The Best Year - 27. Chapter 27

Swearing to myself, I shoved a pair of socks back onto the rack where I had just snatched them from. The laughing on either side of me told me that I didn’t want to buy socks, but I had been all around the mall looking for something, anything, that caught my attention enough for me to buy.

“You know, when you said you wanted a bro day, I didn’t have all this shit pictured,” Derek said nudging a second pair of ugly socks with his index finger. “Shopping.”

“Shut up,” I groaned for what felt like the hundredth time as I turned and bypassed Toby to look down a different aisle completely. We had already been to this store once earlier this morning.

“Can’t we go get a burger and a beer?” Toby asked his hands were shoved into his pants pockets not really looking at anything.

“I’m not hungry,” I answered glancing in their direction. They were standing shoulder to shoulder, blocking the aisle from anyone else walking through, but we had this entire section of the store to ourselves, it looked like no one wanted to buy fucking ugly socks. Not for Christmas presents anyway.

“Dude,” Toby said stepping forward as he took one of his hands out of his pockets. I watched him look around before he slumped, leaning forward like he always does when he’s attempting to be quiet. It wasn’t something either of them were good at. “I know you want to find a good gift for Church, but you two broke up.”

“No we haven’t,” I countered looking away. “We’re just not talking.”

“He doesn’t even go to school anymore,” Toby commented and I knew this was new territory for both of my best friends. They weren’t used to me fumbling around store after store trying to buy a perfect gift for someone I cared about. If it was them, I could be in and out of our favorite shopping spots with nice shit they would like, but Luke was different. There was a lot riding on this gift, I just didn’t want to explain it all to them, they already thought I had lost it.

“Have either of you two idiots bought the girls anything yet?” I asked my hand reaching for another pair of socks, but I let it drop back to my side smiling when they both looked like they ate something that didn’t agree with them.

“No,” Derek groaned slapping his head with his forehead. “I can’t think of anything to buy them.”

“And you’re not even one of those gays that can help us,” Toby added shaking his head.

“Go find you one and ask them for help,” I countered rolling my eyes. “Fucking socks, really? Why am I looking at socks?”

“Maybe you need one to teach you a thing or two,” Derek said reaching over and grabbing Toby’s shoulder. “Come on, we gotta find the girls something.”

“You think some underwear would be in poor taste?” Toby asked as they turned and started walking towards the exit.

“We’d get the wrong size and look like perverts all at the same time,” Derek answered and I laughed taking one last look at all the socks hanging on the rack before I followed them out of the store separating in the crowd of people scrambling like us for last minute Christmas shopping. Sighing, I hated that the guys thought I should give up on the entire thing, relationship, or whatever I still had with Luke. Lily and Olivia pushed me to start thinking about the perfect first Christmas gift not long after Thanksgiving when I told them that I hadn’t thought much about it. Coach had me working my ass off for swimming and Cindy forced Luke into home schooling, he met with a teacher outside of school three days a week. He hadn’t called and he hadn’t snuck through the dormant forest between our houses to throw rocks at my window either.

The Monday after homecoming when he didn’t show up nearly brought it all crashing down around me. Ally, and even Conner had noticed that not seeing Luke had put me in a foul mood. I had wanted to talk to him, make sure he was okay after he went home. After school, it took practice to keep me from driving over to his house. The next day when he didn’t show up again, Mom stopped me at the door after I got home and told me that it wouldn’t be wise to go storming over there.

Then Sunday, Mom told me that he was at church and had seemed fine as I met them at the front door. Fine. I didn’t really know what that meant, but she tried to tell me not to worry. That it would all blow over soon and that Luke would get his fight back and be in school before too much longer. The sun was shining, but there was a thick frost on the ground that looked like snow. I let Mom and Dad walk past me into the living room, shedding their winter coats before I got the nerve to storm outside slamming the door behind me. I wanted to see for myself what fine looked like. I hadn’t bothered with a coat and since I didn’t go to church, something I actually thought about doing that morning, I was still dressed in a t-shirt, and a pair of shorts.

