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Cards on the Table - 45. Chapter 45 Redraw
Cards on the Table
Chapter 45
Colleen’s beer-battered fish and chips always went over well. When the last morsel of the feast was consumed, all the men retired to the basement family room with satisfied groans of overindulgence. Colleen had insisted they vacate her kitchen while she loaded the dishwasher.
There were three couches in a u-shape with a big flat screen TV on the opposite wall, and Big Mike flopped down on one of them. He stretched out, looking like the tired man he had to be. Kendall encouraged Nate to pick a movie from the extensive collection of DVD and Blu-ray discs filling the built-in shelving on both sides of the television. When he grabbed the Avatar Blu-ray, Kendall glanced at his partner, remembering Earth Day, 2010 when they’d lined up together to get a shared copy of their then-favorite movie.
Michael returned his glance with a smile, squeezing his hand while telling Nate he’d made a great choice. Kendall moved closer to his fiance as he recalled that special day. They’d rushed home and watched the movie, followed by a quick excursion out to eat at a burger place before returning to watch it a second time. Later in the evening, they both fell asleep on the carpeted floor of Michael’s living room in the midst of an attempted third viewing. It was a special memory.
“This is the best movie ever, Uncle Mike. I love those weird horses,” Nate exclaimed as he put the disc in the player before turning around. Seeing his uncles sitting close together on the couch, he hesitated, and then heading towards the empty one.
“Hey, Nephew, there’s room over here,” Kendall insisted. Like the team they were, he and Michael moved apart to give the boy some space. Kendall laughed as Michael grabbed Nate and pulled him down between them, ruffling his hair vigorously enough to have Nate squealing and trying to escape. Michael eventually let up, and they watched a happy boy get comfortable. This was what he needed, and Big Mike looked on with approval, giving them a wink.
“Hey, Mom,” Michael called, directing his voice up the open stairway, “The movie’s starting. Hurry up.”
Colleen was already making her way down the stairs with the cordless phone receiver in hand. “Hold your horses. Can’t you see I’m right here?” She cuffed him on the back of the head, smirking as she headed over to share her husband’s couch with him. He sat up to make room for his wife, and they snuggled in. Nate chuckled at the comically indignant look Michael gave his mother.
Kendall noticed that Colleen, instead of placing the phone on the table in front of her, kept it in her lap. He found himself praying for Megan to call soon to relieve the pressure they were all under, particularly his anxious mom. They all settled in to watch the movie… and wait. Every so often Nate would sigh, but otherwise he seemed okay. An hour into the movie, Big Mike’s eyes were closed, and his breathing indicated he had drifted into sleep.
Michael paused the movie. “Mom, why don’t you guys up to bed? Kendall and I will unload the dishwasher and take care of locking up. Nate here can help us. Right, Nate?”
“Yeah, sure… Grams, I can put the dishes away. You must be tired.” The offer made his grandmother smile.
“You boys are all sweet, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep yet. Once the movie is over I’ll try to get some rest. I want to wait a little longer to see if Megan calls.”
“Yeah, I wish she’d call too, Grams. I want everything to be okay. I hope they’re not fighting because of me, but they probably are.” Burrowing into Michael’s side, his bottom lip quivered as he looked at his grandmother.
“Oh, baby boy, if they are arguing, it’s no fault of yours. They have some things to work out, but they’re grownups and that’s what grownups have to do. We’ll just have some faith, okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed, but his eyes were downcast as he spoke.
Big Mike opened his eyes. “Come over here, young fella. It’s our turn to have you close. Those boys are hogging you, and that’s not fair,” he complained sleepily.
Nate looked over at Kendall with eyebrows raised. “Go on with you. Your bony elbow is digging into me, anyway,” he teased.
“Yeah, and you smell funny,” Michael added, getting a giggle from him.
“You two just want me to leave so you can get all lovey-dovey.” Nate stuck his tongue out at Michael before jumping ship and ending up between his gram and gramps, smugly surveying his uncles.
“Damn, I thought he’d never leave,” Michael stage-whispered to Kendall as he slid over and put his arm around him. He returned Nate’s impudent gesture, and stuck his tongue out, coaxing another giggle from the boy before unpausing the movie.
