The Drop in Centre

[rickproehl]

19 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

it's overcast & muggy outside but in the living room where im working it's nice

hope your day is good

we had to turn the heat on this weekend. So it is nice and toasty. i took this week off wanting to recover but that was cancelled so taking the days and doing some cleaning and  getting a few things done to prepare for winter. 

so let’s hope you have a good day 

[spyke]

2 hours ago, rickproehl said:

Excuse me Good Sirs and DiC friends.

Just wanting to say good morning

today is a gloomy, rainy day the leaves are falling and are a wet mess.

So how are things with everyone?

Morning rick,

It's just mugly here. Already 77 with 73% humidity, so it's a typical southern fall day. Working from home today and trying to tie up a few loose ends because I've got to be in continuing ed class tomorrow.  

[kbois]

2 hours ago, rickproehl said:

Excuse me Good Sirs and DiC friends.

Just wanting to say good morning

today is a gloomy, rainy day the leaves are falling and are a wet mess.

So how are things with everyone?

Not a great day. I'm just in a funky mood. Waiting for my son's therapist to call. The whole incident just got to me. 

[Reader1810]

1 hour ago, kbois said:

Not a great day. I'm just in a funky mood. Waiting for my son's therapist to call. The whole incident just got to me. 

I hope the therapist can help, and I wish you and yours well. 

[rickproehl]

2 hours ago, kbois said:

Not a great day. I'm just in a funky mood. Waiting for my son's therapist to call. The whole incident just got to me. 

hey hang in there. let’s hope the therapist gets things turned around for both you and your son.

[rickproehl]

2 hours ago, spyke said:

Morning rick,

It's just mugly here. Already 77 with 73% humidity, so it's a typical southern fall day. Working from home today and trying to tie up a few loose ends because I've got to be in continuing ed class tomorrow.  

Well good luck on working from home and stay safe.

[kbois]

1 hour ago, Reader1810 said:

I hope the therapist can help, and I wish you and yours well. 

 

8 minutes ago, rickproehl said:

hey hang in there. let’s hope the therapist gets things turned around for both you and your son.

She's calling me on my lunch hour tomorrow. I hope she can help. I'm no longer looking forward to going away this weekend if he's still angry with us. He doesn't always make the best decisions and I don't want to worry thr whole time we're gone. Thanks for the encouragement.

[rickproehl]

2 hours ago, kbois said:

 

She's calling me on my lunch hour tomorrow. I hope she can help. I'm no longer looking forward to going away this weekend if he's still angry with us. He doesn't always make the best decisions and I don't want to worry thr whole time we're gone. Thanks for the encouragement.

may i ask a question? Could your trip be the reason for this meltdown? just a thought

[kbois]

1 hour ago, rickproehl said:

may i ask a question? Could your trip be the reason for this meltdown? just a thought

I highly doubt it. I think it's the consequence of being cooped up in the house pretty much since March. He's always been lazy? Lackadaisical? Something like that when it comes to helping out. I've just gotten to the end of my rope (husband too). We both work full time, I have my mom every weekend and it's been stressful not being able to go out anywhere.

He runs hot and cold. He keeps telling us he's going to look for jobs, but when we try to ask, or offer suggestions he gets upset, takes things the wrong way and then we're arguing. Personally I think he doesn't trust us because we didn't protect him from the a-hole who abused him. I can't blame him for that. I'm still trying to come to terms with it. Gah, sometimes things just suck. 

Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm going to try to have a new attitude. It's the best I can do. 

Thanks for asking rick. 

[spyke]

57 minutes ago, kbois said:

I highly doubt it. I think it's the consequence of being cooped up in the house pretty much since March. He's always been lazy? Lackadaisical? Something like that when it comes to helping out. I've just gotten to the end of my rope (husband too). We both work full time, I have my mom every weekend and it's been stressful not being able to go out anywhere.

He runs hot and cold. He keeps telling us he's going to look for jobs, but when we try to ask, or offer suggestions he gets upset, takes things the wrong way and then we're arguing. Personally I think he doesn't trust us because we didn't protect him from the a-hole who abused him. I can't blame him for that. I'm still trying to come to terms with it. Gah, sometimes things just suck. 

Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm going to try to have a new attitude. It's the best I can do. 

Thanks for asking rick. 

I feel for you. It's such a complex situation and it's got to be so frustrating for you.  So if the job thing doesn't seem to be going anywhere, what about school? A few online courses at your local community college could maybe get him involved with something, and it shouldn't cost a fortune like a 4 year school. 

[kbois]

17 minutes ago, spyke said:

I feel for you. It's such a complex situation and it's got to be so frustrating for you.  So if the job thing doesn't seem to be going anywhere, what about school? A few online courses at your local community college could maybe get him involved with something, and it shouldn't cost a fortune like a 4 year school. 