By the time I reached their house and saw all their cars in the driveway, I was shivering and couldn’t feel my toes. Knocking on the door hard enough to hurt my knuckles, I waited, my arms crossed, every muscle in my core straining against my stubbornness to be out here. Shortly after I knocked, I heard footfalls towards the front door and I glanced down at the doorknob when it turned and the door cracked open.

“Jackson, what on Earth,” Cindy said cracking the door open a bit further. I was standing close enough to feel the warmth of the inside air escaping. “Go home, Luke is grounded for the stunt you pulled the other night.”

“That’s fine,” I said tightening my arms around my chest ignoring the puffs of air when I spoke. “But why isn’t he at school?”

“That is not your concern,” She hissed moving to close the door.

“Can I talk to him?” I asked just as she disappeared out sight behind the door, but it didn’t close in my face completely. Not for a moment at least and I could hear Henry and Luke arguing with her on the other side and just as I was about to reach for the door and push it open myself, it opened again and this time Henry stepped outside. His cheeks were red, but it couldn’t have been from the cold, and his hair was the usual fly away mess that it always was.

“Jackson,” Henry said his eyes landing on me. “Son, you have to be freezing.”

“I am,” I said trying to stand still and as upright as I could despite my nerves and the cold.

“You’re going to have to wait,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “Wait for him and have some faith.”

“Henry,” I said feeling awkward calling him by his first name after not seeing him since the park restoration. “He’s my best friend.”

“I can see that,” Henry said biting his bottom lip turning towards his front door. “So just go on home. Luke will be fine.”

“I want to,” I started, but Henry held up his hand.

“I know,” he said, “but it won’t help, so go home before you make yourself sick.”

“Fine,” I said and I turned and bounded down their front stairs and through the dead and still forest, back across my front lawn already dead and yellow from all the other frosts before this one. Back inside to Mom fixing lunch and Dad reading the paper and I realized that adults fucking sucked and that there was nothing I could do that wouldn’t make things worse.

That is what had kept me from being a complete ass. Now I was here at the mall trying to find the perfect gift. A gift that in my mind would tell Luke that I was still out there waiting for him to win some epic battle against his own mother before we could be normal again. That I still had faith, like Henry wanted me to have. I just didn’t think there was a gift like that here or anywhere, but today I was determined not to leave the mall empty handed again. Even if it had to be socks in the end, if it meant stores started closing and pulling the metal shutters down to keep looters out or Tony hunted me down and dragged my ass into the pool.

An hour later and a small bag in my hand I started walking around the mall searching for the guys. Knowing them, I should have looked at the food court first. I also didn’t like this new people hating thing I had been on for awhile. Crowds especially bothered me, not because I felt awkward or claustrophobic. I just didn’t like to people watch, I hadn’t a lot in the past as it was, but now I couldn’t help noticing things. Couples laughing and hanging all over one another never bothered me before like it did now. People who smiled while talking on their phone couldn’t be talking to their mothers or boss or whatever. I hated that I was beginning to hate people. Even Mom and Dad’s barely there romance made me groan and roll my eyes. I knew what that was, and I knew that I should be above all that petty jealousy and I hated that I wasn’t.

“There you are,” Derek said as he rounded the corner exiting the food court as I was about to enter it.

“You assholes,” I hissed, “you ate without me?”

“We got hungry and you can’t eat any of that shit in there anyway,” Toby countered patting his stomach. Their football season was over, they were free to do whatever the hell they wanted. With the girls gone as well, they didn’t have anyone to answer to right now.

“And you’re moody as fuck,” Derek commented slamming his fist into my shoulder.

“I am not, fuckhead,” I countered wincing, but not daring to rub where he hit me.

“What did you end up buying anyway?” Toby asked reaching for my bag. It wasn’t in a box so I didn’t need to get it gift wrapped. “It better not be better than my present.”

“It is, because I am not getting you anything,” I answered dodging his hand. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Finally,” Derek said draping his arm over my shoulders.