Twenty minutes later, during an intense scene, everyone jumped when the phone began to ring. Kendall quickly grabbed the TV remote and stopped the movie. Colleen sat up straight, with Nate at her side, and answered.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Mom, It’s me.”
“Oh, Megan, I’m so glad you called. How are you?”
Nate looked nervous enough to throw up, so Kendall beckoned him over. He obeyed reluctantly and reclaimed his earlier spot between his uncles while staring at his grams. Kendall strained to hear Megan's side of the conversation.
“It’s been a heck of a day, but I’m okay. Mark and I have been talking for hours and hours and I am worn out, so I don’t know how much more I can talk.”
“Your voice sounds terrible, honey. Did you two get anywhere?”
“Yeah, we really did. We talked about a lot of stuff, more than I can even think about right now, but we decided one thing for sure.” She began to cough.
“Oh, dear, you have to look after your voice. Maybe you should drink something.”
“It’s okay… Mark just brought me a cup of chamomile tea. Mom, we’ve decided Nate should stay with you in Ontario while we sort things out here.” She coughed again, and then could be heard sipping her tea.
“Goodness, that will make someone very happy,” Colleen teased Nate with a smile, and he practically flew off his uncles’ couch back to her side. “How long do you expect it will take? Should we enroll him in school?” Nate sat frozen beside his grandmother, listening closely to the other end of the conversation.
Megan actually laughed, surprising her mother in the process. “Sorry, Mom, I should have made this clearer. Yes, you should enroll him in high school there. He won’t be coming back here again. We’ve decided we’re going to sell the business and the house and move back home.”
Nate appeared completely stunned and they all watched him come unfrozen for a second, doing a fist pump before becoming intent on the conversation again.
“Megan, is Mark really on board with this? I know how much he’s put into that business of yours.”
Kendall was still absorbing what he heard, and saw Michael was processing as well. This was a really big deal for the Grant family.
“That’s just it. It was totally his idea. In fact he was adamant about it. He said the business has taken over our lives, especially since we added the heavy equipment rentals, and it's diverted our focus from where it belonged… the kids… and he’s right. We screwed up, both of us, and we can see that now. Mark wants to shoulder all the blame but I won’t let him. I had no clue what was happening last week and that wasn’t right. We’ve let ourselves become completely different people... and Nate paid the price.”
“What about how Mark feels about Nate being gay? Do you really believe he’s changed his thinking?”
“Honestly, yes. He’s convinced me he understands how wrong he was, and he’s going to go for counseling… and that’s his idea too. He thinks he’s been under so much stress, that seeing Nate and Josh together tipped him over. He says he would never again try to change Nate, and Mom, he feels really ashamed of what he’s done. He’s so worried that Nate will never forgive him, or that you guys won’t.” She started to cry.
“Honey, it sounds like you’ve had a heck of a day. You go ahead and let it out. Is Mark there with you?”
“He’s here, but he’s staying out in the kitchen. He’s kind of a mess. I've never seen him like this… so ashamed… not ever. When he first got back here, all he said was he’d talked to Nate and then he went completely to pieces. It was horrible to watch, and we both ended up on the kitchen floor crying like babies.
Colleen turned to Michael, and gave him a thoughtful look that piqued Kendall’s curiosity. It was like she was remembering something. “Honey, I’m so proud of you for putting your priorities in order. I know what it’s like to watch someone you love fall to pieces right before your eyes.” She continued to stare at Michael, and he was looking back just as intensely. “Tell Mark I’m proud of him too. You’ve made a big decision today. Do you feel good about it, Meg?”
“Yes, I really do. We almost lost our son. He’s the only thing matters to us, not some damn business. If we make enough money from selling, we’ll maybe buy another business in Ontario, but it’ll be one that doesn’t take up so much time. What you said to me earlier today really stuck. We need our family time. If Mark and I had been more connected, maybe Nate…” Megan began crying again.
Nate, listening to his mom, began crying too. At Big Mike’s urging, Colleen handed the phone to her husband before wrapping Nate up in a ‘grams’ embrace.
“Megan, sweetie, it’s Dad.”
