Tales of the Underground: Blinded - 49. Blinded

| Riley |

I couldn’t help but laugh as I saw Aaron passed out in his bed. I guess it is possible for him to relax! I just hope he starts to do it more often. I get it, he’s smart or whatever, but what good is any of that if you burn yourself out by twenty? What good is any of this if you don’t know how to enjoy life?

“What time is it?” Aaron mumbled as he slowly sat up from his nap.

“Like ten.” I shrugged, fighting my own battle against how tired I had grown. “We can smoke again if you want.”

“No,” He shook his head. “they should be home soon.” I nodded and fell quiet as I looked out our window. “Will they be able to tell?”

“Nope.” I quickly rejected. “As long as we keep it cool we’ll be fine.”

As if on cue we heard car doors slam followed by the opening of our front door. “Showtime.” I teased with a smile.

“It was awesome!” I heard Tak announce as he got close to our door. “That was like, the best movie I ever saw!” He shouted, tearing open our door. “Riley, you gotta see it!”

“Maybe one day.” I shrugged as he took a few more steps inside.

He carefully observed me before looking towards Aaron. “What did you think when you saw it?”

“It’s pretty great.” He nodded his head. “Not as good as Spiderman, but still,”

“Are you kidding?” Tak yelped. “It was so much better!”

“Sure.” Aaron forced out in a mumble.

Tak took a closer look before turning and walking towards me. I tried to turn away from him, but the second we made eye contact I knew he figured out what we had done. “Tak,” I began in a strong voice.

“Chill.” He smirked. “I ain’t gonna tell anyone.”

“Tell anyone what?” Aaron asked as he quickly sat up.

“You two was smokin.” He confidently announced.

“Tak!” I quietly exclaimed. “Don’t say that so loud, you wanna get us in trouble?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I ain’t gonna tell anyone, but next time you gotta include me.”

“Absolutely not.” Aaron rejected. “If there even is a next time!”

“But I used to smoke with,”

“I don’t care who you used to smoke with.” I warned as I forced eye contact. “This ain’t a game. I shoulda never messed with the stuff, but we had a little left so I let Aaron try it.”

“You such a liar.” He pouted.

“Tak, you’re eleven.” I tried to rationalize. “I’m not letting you smoke.”

“You only sixteen.” He argued back. “Why do you getta do it?”

“I don’t get to do it, I made a mistake and now it’s over.” I explained in a stern voice. “So knock it off, and forget you ever saw anything.”

“Fine!” He sulked. “But I’m stayin in here tonight.”

“Wait I,”

“If that’s what keeps you quiet.” Aaron shrugged before I could say anything.

“Yes!” Tak exclaimed to himself.

“Takbir!” We heard the shout of our mother call out. “Shower and bed! Now!”

“Okay!” He yelled back before making his way to the door. “I’ll be back.”

Aaron let out a deep sigh as our younger brother disappeared out of the door. “That was close.” He shook his head.

“Yeah.” I exhaled. “Next time we gotta hide from Tak or somethin, he’s too street smart.”

“Next time? I though you said,”

“I was just tryin to shut him up.” I cut off. “We got a good amount left, and I ain’t bout to stop.”

“Alright.” Aaron surrendered. “Who knows, maybe I’ll start joining you from now on.”

“If you want.” I offered as our eyes connected.

“I do.” He nodded. “And maybe Carter can even,”

“No.” I interrupted in a loud voice. “Never.”

“Isn’t that a bit of,”

“Never.” I repeated, staring at him.

“Okay, okay,” He waved off. “I got it.”

“You better.” I warned as I jumped to my feet.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Aaron asked, leaning forward even more.

“Talk to Mom and Dad.” I shrugged, not even bothering to slow my step.

“Woh, you can’t do that!” Aaron cautioned, nearly getting to his feet himself. “Tak just caught us, do you really think it’s smart to,”

“Tak is from the streets, he knows how to keep his mouth shut.” I dismissed. “And Mom and Dad aren’t gonna know why I’m groggy. They probably never even saw weed before.”

“You know they were or age once too?” Aaron reminded me as concern grew in his voice.

“Uck, I don’t wanna think about that.” I groaned, shutting our bedroom door behind me.

“How was your night?” Mom asked as I made my way down the stairs.

