I suspect my boyfriend has an affair, I want to seize him

[Rally]

I suspect my boyfriend has an affair

I want to seize him

I want to hire private detective, but the costs are too high

I found this spy camera

Is it helpful?

Do you have any better idea?

[K.C.]

You should talk to him first.

 

I don’t know how long you’ve been in the relationship, but if it’s been a while and you know him pretty good and you suspect that something is going on, it might be true. Hopefully he’ll be honest with you.

I’ve had friends chase their boyfriends and watch them when they were supposed to be at work but I’ve never known someone who really hired a PI, a lot of people say it, but have never done it.

If he says he’s not cheating, try to find the reason for his change in behavior.

 

[Frostina]

I'm with KC on this one.

 

Spy camera and all are just fine. but think about it, there might just be a simple explanation to the change in his behaviour. you never know. if bad comes to worse, i bet the camera will still be on sale after a week or so.

Hope you sort it out before it comes to that.

 

cheers!

[Arpeggio]

I agree, talk to him first. If he wasn't cheating, and he found out, imagine how he would feel. Unless you know for sure, I'd talk it out.

[Cia]

Or... on another practical vein, why need the camera? If you are the one taking the pictures, why do you need them? If you see him cheating with your own eyes, why do you need photos as proof? You could confront him with your knowledge first hand. It's hard to lie when you can say, I saw you! Now, what the other members said about asking your boyfriend about his behaviors that make you think he is cheating is still very valid, no relationship will work without communicating, but I just thought I'd throw that out there as well.

[Nephylim]

suspicion and lack of trust are terrible things and there is nothing more certain to kill a relationship.

 

If you are in this deep and seriously considering hiring a detective then your trust in your boyfriend is practically non existent. You can't survive in a relationship with no trust. If you can't talk to your boyfriend, confront the situation and trust that what he tells you is the truth then whether he is or whether he isn't cheating is irrelevant becuase the relationship is meaningless anyway.

[Rally]

You should talk to him first.

 

I don’t know how long you’ve been in the relationship, but if it’s been a while and you know him pretty good and you suspect that something is going on, it might be true. Hopefully he’ll be honest with you.

I’ve had friends chase their boyfriends and watch them when they were supposed to be at work but I’ve never known someone who really hired a PI, a lot of people say it, but have never done it.

If he says he’s not cheating, try to find the reason for his change in behavior.

 

 

Maybe i should talk to him first.

[Meeko]

Maybe i should talk to him first.

 

that's a great idea. =)

[TetRefine]

Ouch! Generally hiring a private investigator means the relationship is already knocking on heaven's door. Ever watch Cheaters?

[Y_B]

Im with Nephy....if you feel like hiring a PI to track your guy....there's something wrong.

 

Address it directly...none of that sneaking business

[Michael9344]

Okay, as Nephy said, trust is very important in a relationship. In fact, with the level of doubt you have now (wanting to hire a p.i.) it will be very hard for the relationship (to return to normal and) continue even if you find out that he's not cheating. You're crossed a certain street that has taken you a step away from the relationship.First, I'd say to confront him. It's more direct. But then I'd say, don't confront him. Go sneaky and follow him around a little. Asking him of his whereabouts can send the wrong message (or this time the right one) that you're suspecting him. Which is a breach of trust if it turns out that he's not having an affair;).

[Canuk]

while I agree with "Talk to him" do not forget in the process to listen to him you will find out far more by listening to him than by talking at him, hoever badly you feel...

 

Best of luck

[Tiger]

You should talk to him. From the sound of it, you don't really trust him. I happen to agree with Nephy. It seems that your relationship is already well on its way to ending. Lack of trust is never a good thing.

[Stone]

If you have to go so far as to hire a detective or break his trust in you buy spying on him, there is obviously underlying problems that need to be addressed immediately. People tend to forget that it's communication that is key in a relationship.

[Dannsar]

You don't trust him ... you're close to terminal. You spy on him ... he's unlikely to trust you. If he's not at it, he'll never trust you again. If he is, fire his ass.

 

You haven't said what gives you reason to think this (not that you have to!). I'd probe gently to find out what the facts are about the inconsistencies you have noticed. If he gets all defensive or stuttery, then ask him outright.

 

I don't like this, but it's no worse than a spy cam ... check his text messages on his phone if you're that paranoid. It's a serious invasion of privacy, but a spy cam is too, and is also probably illegal, to say nothing of a serious bugger to operate, review, etc.

 

A climate of suspicion is corrosive and pointless ... talk to him!

[ricky]

Rally I will tell you like I told so many as a private detective of +20 years when they asked me to follow their mates.

 

Relationships are built on trust. If you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship. If you can't talk to him/her then you don't have the trust that is required in a commitment and it may be better to find a new bf. If the relationship is truly one you want to see last a lifetime, then you better start talking and avoid suspicions later. If you don't communicate then you will always have doubts and will never trust.

 

Never being able to trust means your relationship will not grow stronger than it is today. It can only grow apart.

[intune]

I agree with Nephy- lack of trust will kill a relationship pretty fast. It's best to sort things out in a quick straightforward manner.