“Hi,” Megan whimpered. “I’m sorry about all of this, Daddy.”
“Now listen, daughter-of-mine, I’ve heard everything you’ve said to your mother, and I’ve got to say I couldn’t be more proud of you. You’re doing the right thing by putting your son first and that’s what I expected you would do. I knew you wouldn’t let me down, and I knew you wouldn’t let your son down. We all make mistakes… it’s what we do about them that matters. The main thing is you got your wakeup call in time. Go ahead and cry, but don’t beat yourself up over this. Nate doesn’t want that, and neither do we. We all understand this has been a difficult few days for you. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, Dad, I am. I’m just tired. Mark and I went through a lot today, but I feel good about what we’re doing.”
“Speaking of Mark, can you tell him I want to talk to him, please?”
“What? Now, Dad? I don't think he...."
“Yes, now, Megan.”
“Oh… well, okay then, just a second… I’ll go get him.”
Everyone in the room was staring at Big Mike, but he ignored them all.
“Hello, Mike.”
“Hello, Mark. You want to tell me where you’re at, right now?”
“I screwed up big time.”
“Yeah you did, but I don’t want to talk about how you screwed up. I want to know about now. What are you going to do to fix this mess?”
“Well, Megan already told you….”
“I know what she said, Mark. I’m asking you. I want to hear it from your mouth, and whatever you tell me, I expect you to follow through on… do you understand me?” He didn’t exactly look angry, but Kendall sensed he could be, very easily.
“I’m gonna fix this.”
“Those are just words I’m hearing, Mark. How are you going to fix this?”
“Well, the biggest thing is we are selling the business and moving back to Ontario.”
“Okay, I think that’s a smart thing to do and it’ll make us all happy here, but why are you doing it?”
At that moment, Kendall pictured an ant under a magnifying glass on a sunny day, and he didn’t feel sorry for the man one damn bit. Nate had stopped crying and was, like all of them, listening intently to both sides of the conversation.
“Because I owe it to my son. It’s what he wants, and what he deserves. I don’t want to lose any part of my family, Mike. I can’t be the father he is going to need… the girls too… if I spend all my time stressed out over a business.”
“Explain that for me, would you?”
“Explain what?”
“What kind of father is Nate going to need?”
“One who is there for him, and supports him. I do not want to change my son. He’s gay and that’s who he is. It might get tough for him though, and I won’t lie and tell you that doesn’t scare me some because it does… people can be idiots just like I was... hell, a lot worse… and I want to be a father he can come to about anything. I failed him, but I won’t fail him again.”
“You might have to convince him of that. How are you going to do that? You’re expecting him to believe you've done a complete turnaround? He’s a smart kid, so don’t go thinking you can fake it. You have to mean what you’re saying or you’ll end up losing him for certain, and that’s something I guarantee you’ll regret for the rest of your life.”
I know, Mike… believe me, I know. I almost pushed him to do something that….”
“Don’t go there, Mark. I can’t think about that anymore, but you have to. Every damn day. You have to think of what could have happened, every goddam day. This boy of yours is perfect and nobody should know that better than you.” Kendall felt the sting of those words from across the room. “There’s not a darn thing wrong with him. He has a right to love whoever he wants… just like you and I do. Would you agree with that?”
“God, yes… I swear to you, Dad… sorry, I mean Mike. I’m going to make an appointment with a counselor of some kind, first thing tomorrow. I’m going to ask our family doctor to recommend one for me, and Megan and I just read up on this organization for parents of gay kids, called PFLAG, and I’ve got their phone number programmed into my phone. We’re going to go to their meetings and learn what we can. I don’t know what possessed me to do the things I did, but I want to… I need to understand. I felt scared to death, but that’s all I know. I’m thinking logically now, and I can see Nate needs to be who he is.” The constant struggle to hold back tears was wearing the man down, and a few sobs escaped.
“All right then. I’ve heard enough. I’m going to take you at your word, but I swear to God above if you let that boy down again, you’ll never be welcome in this family again. My grandson comes first. Do you understand that?”
“I do understand, and I think it’s fair. It might take me a while, but I’m going to make it up to him, and to the rest of you,”
“See that you do, and Mark?”
“Yeah?”
