9.11 - 67. Chapter 67

October 31, 2001

Escorial

“I have to get going,” Darius said, standing up from the dinner table.

“So do we,” Will said.

“I won’t know anyone at this party,” JJ whined.

“Dude, as soon as they find out who you are, people will be hanging all over you,” Will said, appealing to JJ’s vanity. That usually worked, and it did this time.

“Fine.”

“We leave in half an hour,” Will announced. He hurried out, very focused, and obviously had no desire to talk to anyone. I followed him anyway.

“Hey,” I said, to slow him down in the hallway. He turned around and looked at me.

“What?”

“Thanks for being so calm about that,” I said.

“I did what you asked me to do,” he said, and turned to leave, then suddenly turned back again. “I meant what I said about Matt. Frank is full of shit if he thinks I’ll ever respect him as much as I respect Darius.”

“You did the right thing, and saved a bunch of trauma for the family,” I said. He nodded, and then he was gone, off to get ready for his party.

I went back to our room, got my costume out and started getting dressed. I was going as George Washington, a fellow Virginian. After 9-11, patriotic costumes were all the rage, but I couldn’t bring myself to dress up like Uncle Sam. The other option was a fire fighter, but that would hit too close to home, and if Will or Darius saw me, that may really mess them up. I’d just finished getting dressed and was fitting my costume wig on, something that I’d probably lose before the night was over, when Matt came in. Our eyes met, but were lifeless, and said nothing to each other. I was still too pissed off at him to open up to him, and he was too fucked up for me to want to even begin to dive into his mind.

“When are you leaving?” he asked.

“In about ten minutes,” I said.

“Can I ride with you?”

I didn’t want to be around him, and I certainly didn’t want to be in the same car with him. “You’re not ready yet. Just meet me there,” I said, and grabbed my hat. I breezed past him quickly, before he could try and change my mind, and when I reached the hallway, I exhaled, relieved to have escaped from him. It was going to take a lot of work on his part, and on mine, for me to forgive him for the way he’d been acting, and for him fucking Tony. A lot of work.

I walked out to the garage and was going to drive myself, but changed my mind. Instead, I got one of the guys to take me to campus. I was in the mood to drink and party tonight, and I was pretty sure I wouldn’t want to drive home. One of the staff members took me to campus, and deposited me in front of the A-Ho house. I was out by myself, my own person, with no one to worry about but me, and it was a blast. I flirted with the sorority sisters, and even with some of the men, and drank like a fish.

I spotted Klip by the keg and walked over to talk to him, and to get another beer. “Hey,” he said enthusiastically. “You weren’t at practice today.”

“Hey,” I responded, and fist-bumped him. “Won’t be there next time either. I left the team.”

“You left?” he asked, surprised.

I nodded. “Dude, I have so much shit to deal with, and I have to focus on these next few months so I can get out of here.”

“That makes sense,” he said, “but it will suck not having you on the team.”

“No, it will just be like next year, only a bit early,” I joked. Most of our team was at the party, and the news that I’d left spread like wildfire. They all kept coming up to me, trying to talk me out of leaving, which was flattering and annoying at the same time.

I wasn’t surprised to find a slightly drunk Gathan confronting me about it.

“Dude, you cannot quit!” he said emphatically.

“Dude, I already did,” I said firmly. “Three and a half years is enough time playing hockey. I’ve got law school applications to fill out, and then I have to figure out where I’m going to go.”

“Think you’ll get in?” he teased.

“That’s not a problem,” I said confidently, and with good reason. I’d kicked ass on my LSATs, I had a 3.9 GPA, and I had the Danfield name. That name had carried me through any situations where I was on the borderline in the past, and it would do that for me this time too.

“So where are you going?” he asked.

“Probably Harvard,” I said, and the fact that I revealed that told me how drunk I was. Usually I didn’t say shit like that, because that way I wouldn’t be embarrassed if I didn’t get in.

“You could just stay here at Stanford,” he said, smiling.

“I could, but I think I need a change of scenery.” He nodded, but I could tell he was wondering if that involved a change of boyfriends too. I was wondering about that too.

“I hear Will’s going back out to New Jersey to see Zach again this weekend,” he grumbled, changing the subject.

“He’s looking forward to it,” I said.

“He’s gonna get so burned by Zach,” Gathan said, shaking his head. “Zach told Brent he was riding Will for all he was worth.”

“Will’s a big boy,” I said. “He can take care of himself.”

