Two Dads?

[Michael9344]

Do you think your life would have been different if you had two dads? How would it be so?

[Robbiee]

Well, assuming my dads would have worked harder to get me would ensure that they truly love me or they would not have gone through that hard work. (Also they can pull that card out when he have a little fight, heh)

 

But yeah, kinda guarantees they'll appreciate me and I'll appreciate them assuming they worked hard for me. So lotso love in that house.

[Cia]

From the age of 2 to 9 my dad and uncle, who are identical twins, raised my sister and me. It's not the same thing as having 2 dads who are in a relationship but in some ways it is similar. I went to them without question over many things and even with all the wrong choices my dad made, we are really close today. My uncle is a tad annoying, but that's more his personality keeping me from wanting to be around him than anything to do with the way he was when I was a kid. I don't think not having the traditional household growing up is really that big of a deal anymore.

[Bill W]

I would have loved to give it a try, since I never knew my own father.

[Cyhort]

I'm....trying really hard not to picture my dad with another guy right now....

 

My life definitely would have been different though. I probably would have had a LOT less fights when I was a teenager since I only ever fought with my mom. And I probably wouldn't have kept my boyfriend secret for two years, lol.

[Zolia Lily]

My dad is a nice guy, but he's always been a bit... absent. We've always lived in the same house, eaten meals together, gone on holidays together... but he's kind of clueless about our lives. He's just away with the fairies all the time. I don't know how having 2 dads would change things. I mean, it would depend a lot. I could say that i would have had two clueless parents rather than one, but i think that's unfairly stereotyping all men on the basis of my father.... (just a tad.....)

[Y_B]

YES

 

I love my mom more than anything in this world. I mean...she's my mom lol...she's that soft squishy bit of love I can always rely on, the one who packed my lunches as a kid and protected me. She's pure warmth and basically the best motherly figure any son could ask for. My dad's different though. I love him to death too, but he's the rock. The strong fatherly figure who taught me to standup for myself and be a better man. He took me fishing as a kid and taught me how to shoot hoops and change the oil in my car. It'll be weird to play ball with my mom and if my dad ever did my laundry and brought them to me, I'd think he's gone mad.

 

Neither of my parents are replaceable by any means and certainly not with another one of the same kind. I don't need or want 2 moms, and I don't need or want 2 dads. It's not that I don't think two moms or dads can be good parents to a child but just based on my experiences growing up, I have a hard time imagining what my life would have been like without my mom or dad there having played their own roles.

[transformingokey]

It would be... Different. I would have been different. I don't think I'd want two dads. It would have unbalanced the equation. I mean, in the traditional sense, you have the hardworking father, and the dedicated and loving housewife. Both played their role in my life, good and bad. And having two dads would be a whole new dynamic.

[Timboy]

I dont think it would have made a big difference if I had been raised by two dads verses raised by a mom and dad. I think it is important what the dad's instill in their child that matters in the long run.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Well, assuming my dads would have worked harder to get me would ensure that they truly love me or they would not have gone through that hard work. (Also they can pull that card out when he have a little fight, heh)

 

But yeah, kinda guarantees they'll appreciate me and I'll appreciate them assuming they worked hard for me. So lotso love in that house.

 

There are actually studies that say this very thing, that lesbian and presumably gay parents make as good or better parents because the effected needed to have a child is so great that they have to be really committed to the idea before they have children. [i say presumably gay parents because thus far there aren't enough studies - I guess there aren't a lot of yet.]

 

I'd like to think that while things might be different for baby Q, they won't be better or worse than my nieces and nephews because I think they all have very good 'traditional' parents who 'wanted' their children very much.

 

Oh and some one smack the [insert F bomb here] out of me if I ever throw up how much we went through and spent to have her. SO not right.

 

 

YES

 

I love my mom more than anything in this world. I mean...she's my mom lol...she's that soft squishy bit of love I can always rely on, the one who packed my lunches as a kid and protected me. She's pure warmth and basically the best motherly figure any son could ask for. My dad's different though. I love him to death too, but he's the rock. The strong fatherly figure who taught me to standup for myself and be a better man. He took me fishing as a kid and taught me how to shoot hoops and change the oil in my car. It'll be weird to play ball with my mom and if my dad ever did my laundry and brought them to me, I'd think he's gone mad.