“What did you get the girls?” I asked not seeing any bags or presents on them.

“We decided to just take them shopping,” Toby answered shooting me a sideways look. “Do you think that will work?”

“Or piss them off?” I asked smiling. “Depends on their spending limit, I guess.”

“Fuck,” Toby groaned rolling his eyes.

“I’ll spot you some money,” I said shrugging out from under Derek’s arm.

“This one feels different,” Toby said as we exited the mall. It was snowing, but not enough to stick to the paved parking lot. Pulling my coat’s collar up, I nodded. It did feel different. None of us were really going to the same schools. I still didn’t know where I was going at all, but for the first time since what seemed like forever, we would be separated by distance. There was a sort of ending that I wasn’t ready for, especially now that we were on winter break for school and that the girls were gone to Florida for a cheerleading competition. I didn’t know if any of their relationships would survive the distance the summer after graduation would cause, but it was nice knowing that I wasn’t the only one that felt it.

“See you guys later,” I said as we got to our cars. They both nodded and waved and slid into Derek’s truck. I had practice to look forward to still, I probably should had already been there, but this was the last real day I had left to find Luke a present before Christmas. Frowning, I tossed the small parcel into the passenger seat and slid in. I watched Derek and Toby back out and leave before I followed, turning opposite directions at the exit.

When I arrived at practice, Tony motioned me with his hand. He had a scowl on his face and I wondered what I did and was likely about to confess to. He would usually tell me to go get changed before I got an ass chewing, but today it didn’t seem like he could wait.

“You’re late,” he said motioning for Emily to babysit the rest of the guys already swimming. We were getting down to the end of the season. In less than three months we had district, regional, and state championships to be ready for and Tony was limited on patience lately.

“Sorry,” I offered shifting the weight of my bag to my other shoulder.

“I want to see top effort when your ass is in the pool,” he added as he held his office door open for me. I turned to see Emily snapping her fingers at everyone else, trying to get their attention back on swimming and not on me as I stepped into his office letting the door close behind us. He didn’t have to tell me to sit and his office was the usual dimly lit cramped space that looked like an afterthought compared to the grandness of the aquatic center on the other side of the door. It definitely was one of the smallest and off to the side rooms in the building and the insufficient light made it look more like a broom closet for the janitor, not a highly respected coach in swimming circles.

“Did I do something wrong?” I asked as he took his seat, turning down some ugly sounding German music.

“No,” he answered smiling as he waved his hand towards what was stacked on his desk. “I’ve been trying to find the best time to show you these.”

“What are they?” I asked leaning forward to look at the official looking envelopes on his desk.

“And since you seem to be distracted lately, I think you need a waking up,” he continued ignoring me as he turned the stack around to where I could read the printed words right side up. They were addressed to the pool, but also to me and not Tony.

“These are from colleges?” I asked as I went to pick the first one up.

“Letters of interest and recruiting packages,” he answered his stern face breaking into a wide smile. “There are eight schools interested in recruiting you.”

“Really?” I asked as my heart began to race away inside my chest. I nearly dropped the first package as I went to open it.

“There was nine, but I tossed one,” he said his voice sounding strange until I realized he was actually trying not to laugh. “It was Aiden’s school and I knew that one wouldn’t work.”

“Yeah, definitely,” I said as I moved the top one to the side and looked at the second one. “Which one do you think will be the best place for me?”

“That’s your decision right now,” he answered resting his hands on his desk. “I can help you after you’ve looked through them, but I wouldn’t want to mess that up for you right now.”

“Alright,” I said swallowing against the tightness in my throat. Any thought of having a good day of practice went out the door.

“Now go get your ass changed and get into the water,” he said standing. “Put those in your bag before you leave the office, I don’t want everyone distracted.”