“You don’t know Zach,” Gathan warned.

“No, but I do know Will, and I think that you have one option here.”

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Stay out of it, and don’t say a thing,” I said firmly.

“I really care about him,” Gathan said, referring to Will.

“Then if things go as bad as you think they will, he’ll need you to be there to help him pick up the pieces,” I said. “Until then, you’re wasting your time.”

“He’s still got to deal with my parents,” Gathan said.

“I’d put my money on Zach and Will,” I said with a slight smile. I didn’t see Wally and Clara putting together the brainpower to outthink those two.

“Probably a good bet,” he said, presumably reaching the same conclusion I had. He went off and started talking to some of the sisters, trying to get laid, while I kept on drinking and socializing. My Virginia accent was pretty subdued normally, but when I was drunk, it was pretty strong. Since I was supposed to be George Washington that worked in my favor, as people just thought I was role-playing as I got hammered.

I was having a really good time until I saw Tony Carbone off in the corner, talking to one of the guys from the GLBT club. It was the same twink who had been pissed off that Matt had cock-blocked him when he’d been trying to get into Tony’s pants. He was a bitchy dude named Preston. Tony was dressed up like a cop, and looked pretty handsome, but I didn’t find him attractive at all. I walked up to him, reminding myself to curb my temper, telling myself this was probably not a conversation I should have when I was drunk, even as I went to have it anyway.

“Hey Wade,” Tony said as I walked up. Preston nodded at me, a basic greeting, but one that told me he was annoyed that I was interrupting his big play on Tony.

“Hey guys,” I said, then zeroed in on Tony. “It’s all over Escorial about your hook-up with Matt.”

He was a little drunk too, but that registered, and I saw him look pretty shocked, and pretty worried. “I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

“Really?” I asked, a little louder than I wanted to. “I thought Will was pretty clear about it being a big deal.”

“Well we’re not together, so he really can’t tell me who I can and can’t be with,” Tony said, being defiant.

“That’s true,” I said, trying to be calm. “But he can write you completely out of his life, and he can make sure you stay away from him by banning you from visiting.”

“He’s been pissed at me before,” Tony said callously. “He’ll get over it.” He was being all cool and calm, trying to impress the stupid twink he was ten minutes away from sleeping with. Preston just gazed at him with his ‘fuck me’ eyes.

“You’re so wrong, it’s scary,” I said, an oblique reference to Halloween.

“How did he find out?” he demanded, changing the topic, just like Matt would have.

“I told him,” I said.

“Thanks a fucking lot, Wade,” he snapped.

“I did it to prevent a major family meltdown. It was a big enough deal to take up the whole conversation at dinner tonight,” I told him. “They weren’t very happy with Matt, and they sure as hell weren’t very happy with you.”

He could try and posture with me, but the thought that everyone in the family knew about this and was pissed at him was too sobering for him to really keep that pose up. “Oh,” he said meekly.

“You made a lot of enemies, and lost a good friend. I hope it was worth it,” I said. “Enjoy the party.” I turned away from him and walked away, so pissed off I’m sure it was visible. To calm myself down, I went out back to smoke a joint, and that mellowed me out.

I came back in the house and saw Tony in the corner talking to Matt. Matt had come as a gladiator, which was a pretty lame costume this year, or at least it would have been if anyone but him had been wearing it. He had such an amazing body, that he could dress up like a total nerd and still look hot. He and Tony were engaged in a pretty animated conversation, while Preston stood there, looking on, all pissed off that this drama was once again cock-blocking him. After all the shit we’d dealt with, after that big scene at dinner, I couldn’t believe Matt was even talking to Tony.

They must have felt my eyes on them, because Matt spotted me, then Tony did. I shook my head at them, turned, and walked out of the house. I was down the steps before I heard Matt panting from running as he caught up with me. “Hey, you’re not leaving are you?”

“Get the fuck away from me,” I snapped.

“What the fuck did I do?”

“I can’t believe you’re even talking to him,” I said. “Go back in there. I’ll bet you can get him and Preston to join you for one fun threesome.”

“I was just talking to him,” Matt whined.

“You don’t get it,” I said to him coldly. “I don’t give a shit. I don’t give a shit what you do. The only thing I want is for you to do it away from me.”

I turned and walked away, but he grabbed my arm to spin me around, just like he’d done earlier this afternoon. “Stay and party with me for awhile.”

I shook my head. “You haven’t noticed me for over a month. You haven’t wanted to party with me or do shit with me. So go find someone else to keep your sorry ass company.”