 

Neither of my parents are replaceable by any means and certainly not with another one of the same kind. I don't need or want 2 moms, and I don't need or want 2 dads. It's not that I don't think two moms or dads can be good parents to a child but just based on my experiences growing up, I have a hard time imagining what my life would have been like without my mom or dad there having played their own roles.

 

YB,

 

I don't think the question was would your trade your parents for two dads - or moms, but IF you had, would things be different. As for the other stuff, well I cook and I change the oil, Mike does the laundry and the yard work, I do the finances, he cleans the pots, in any house there are things someone needs to do and if you get past the 'traditional' (which is code for stereotype') view of who does what, then they sort of all fall in place. Mind you I'm NOT suggesting your being sexist or anything, just pointing out that when there are no 'rules' for who 'should' do what, they just end up getting done by one or the other.

 

 

 

Speaking for me - I think that if I had two dads - and I'm totally with Cyhort, I so don't want to think of one of those two as my dad - things would be different. Mike and I have no plans to limit lil'Q or steer her to dolls over trucks or playing house over playing power rangers (yeah showing my age there). If she wants to play baseball, I'll teacher, football, same thing. I won't limit her choices to the traditional girl activities, but if she wants those, she can have them as well. I know I was always given trucks and GI Joes and 'boy' color clothes etc. I've been 'spoken' to by my female relations about buying girl appropriate colors when I pick out blues and browns - hey they sell em in the girl section though I did buy a cute onesy from the boys section last week - and I told them, she isn't going to be limited to 'girl' colors. So given how I think about things, and I don't think I'm all that special or gifted in this area - I'd say things would be very different for me.

[rustle]

Dad died when I was 9, and Mom didn't remarry until I was 19. I often wonder what it would have been like to have 2 parents, whatever gender.

 

If I were a kid growing up today with 2 dads or 2 moms, it wouldn't be nearly as big a deal as when I was comin' up. But I wonder if gay parents wouldn't be just a bit more self-aware than many who fall right into a traditional family. Maybe a little more authentic as human beings. Sure, that's stereotyping, but we're in fantasy land now, right?

 

Yang, I've forgotten what it was like to have somebody do my laundry for me. I did my own since I was 10.

[Y_B]

I don't think the question was would your trade your parents for two dads - or moms, but IF you had, would things be different. As for the other stuff, well I cook and I change the oil, Mike does the laundry and the yard work, I do the finances, he cleans the pots, in any house there are things someone needs to do and if you get past the 'traditional' (which is code for stereotype') view of who does what, then they sort of all fall in place. Mind you I'm NOT suggesting your being sexist or anything, just pointing out that when there are no 'rules' for who 'should' do what, they just end up getting done by one or the other.

 

 

Sure thing...and you're right. I wasn't saying there need to be laid out household roles that only a man or woman can fill, but having grown up in a pretty traditional family, it was hard to curve my mind imaging a different scenario. Cuz wondering IF I had two dad would mean taking my mom out of the equation and when I try to do that and imagine two of my dads running the house...wowzers....even if the laundry and cooking did get done. Oh and grossssss I just thought about my dad with another...man

 

Something else to wonder is if I'd have the same friends I have today if I had two dads or moms. Would the same people I've known forever have gotten close to me if they knew I had two dad? At the same time, how many different people might that have attracted into my life with the same situation?

[Merlin]

On one hand I would've probably been bullied in school. On the other hand, this might have toughened me up.

 

I've always been of the mind that children "need a mother" to some extent, so this is a tough one. My mom is really one of my favorite people in the world, and I don't think I would give her up for anything.

[Dark]

If I'd had two dads, my life would've been radically different. My dad was in the military, so that never would've happened. His mom was also a devout Catholic, so the need he always had of living up to her expectations and the pain he had at never being her favorite child would've been much much worse ... Then again, maybe being cut off from them would've been a good thing! Hard to say.

 

On the other hand, I would hope that he would've been happier. His marriage to my mother has always been strained because she's a very difficult person to get along with. My sister and I used to play the 'what if' game growing up, mainly wondering if our parents were going to get divorced. We prayed for it sometimes. With someone more supportive at home, I wonder if my dad would've been home more and spent more time with us kids. Many times growing up my mother was my only parent and that was rough on me because we rarely got along. I love both my parents, but sometimes I just don't like my mother much.

