9.11 - 21. Chapter 21

July 23, 2001

I went out to the gazebo and looked out at the ocean. There was almost no moon at all but the lights from Kahului left a slight glow in the tropical haze. I listened to the waves more than watched them as they crashed against the reef, or the rocks. It was such a tranquil place, I felt so centered. I thought about this deal with Kai, and it kind of bothered me, but I knew the only reason for that was that I liked him. It wasn’t that I was head over heels in love with him; I liked him as a person. I’d had a fun day with him. He was a friend now. It didn’t really bother me that he might be a rent boy, at least not that much. It’s not like I owned his dick. He could do whatever he wanted to. I just felt bad that he’d be in a position to have to sell his body to some strange dude to pay his bills.

If he was a hustler, it was kind of surprising that he’d never been fucked. Then again, Jeff said that he hadn’t been fucked much either. I guess some guys just wanted a big dick to fuck them, and that’s what dudes like Jeff and Kai could provide. Then I chided myself. I didn’t even know if he was a hustler, and here I’d already made that assumption.

I went inside and booted up my computer again, and was pretty surprised to find an email from Tony. He’d sent me one after I’d gotten back from St. Louis, just to make sure I made it home safe and sound. It had been polite and brief, and so was my response. I’d told him I did. There was nothing more to it than that. I was kind of curious as to why he was emailing me now, and what the fuck he wanted.

Will,

I’ve been thinking about your visit here, and I need to say a couple of things. I’m better at doing this by e-mail, so I hope you’re cool with that.

I’m sorry for being a dick when you were here. I was supposed to be with you, and I fucked up by messing around with Rick. I don’t blame you for being mad at me. It pissed me off that you just bailed and left with Mason. That was pretty raw. I didn’t write you sooner because I needed to get over that.

After you left, Rick and I had a talk, and he told me that he was really into me. It was like all of these years we’d been friends and I’d only thought of him that way, but now it’s a lot more than that. So we’re together, and it’s just us, but no one knows that we’re a couple.

You probably don’t really give a shit about me and my issues, but I figured I owed it to you to tell you about this, since I told you that I loved you, and I thought you loved me too. I really care about you, and I hope we can still be friends, but that’s all we can be.

I was a shithead of a boyfriend when I was with Dana, and I was a shithead at it when I was with you. Now I’m with Rick, and I’m going to do better, to prove to myself that I’m not an asshole like my dad was.

When I get back to Paly, if you want to hang out, that’s cool. If not, I totally understand.

Tony

I sat there, staring at the screen, trying to figure out how I felt about that. It kind of bugged me, since I’d felt like I’d dumped him when I was in Missouri, and now he sent me this e-mail acting like he was the one dumping me. I could read between the lines, though, and I could tell how much my running off with Mason hurt him. And based on what he wrote about his father, I could tell that my words had hit him pretty hard. So what did I want from him? Did I even want to be his friend? I re-read his email a few more times, and it kind of surprised me that with each pass through it, I got more pissed off. I flexed my fingers like I was writing a Pulitzer-Prize winning novel, and started to type.

Tony,

I said everything I needed to say to you when I was there, so I’m not going back over all that shit again. It pisses me off that you make me sound like some fucking skank for running off with Mason, especially now that you’re with Rick. It was pretty obvious that the dude was doing everything he could to get his dick into you. Sounds like it worked, but that just means I was right. He didn’t want me around, and you didn’t want me around. I found a way to salvage my shitty weekend when I got a chance to go hang out with Mason. And for the record, he showed me one awesomely fun time, which was what you were supposed to do, but didn’t. If anything, you owe him for picking up the slack, and doing what you promised me in the first place. As far as I’m concerned, if it bothered you that I went to the Lake with him, that’s too fucking bad. I could give a shit less how you feel about that.

So basically what you were saying in your email is that you don’t love me anymore: you love Rick. That’s awesome. I’m happy for you. You were probably worried that I’d be upset, or cry, or some shit like that. Not happening. I’ve moved on, and after I left Missouri, I really haven’t thought about you all that much. I haven’t felt bad, or sad...which means that we must not have been that big of a deal to me. I know we weren’t a big deal to you.