“I’m here now,” he said plaintively.

“I’m not,” I said, and pulled my arm away from him. I walked away, and ignored him when he called my name. I had so much shit to deal with in my life, and all he did was make it worse. If I did a cold and chilling calculation, I’d note that he added nothing to me, he just subtracted from my life. Let him go live like a playboy. I didn’t have time for that. I had real responsibilities, and real obligations. If he didn’t want to join me in the grown-up world, I’d have to go there without him.

I got far enough away from the sorority house that he wouldn’t find me, and then called for a ride. I stood there, looking pretty ridiculous in my costume, when I heard a familiar voice chuckling at me. “Hey there George,” Klip said.

“Dude, you’re dressed up like Uncle Sam,” I said, pointing at his lame ass jacket. “You can’t give me shit.” We both laughed.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Waiting for a ride home,” I said. “What about you?”

“Gathan took Tracy Upton back to the room, so I’m killing time,” he said, shaking his head. Just then, the limo pulled up, and the driver got out to open the door for me.

“I got it, Jorge,” I said, and motioned for him to get back in the car. “Want to go for a ride?” I asked Klip.

He grinned and shook his head. “This is where you try and get in my pants, right?”

I grinned back. “Right.”

He followed me into the car, I told Jorge to drive us around for a while. “You look hot with a wig.”

“I look hot no matter what,” I said, cracking him up. I put up the privacy screen, opened the sunroof, and lit a joint. We got really high, and that inspired me, so I told Jorge to take us up to the City, and to go across the Golden Gate Bridge.

“You doing OK?” he asked me.

“I’ve been better,” I told him. He nodded, and then grinned.

“Wanna blow me?”

I laughed. “Fuck yeah.”

In the past, when I’d blown Klip, it had been pretty hurried, but tonight I took my time. I made him strip off his clothes so he was completely naked, and then worked him slowly, really putting myself into it. He was so much fun; he had the perfect dick to suck, and he really got into it. I’d been at it for about fifteen minutes when I felt his hand on my chin, pulling me off. I was disappointed, and he saw that, shooting me a big smile. God, he was handsome, with those classic, angular features framed by perfect blond hair. Then he really shocked me. He pulled me up so I was level with him and he kissed me. He’d never done that before; that wasn’t part of the routine. In the past, it had just been me, servicing my straight stud of a friend. His kiss was intoxicating, as much as the beer I’d drunk this evening, and reminded me vaguely of Trevor.

He broke off the kiss, but reached up to hold the back of my head, keeping me close to him. “I’ve never fucked another dude before. I’m thinking it might be fun.”

“I’m sure you’ll think its fun,” I joked, getting a chuckle from him. There weren’t many guys I’d let fuck me, because that had some pretty significant feelings attached to it for me. Klip was one of them. I all but ripped off my clothes, and then I let him pretty much take charge.

He treated me probably the same way he’d treat a woman, spending a lot of time kissing me, and playing with my nipples. I thought it was cute that he never once touched my dick, but that was fine with me. I put the condom on him in the most sensuous way I could, along with copious amounts of lube, then I leaned back, pulling him on top of me. He pinned my legs back and I guided his cock into my ass. I felt the pressure as he pushed against my ring, but forced myself to relax and let him slide inside me.

He started out slowly, pacing himself, and then gradually picked up his pace. I’d left the sunroof open a bit, and as he fucked me, I looked up at the night sky, and saw the towering cables of the Golden Gate Bridge. His cock was pulsing against my prostate, while his abdomen was grazing against my dick. “God, you are so fucking sexy,” he said. I whimpered, and then lost control of my body as I came, ejaculating all over his stomach, the cum lubricating his subsequent thrusts. That made my orgasm more and more intense, as it got slicker and the motion got more intense the longer he went on. And just when I was finishing, he came, and he really lost it. Damn did he let himself go.

When he was done, he carefully pulled out, and then lay back, panting. I didn’t want him to freak out, so I grabbed a towel and wiped both of us off pretty quickly, pausing to pull off the condom and toss it out the window. “Thanks for helping me out. I know that’s not your deal, but I really needed that,” I said, giving him all kinds of psychological reasons to not freak out about fucking me.

“I had fun,” he said, grinning.

“Good,” I said. We sat back for the ride back to Stanford, but he passed out after about ten minutes. I put his clothes back on him as best I could, so by the time we got back to campus, he was almost fully dressed. I woke him up; he took a few minutes to pull himself the rest of the way together, and then hopped out. He paused and peered back into the car.