“Good.” I shrugged. “I just played video games with Aaron.”

“That’s nice.” She smiled, watching me closely. “You feeling okay?”

“Yeah,” I forced a nod. “just tired from the game this afternoon.”

“Why don’t you go to bed early tonight?” She suggested as a tired smile crept across her face.

“Okay,” I slowly nodded my head. “but first I gotta talk to you and dad.”

I saw concern enter her face as she heard those words, but she called out for her husband and stayed quiet. “Everything okay?” He asked as he stood by her side.

“Fine.” I answered, forcing myself to look at them. “I was thinkin, I, I think I needa meet with my birth dad.”

“What?!” Nancy exclaimed looking from me to Walter. “Why? You already tried and he,”

“Nancy.” Walter interrupted with a stern look.

“Sorry.” She shook her head. “I just, I really didn’t expect this.”

“I know, neither did I.” He nodded his head. “Is there any reason in particular you feel you need this?”

I stayed quiet and stared off into the distance as I carefully pieced together my answer. “I just needa know some stuff I guess. Your mom told me we shouldn’t leave family behind. I know he ain’t perfect, but he’s still my family.”

“But Riley,” Nancy cautiously began. “he, well, he might want to be left behind.”

“I know.” I accepted, looking down at the table.” But I just gotta meet him once. Even if we have to force it.”

“Okay.” Walter accepted in a stern voice. “I’ll see what I can do for you.”

“Walt,” Nancy began but as he turned to her grew quiet.

“If he feels he needs this to heal, then we need to be on his side.” Dad warned looking back to me. “I can’t say I fully understand what you’re going through, but I’m going to try my hardest.”

“Thanks.” I sighed looking up into his eyes. “This ain’t, it’s nothin against you. You’re a really good dad.”

“Thank you buddy.” A genuine smile crossed his face. “I love you too.”

“Okay,” Nancy began, still trying to wrap her mind around it. “but if this is going to happen it’s after your surgery.”

“That’s fair.” I accepted falling back in my seat. “When is the surgery?”

“Two days.” Nancy quietly exhaled.

“What?” I gulped, looking over to her.

“I’m sorry.” She quickly apologized. “But I called after dinner and the doctor was so concerned. He insisted we do it ASAP.”

“I wanted to fit in another few games.” I shook my head, trying my hardest to accept the news.

“I know, but you should only be sidelined for two weeks.” She tried to comfort. “And I figured early in the season is better than late in the season.”

I nodded my head as she began to build a strong case. “You make that up just now?” I asked, as she shook her head no. “You did,” I called her out. “but it was a good save.”

A smile grew on her face as she heard those words. “And I made it Monday after school so Carter can come if he wants.”

“I’ll let him know.” I sighed, rising back to my feet. “I, uh, thank you.”

“Anytime.” Dad nodded his head. “Now you look exhausted, why don’t you call it a night?”

“Yeah.” I accepted, looking at them one more time before turning and climbing the stairs. Everything is happening so fast, but Nancy is right. They handled the first two weeks of the season without me, they can handle two more.

When I stepped back into my room I saw a familiar bump in my bed. “Tak,” I groaned walking over and throwing a spare pillow between us. “stay on your side tonight.”

“I always stay on mine.” He argued as I climbed into bed.

“Hit the lights Aaron.” I instructed as I pulled the covers over me.

“You were just walking around!” He groaned as he sat up.

“And now I ain’t.” I argued, trying my hardest to get comfortable.

He let out a deep sigh before standing up and flicking them off. It didn’t take long to fall asleep from there. Between the weed and basketball I passed out hard! That night I dreamt of nothing but darkness. I could hear and feel everything around me, but see nothing. It was as though my world had grown dark. As though my eyes had stopped working.

When I finally woke up I was covered in a cold sweat. I felt my breathing grow quick, and tried my hardest to convince myself it was just a dream. Yet my anxiety had already started racing, and unlike before I didn’t have the strength to fight it off.

It engulfed me as I pulled my sheets tightly. Just like all the other episodes I felt my vision blur between what was real and what was fake.

“No, no, no.” I forced out as I found myself back in my childhood apartment. “Stop!” I finally forced out, but nothing changed. The smell of the musty and moldy apartment filled my lungs as I saw everything exactly the way it was. I quickly raised my hand to my face and felt blood quickly poor over it.