“You can still call me Dad, as long as we understand each other. Fair enough?”
“That’s more than fair enough… Dad. Thank you. Ah, Dad, I’d like to talk to my son now if he’s willing?”
“I think that can be arranged.” For the first time since he started talking, Big Mike smiled, and it was directed at his grandson. “Nate, do you want to talk to your father?”
Nate nodded as he slowly reached for the phone. Holding it in his hand, he looked around, and Kendall saw the uncertainty. He smiled as Nate headed for him and Michael once again, planting himself between them.
With a big sigh, he said, “Hi, Dad.”
“Hey, Son, how are you?”
“I’m all right, I guess. Did you really mean it?”
“About selling everything and moving back to Ontario?”
“Well, yeah, but… I mean about being okay with me being gay. Do you really think I have the right to love whoever I want?”
“Nate,” Mark sighed, “I meant what I said. I know it’s hard to believe me after what I did and said to you, but I swear I love you with all my heart and I only want you to be safe and happy. My son is gay and that’s just fine with me. I will never let you down like that again, I swear. Your gramps is right… you’re perfect… there’s not a damn thing wrong with you. If I have to tell you every day that I accept and love you for you to believe me, I will. I won’t ask you to forgive me just yet, because I don’t forgive myself, but I hope someday you will. Does that answer your question?”
Nate couldn’t answer. He let go of the phone and collapsed in Michael’s arms. He drew him close, and let him weep.
Kendall, knowing what Nate was feeling was an immense relief that overloaded his already frayed emotions, picked up the phone and put it to his ear.
“Nate? Talk to me, Nate. Are you okay? Hello?” There was panic in Mark’s voice now.
“Mark, it’s Kendall. Nate’s fine. He’s just emotional right now.”
“Kendall, are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I don’t need to tell you he’s been through hell, so hearing his father finally say he accepts him… well, let’s just say he’s dealing with it now. Michael has him.”
“God, I really fucked this up. I thought I was clear enough this morning that I accepted him.”
“I’m not sure he believed you earlier. I think he’s just starting to now. It could take some time.”
“Yeah, I have a lot to make up for. Listen, thanks for being there for him, and I hope you don’t think… well, I am happy for you and Michael. I just….”
“This isn’t about us, Mark. It’s about Nate, and you’ve started making amends. That’s all we care about. Moving back here for his sake is a really good thing… here’s your son back… we can talk some other time, okay?”
“Okay, and say hi to Michael for me.”
With a, “Will do,” he handed the phone back to a more-together Nate. Michael raised his eyebrows at him, indicating he’d heard the gist of their little conversation.
“Nate, are you there?”
“Yeah, Dad, sorry. I’m okay now.”
“Good. Did you believe what I told you?”
“Um, I think so. It’s just hard to forget some stuff, but it means a lot that you’re going to sell the rental business. I, ah… are you doing it just for me?”
“I’m doing it for all of us. For our family. I told you I would try to give you what you wanted, and that’s why I thought about selling, but I see now that it is best for everybody… not just you. I’m doing it because I love my whole family and I don’t want to lose any part of it. Is something bothering you? About us selling?”
“Maybe… I’m just worried you won’t be happy about it and it’ll be my fault. You wouldn’t have to do this if I wasn’t gay, and you might resent me for it, and the girls are going to have to leave their best friends, so I don’t know if….”
“Nate, stop, okay, just stop. I mucked this up, not you. You being gay isn’t the reason for all this. My reaction and what I did to you started us down this road, and although I regret how I acted, I think this is going to turn out to be the best thing for our family, and for you and me. Maybe we can open another business and call it Mark Grant and Son,” he cautiously teased, and Nate giggled. “Would you like that?”
Nate giggled again. “It depends. How much of it would I own?” His father’s laughter had him grinning from ear to ear. Kendall could see the inner joy bursting out of the boy, and he felt his eyes brim with moisture poised to fall.
“That’s my boy. I see we’ll have to do some negotiating. Should I be getting a lawyer?”
Nate laughed, mostly because he needed to. “Nah, I’ll take it easy on you, old man.” Nate showed comfort at teasing his father again, and everyone in the room was smiling with him. “Dad?”