“Okay,” I said and I watched him walk carefully around the clutter and out the door. I took a minute to calm down before I opened my bag and put them inside before I stood and walked out of the office too. Tony was right though, it did wake my ass up and for the first time in a long while, Luke left my thoughts entirely. The guys didn’t seem to know anything either, they all were smiling like they do when one of us fucks up and we are led to listen to one of Tony’s lectures. Aiden and Matt had went from making my life hell to completely ignoring me though. They had both scrubbed about every inch of the place by now and were just put back into the competition rotation a couple of weeks ago.

Before practice started and a shower, I had successfully avoided everyone else. The smirks ended shortly after I had hit the water for my warm up laps. With everything coming on fast when the new year started, practices took on a whole new purpose. Everyone had their final schedules lined out, Matt and Aiden were back on the relay.

“What was that talk about?” Charlie asked as I wrapped a towel around my waist and headed to my locker. He was just now finishing up in the pool and stripped out of his speedo. He had opted for them ever since his new exercise and extended program gave him more lean muscle. He had also seemed to shoot up two inches and was no longer the smallest guy in the arena. It all seemed to annoy Matt who would be one of the two returning swimmers in the program next season as they both were only Juniors.

“Nothing,” I answered knowing that Tony didn’t want me telling anyone. Aiden was in the locker room as well and I didn’t want him eavesdropping on us either. The less he knew about me, the better I felt about being around him. Even if Tony had worked them until they both smelled like a mop bucket, I figured the Townsen brothers would still try to make my life hell if I wasn’t careful. Charlie only glanced over his shoulder towards Aiden, rolling his eyes he nodded as he grabbed a fresh towel and tossed it on the bench opposite the showers.

“Hey, are you still coming in to practice tomorrow night?” He asked as I dropped my towel and grabbed my boxer briefs.

“Yeah,” I answered bending over and sliding them on adjusting my junk before grabbing my t-shirt. We had been scheduling our free practices together. I hated to admit it, and never have, but the Center felt eerie when I was the only one there.

“I can’t make it,” he said closing his eyes as he ducked his head under the spray of the hot water. Steam was already rising from the heat, more so since the men’s locker room was so close to the front of the building where the cold air from outside seemed to seep inside. I noticed everyone had adopted a quicker changing and showering routine not long after the night air started dipping down below freezing.

“Why not?” I asked grimacing. I had been using my free practices to keep myself occupied from all the free time I had on my hands lately. I had even scheduled an extra night just doing easy laps for conditioning. It meant that my strict diet had been eased up a bit, Tony had noticed I had lost more weight than he intended when I first arrived, I had gained a lot more muscle too and actually looked more like a swimmer than I did before.

“Simon’s parents surprised us with a dinner,” he explained and I heard Aiden snort beside me.

“Catch you girls later,” he commented as he stood after lacing and tying his boots. Neither of us acknowledged him as he left.

“Oh,” I said and noticed that I was trying to shove my head through one of the arm sleeve holes in my t-shirt. Swearing to myself I pulled my shirt around correctly and pulled it on.

“How’s Luke?” he asked turning off the shower and stepping out of the last few drips of hot water. I turned away not wanting to answer the question, but not really knowing any way out of it either.

“He’s fine,” I answered rolling my eyes. It was the answer I had got anyway, so it was the easiest to repeat when other people asked me. Charlie had figured out that I was sort of with Luke awhile ago though and he also liked that there was another guy on the team that at least was dating another guy even if I had never admitted that I was gay or not. Other people, mostly Drae and the girls, had also asked about Luke so it wasn’t a secret here, at least. It only cemented in my mind that Luke and I had been too obvious. That the night of homecoming should have ended with us leaving with our respective mothers and not out of a side exit. That maybe he shouldn’t have arrived back home in clothes that were obviously not his, but mine. His hair wet from a shower. Looking back, I wondered if Cindy hadn’t put it all together. If she had, then I knew Luke wasn’t fine. He couldn’t be.

“He hasn’t been around much,” he commented drying off his legs making no effort to hide anything. “And you have been distracted lately.”

“I know,” I answered pulling on my jeans as he walked over to his locker. “All this is new for both of us, I think we went into it too quick.”