 

I can't help but think that with a different partner in his life, my dad's life would've had less stress and not led to some of the health problems he's had. (would he have been a work-a-holic if he felt more comfortable in his own home?) We also would've probably stayed in one place instead of moving around and I wonder what that would've been like. I also think that with two dads I could've talked to at least one of them about the identity crisis I had as a teen and maybe I would have figured things out a whole lot sooner, and not shoved all that stuff so far away it took me years to find and sort out.

 

Without my mother, the dynamics between my siblings would've been very different. I think, maybe, that a second dad would've helped balance things out -- my mother has never understood or accepted how differently she treats all of us. Maybe I would have a closer relationship with my sister and brothers ... Who knows? I don't think it's wise to dwell on what might have been.

[Sara Alva]

There are actually studies that say this very thing, that lesbian and presumably gay parents make as good or better parents because the effected needed to have a child is so great that they have to be really committed to the idea before they have children. [i say presumably gay parents because thus far there aren't enough studies - I guess there aren't a lot of yet.]

 

 

I haven't seen the studies, but that seems like common sense. My husband and I always joke that parents should be licensed to have kids...Parents who choose to adopt or go through other processes obviously have to put a lot more thought into parenthood, and sometimes have to be scrutinized by others before they're even allowed to be parents. On the other hand, we know how many people 'accidentally' become parents when they might not be ready.

 

 

I won't go into details, but the mom dynamic didn't work for me I think I'd have preferred 2 dads.

[Dee]

I think it would be different, yes; however, I was practically taken away from my one and only dad when I was about 11 years old. While my parents got divorced when I was 7, I would still see him every week. And then we moved from Southern California to Oregon where I would only get to see him about once a year -- if that. So really, I don't know what it would've been like if I had my real dad (who I love to death) with me as I grew up. Nor do I know what it would be like with two dads. I think if it works, it works. Doesn't matter what gender your parents are, as long as they raise you with a good belief and moral system.

[Frostina]

I grew up in a joint family, and the Father of the house was my grandpa. it was a traditional Indian household, tbh. where the ladies in the house were practically always behind the scenes. so, while i would really love to say that my mom played a great role in who i am today, i don think i can say that. Yes, she is one of the strongest people i know, but i know that from after when i turned 16 and we moved away from my grandparens' house.

my grandfather raised 4 boys and then he raised me. while he had help of my grandma in the first 4 instances, in my case, he had the help of my father and uncles. i dont remember as a child when my ma took me to buy clothes or toys even. it was always my grandpa/ dad or one of my uncles. ( i am talking about father figures here, and i had 5, growing up!)

so, i dont think having two 'dads' (as in my dad in relationship with another man) would have changed much in my life. (other than the fact that my dad is more like my friend than a real father! )

 

It was hard adjusting later on, when i had to live with just my parents! explains why i left home at 17 and didnt look back!

 

Hope i was on topic!

[K.C.]

Well I’ve never had a father…so 2 dads? I can’t comprehend that. Never for my own childhood. I don’t think when a man walks out on a woman just 2 weeks after giving birth to twins and has 3 other children at home, that he can ever be called a ‘dad.’ It didn’t matter that he left, I still had other strong male role models in my life for a while at least . My grandfather and my uncle and great-uncle (grandma’s brother) were huge influences on my life and probably one of the reasons my life started to spiral when Grandfather was killed when I was 14.

 

Sometimes I wonder what effects we will have on our daughter. It was hard and a fight to get her but it was so worth it. It didn’t take long for her to realize that her home life was different from her friends, but having 2 loving and devoted parents, no matter if we are 2 dads, that she was our first priority was what mattered. We have always tried to be as gender neutral with her to let her make up her mind about what she likes and what she wants to do. She loves to get dirty in the garage working on cars but she also likes to dance around the kitchen in a green tutu. Her life is not going to be like everyone else’s but neither was my childhood and I’m relatively normal.

 

If we screw her up too bad then thank goodness we have good insurance for therapy.