“That was good, Wade.”

“I thought so too,” I said. He closed the door, but instead of driving away, Jorge called me on the phone.

“Mr. Danfield, Mr. Carrswold called for a ride. Is it alright if I pick him up?”

I grimaced, but there really wasn’t much of a choice. “Stop at that building on the right first,” I said, referring to the library. He did, and I took that opportunity to take the cum-soaked towel in and throw it away, and to spend a few minutes in the men’s room freshening up. I hopped back in the car, sniffing to test whether it smelled like sex, and then satisfied that it didn’t, I told Jorge to get Matt.

He was standing out in front of the sorority house, swaying a bit. We drove up and he opened the door and hopped in, and was pretty surprised to see me. “I thought you went home,” he said.

“No, I left the party,” I said simply.

“Where’d you go?” he asked, slurring. I ignored him while Jorge drove us home. When we got home, he went and crashed in our room, while I went and slept in one of the guest rooms.

November 2, 2001

Escorial

“Thanks,” I said to Carmen, as she put plates in front of me, full of bacon, eggs, and pancakes, my favorite breakfast staples. My other favorite was Eggs Benedict, but that was a little fancy for our somewhat hurried breakfast this morning. I’d just sat down and started eating when Matt came in.

“Hey,” he said pleasantly. He’d been nice to me since the big confrontation on Halloween, which I found annoying. I just wanted him to leave me alone, and even though I thought I’d explained that pretty clearly, he didn’t get it.

“Morning,” I said coldly. I took some extra bacon and tossed another pancake on my plate, then passed the food to him.

Wade came striding in, hesitated for a millisecond when he saw Matt, then continued on, sitting on my other side. He was wearing his best suit, and looked really good. “Morning,” he said to me. I said the same thing back, but much more cheerfully than I had when I’d talked to Matt.

“I was planning to fly out with you, if you don’t mind,” Wade said.

“That’s fine with me,” I said.

“You’re going out of town this weekend?” Matt asked him.

“I am,” Wade said simply. “I didn’t invite you since you have hockey.” His voice seemed pretty devoid of emotion, but the extreme irritation was apparent to both Matt and me.

“You’re still on the team?” I asked Matt. Part of me was surprised that he was, because Frank’s words were pretty concise and to the point, and they seemed pretty spot on. But part of me wasn’t, because I wondered if Matt would ever be able to give that up, not the game, but the lifestyle of the college athlete.

“For now,” he said. I just shook my head at him, pissing him off. That was fine with me, but evidently he felt the need to explain himself to me. “We’re playing USC again this weekend, and the team needs me at least for this one.”

“It sounds like that’s pretty important to you,” I said in a snarky way.

“I just don’t want to let them down,” he said, trying to bug me, but all that did was piss Wade off.

“Whatever,” I said. “Do me a favor.”

“What?” Matt asked.

“Next time you see Tony, tell him to quit fucking calling me. Try to squeeze that in between orgasms,” I said. He glared at me, threw his utensils on his plate, and stormed out of the kitchen. His outburst didn’t bother me at all.

“You trying to piss him off?” Wade asked me.

“Yep,” I said. “If I do, then maybe he’ll leave me the fuck alone and quit talking to me.”

“Maybe,” he said. It bothered him, because even though he was acting all tough, he still had feelings for Matt. I didn’t have that problem. “So Tony keeps calling you?”

“He’s called and he’s e-mailed me,” I said. “Don’t know how he found out I knew.”

“I told him,” Wade said.

“Why’d you do that?” I asked. I wasn’t mad at him for doing it, but I was surprised. It wasn’t like Wade to tell other people things like that. He pretty much stayed out of other people’s business.

“I was pissed off at him,” Wade said, almost a growl. That was actually pretty funny, to think the whole thing had annoyed Wade to the point where he’d lashed out at Tony. “I wasn’t all that nice about it either.”

“Good,” I said. “I’m glad you did. I’m trying to get rid of all the assholes in my life.”

“All of them?” he asked with a smile. “That may be tough. There are quite a few.”

I chuckled. “No shit. I was at a party on Halloween, and Noah was giving me a bunch of crap, accusing me of sabotaging his thing with Marie. Like it was all my fault that they broke up.” I shook my head. It had actually been pretty upsetting, because it had exposed how totally destroyed our friendship was. “I finally had enough of his shit, so I looked him straight in the eye and told him to get the fuck out of my life.”

