Corrupt A Wish

[Valkyrie]

Just now, Parker Owens said:

 

Unreservedly granted! You have a big slice of cake - uranium in powdered form, known to bomb makers as...cake. 

 

I wish someone else was doing the dishes. 

Granted.  Someone else is doing the dishes.  In their own house several blocks away. 

 

I wish I had non-uranium cake.  

[Acid07]

On 8/18/2017 at 8:11 PM, Valkyrie said:

Granted.  Someone else is doing the dishes.  In their own house several blocks away. 

 

I wish I had non-uranium cake.  

Granted.  Unfortunately, you got a urinal cake instead.  At least it's not radioactive?

 

I wish my apartment was less cluttered.

[Valkyrie]

10 minutes ago, Acid07 said:

Granted.  Unfortunately, you got a urinal cake instead.  At least it's not radioactive?

 

I wish my apartment was less cluttered.

Granted.  Your apartment now consists of an air mattress and bean bag chair for furnishings. 

 

I wish I felt like cooking lunch. 

[Acid07]

17 minutes ago, Valkyrie said:

Granted.  Your apartment now consists of an air mattress and bean bag chair for furnishings. 

 

I wish I felt like cooking lunch. 

That doesn't sound too bad.  Bean bag chairs are awesome!

 

Granted.  You cook lunch, but end up with unexpected guests and have to give it to them.

 

I wish I had the willpower to not eat at restaurants so often.

 

Also, it's a good thing you've relented from the cakes because...

 

[Parker Owens]

1 hour ago, Acid07 said:

That doesn't sound too bad.  Bean bag chairs are awesome!

 

Granted.  You cook lunch, but end up with unexpected guests and have to give it to them.

 

I wish I had the willpower to not eat at restaurants so often.

 

Also, it's a good thing you've relented from the cakes because...

 

 

Granted! With pleasure! You will never, ever eat at a restaurant again. You are instead treated to lifetime of eating boxed mac and cheese at every meal.

 

I wish the laundry would fold itself. 

[Valkyrie]

30 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

 

Granted! With pleasure! You will never, ever eat at a restaurant again. You are instead treated to lifetime of eating boxed mac and cheese at every meal.

 

I wish the laundry would fold itself. 

Granted.  The laundry folds space-time itself and disappears into a wormhole, never to be seen again. 

 

I wish I was being productive today. 

[northie]

On 20/08/2017 at 7:28 PM, Valkyrie said:

I wish I was being productive today

But you are ... Producing so many widgets that you are submerged by them.

I wish I had a clone.

[Acid07]

On 8/22/2017 at 11:10 AM, northie said:

But you are ... Producing so many widgets that you are submerged by them.

I wish I had a clone.

Granted.  Your clone engages in all sorts of petty crime and you take the fall.

 

I wish the fall temperatures would get here.

[Valkyrie]

1 minute ago, Acid07 said:

Granted.  Your clone engages in all sorts of petty crime and you take the fall.

 

I wish the fall temperatures would get here.

Granted.  Fall temperatures arrive... and keep falling until they reach sub zero F and stay there, producing the next ice age. 

 

I wish I hadn't answered the phone when I didn't recognize the phone number.  

[Acid07]

2 minutes ago, Valkyrie said:

Granted.  Fall temperatures arrive... and keep falling until they reach sub zero F and stay there, producing the next ice age. 

 

I wish I hadn't answered the phone when I didn't recognize the phone number.  

Where's the corruption?  I would be on board with that!

 

Granted.  It ended up being someone willing to give you a lifetime supply of snacks.  They gave it to the next person instead.

 

I wish I had stopped to pick up a decent dinner.

[Valkyrie]

4 minutes ago, Acid07 said:

Where's the corruption?  I would be on board with that!

 

Granted.  It ended up being someone willing to give you a lifetime supply of snacks.  They gave it to the next person instead.

 

I wish I had stopped to pick up a decent dinner.

Granted.  You picked up your most favorite dinner on the planet.  Then dropped it in a mud puddle.  And you have no currency to buy a replacement. 

 

I wish the cats would stop beating each other up.  

[Acid07]

On 8/23/2017 at 7:46 PM, Valkyrie said:

Granted.  You picked up your most favorite dinner on the planet.  Then dropped it in a mud puddle.  And you have no currency to buy a replacement. 

 

I wish the cats would stop beating each other up.  

Granted.  They unite against you instead.

 

I wish I could grill at the apartment.

[Valkyrie]

1 minute ago, Acid07 said:

Granted.  They unite against you instead.

 

I wish I could grill at the apartment.