You and I were friends, and I had a lot of respect for you as a person. I looked up to you as this upstanding guy. That’s gone. If I thought you gave a shit enough to even try to get that back, I’d tell you how. In the meantime, go fuck around with Rick. He’d better hope that I’m a better man than him. He’d better hope that I decide not to fuck with your relationship with him. Because if I do, there’s no way you’d be able to say no to me. You know it, and I know it. We may not be friends, and we may not respect each other, but when we fuck, it’s surreal. That’s why you sent me an email and didn’t tell me this shit to my face, because if you were with me, you’d try to fuck me.

Will

I re-read my words, and they were harsh, but I didn’t really care. He had jerked me around so bad when I was there that I wasn’t in a mood to be nice to him. I hit send, and lay back in my bed, which was pretty lumpy and uncomfortable. I added new mattresses to my shopping list. I really didn’t think Tony would respond to my e-mail. Maybe that’s why I sent it. Maybe that’s why I was so raw. Maybe this was my way of keeping him away from me. I’d made it sound like I was in complete control, and that if he was in front of me wanting to fuck me, I’d be able to say ‘no’ and just walk away. The truth of the matter was that I was just as likely to try and fuck him as he was to try to fuck me. There was something about the way our bodies merged together that was magical. I guess I had that with other guys, guys like Jeff, but there was something about Tony that was different, and just a little bit better. That boy really set my libido on fire.

I must have fallen asleep, which wasn’t a huge surprise since I’d started out my day early in the morning in Malibu. I woke up to a familiar sensation, one that put a smile on my face. I opened my eyes and looked down to see Kai sucking on my dick. Just like last time, I lay there and enjoyed it, only he decided to do what I’d done to him. I felt his fingers playing with my ass, so I handed him the lube to give him permission to go further. His eyes smiled at me as he slathered up my ass, then his finger pushed in gently, going to just the right place, in just the right way. Subconsciously I noted that this wasn’t his first time fingering another dude’s ass, and I wondered if what they’d said about him being a rent boy was true. But those thoughts didn’t permeate my lust-drenched brain, as I gave in to the double stimulation of his mouth massaging my cock and his finger massaging my prostate.

“Gonna cum!” I shouted, louder than I planned, and then I did, blasting my load straight down his throat just like I’d done last time. He nursed me along, pulling out his fingers just as I was finishing my orgasm. He did it smoothly, like a guy who had a lot of practice. I’d been with some experienced lovers, and this dude knew the moves like they did. I lay there panting, while he just smiled down at me.

“Good?”

“Good,” I said, and pulled him in for a nice kiss. “Does this mean you’re sleeping in here with me?”

“That’s what this means,” he said.

“I want you to, but you don’t have to,” I said.

“I want to,” he said, getting a big smile from me. He was just lying there with me, and while I could feel his hard dick pressing against my leg, he didn’t seem all that horny. It was like he’d already gotten laid. “So what did you do tonight?”

“Got shit organized, thought of more stuff I need to buy, sent a nasty e-mail to this dude I used to go out with, and then crashed,” I said summing it up.

“Nasty e-mail to a dude you used to go out with?”

“Yeah,” I said. “He made it sound like he was this honorable dude who would live up to his word, his promises, but he turned out to be a shithead, so I called him on it.”

“I’ve seen you pissed off. I hope you weren’t too big of a bad-ass,” he said, grinning at me.

I giggled, I actually giggled. That’s what this guy did to me. Wow. “So what did you do?”

“Just hung out,” he said. He didn’t say anything else, and that bugged the shit out of me. He was getting horny again, because I could feel him rubbing his hard cock against my leg in a really subtle way.

“My turn,” I said, as I rolled him onto his back. “I should have asked you this before, but you’re clean aren’t you?”

He got this offended look on his face. “I’m clean. What, you think I’m gonna give you an STD?”

“Dude, relax. It’s a fair thing to ask. I’m clean, and I just wanted to make sure you knew that, and that you were too,” I said soothingly. I smiled at him as I stroked his cock, and that eventually calmed his ass down. I moved down and started sucking on his dick, putting all my effort into it even as I wondered where else this thing had been tonight. I don’t think he figured that out, though, because he really seemed to enjoy himself. I wasn’t surprised; I give amazing head, I thought, chuckling to myself.