“Did he?”

“Yep. Left me alone after that. So that’s my mode. I’m amputating the assholes, people that fuck me over, from my life. People that I can’t trust, I’m cutting them off like they’re toxic.”

“Does that mean you’re not even going to give Matt a chance?” he asked.

That pissed me off, and it pissed me off enough that I got bitchy with Wade, which was a rarity. “Don’t give me that shit. You’re not doing any better with him than I am.”

He recoiled. “I didn’t say you were doing anything wrong.”

“Look, you came and talked to me about this, and you asked me not to go fucking postal on him over totally dicking me over with Tony, and I did that. I sat calmly at dinner that night and didn’t say shit, when I totally wanted to leap across the table and beat him until there was blood pouring out of his face. He deserved it. I should have broken his fucking kneecaps, then he couldn’t play hockey at all. But I didn’t do that. I did what you and everyone else asked me to do. I did my part. But that’s all I’m fucking doing. You never told me I had to be nice to him, and that I had to try and be friends with him, because if you had, I would have told you, and everyone else in this fucking house, to go fuck yourselves.” I was yelling by the time I finished that diatribe.

“Calm down, Will,” Wade said, and now he was mad.

I sighed and put my head on my hand, and felt that familiar sequence of emotions: The anger first, then the rage, then the regret and sadness. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

He put his hand on my shoulder. “Dude, I’m not your enemy,” he said.

“It’s not your fault,” I said. “It’s just that since this thing happened, I just get these rages.”

“Rages?”

“Yeah, like you just saw.”

“Oh that,” he said, smiling.

I nodded. “My shrink says it’s part of all this grieving shit, only this is a new wrinkle. Instead of just crying, like I used to, sometimes I get really pissed off and kind of lose it.”

“How do you stop them?”

I shrugged. “I have to work my way through this thing,” I told him, referring to dealing with losing Robbie, my mom, and Hank.

“This started after Tony fucked Matt?” he asked.

I nodded. “The psychologist says that I’m in this mode where I’m demanding a lot of support from the people in my life that I love. He says it’s like back in Old England, when a new King would come to the throne, he’d make all the knights swear loyalty to him, so he’d know who he could and couldn’t trust.”

“So there’s some oath I have to swear to?” he teased.

“Not you,” I said. “I never questioned you.”

That seemed to actually choke him up a bit. “Thanks,” he said.

I didn’t dwell on that, but continued on, because I knew Wade didn’t like big, gushy, emotional moments. “My shrink says that’s normal, for me to try and figure out who I can trust. But when Matt and Tony did that, it was like both of these guys I’d relied on to be there for me, just said ‘fuck you’ to me and laughed in my face.” I bit back the tears this time, but wasn’t all that successful. “He likes to use all these historical and geopolitical examples. He said it’s like when Iraq invaded Kuwait, and I’m Kuwait, and I turned to Matt and Tony to come to my rescue, but instead they send Iraq some extra fighter planes and tanks.”

“I can see that,” he said, even as he digested that.

“Tony doesn’t get it. He acts like it’s just another spat, like the one we had this summer over Rick. I know he’s out there, thinking that in a month or two, I’ll have calmed down, and we’ll be cool again.”

“But this time it’s different,” he said.

“This time it’s different,” I confirmed.

“I told him that too, for what it’s worth.”

“He has problems listening,” I grumbled.

“He’s not the only one,” Wade said, in the same way.

“So why are you going with us?” I asked.

“I’ve got an interview at Georgetown late this afternoon for law school. I can fly out with you guys, the plane can drop you off then take me to DC, and I can make it in time,” he said. “Then I can hang out in DC for the weekend and fly back with you on Sunday.”

“Awesome,” I said. I looked at my watch, and it was like that cued my father to enter the room.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said, all flustered. “You guys ready?”

“We are,” Wade said, answering for both of us. We followed him out to the car and hopped in for the ride to the airport. It didn’t take all that long, but there was still the morning traffic to contend with.

“We almost need a helicopter to get to the airport,” I said.

“Stef keeps talking about it,” Dad said. “I wouldn’t be surprised to find a helipad at Escorial someday.”

“There have to be zoning issues with that,” Wade joked.

“Maybe,” Dad said mysteriously. We finally got to the airport, boarded the plane, and then found out our departure was delayed due to air traffic. Wade looked at his watch nervously.

“Can we get clearance for DC, so we can go there first?” I asked Dad.