Granted.  You can grill at your apartment.  As an added bonus, you get to meet some really hunky firefighters when they come to put out the fire at your apartment.  Too bad you're arrested for arson and don't get to enjoy any of them.  

 

I wish I could stop coughing. 

[northie]

3 minutes ago, Valkyrie said:

I wish I could stop coughing

 

Indeed - too bad the huge cough sweet I gave you has now got stuck in your windpipe.

 

I wish the vacuum cleaner didn't me to operate it.

[Valkyrie]

Just now, northie said:

 

Indeed - too bad the huge cough sweet I gave you has now got stuck in your windpipe.

 

I wish the vacuum cleaner didn't me to operate it.

I assume you mean need you to operate it?  If so, granted.  You now have a vacuum cleaner that happily wheels itself about your house, sucking up everything it thinks is dirt. Which is everything.  Socks?  Gone.  Knicknacks?  Gone.  And we won't talk about what it did to your sheets and duvet.  

 

I wish my lawn guys would finish the yard clean up they started last week.  

[C. When]

Granted. They cleaned it spotless. No more pesky grass, trees getting in the way, or silly adornments to your yard. Just your house in an oasis of dirt.

 

I wish for something sweet.

[Parker Owens]

9 hours ago, C. When said:

Granted. They cleaned it spotless. No more pesky grass, trees getting in the way, or silly adornments to your yard. Just your house in an oasis of dirt.

 

I wish for something sweet.

 

Granted! You are granted a perfectly lovely sweet gum tree, which drops thousands of prickly, spiny, inedible  sweet gum pods on your house, walkway, yard, car....

 

I wish I did not have a meeting first thing this morning.

[northie]

13 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

 

I wish I did not have a meeting first thing this morning

You haven't, but nobody's told you. So all that prep and your early start have gone to waste.

 

I wish the sun would shine.

[Valkyrie]

1 minute ago, northie said:

You haven't, but nobody's told you. So all that prep and your early start have gone to waste.

 

I wish the sun would shine.

Granted.  The sun is shining.  All day and all night directly on you with no relief.  

 

I wish I had house Brownies that would keep my house clean. 

[Parker Owens]

4 hours ago, Valkyrie said:

Granted.  The sun is shining.  All day and all night directly on you with no relief.  

 

I wish I had house Brownies that would keep my house clean. 

 

I am delighted to grant you this wish. You have house brownies to clean every square inch. Problem is, they leave crumbs behind them wherever they go. Lots of them. 

 

I wish I had more time for lunch. 

[Valkyrie]

1 minute ago, Parker Owens said:

 

I am delighted to grant you this wish. You have house brownies to clean every square inch. Problem is, they leave crumbs behind them wherever they go. Lots of them. 

 

I wish I had more time for lunch. 

Granted.  You have all the time in the world for lunch because you are now unemployed.  Which means you can't afford lunch, so the extra time is moot.  

 

I wish the end of the month didn't mean so much paperwork. 

[C. When]

Granted. No paper work. In fact, you have no work at all. You no longer have a job or income.

 

I wish I could cook good food instantly. 

[Parker Owens]

3 minutes ago, C. When said:

Granted. No paper work. In fact, you have no work at all. You no longer have a job or income.

 

I wish I could cook good food instantly. 

 

What a joy it is to grant you this wish!  Of course you can cook good food instantly. You can cook all the stuff that is good for you so fast, it defies physics. The trouble is, who wants all that broccoli, kale, turnip greens, wheat grass sprouts - all those things that are good for you?  No, the trouble is that the really, tasty, delectable stuff that is just plain bad for you - like cheesecake, for instance - takes much, much longer.

 

I wish I did not have to cover fire drill procedures in class today.

[Valkyrie]

Just now, Parker Owens said:

 

What a joy it is to grant you this wish!  Of course you can cook good food instantly. You can cook all the stuff that is good for you so fast, it defies physics. The trouble is, who wants all that broccoli, kale, turnip greens, wheat grass sprouts - all those things that are good for you?  No, the trouble is that the really, tasty, delectable stuff that is just plain bad for you - like cheesecake, for instance - takes much, much longer.

 

I wish I did not have to cover fire drill procedures in class today.

Granted.  You no longer have to cover the fire drill procedures, because the building is currently engulfed in flames.   So instead of heading outside, everyone runs amok directionless, until the fire is extinguished.  But not by hot firemen... this is a state of the art company that uses robots instead.  

 

I wish my appointments would get here on time.   

[C. When]

Granted. They arrive on time. Through the wall and bring with them a comic universes worth of troublesome characters.

 

I wish that I had a more consistant schedule.

Edited August 31, 2017 by C. When