We ended up lying side by side, just looking at each other, pausing to kiss in between looks. I was enjoying myself, but I was holding back. I finally realized that until I broached this issue with him, I wouldn’t be able to be with him and really appreciate him. “Stef called me tonight,” I said, plunging in.

“What did he want?”

“They were worried about your reputation, that you were a heartbreaker,” I joked, to try and make it easy.

“What the fuck?!” he asked, all pissed off. “What did they say?”

I shrugged. “There were some rumors that you hustled.”

“You think I’m a rent boy?” he demanded, and was so angry now he made to get out of bed.

“Dude, will you chill the fuck out and just have a conversation with me?” I demanded. “I don’t think you’re a rent boy.”

“That’s why you made a big deal about it, about asking me if I was clean,” he said. He shook his head.

“Kai, I haven’t known you long at all, and half the time I’ve known you I was tempted to kick your ass,” I joked. It sort of worked. “Just tell me what your deal is, and we’ll be fine.”

“What if I was a hustler? Would you still want me to work for you, and hang out with you?”

“Yeah, I would,” I said, and I meant it.

“Only you’d be all freaked out that I was going to give you some disease,” he snapped.

“Dude, what the fuck is your deal?” I asked, losing my patience. “I just had this big conversation where I told them that I didn’t give a shit if you were doing tricks, I liked you, and I wanted to hang out with you. You came home and we messed around, which should tell you that I like you a little bit more than the average dude who drives me around. I asked you if you were clean, which is a totally normal question when two people start messing around. What’s the fucking problem?”

“You think I’m a hustler!”

“Are you?”

“No!” he said, almost shouting.

“That’s all you had to say,” I said simply. He got this confused look on his face.

“You believe me?”

“Why wouldn’t I believe you?” He was really frustrating the shit out of me. “I haven’t seen you do anything that makes me think you’d lie to me.”

“I just figured that since you busted me messing around with Slater, you’d think I was a scumball.”

I laughed at that, because it was funny that Scott Slater was so creepy he’d think that. “Dude, do you mess around with him all the time?”

“No, only that night,” he said. “Not that he hasn’t tried.”

“Dude, don’t get all into yourself. He tries with everyone,” I joked. “So what’s your deal?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why do people think that about you? Why do you have that reputation?”

“The last dude I was with was older than me, and was fucking loaded,” he said. “He used to buy me shit all the time, and people thought that’s why I was with him.”

“Is that the dude who pissed you off before you were a dick to me?”

“Yeah,” he said. “He got here in May and we met on the beach. He wasn’t a very good surfer, but he tried, and he was all impressed because I was so much better than him. So he took me out to dinner afterward, then he started taking me out all the time. People saw us, and figured I was just with him for his wallet.”

“How old was he?”

“Twenty eight,” he said. “He was some investment banker dude.”

“Sounds like things were fun,” I said.

“They were. It was good. Then he left.”

“Where did he go?”

“I don’t know,” Kai said, and I could see how much that bothered him. “He was staying at these condos, and when I went over to see him, he was gone. They told me he went home, back to New York. I called him; he never called me back.”

“Dude, he just bailed on you and didn’t say anything?” He nodded his head. “I’m sorry. That’s a shitty thing to do.”

“I was pretty into him. That’s why this bugs me. I guess to him, I was a hustler. That was the deal. I didn’t even know that was how it was.” He just shook his head, and then a tear fell down his cheek. I reached up and brushed it away, smiling gently as I did.

“I won’t do that to you,” I promised. “I’ll at least leave you a message if I take off.” That made him chuckle a bit.

“I think the other thing is that I hang out with Keenan, and he is a hustler,” Kai said. “I couldn’t do what he does. I couldn’t just grab my ankles and let some random dude fuck me.”

“Hell, you wouldn’t even let Scott Slater fuck you,” I joked.

“Scott’s done a lot for me. He’s given me lots of shit, stuff for surfing. He says he’s doing it because I’m good, so when he asked me to give it up, I didn’t really mind all that much. Shit, maybe I am a rent boy.”

“Sounds like you like him,” I said.

“Yeah, but his dick fucking hurt,” he said.

“Good thing you didn’t decide you were going to let me fuck you,” I joked.

He shrugged. “I think if I was into a dude enough, even a dude with a massive cock like yours, I could do it.”

“Cool. Something to work toward,” I joked.

