Tales of the Underground: Blinded - 10. Dyexslia

I looked over at the slim young man next to me, his smile still wide from the revelation of this afternoon’s events. A light breeze passed through his thick brown hair as those hazel eyes of his radiated with joy. I fought off a half smile and diverted my eyes to the ground as he looked over.

“It wouldn’t hurt for you to smile every now and again.” He playfully teased.

I picked my head back up and shot him a gaze “Shhh”

“Did you just shh me?” he laughed trying to act offended.

I raised my eye brows and nodded my head “You talk too much.”

“Maybe it’s because you get so quiet!” he smiled “It’s like you flip a switch and just turn off.” I shrugged my shoulders and kept silent “Come on Riley, tell me a story.”

“What?” I questioned making a confused face.

“Tell me a story…tell me your story.” He gently poked starting to get serious.

“Why you talkin to me like that?” I replied starting to sway my feet

He lightly laughed and tried to lock eyes with me “Because I want to get to know you…I want to know who you really are.”

“Trust me you don’t.” I muttered looking off into the field.

“Why’s that?” he poked in a light caring tone.

“Cause if you thought stealing air heads was bad…” I exhaled “Well you wouldn’t talk to me again if you knew the shit I’ve done.”

“You’re what? 15…how many bad things could you really have done?” He smiled, not fully understanding.

“I’ve been in the saints since I was lef alone, to them age don’t matter, I’ve seen kids get their blood spilt and kids spill blood.” I took a deep breath and thought about the past “Some shit is just better left unsaid.”

I felt uneasiness begin to radiate off of him as he nervous swayed from side to side “You’ve never hurt anyone right?”

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.” I sighed standing up.

He nervously laughed and stared a hole in my back “What does that mean?”

“I told you before, I’ve only hurt people when I’ve had to…shit happens…things go wrong and you gotta make moves.” I confessed “Can’t say I’ve taken a life…but I ain’t innocent.” I took a deep breath and didn’t dare to turn back “Maybe we shouldn’t…maybe we’re just too different.”

“Different is good.” He encouraged gaining strength. I felt his hand rest on my back but pulled away “Besides you have a second chance now…and I’ll be right there with you. ”

“If you say so.” I shrugged, starting to head back towards the school.

He exhaled a deep breath and I felt his eyes rest on the back of my head “We have like 20 more minutes left of lunch, just come relax and talk…we don’t have to talk about your past if…”

“I just need some time alone.” I shrugged “Nothin against you…I jus…”

“I get it.” He interrupted “I’ll see you at practice”

I nodded and kept moving until I finally reached the quiet gym. I grabbed a ball off the rack, and right there still in my regular uniform started to shoot around.

A few minutes went by before a familiar figure stepped out from a side door “Walker!” It boomed “I told you no more physical activity until practice! I thought I made myself clear about your listening skills!”

I took one last shot and watched as the ball went in and out “Sorry Coach, I just needed to clear my head…I’m not actually doin work.”

“Something wrong?” He gently poked passing me the ball.

I swayed my head back and forth as I began to work on my dribbling “Just adjustin to everythin, figured bein on the court right now would help.”

“Ah so you’re home sick?” he quietly laughed watching my moves.

“I guess.” I forced out looking away. He scanned me up and down and made a face. “I get it, southside isn’t nice…it’s dangerous, but shit, that’s my home…It’s what I know.”

“Well what do you miss, the area or the gang?” He prodded as he leaned against the stage which decorated the back of the gym. I shook my head but didn’t answer. “You seem like one conflicted young man, perhaps we should get you someone to talk to.”

I rolled my eyes and kept my focus on the basketball “I just need a hoop and a ball…I’ll figure everythin out, I just need time.”

“Well I have one concern with that.” He led “Would you like to know what that is?”

“What does it matter, you gonna tell me anyway.” I spit beginning to wish he hadn’t caught me.

“The concern is that it will be between that life and this life, that you will be forced to choose.” He sighed “And more importantly that you will let fear make that choice for you.”