Then the other nagging thought I had is that Luke was close to pulling away completely. That Cindy had forced him to deny any sort of feelings for me other than friendship. It would be easier for him to just lay low and do what she wanted for another couple of months until we were all off to college where she couldn’t follow. I was willing to hold out and lay low with him, but part of me wondered if things wouldn’t change too much in our separation for that to work. That we would fall out of whatever we felt for one another in the beginning and we would both move on. That would be the simplest thing, but I didn’t want simple, I wanted Luke.

“Jackson?” Charlie said snapping me out of my own head. “You do know you’re standing there with your pants half on.”

“What?” I said looking down. My pants were pulled up to my knees so I quickly tugged them the rest of the way up, zipping, and buttoning them before grabbing my hoodie.

“Do you want someone to talk to?” He asked coming up to lean against my locker. He was only dressed in his underwear and I felt awkward standing this close to him with him looking at me like some scared puppy.

“I’m alright,” I said offering him a smile. “Thanks.”

“So you going to tell me what Tony wanted now that Aiden is gone?” He asked still leaning against my locker.

“He wanted to show me some recruiting packages I got in the mail,” I answered shrugging into my hoodie.

“That’s great!” He said as he pushed himself off my locker. He held out his fist and being so used to bumping fists with Derek or Toby, I immediately slid mine over his letting it drop back to my side smiling. “Congratulations, man.”

“Thanks,” I said, “keep it to yourself though, I don’t want more shit from the guys.”

“I won’t,” he said, “we need to celebrate?”

“Do we?” I asked shaking my head. He looked like he just woke up from long nap and the coffee had just kicked in.

“Yeah,” he answered, “Simon and I know of this place…”

“No gay bars,” I said waving my hand. “I’m not ready for those.”

“Not a gay bar,” he said, but I could tell that he was trying to come up with another option in his head. “A restaurant?”

“I’ll think about it,” I said as I grabbed my bag after slipping on my shoes by wriggling my feet inside without untying or bending down, “I need to go though, see you this weekend.”

“Alright, really think about it though, Simon and I don’t have very many gay friends to hang out with,” he added and I only managed a nod and smile before I turned and left the locker room.

The Center was empty and the lights were already turned off except for the residual safety lighting that stayed on all night long. Shuddering against the immediate temperature drop as I opened the door into the front foyer I quickly jogged to the exit and outside to the empty parking lot. The snow had stopped and looking up I saw that the night sky had cleared before I walked to my car.

Not wasting any time, I started it and turned the defrost on low so I could tell when the car got hot enough to turn it up as I drove home. Even with it being near Christmas, the streets were empty, which surprised me as it wasn’t all that late. In the winter it made everything seem lifeless and still. It was peaceful in a way, even if I didn’t really want to be alone with my thoughts right now.

When I got home I grimaced at the small goofy santa clad package containing Luke’s gift. It looked even smaller in the passenger seat of the car. Sighing, I grabbed it and got out then opened the back door and grabbed my bag. Shuddering, I could feel the goosebumps spreading across my skin as I closed the doors on the car and pressed the lock down key before walking up the sidewalk to the front porch.

When I got inside, the house’s warm air washed over me as I kicked off my shoes and wiggled my toes in my socks. Sitting on the couch, Mom muted her television show before turning her head to smile at me.

“What’s that?” She asked nodding towards the small bag in my hand.

“Nothing,” I answered feeling my face flush. “A present for Luke.”

“Oh,” she said, “put your stuff down and come sit.”

“I’m really tired,” I countered working up to a groan. I didn’t want to have another lengthy talk about patience and stuff with Mom. She had made it clear that she was worried about me ever since this whole thing started a couple of weeks ago, especially when I didn’t go to the ass kicking final football game the guys had. Turned out the broken arm captain had a damn good back up and we lost fifty-six to ten. Luke didn’t get to go to the game either, but I doubted the score would have bothered him too much. The team did make it to the district playoffs though, but lost, ending their season. Being the first class to make it to district for what seemed like forever they were still happy. They had bragging rights still intact.