“Shit, the guys I’ve been with take one look at my dick and get on all fours with their ass in the air,” he said, cracking me up.

“That was my first reaction.”

He bit his lip slightly. “I’d like to get to know you a little better first.”

That could have freaked me out, but for some reason, it just seemed endearing. I leaned in and kissed him. “I’m good with that.”

“So what’s this shit your dad was talking about?”

“You probably figured this out, but my dad’s a pretty powerful guy.”

“Duh,” he said, making me smile.

“We were in Paris last year, and some idiots that he’d had issues with years ago kidnapped us.” He got this alarmed look on his face. “They were fucking morons, so they didn’t even manage to hang on to us for a whole day, but the whole thing freaked us out.”

“So there are dudes out there after you?” He looked around, like someone was going to come busting into the room and abduct me.

“No. Not that I know of. It’s not like you have to be this big bad-ass guard dude.”

“Dude, I am a big bad-ass,” he said with a grin as he flexed his bicep. God, he was cute.

“Whatever,” I said, grinning back. He pretended to be annoyed. “After it happened, everyone freaked out, and we had to go on lockdown and pretty much have a guard with us all the time. It sucked, but I didn’t argue about it. It’s one of those battles I knew I wouldn’t win.”

“That makes sense,” he agreed.

“But my family has chilled out about it, and I’m older now, so the big deal is to make sure I have someone with me so I’m not alone, at least not all the time; and to make sure I have a way to get around. So basically, they hire people to be my friend,” I said petulantly.

He leaned in and kissed me. “I would have been your friend without you paying me.”

“Some hustler you are,” I joked, and it was so symbolic that we laughed about it, showing that was behind us. He rolled away from me onto his side and I spooned up behind him, rubbing my face into his soft, curly hair.

“Mmmm...” he cooed, relaxing back into me. Then I heard him snoring softly. I thought about his deal with the dude before me, and it was funny because he reminded me so much of Berto, and where he’d been last year. Maybe there was this standard type of dude I met in the summer to have a fling with, and Kai was my Hawaiian version. I reminisced about last summer, about the fun that I’d had in Rome, and that made me think about Tony. I remembered how much fun I’d had with him when I first met him, and how he’d been around last year when I had such a rough time with my father. I felt the guilt overwhelm me, guilt for being such a dick to him in the e-mail I sent. I peeled myself away from Kai, grabbed my laptop, and logged in.

I hadn’t gotten a response from Tony, which didn’t surprise me, so I drafted another e-mail.

Tony,

There’s a rule on e-mails that you’re supposed to write them, then let them sit there overnight before you send them, that way you don’t say things you don’t mean. I didn’t do that. I’m sorry.

I pretty much told you how I felt about things, but it was fucking bitchy. I could have said it so much better.

You basically told me that you didn’t love me anymore, and while I get that, it hurt. I guess I took that to mean you didn’t care about me either. Maybe you don’t. Doesn’t matter. I still care about you.

And you were trying to tell me that I hurt you when I went off with Mason, which I guess is part of what I was trying to do, to hurt you back for treating me like shit. Hanging with Mason turned out to be fun, and in the end I didn’t really want you to feel bad about it. I’m sorry that you did.

I was so into you, the you that I thought you were, that my bubble was burst, and that’s why you got such a bad reaction. Doesn’t mean I can’t be into the real you, it’s just different. And it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, because I’d like it if we were.

I think part of me was trying to push you away, because if you’re with Rick, we probably shouldn’t hang out. The chemistry between us fucks up my logic. I think it’s a good idea that if we’re with someone else, we avoid each other.

Will

I hit send, then got up and walked out by the pool, gazing out toward the water. Maybe I could figure out a way to keep Tony in my life. I wondered if I could do that and not fuck him.

July 24, 2001

“Dude, that was awesome,” I said, as we staggered out of the water at 1:00. We’d hit the waves at 8:00 and surfed non-stop until now. I was kind of bummed that we had to go in, even though my stomach was bitching at me. I looked back at the ocean and decided that it was OK, since it looked like the waves were dying anyway.

“You’re fucking good,” he said, grinning at me.

“Yeah, but you’re amazing,” I said, and tried not to look like I was hero-worshipping him. I was good, I knew I was good, and I was good enough to surf with him and make it fun, but I was not as good as he was. I guess this is what Scott Slater was talking to me about. He said that I was good enough to challenge Kai.