“I ain’t scared of nothin.” I brashly let out with a scowl.

“We’re all scared of something Mr. Walker.” He breathed walking back towards the door “Even if that something is ourselves.”

I rolled my eyes, put the ball back on the rack and headed out for class. Me scared of myself? Yeah okay! I know who I am, what I’m capable of! I ain’t scared of it, I thrive on it! I clicked my teeth as I took my seat in science, dude doesn know shit about me. The more my mind began to wander the worse I found my reading getting. Letters started to run around the page, big words were impossible to repeat, and it was all topped off with the room starting to spin more and more. I tried my hardest to hide it, but people knew I was off…they knew something was wrong.

At the end of the day the therapy lady pulled me aside and led me to her office where a nervous Walter and Nancy both sat. I let out a deep breath and took the open seat between the two.

“Thank you so much Dr. Burrows for shadowing our foster son.” Walter graciously spoke with a smile “I know he can be abstract in the way he approaches things, but I trust that he wasn’t disrespectful.”

“He was an angel.” She smiled pulling out her notes. I felt the same scowl from before overtake my face at her lie “Before I begin, would you like to explain your symptoms during this afternoon Cy?”

“I was fine.” I dismissed with a growl.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” She encouraged “I could see you were struggling.”

I shot her another angry look before looking down to my feet “I just got a lil dizzy. It wasn’t anythin.”

“Are you okay dear?” Nancy quickly interrupted trying to reach out for my forehead.

I shrugged off her cold hands and let out a deep grunt. “It’s actually a side effect of dyslexia, most likely from him attempting to read all day.” She informed keeping her smile “I know I said I heavily suspected it, but now I can accurately diagnose your foster son with dyslexia.”

I bit down hard on my lip at the expected news and leaned back “Glad you called us all in for this surprise.” I sarcastically bit angry with the official news.

“Riley!” Nancy reprimanded staring me down.

“It’s quite alright” she reassured, smile still on her face “Cy, it’s important that they’re here to support you. Now I suspect he has developmental dyslexia meaning that he was born with it, and not acquired dyslexia.”

“Well what’s the difference?” Walter poked trying to get a good grasp on the concept.

She thought over how to explain it and nodded her head “Well a person usually acquires dyslexia after brain trauma, but the laceration on your foster sons face and eye don’t seem deep enough to have caused that. Whereas developmental dyslexia most likely runs in his family, perhaps the gene laid dormant and was activated by his need to stay on full alert. You don’t think like us correct Cy?”

“The hell that mean?” I growled with a frown.

“It means that you’re constantly looking around at your surroundings, always ready for an attack.” I reluctantly nodded my head and kept my angry look “I thought so, with your background it’s much more likely that you need that instead of the concentration to read.” She scrunched her face in thought and looked at me “Although that would be pretty hard to prove, the only way to know for sure would be to test for abnormalities in your 3^rd, 6^th and 15^th chromosomes, but I’m willing to bet you don’t want to go through that.” I nodded once more to her words “Well I’m going to arrange an academic para to join you in classes from now on, and perhaps we’ll meet a few times a week to work out your anxiety.”

“Anxiety?” I repeated “I don’t got anxiety!”

Nancy made a face and looked from me to the Dr. “Wait, where is this coming from?”

“Well one can only assume he has an anxiety disorder.” She lectured “They’re common in kids with dyslexia, plus with the high alert past it would make sense for his chemicals to be set in a way that would cause something like generalized anxiety disorder…a type of high alert acute anxiety that keeps a person on edge…almost like hunters back in the caveman periods.”

“Let’s give him a break for now.” Walter spoke up taking the news in stride “I think the para will be enough, perhaps if Cy starts to act out, or complain of anxiety we’ll discuss that option.”

“I agree.” Nancy nodded “Plus we’ll be taking him to the eye doctor this weekend, so I’m sure we’ll be able to figure this out as soon as we can.”