I would love for that to be a possibility. Unfortunately my son has pretty much hated school since kindergarten. Well, maybe 1st grade. Right before Covid he was behind in two of his four classes. The only positive thing about the shut down was his teachers basically passing everyone as long as they showed up online, which he managed to do. 

I'd be OK with the military, but he'd need to lose about 50-60 lbs and get into at least semi decent shape first. He was working out at home for a while and then lost interest. 

Like I mentioned earlier...I need a brick wall to bang my head against. 

[mollyhousemouse]

goodnight all

i hope that tomorrow is better for everyone

[rickproehl]

Excuse me Good Sirs and DiC friends.

Just wanting to say good evening

sweet dreams and may you have a great day.

Take care

[Mikiesboy]

12 hours ago, kbois said:

I highly doubt it. I think it's the consequence of being cooped up in the house pretty much since March. He's always been lazy? Lackadaisical? Something like that when it comes to helping out. I've just gotten to the end of my rope (husband too). We both work full time, I have my mom every weekend and it's been stressful not being able to go out anywhere.

He runs hot and cold. He keeps telling us he's going to look for jobs, but when we try to ask, or offer suggestions he gets upset, takes things the wrong way and then we're arguing. Personally I think he doesn't trust us because we didn't protect him from the a-hole who abused him. I can't blame him for that. I'm still trying to come to terms with it. Gah, sometimes things just suck. 

Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm going to try to have a new attitude. It's the best I can do. 

Thanks for asking rick. 

someone stole his life ... he stole his world   the abuser took things your son will never have again, not wholly. life is hard when pieces of yourself are missing or held together with bits of stitching.  when you've been used and abused things are removed from your toolbox ... things we need to get by, to control ourselves, deal with shit ... usually we are depressed and or anxious.  those things make life so hard.  there are days i simply cannot function, days when, if i speak i will just crumble away. 

your son wants to be 'normal' but he is not ... not anymore.   learning to cope with that is very hard and takes a long time

for me, this is my life forever ... therapy, meds, depression, anxiety   ... maybe for your son too    i don't think about who did things to me, or what they did so much anymore, the nightmares are very rare now, but the holes they left in me, they will never heal.

but there is hope ... time eases pain, albeit slowly ...   he does likely blame you two in some ways, but he also loves and needs you.  maybe more therapy with you all is needed ... i'm no expert on that, but talking openly and honestly hurts and is hard but it helps if you can do it.

he will remember that you are with him now ... somewhere inside.  and right now, that's all you can do for him.  give him love and time.

depression is thought to be a time of healing by some ... and maybe it is ... many who have been in long bouts of depression come through it and write books, or start new careers. maybe he needs to explore other opportunities or paths .  jobs or careers he's never considered ...

you likely know all this stuff i've just rambled on about ... but it's taken me years and years to finally accept myself  ..i have Michael and i am safe here.  i hope your son finds his way to this same place.  Does he read? Sometimes reading about other's journeys and coping with depression helps ..... when he's ready to look at his issues with interest rather than self-hate.  i can now ... and i read about the things that plague me and how others handle it

sorry ... i'll stop

[Fae Briona]

39 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

maybe more therapy with you all is needed ... i'm no expert on that, but talking openly and honestly hurts and is hard but it helps if you can do it.

I'll second this thought -- family counseling may help.

[Fae Briona]

22 hours ago, rickproehl said:

Excuse me Good Sirs and DiC friends.

Just wanting to say good morning

today is a gloomy, rainy day the leaves are falling and are a wet mess.

So how are things with everyone?

Typical fall weather here --- will hit 80+F tomorrow, then drop to 50F on Friday, and drop farther on Monday/Tuesday. So I expect to be on the couch in pain all day tomorrow as the air pressure rapidly rises. Only good news is two nights of a hard freeze should kill off the ragweed and reduce my allergies.

[mollyhousemouse]

50 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

sorry ... i'll stop

that was brilliantly said

xoxo

 

[Reader1810]

1 hour ago, Mikiesboy said:

sorry ... i'll stop

That was insightful, thoughtful, encouraging and comforting, tim.  

[rickproehl]

2 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

sorry ... i'll stop

tim never be sorry when you speak from your Heart

Well Said

[rickproehl]

2 hours ago, Fae Briona said:

Typical fall weather here --- will hit 80+F tomorrow, then drop to 50F on Friday, and drop farther on Monday/Tuesday. So I expect to be on the couch in pain all day tomorrow as the air pressure rapidly rises. Only good news is two nights of a hard freeze should kill off the ragweed and reduce my allergies.