Mark’s laughter slowed to a stop. “Yeah?”
“Where do you think we’ll be living when you come back to Ontario?”
“I’m not too sure yet. I guess it depends on our profits from the sale, but I think we’ll try to be somewhere close to your grandparents. You know we won’t want to live right in the city, so maybe somewhere around Markham or Stouffville. Any reason why you’re asking?”
Nate let out a big sigh. “It’s not that important, but I want to go to the new high school in Markham. I met someone who goes there, and he says it’s really cool, and he lives almost next door to Uncle Mike’s and Uncle Kendall’s new house, and if we lived near Markham I could go there.”
“You know, Nate, it could take months before we find a buyer, and months again before we can actually move. So you’ll be staying at your grandparents till we find a place. That means you’ll have to go to Uxbridge High, right?”
Nate was biting his lip as he listened to his father. “Yeah, I guess so. It’s just… yeah, never mind.” There was a resigned look on his face.
Kendall, listening to the conversation, knew exactly what was going through his nephew’s mind. “Nate, can I talk to your dad for a minute?”
Nate, deep in thought, nodded and handed the phone to his uncle.
“Hi, Mark, it’s me again,” Kendall said while looking his partner in the eye. “I have a quick question for you. If we all decided that Nate, as a gay kid, was better off at a big, diversified school like the Markham high school, as opposed to a smaller, less accepting one, would you have any objections to him living with Michael and me when we move into our new house on the fifteenth of January?” Kendall looked around the room as his eyes left Michael’s surprised ones, and every jaw had dropped, including Nate’s… although Colleen’s expression was quick to morph into smugness.
To his credit, Mark’s answer was quick. “No objections from me at all. I would trust you two with my son completely. I have no doubt you guys would take good care of him. Do you think that’s what he wants?”
“I know it is… he’s just afraid to ask,” he said while staring at the boy. Meeting Michael’s gaze again, he saw approval had replaced his surprise. He wasn’t surprised to see the same approval on Mom and Pop’s faces.
“I knew there was something he wasn’t saying. I know what small schools can be like, so I think the bigger school might be the better fit if you and Michael are willing to take on the responsibility of a teenage boy? I don’t know how long it will be before we make the move.”
Kendall raised his eyebrows in question at his partner, and received his answer in a nod. “We’re willing. We happen to love the little bugger, and don’t worry about how long it would be for.”
Nate’s face broke out in a tentative grin, like he was afraid to believe what he was hearing.
“Okay then. Megan has to weigh in on this, but we both want what’s best for Nate, so I think she’ll agree Markham might be it. Let’s talk tomorrow when we’ve all had some rest. Maybe in the early evening. I’m sure you and Michael need to discuss some things too. Can I speak to my boy again?”
Kendall grinned at Nate as he handed him the phone back.
“Hi, Dad, I’m back.”
“Hi, Son. Be honest with me now. Is this what you were wanting when you said ‘never mind’?”
“Yes, it was. It is what I want.”
“All right then. That’s good enough for me. I’ll discuss it with your mom and we’ll call tomorrow after supper, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks, Dad.”
“I love you, Nate, you know that, right?”
Nate took a deep breath. “I do know that. I love you too.”
“Good night, Son. Your mother says good night and she loves you.”
“Tell her I love her too.”
Nate clicked the phone off and then launched himself on top of his uncles, squealing like a six-year old. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he repeated as he hugged them both.
“Slow down, Nephew. It’s not settled yet. We all still have to talk about this.”
“Oh, it’s settled, Uncle Kendall. You love the little bugger, and he would be me,” he said with a laugh as he jumped up to hug his grandparents. Once he had made the rounds, he stopped dead. “Oh, shoot, I better text Bodie,” he shrieked as he thundered up the stairs.
Big Mike started laughing and Colleen joined him.
Kendall looked at Michael, who was looking amused and a little shell-shocked at the same time. “What the hell did I just do?”
“I don’t know, but you took me right along with you… I think we kind of went from uncles to stand-in dads,” he answered, grinning. “You did good, Deuce. You did real good.”
COTT Forum: www.gayauthors.org/forums/topic/39932-cards-on-the-table-by-headstall/
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