“I understand.” She supported “However dyslexia is never affected by vision, perhaps bad sight could make the reading harder but the injured eye and the dyslexia have no connection.”

“Oh thank god” I mumbled with a snarl “I feel soooo relieved.”

“Don’t worry.” The Dr. comforted “The para will get your reading on a normal level before you know it! One day you’ll look back at this and laugh!”

“Whatever.” I muttered grabbing my bag and standing up.

“Where are you off to?” Walter questioned turning to me “Class is just about over for the day.”

“I got practice” I forced out approaching the doorway.

Nancy turned and tried to hide her confused “I thought you didn’t…”

“I found a way.” I sneered continuing out the door and into the long hallway. I thought over everything that I had just been told and let out a deep breath, fuck! Dyslexic? Seriously?! Like I didn’t have enough on my damn plate!

“Look who it is.” Carter smiled as I slowly made my way into the gym.

“Not now.” I growled not bothering to stop for him.

He raised his eyebrows and rushed to catch up “It’s someone’s time of month.”

“That ain’t funny.” I sighed finally reaching the locker room.

“That ain’t funny.” Carter mocked trying to cheer me up. I closed in my eyes and stared him down “Yikes sorry!” he let out “What’s the matter?”

“Nothin.” I grunted starting to get changed.

Concern started to drip in his face as silence filled the air “Is this because of what we spoke about this afternoon? Are you going to…”

“I don’t know!” I lashed out “Stop askin me shit and bein so uncertain, I said I’d be with you, so I’ll be with you!” He made a face and went to speak but I let out another grunt before he could “Just…be my teammate right now, I just wanna play.”

He nodded, got changed and led me out for my first official practice of the season. The second the ball started to bounce on the court all my worries began to fade. Just like earlier today basketball was exactly what I needed. A few of the other players shot me weird looks, not sure how I figured my way onto the team, but most of them were just happy to build what feels like a good team. I played harder than I ever had before. It was like I was channeling all the anger from the day and just letting it flow into my game, the harder I went the rougher I seemed to play. Slamming shoulders with people, forcing contact, slashing my way through the paint to try and get to the rim…no matter what it was I did it. I gave it my all until I felt like my body was finally about to give out on me.

“Calm down walker.” Coach laughed as practice wound down “You made your point about your work ethic this morning.”

“I work til failure every day.” I breathed trying to catch my breath.

“Oh yeah?” Carter instigated “Where was that attitude during try outs then?”

I shot him a dirty look and started walking towards the locker room “Mind ya damn business.”

He giggled to himself knowing he had gotten under my skin and left me in peace as I grabbed my stuff and cooled down. “I’ll meet you at the car.” He called out “I just need to talk to the medical trainer about some elbow tenderness.”

“Pussy.” I remarked making my way to the parking lot. I took a deep breath and scanned the parking lot carefully in an attempt to find the car. Jackpot! I nodded seeing a janitor standing in the distance smoking a cigarette. “Yo!” I called out walking towards him “Can I get a smoke?”

“You want me to give a cigarette to a kid?” he laughed off exhaling the thick smoke “Boy you rich kids really are naive!” As I made my way out of the dark and into the light I saw him grimace at my appearance “Jesus Christ, where did you come from?”

“The wrong side of town.” I muttered reaching out a hand “Now can I get a smoke?” He swayed his mouth and stared at me “Come on, you know I aint a rich kid, just spare me one…for an average joe like us.”

“Fine.” He sighed “But no one knows about this!”

“Yeah yeah” I dismissed taking the thin stick and quickly igniting it with his black lighter “Thank bruh.” I nodded tossing him back the lighter and walking towards Carter’s car.

I don’t necessarily like the taste of cigarettes, but shit, it calms me down. Besides I haven’t smoked weed for close to 3 weeks now! I deserve to be smokin something! As I took in and released the smoke I slowly began to lose myself in time.

“Real healthy!” I heard Carter call out as he got close “Running around then smoking! Just go ahead and ruin all the cardio you built!” I rolled my eyes and took another quick puff “That’s really not attractive you know?”