“This will only take a minute and I think you’ll like it,” Mom said nodding her head to Dad’s chair across from her on the coffee table. “I have a surprise.”

“Have you and Tony been talkin?” I asked cocking an eyebrow as I rounded the corner of the couch to sit in Dad’s chair.

“No,” Mom answered and I knew she was lying as soon as the ‘o’ carried longer than it should have. I thought parents would be better at lying than this, but I didn’t really care that they were talking. I knew Tony wouldn’t hold it against me too much if Mom started hovering.

“So you don’t know anything about my recruiting packages then?” I asked squinting when she smiled, but didn’t have the reaction she should have had if she didn’t already know.

“We’ll look at those tomorrow, I’m too excited about what I’m going to tell you,” she said waving her hand. “It’s nothing really, but your father came up with the idea, and it was so out of character for him that I knew it had to be a good idea.”

“You’re starting to ramble,” I commented feeling my pulse quicken. There was a second small wrapped package on the table that I just noticed. Glancing down, I saw that it had Luke’s name on the tag.

“Well it was so sneaky and your father is so, not,” Mom added smiling. “Open the bag.”

“It has Luke’s name on it, though,” I countered reaching for the bag anyway.

“You can put your gift with it,” she said smiling. “I knew you were struggling to find him something. What did you get him anyway?”

Ignoring her as my face flushed, I carefully broke the thin piece of clear tape holding the bag closed. Opening it, I saw a sleek silver rectangle at the bottom of the bag. Grabbing it and pulling it out I saw that it was a cell phone.

“Mom,” I said my eyes widening.

“It is on our plan,” she said, “if Luke can keep it hidden then you two have a way to talk until this whole thing blows over.”

“Thank you,” I said a knot forming in my throat.

“Cindy and Henry aren’t home,” Mom said smiling as she glanced at the clock hanging on the wall.

“How do you know?” I asked as I stood knowing what she meant by her comment about them not being home right now.

“I’ve been spying,” she said not sounding a bit apologetic.

“You’ve lost your mind,” I said walking around the couch. Pausing I bent down and quickly kissed her on the cheek before I slid my shoes back on. Then I grabbed a post-it note and scribbled my cell phone number down on it and a little note underneath before I opened my pathetic gift and dropped both the phone and note inside it.

Back outside I wasted no time bumbling down the steps and into the forest. I didn’t see how Luke liked walking around in pitch black darkness, by the time I got through to the other side I had tripped a lot more than I thought I should for the distance I covered. Seeing his porch light on with Christmas lights twining and twisting through every rail and up every post, I steadied my breathing and walked up the steps to the front door. I knew I was too chicken to go in and there was too much to lose if I got caught, so I put the package down on the welcome mat and knocked on the door. I waited until I heard foot steps before turning around and running back to the darkness of the forest, but still where I could see.

When Luke opened the door, I sucked in a breath. I didn’t think he was going to look down, but when he did I saw his head cock and I smiled when he reached down and picked up the package. Not opening it at first, he scanned the tree line, even walking to the edge to look out past the glare of the lights. Freezing, I watched him open it and pull out the cell phone and then the post-it note. Not hesitating he turned the phone on and I swore under my breath when I realized what he was doing, but before I got my own phone out of my pocket I heard the blaring text message signal echo through the cold night air. Jumping I turned and started walking back towards my house still worried that Cindy and Henry could pull in any minute and catch us.

Looking down at the text from a number I didn’t recognize, I swiped my thumb over my screen to unlock it so I could read it.

“Hi,” was the only thing that popped up, but when I was about to start typing my own response a second message alert sounded, “thanks for the socks.”

“Ur welcome,” I responded my face getting hot despite the frigid air as I bounded up my front stairs and back into the house. I ignored Mom completely as she had un-muted the television and walked blindly up the stairs staring at my phone as more messages from Luke kept popping up on screen and most of the foul mood I felt since homecoming slowly ebbed away as I started texting back.