“You don’t have to do that,” Wade said. I just looked at my dad, and he picked up the phone to talk to the pilots. We were airborne in fifteen minutes, with a slight change to our route plan. “Thanks,” Wade said.

“It will work out just fine this way,” Dad said reassuringly. Zach’s game didn’t start until 7:00, so we had more time than Wade anyway.

“Did Gathan talk to you?” Wade asked me.

That got him a foul look. “He’s almost as popular in my book as Matt.”

“What’s his issue?” Dad asked.

“He keeps trying to warn me about Zach, about what a scumball he is,” I said.

“He told me that Zach told Brent that he was basically using you as his gravy train,” Wade said cautiously.

I felt myself getting pissed off again. “He told me that, and I told him to mind his own fucking business.”

“That’s funny,” Wade said. “I told him he should do the same thing.” That was actually funny enough to make me smile.

“Another dude who doesn’t listen to you,” I joked.

“It’s a problem,” Wade said with a fake grimace.

“Do you think Zach said that?” Dad asked, all worried. “What if he’s doing that?”

Before I could say anything, Wade chimed in. “What if he’s one of those guys who you think you can rely on, but find out you can’t?”

“Like Matt?” I asked him acidly, and that shut him up. “If you two are trying to tell me how I should live my life, we’re going to have some serious issues.”

“It was a simple question,” Dad said, but he was beating a hasty retreat in the face of my challenge that he might be trying to run my life again.

“Because I love both of you,” I said, “I will explain it to you.” They were annoyed by my patronizing tone, but I didn’t really care. “If Zach fucks me over, Zach fucks me over. It’s a risk I’m willing to take. In the meantime, he makes me happier, and makes me feel better, than anyone else. So I’m going for that ride, because right now, I need someone to make me happy, and I need someone to make me feel good, and I need someone to help me think about something besides those fucking twin towers collapsing!” I paused to calm down. “And if he does fuck me over, I have people around me that I can rely on anyway. I have you guys, I have Stef, Grand, Grandmaman, and Frank, I have two brothers, I have my cousins, and I have friends like Austin.”

“You have three brothers,” Dad said.

“I have two brothers, and you don’t get to tell me who is and isn’t important to me,” I snapped. “If you want to have a talk about Matt, it’s going to be really fucking ugly!” I was yelling again, and I had to calm down.

“Settle down,” he demanded.

I zeroed in on him, unable to control the rage. “Here’s the deal. I let that whole thing go about Matt, but if you two bug me about him, then I’m going to pack up my shit and go live somewhere where I don’t have to deal with him at all. It’s bullshit that he got to fuck me over like that and still stay at Escorial, absolute bullshit, but I put up with it for the two of you, and for everyone else. But that’s it. That’s as far as I’m going. So don’t talk to me about him, don’t tell me that I should give a shit about him, and don’t you ever fucking tell me that he’s my fucking brother. Because he’s not. Are we clear?” I was screaming, and I couldn’t stop it. It was like I was in someone else’s body. I felt myself shaking, but I ignored it. “Are we?”

“Will...” Dad said.

“Answer my fucking question?” I demanded. “How come when that happened to you, when Sam fucked Jake, you went all postal, and now you’re sitting here telling me I have to be nice to this asshole who did the same thing to me? If you’re not hearing me, let me make it clear. I’m calling you a fucking hypocrite!”

He stared at me, stunned, as did Wade, but they’d sat here and pushed my buttons until I’d lost it. “We won’t talk about him again,” Dad promised.

“Thank you,” I said, and then the rage faded as fast as it had come. I knew what would come next: the tears. “Excuse me,” I said, and got up to go to the bathroom. I cried for a good five minutes, then came back and sat with them, ignoring their worried looks.

“So you and Zach are spending the weekend in Connecticut with me,” Dad said, to try and erase the tension in the plane.

“That was the plan,” I said.

“Good,” Dad said. “I like Zach.” I stared at him, pretty stunned by that, but not as stunned as Wade.

I got my act together, finally. “You just like him because he’s the sexiest of all the Hayes boys,” I joked.

“Duh,” he said, making us chuckle, and easing the tension.

Then the next phase of the cycle hit me: the guilt. “I’m sorry I yelled at you guys,” I said.

“We didn’t mean to piss you off,” Dad said. “But now that we know Matt’s a hot-button issue for you, we won’t talk about him.”

“Thanks,” I said, hoping that would solve the problem, even though I knew it wouldn’t.