“Pretty much,” he said, cracking me up. We hiked up the trail to the house, put away our boards, and headed for the shower. We got in together, and just enjoyed the feel of the water flowing over us. It was kind of cool that we just had one shower head, so we had to huddle together, but I was sure I’d end up liking the new showers Stef would put in better.

I reached down and grabbed his dick, smiling at him as it hardened in my hand. “I’m hungry,” I said, and dropped to my knees. I inhaled his dick, even as the water poured down around my face, and started to really work his it. I held out my hand and I could see his confusion, but then he put the soap in it like I wanted him to. I got my hand soapy and ran it up and down his crack while I blew him, and then I gently put one finger in, let him get used to it, and started fucking his ass with my finger to the same rhythm I blew him with. He got really into it, and started undulating his hips and his knees in this rhythmic way, almost like he was dancing. It was so hot, I found myself dry humping his leg like I was a fucking dog.

“Dude, I’m gonna blow,” he said to me seriously, his eyes glazed. It was like he could feel such a powerful orgasm coming; he knew it while he was still able to speak clearly. And then he couldn’t. He moaned, and then yelled, almost a scream, as he shot his load into my mouth. I swallowed as fast as I could, but his cum was still dripping out of my mouth. He flooded me, then he collapsed backward into the wall and slid to the floor, panting. “Holy fuck,” he said, grinning.

I stood up so I my dick was level with his mouth. He leaned forward to blow me, but he’d had such a major orgasm, I wanted him to just enjoy the afterglow. I put soap on my cock and started stroking it, and after blowing him and rubbing against his leg, it took me less than thirty seconds to blast my load all over him. “Slut,” I teased, since he was covered with cum.

“Pretty much,” he joked, and then laughed at me. “You thought I was a hustler, a slut is better, right?”

“Dude, you move your body like you’ve had some serious experience,” I said in my own slutty tone.

“Let’s get cleaned up,” he said, and it was a normal thing to say, but it was a bit abrupt. Why did talk of him sleeping with a bunch of guys bug him?

“So have you been with lots of dudes?” I asked.

“Dude, I don’t think in the shower with your dad waiting is the time for us to talk about the people we’ve been with,” he said, and then got worried that it looked like he was hiding something. “I’ll tell you tonight, in bed.”

I didn’t want to be pissed at him, so I decided not to let it bug me. “Then you can show me what you learned from each person,” I joked.

“Dude, you’ll be tired.” I laughed, and then we finished our shower and threw some clothes on. I noticed that he brought some stuff with him and put it away in the closet and drawers. I wondered if he’d done this with that guy he’d been with since May. I guess I was his July-August dude.

We came out to the main room and saw Stef and Dad out by the pool, having a drink. “Hey,” I said cheerfully.

They both got up and gave me big hugs. “And how are you today?” Stef said to Kai, flirting with his eyes.

“Fine,” he said, and looked down shyly. Stef looked over at me and gave me a knowing grin. Dad just shook his hand and said hi.

“We have been shopping for you,” Stef said.

“I bought sheets and towels last night,” I said nervously.

“We got you new mattresses for your beds,” Dad said. “They’re going to deliver them later today, around 4:30.”

“So we have to be back there by then,” I noted. “That works out well, since you have to leave around 5:40,” I said to Kai. He gave me an odd look, trying to figure out if he being gone during those hours bugged me. Then he looked annoyed when he figured out that it did.

“That’s great,” he said, shrugging off his annoyance.

“That means that according to my plan, it’s time to eat,” I said to them.

“So it is,” Dad said mysteriously. We walked out front and there was a new Toyota 4Runner. It was silver, with a black leather interior. “We got you a car for the house,” he said. “That way Kai will have something to drive that’s a little...”

“...Less shitty,” Kai said, completing Dad’s sentence.

“Those wouldn’t have been my exact words,” Dad said, chuckling. They got in the new Toyota, Dad and Stef up front, with Kai and me in the back seat. Kai directed us to this place that looked like a total dive. I could sense that Stef was nervous.

“They have good food, and you’ll like it here,” Kai promised Stef, who still looked dubious.

“Don’t be such a snob,” I told Stef, getting a dirty look in return.

“I hear they’re all like that up at Escorial,” Dad said, giving him shit too.

