially if it glows in the dark. It might come in handy finding a condom at night.

 

Hum, I have tended to be upfront but really havent posted much here recently. I was on here alot several years ago but not so much now that I am not living alone on my boat. I probably ought to figure out where best to let you all know more about me. eh. I do enjoy getting back into the stories here and also what I read on here from time to time. Since I am not a writer or at least a very constipated one I tend to tread lightly on my suggestions or thoughts about other's writing but I do enjoy reading online to the point that I am wicked behind in my book reading and the pile grows and grows.. Hope to let u all know more about me in the future. Pax Ste

 

Looking forward to it hun

 

I'm smarter in real life

 

 

Impossible

[Camilo]

 

Impossible

 

Ha ha ha, you're just jealous. You probably don't even know how to properly ride that broom of yours back to the vag cave.

[Hylas]

I actually have two online identities. One is my main account, the other is used for my 'gay' activities. I was still closeted when I first joined GA back in 2007. The people I met here and in some other sites were some of my first real interaction with gay people ever. It made me come to terms with being gay better, made me discover what it was like to be gay, and most importantly, helped me come out to the first person ever in real life.

 

Since then I've come out to a few more people, but I'm still closeted to my family until I can be completely financially independent of them. Thus I still maintain two separate online identities. My 'gay identity' (like the one I use in GA) is a bit more anonymous but it actually is the more honest version of me since I can speak more freely of my homosexuality. They include the accounts I use in gay oriented sites.

 

My 'main identity' is more 'professional'. It includes my real email, my facebook account with my full name, the rest of my social networking accounts where I use my full name, my LinkedIn account, my art accounts, Paypal account, Youtube account, etc.

 

Some of my friends I've met through my 'gay accounts' know my full real name though. Some of them are even friends to both of my facebook accounts (including a hosted author here ), so they can easily see I'm actually who I say I am. They are the people I really trust, and I know they won't out me to the rest of my real life friends and family until I'm actually ready. Both of my facebook accounts are private though.

 

Nevertheless, nowadays I don't actually care if some of my real life friends stumble upon my gay accounts, see my picture, connect the dots, and realize I'm gay. Something I was deathly afraid of when I first started surfing gay sites (I actually started a thread here ages ago on how to protect yourself from being outed accidentally while surfing GA for example, advice for young people still closeted). In fact, I'm actually hoping they do find out that way nowadays, haha. Saves me the trouble of coming out to them one by one. They'll find out soon enough anyway. I still don't share my full real name in my 'gay accounts' though. Since some of my postings are a bit... unprofessional. LOL. My employment prospects would drop like a lead weight if a simple google search would find me writing some questionable steamy gay sex scenes or have me drooling over some football player. XD

 

I've yet to meet someone from online though. Though that's more because I live in a pretty remote area (which incidentally is also on the US travel advisory list, LOL). I am who I say I am though. My pictures are all really of me and I speak the local dialect which is something an impostor wouldn't be able to do, haha. Though I'm careful not to post any pictures of me with other people I know in real life. But it's just privacy courtesy, I detest people who tag me in pictures when they haven't even asked me for permission so I don't do the same. I also went from being completely beardless in my pictures in 2007 to sporting scruff in my more recent pics. Besides, if I'm fake I would have chosen far better looking pictures than the ones I use haha. If that isn't an indication that I'm real, I don't know what is.

 

There is also one thing that sets me apart from most people online. I DON'T use it to pursue romantic interests. A decision I came to when I joined an online dating site ages ago (ah... I was so naive back then LOL). It wasn't pretty. I made a vow to meet someone first in real life before deciding if I'll pursue romance or not. Not before then. So I don't actually care if I don't seem perfect online and no one ever likes me (I'm not perfect in real life anyway). And I don't care if you are a fake since I won't ever put you in a position where you can hurt me. No matter how gorgeous you are, you'll still just be a picture to me.

 

Being in the IT business, I am a bit more aware of how to handle online privacy. So no, I won't ever send you money or give you my bank details, haha. I don't have problems posting my pictures though. I don't have anything anyone can steal. There's identity theft of course, but there are some things I also never share online, in any of my online identities.

 

Admittedly I'm a bit more suspicious of people who are incredibly attractive online. But I won't let my suspicions be known, and neither do I push them to reveal themselves. I really don't care. I treat them exactly as I treat other people. Most of the times, the only things they are lying about are their pictures anyway. And time and again I've been surprised by people who've posted only one picture of them throughout the years I've known them online. Only to have them show up in pictures with other people I know are real when they meet up. Just goes to show that some people are really just a bit more private. Just because they only have one grainy photo of them doesn't mean they're fake.

 

Personality wise, as I've mentioned, I'm more open in my more anonymous 'secondary' gay accounts. I actually update my gay accounts more than I do my main ones. Generally I have a tendency to run on and on in my posts online too (like now LOL), which is something I never do in real life. I'm actually pretty quiet, though not to the point of crippling shyness. I'm outgoing, a bit of clown, and enjoy beer nights every now and then with friends. I'm also far nicer (I know I come across as an asshat in debates). It's just that my online persona is like a pressure valve, especially my secondary gay identity. It's the only place where I can talk freely about things I never dare bring up in real life.

[Y_B]

[Nephylim]

Ha ha ha, you're just jealous. You probably don't even know how to properly ride that broom of yours back to the vag cave.

 

Oh I know how to ride hun, beleive me I know how to ride. And I can find a vag cave with my eyes closed in the dark.

 

Admittedly I'm a bit more suspicious of people who are incredibly attractive online. .

 

 

I'm safe then. No need to be suspicious of me