[Labrador]

Honestly, I don't have a clue. I basically raised myself so parental guidance was not something I really had. There wasn't a relationship between me and my parents until after my first son was born. I think that in all reality, father and mother, mother and mother, father and father... it doesn't matter which you have, only that the couple loves their children and gives them the guidance they need for the real world.

[TrevorTime]

I think so. Having two dads means they are obviously gay and they could have been my role models. When I was 13 I struggled big time with my new found gayness, so it would have been nice to have had someone to talk to about it.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom to death. But coming out to her took a monumental effort on my part. With two gay dads, coming out would have been a walk in the park.

[MJ85]

Would my life have been different if I'd had two dads? Oh yes...very much so.

 

My parents got divorced when I was only 6, and mom has not remarried. My dad isn't a very communicative person, and growing up, I'd see him infrequently...less and less as I've grown older. Also growing up, I'd often be witness to arguments between my aunt and uncle, and my grandma and grandpa (my mom's parents), with the women often coming out of them with their head held high.

 

So...even just having one strong, reliable male figure in my life would have been that much different. And with that being the case, having TWO dads would've just turned the script right on its head!

[AnimalMorph]

Two Dads? I dunno.... I guess at first it's gonna creep the hell out of me. But as long as they love me, I honestly think that nothing else matter. In fact, It's better to have two Dad's but they really care for each other and for me rather than have Mom and Dad but all they do is bickering and shouting (which eventually leads to a divorce) whenever they are home.

[Rndmrunner]

Two dads, well I don't know what it is like to be raised by 2 dads but I know what it is like to be one of 2 dads. There are always going to be good and bad parents whehther its a mom and dad, a single parent of either gender, or 2 same sex parents. I do know that gay and lesbian parents (who had children after coming out) make the decision consciously: there are no "accidents". Being gay parents, we also are lucky to know quite a few other same sex parents. For the most part they are great, they enjoy parenting - it is not a chore to them. I don't think that I am alone in also looking at supporting my child in being different: gay or straight my kid is flagged as different and we try to be aware of that. I also know that we are very visible, often people know of our family before we know them. That said, we live in a great area, in a tolerent city and have rarely encountered anything unpleasant or even negative. It is no accident though that we live in our current neighbourhood because there are other same sex families here. Our child, now in grade school, is surrounded by accepting friends and does not find our family unduly different. In moments of pique we have however been told that we are bad daddies and new daddies are wanted. I am waiting to see if this changes in adolescence. All said, we are blessed to have supportive families and friends and live in a tolerent place. For us, those factors affected out choice to have a chld as it is not just our lives that are affected by our decision.

[JOeKEool]

How did I get into this one? Hmmm. It would have been very odd in the 50's and 60's to have two dads. Now it is accepted. In some places more than others. You don't specify that one of the two has to be my real Dad, so I will use two unknown fathers to alleviate some discomfort there. I, like has been stated, would find questions of sexual identity easier to deal with. I was very sensitive and emotional and had to hide it to be an acceptable male in that time. Perhaps I could have been more open about my true self with a less conservative household. The UBER religion I lived with might not have been the case. Not saying you can't be a religious man and be gay. Just don't see the extreme level I had to deal with being a reality. I can't picture another aspect that would be so different.

I guess the social circles would alter and offer a new dynamic. Thanks michael. That got some gray matter exercizing a bit.

[comicfan]

To be honest I don't know what that would have been like. My mother was the one who watched over my brother and I. She did the shopping, fixed the scraped knees, took care of the house, and the car. She was out to play baseball, run around, push swings, hold on to bikes when we learned to ride. She was the one there when were sick, played games of monopoly, taught me to read and write. My father was like a shadow in the back ground. Even when he was off from work for much of my younger life he was "off with friends" to go drinking, fishing, and go to the beach.

 

My parents had gay friends as well so I knew the macho guy who dated a guy with arms the size of tree trunks, and then Eddie who wore enough make up and perfume your nose burned. I seen a varied life with every race and color mainly due to my mother's influence. She was a big one for taking people as they are and trying to be forgiving.

 

Trading out my mother would have left a huge gap in my life. I think if my father had been more of a positive figure then him having a male partner instead of my mother wouldn't be an issue but losing my mother for an unknown while still keeping the shadow of my father isn't something I would have wanted. Without the support and love I doubt I would have found myself where I am today.