Corrupt A Wish

[northie]

4 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

 

I wish I had another day of weekend

Granted. Funny how it's always cold, rainy, and blowing a gale.

 

I wish I never have to sharpen my pencils again.

[bikerman]

Granted, but graphite has turned to diamond so can't use pencils anymore

 

i wish it was the weekend already

[northie]

24 minutes ago, bikerman said:

 

i wish it was the weekend already

Granted, but you don't earn anything from missing the working week.

 

I wish we had a real summer back again.

[Parker Owens]

3 hours ago, northie said:

Granted, but you don't earn anything from missing the working week.

 

I wish we had a real summer back again.

 

It is my delight to grant this wish. You have a nice, real summer, just like the kind they get in Irkutsk. Mosquitoes the size of a nuclear missile, and just as deadly, I understand. 

 

I wish my housework were finished.

[Valkyrie]

Just now, Parker Owens said:

 

It is my delight to grant this wish. You have a nice, real summer, just like the kind they get in Irkutsk. Mosquitoes the size of a nuclear missile, and just as deadly, I understand. 

 

I wish my housework were finished.

I shall grant your wish with glee! Because after the house fairies finish all your housework, they travel to my house.  The corruption of your wish is that they do a half-assed job because of their eagerness to start my work.  I am paying them quite handsomely.   

 

I wish I really did have house elves to clean my house. 

[northie]

On 14/08/2017 at 1:02 PM, Valkyrie said:

I wish I really did have house elves to clean my house

But of course. However, they evict you as causing them too much work.

 

I wish I could type more accurately first time round.

[Parker Owens]

3 minutes ago, northie said:

But of course. However, they evict you as causing them too much work.

 

I wish I could type more accurately first time round.

 

But you can, my dear. You type everything with exquisite accuracy the first time, which is why you never got to edit that rather, erm, inflammatory email you composed to your boss...

 

I wish my students had another month of vacation. 

[northie]

16 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

 

I wish my students had another month of vacation

Granted but they all choose to spend it camping in your garden and helping themselves to your veggies.   

 

I wish I could water my garden from the sofa.

[Parker Owens]

4 minutes ago, northie said:

Granted but they all choose to spend it camping in your garden and helping themselves to your veggies.   

 

I wish I could water my garden from the sofa.

 

It is my cheerful delight to grant you this wish. You can water your garden from your sofa because the local council kindly moved it outside for you. Did I hear thunder?

 

I wish my neighbor did not own a chain saw. 

[Valkyrie]

Just now, Parker Owens said:

 

It is my cheerful delight to grant you this wish. You can water your garden from your sofa because the local council kindly moved it outside for you. Did I hear thunder?

 

I wish my neighbor did not own a chain saw. 

Granted.  Your neighbor no longer owns a chainsaw... he owns fifty chainsaws and has regular wood-cutting parties.  

 

I wish all my August reports were finished.  

[Parker Owens]

8 minutes ago, Valkyrie said:

Granted.  Your neighbor no longer owns a chainsaw... he owns fifty chainsaws and has regular wood-cutting parties.  

 

I wish all my August reports were finished.  

 

Granted, granted, granted. All of your August reports are finished. All your July reports have gone missing, however. 

 

I wish my afteroon appointment would cancel.

[northie]

18 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

 

I wish my afteroon appointment would cance

They do and you never get to hear that you've won the lottery.

 

I wish I didn't like chocolate.

Edited August 15, 2017 by northie

[Valkyrie]

2 hours ago, northie said:

They do and you never get to hear that you've won the lottery.

 

I wish I didn't like chocolate.

Granted.  You don't like chocolate.  You love chocolate.  So much that you bathe in it, eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and have a life-sized carved statue of a man that you marry, then eventually have to divorce after you ate too much of him for it to be considered a viable marriage.  

 

I wish I wasn't afraid of bees.  

[Parker Owens]

Just now, Valkyrie said:

Granted.  You don't like chocolate.  You love chocolate.  So much that you bathe in it, eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and have a life-sized carved statue of a man that you marry, then eventually have to divorce after you ate too much of him for it to be considered a viable marriage.  

 

I wish I wasn't afraid of bees.  

 

Granted. You are no longer afraid of bees. You seek them out, dance with them, invite them into your house, where they turn your cupboards into a gooey mess. 

 

I wish I had a better meal planned for supper. 

[northie]

Just now, Parker Owens said:

 

I wish I had a better meal planned for supper.

Inspiration strikes - you have all the ingredients, but it takes 4 hours to prepare and cook it.

 

I wish I didn't try to do three things at once.

[Parker Owens]

Granted. You did not try to do three things at once. If fact, you resolutely refused to try to do anything. Your house collapsed under the weight of cobwebs. 

 

I wish I had some red wine vinegar. 

[Valkyrie]

5 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

Granted. You did not try to do three things at once. If fact, you resolutely refused to try to do anything. Your house collapsed under the weight of cobwebs. 

 

I wish I had some red wine vinegar. 

Granted.  You have exactly one half milliliter of red wine vinegar. 

 

I wish the skies didn't look so threatening.    

[northie]

system error ... 

Edited August 15, 2017 by northie

[northie]

27 minutes ago, Valkyrie said:

 

I wish the skies didn't look so threatening.  

 

There you go - no sky, no atmosphere, no ... 

 

I wish the ironing did itself

[Valkyrie]

Just now, northie said:

 

There you go - no sky, no atmosphere, no ... 

 

I wish the ironing did itself

Granted.  The ironing did itself, but then forgot to turn itself off and burned all your clothes.  

 

I wish my heartburn would go away. 

[Parker Owens]

1 hour ago, Valkyrie said:

Granted.  The ironing did itself, but then forgot to turn itself off and burned all your clothes.  

 

I wish my heartburn would go away. 

Granted easily. You left your heartburn in San Francisco. Along with your Tums, Luggage, Phone and Wallet. 

 

I wish the supper dishes were all washed. 

[Valkyrie]

Just now, Parker Owens said:

Granted easily. You left your heartburn in San Francisco. Along with your Tums, Luggage, Phone and Wallet. 

 

I wish the supper dishes were all washed. 

I will very happily grant this wish, since dishes are one of my dreaded chores.  Your dishes are all washed absolutely spotless.  By the dog's tongue.  

 

I wish I now didn't have "San Francisco" stuck in my head.  

[Acid07]

On 8/15/2017 at 7:29 PM, Valkyrie said:

I wish I now didn't have "San Francisco" stuck in my head.  

Granted.  You now have the Spongebob theme playing on repeat.

 

I wish I had something decent to cook for dinner.

[Valkyrie]

1 minute ago, Acid07 said:

Granted.  You now have the Spongebob theme playing on repeat.

 

I wish I had something decent to cook for dinner.

Granted.  You have really awesome food to cook, but nothing to cook it on since your stove won't work.  

 

I wish I had a slice of cake. 

[Parker Owens]

1 hour ago, Valkyrie said:

Granted.  You have really awesome food to cook, but nothing to cook it on since your stove won't work.  

 

I wish I had a slice of cake. 

 

Unreservedly granted! You have a big slice of cake - uranium in powdered form, known to bomb makers as...cake. 

 

I wish someone else was doing the dishes.