Stef gave us frustrated looks, and then seemed to be resigned. “Perhaps I have been associating with the wrong kind of people,” he said, cracking us up. “Let us eat.”

The place was a dive inside too, but we kind of expected that. It was clean, and I decided that’s what mattered. A Hawaiian woman, probably in her late 30s, came ambling over with a smile on her face. She was wearing an apron, so clearly she worked here. “Kai, what are you doing here?”

“Mom, I want you to meet the guys I’m working for,” he said. So this was his mother? I looked at her more closely. She was attractive, with features that were much rounder than Kai’s. Then again, her whole body was rounder than Kai’s. “This is Will.”

“Nice to meet you,” I said.

“This is Stefan, and Brad,” he said.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs....” Dad said, then didn’t know what to call her.

“Keikona Keolani,” she said, shaking their hands. “It is so nice to meet you! Kai told me how excited he was to spend time surfing with you.” She directed that last comment to me.

“Will’s a really good surfer,” Kai said.

“You should see my dad,” I said, grinning. “He’s not bad.”

“Not bad?” Dad asked, acting all outraged. “I’ll show you tomorrow how ‘not bad’ looks.”

“You’re surfing with us?” I asked. I’d had a blast with Kai, but surfing with my dad was beast.

“If that’s OK with you guys,” he said.

“Awesome,” Kai said, and seemed sincere enough.

“You have to eat,” she said, and led us to a table. She gave us menus. “Pick whatever you want. I’m buying.”

“I will make you a deal. I will pick whatever I want, and I will still pay for it,” Stef said, winking at her and making her laugh.

“We’ll argue later.” She got us drinks, then came back and went over the menu with us. It was like she customized our food based on what we liked. Pretty cool.

“So what do you want?” she asked.

“I usually eat beef. Sometimes chicken. Sometimes pork.”

“No seafood?” she asked, with arched eyebrows. I shook my head. Then she shook hers, but in disdain. “I’ll figure something out for you.” She hustled back to the kitchen.

“Perhaps your mother can persuade Will that he likes fish,” Dad said, being a smart ass.

“Never know,” he said. I ignored them.

“So what’s the plan?” I asked Dad.

Stef took over, and laid it out instead. “Tonight, your father was going to stay with you, if that is OK. Will Kai be there as well?”

“I don’t have to be,” Kai said nervously.

“Yes you do,” I said, way too hastily, making Dad chuckle. “We have to get an early start surfing.”

“Right,” Dad said, accurately challenging that as a lame ass reason. “That’s fine,” he said, just so Kai didn’t think he wasn’t wanted.

“I will go back to Kapalua and stay all by myself,” Stef said, pretending to pout.

“Scott will be there,” I said, raising an eyebrow. Dad did that thing that Robbie did, that snaugh thing. I guess you eventually acquired some of the traits of your partner.

“He is too old for me,” Stef joked. “I am spending my morning with contractors and decorators.”

“That sounds like fun,” I said.

“I was going to get some ideas, and then we can go through and decide what to do,” he said.

“You want me to help?” I was surprised at that.

“It is your house,” he said.

“That’s awesome,” I said, and turned to Kai. “You should be there when he does that. You’ll be amazed at how much you can learn about good taste just by shopping with Stef.” It was cool to see how flattered Stef was by that comment.

“It is interesting that you should say that,” Stef said. “I will have to come back here to finalize all the details, sometime next week, I think. We will block out a day to shop. Maybe we will go to Honolulu.”

“Sounds great,” I said, even though Kai didn’t look all that enthused. “Do it on a Friday or Saturday, though. Those are the days Kai has free.”

“I can work within those boundaries,” Stef said. Kai’s mother brought us a whole bunch of food, and it was really good. Even Stef was impressed, and that’s saying something.

We went back and Stef went through the main house, telling me some of his ideas, most of which I liked, but a few were a little strange. I objected where it was important; I knew with Stef I had to pick my battles.

At 5:30, Kai started to get a little nervous. “I have to go.”

“Cool. I’ll see you later tonight,” I said, pretending I was fine with everything. He looked at me strangely, because he was starting to figure me out, and he knew this bugged me. I watched him leave and sighed internally. This was going to drive me fucking crazy until I found out what he was doing, and where he was going.