Sorry to hear this Fae we had our hard freeze so my allergies are starting to dry up. now if it would just stop raining

[kbois]

4 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

someone stole his life ... he stole his world   the abuser took things your son will never have again, not wholly. life is hard when pieces of yourself are missing or held together with bits of stitching.  when you've been used and abused things are removed from your toolbox ... things we need to get by, to control ourselves, deal with shit ... usually we are depressed and or anxious.  those things make life so hard.  there are days i simply cannot function, days when, if i speak i will just crumble away. 

your son wants to be 'normal' but he is not ... not anymore.   learning to cope with that is very hard and takes a long time

for me, this is my life forever ... therapy, meds, depression, anxiety   ... maybe for your son too    i don't think about who did things to me, or what they did so much anymore, the nightmares are very rare now, but the holes they left in me, they will never heal.

but there is hope ... time eases pain, albeit slowly ...   he does likely blame you two in some ways, but he also loves and needs you.  maybe more therapy with you all is needed ... i'm no expert on that, but talking openly and honestly hurts and is hard but it helps if you can do it.

he will remember that you are with him now ... somewhere inside.  and right now, that's all you can do for him.  give him love and time.

depression is thought to be a time of healing by some ... and maybe it is ... many who have been in long bouts of depression come through it and write books, or start new careers. maybe he needs to explore other opportunities or paths .  jobs or careers he's never considered ...

you likely know all this stuff i've just rambled on about ... but it's taken me years and years to finally accept myself  ..i have Michael and i am safe here.  i hope your son finds his way to this same place.  Does he read? Sometimes reading about other's journeys and coping with depression helps ..... when he's ready to look at his issues with interest rather than self-hate.  i can now ... and i read about the things that plague me and how others handle it

sorry ... i'll stop

Thanks for your thoughts tim. There's nothing to be sorry for.

I just talked with his therapist and there's good and bad news. Bad news is that because he is now 18 he can't be reenrolled in services thru CPS (child protective service) Good news is that she's going to send me info on services he may be eligible for. 

Because of the whole deal with not having insurance, we now have to figure out what he will qualify for now that he's 18. Hopefully we can get him enrolled in Medicaid. It will fall completely on my shoulders as usual to figure it all out. 

He doesn't like to read, but he has his music as his outlet. He left last night as I was getting home. He said he was going to a job with a friend laying cable at a construction site. He was still gone this morning. I guess I'll get more info when I get home. 

I guess I'm tired, stressed, and just plain worried. I'm grateful for this forum as an outlet. Thanks again tim. 

 

[Mikiesboy]

4 minutes ago, kbois said:

He doesn't like to read, but he has his music as his outlet. He left last night as I was getting home. He said he was going to a job with a friend laying cable at a construction site. He was still gone this morning. I guess I'll get more info when I get home. 

I guess I'm tired, stressed, and just plain worried. I'm grateful for this forum as an outlet. Thanks again tim. 

Yes, it will be up to you.  i don't sort my appointments or meds, Michael does. He does to take pressure from me. These things are often too hard. I'm grateful He does this.

Does your son want more therapy? Is he open to it?  i know i fought it for a long time ... i did stop for awhile, but figured out i was getting worse without it.. If he can find the strength even when he's in pain or pissed off...it's better to go. 

i wish all of you at least moments of peace

[kbois]

1 hour ago, Mikiesboy said:

Yes, it will be up to you.  i don't sort my appointments or meds, Michael does. He does to take pressure from me. These things are often too hard. I'm grateful He does this.

Does your son want more therapy? Is he open to it?  i know i fought it for a long time ... i did stop for awhile, but figured out i was getting worse without it.. If he can find the strength even when he's in pain or pissed off...it's better to go. 

i wish all of you at least moments of peace

He's said that he would go. 

There are days when adulting is really hard and this is one of them. 

[MichaelS36]

2 hours ago, kbois said:

He's said that he would go. 

There are days when adulting is really hard and this is one of them. 

Indeed. Caring for someone who has been hurt so deeply we 'normal' ones can never really and truly understand is hard.  tim can look after himself, but in down times, he'd stop taking his meds, stop eating, stop looking after himself. Meds would be forgotten or taken whenever.  So, I took that from him. Meds are on the counter for him, so he takes them. I book his appointments. Do I get frustrated and tired? Hell, yes.  But what could happen is so much worse, anything I have to deal with is nothing.

I have dragged him and carried him into hospital when he was suicidal. Having to do that when the other person does not want you to, is heart wrenching, sad, and embarrassing. I felt like a monster. 

But I'd do it all again, if I had to. Because I know what is inside of him, and that is worth the sacrifice. 

 

@kbois this does not mean I think you don't love or help your son. I know that is not true. I know while you may let it out in here, you are there making calls, reading and doing your best to help your child. For he is your child and though the law says 18 is grown up. Part of him will never be. He will learn slowly how to deal with it but he will always need you, even if sometimes it doesn't feel like he does. 

So come here, yell and scream, cry and rant ... if you need to.  

[Kitt]

46 minutes ago, MichaelS36 said:

So come here, yell and scream, cry and rant ... if you need to.  

What he said. We will listen, even if we haven't a clue what to say to help.