“Don’t care.” I exhaled staring him down.

“It’s funny someone as macho as you holding something phallic and putting it in your mouth.” He teased as I took a big hit. “I can help you fill that need if you really want!” I leaned in to blow the smoke into his laughing face but as our eyes locked I hesitated and quickly exhaled down towards our feet “You were totally about to blow that in my face!” he shouted “but you couldn’t do it!”

“I could if I wanted to.” I shrugged trying to hide the blush that was forming on my face.

“You couldn’t!” he shouted as his eyes grew wide. He moved in closer as I took one last breath of the stick and grabbed onto my face, doing his best to keep them close, daring me to blow the toxic smoke on him.

I held on as long as I could before breaking away and starting to cough the smoke out. “Asshole!” I let out trying to breath “What the fuck?!”

“I knew you couldn’t!” he proudly exclaimed “You like me!”

“Man shut the fuck up!” I dismissed flicking the burnt stub and climbing into the passenger’s seat “And don’t touch me!”

He laughed to himself a bit more before throwing the car into gear and pulling off. “So now will you tell me what has you so uptight today? I mean smoking? Really Riley? Are you that stressed out?”

I sucked my teeth and shook my head “Dude I smoke no matter what.”

“And how will the James’ feel about that?” he sighed trying to look over at me.

“Doesn’t matter!” I dismissed “Just be happy it’s a cigarette and not pot.”

“Oh great you’re a junkie.” Carter teased with a smile.

“Man get off my back.” I spit letting my head fall against the window “If you’re gonna nag me, we’re gonna have issues.”

“I’m just busting your balls.” He giggled trying to grow serious “But really, if something is bothering you you can tell me about it. You know that right?”

I let out a long groan and watched as we passed big house after big house “I’m dyslexic.” I sighed

“Didn’t you say that at lunch?” Carter soft poked trying to come across caring.

“Not officially.” I informed “I mean we pretty much knew it, but shit man…knowing it for real…it sucks.”

“Its okay.” he shrugged “I want to date you because you’re cute not smart.” I bit my lip at his words and tried to hide my face further than it already was “I’m kidding! Riley, dyslexia…it’s just a word, it doesn’t define who you are. So what you have to do things differently? Isn’t being different who you are?”

“Yeah but like this shits doesn’t make me different…it makes me broken.” I forced out, starting to open myself to him.

“You’re not broken!” he quickly comforted “We all have our faults, so what if yours has to do with reading?! You’ll overcome it.”

“Then what’s your fault?” I provoked not buying his words.

He swayed his head back and forth and thought it over “I’m emotional,” he finally let out “I get too wrapped up in situations and can’t leave things alone.”

“You?” I sarcastically asked “No way! I haven’t noticed that at all!”

“Oh shut up!” He shouted as we pulled up to the house “You’re the one who came looking for me at lunch today!”

“You’re really makin me regret that.” I teased finally starting to smile again.

“Well I don’t.” He smiled “You’re something special Riley Walker…don’t sell yourself short.”

I felt myself starting to get pulled in as he leaned forward but quickly forced myself back “Yo!” I unwillingly let out “One day at a time!”

“Oh sorry.” He shyly apologized “I didn’t mean to…it was instinct.”

“I know” I shrugged “I just need time before any of that.”

“I understand.” He smiled “until then I’m just going to have to dream about it.”

“You’re weird.” I exhaled taking a step out of the car.

“And in my dream we’ll be in a garden.” He continued rolling down the window “With a bunch of girly things like rainbows, and unicorns, and you’ll be wearing a flower crown.” He teased trying to annoy me one last time for the night.

“Good night Carter!” I shouted pulling open the big front door.

“Oh it will be!” he winked with a laugh as he finally began to pull away.

What an asshole! I laughed to myself. He’s so annoying and clingy, yet so cute and goofy. Even after everything I’ve gone through today…well I’m glad Carter was by my side through it all…I’ve never had someone like him…someone to have my back.