I could hear moans and cries coming from a body in the corner as life began to fade from it. “Riley,” It quietly called out. “Riley, please,” She pleaded. “Riley, I, I need,” She began but before I could make anything out heard another voice calling my name.

“Riley, its okay.” The new voice argued. “Just breathe. I’ve got you.” She explained as I felt a cold cube land in my hand. I shut my eyes tightly and forced my hand closed. It took a few more minutes stuck in that hell but when I finally reopened my eyes I saw reality for what it was.

“Are you okay?” Mom asked, still holding onto both of my arms.

“Yeah.” I lied, trying to shrug her off of me.

“I’m serious Riley.” She warned with a worried look in her eyes.

“I’m fine.” I insisted, finally breaking free. “I just had a bad dream is all.”

She let out a deep sigh before checking my forehead. “Why don’t you just rest today?”

“Why?” I asked, running my own hand to my head. “I feel fine.”

“I know you do.” She nodded. “But I think you’re doing too much at once. Just rest today, you’re good at that.”

I fought her on it for a few more minutes but gave up when I realized I was getting nowhere. The day went by slow as I was forced to just lounge around and watch T.V. I pleaded with her to let me have Carter over, but she held her ground. Something about this episode had her more scared than any of the others, and I’m starting to think I feel the same way.

--

--

As the next day rolled around I couldn’t seem to get it off of my mind. Between that and the upcoming surgery I was quiet. I guess rehab helped me face everything, but I’ve never been so lost in my life. This is even worse than when I first got here! It’s like I don’t know who I want to be, or how I want to get there.

When I explained the upcoming situation to coach he wasn’t happy, but fully understood. He told me to do whatever was best for me in the long-term, that the team would find a way to survive. I know he’s right. I know I’ll be back soon. But this is one of the only things that makes me feel normal, and now it’s gone again!

“Hey.” Carter forced out as he saw me beginning to fall into my own head. “Everything okay?”

“Just fine.” I lied, looking down at my feet.

“Coach cleared me to miss practice so I can come with you to the hospital.” He offered, but I kept my head down. “Come on, we have something we have to do.” He suddenly began as he rose back to his feet.

“I ain’t in the mood.” I grumbled refusing to look up.

“Well too bad.” He shrugged. “It’s not optional.”

I let out a long groan as I stood up and faced him. “What?”

“You’ll see.” He happily replied. “We’re ready to go Coach!”

“Alright.” Coach Murray grumbled grabbing a basketball before saying something to another coach and walking up to us. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?” I asked as we began to walk away from the usual gym class.

“We have to,”

“You’ll see.” Carter interrupted coach with a smile.

“Just, behave and be a good role model.” Coach instructed as we exited the back doors of the school.

“Where we going?” I asked once more, following along as we made our way through the parking lot.

“Just be patient.” Carter instructed as we began to walk down the side walk. “I think you’ll enjoy this.”

“You sure about that?” Coach Murray asked, turning back towards Carter.

“For the most part.” He teased in a laugh.

“We’re goin there?” I asked as I saw the middle school appear down the street.

“Yup.” Coach Murray sighed.

“Surprise!” Carter exclaimed. “Varsity athletes get to visit the school every now and then to talk about sports, and this month is basketball’s turn!”

“How come we never had to do it before?” I asked in a sigh.

“Because we weren’t state champions,” Carter happily boasted. “but now they want to see us.”

“Yeah, and Cam and Curtis weren’t cutting it.” Coach Murray grumbled.

“You thought those two were good role models?” I couldn’t help but laugh for the first time all day.

“You want to go back to school and say that to them?” Coach Murray asked.

“Sure, I ain’t scared.” I forced out, reminding him who he was talking to.

He simply rolled his eyes and slammed the buzzer of the door as we finally arrived at the front door of the big building. “Coach Murray from Lake Michigan High here with two of my players.”

“Come in!” A voice greeted through the small box.

I couldn’t help but look around at the childish decorations along the walls. I had never really been to a middle school before. It all seems like a different world to me. Everything is, well, smaller! As we checked in the secretary gave me a cautious look. I could tell between the eye and tattoos she wasn’t thrilled with Coach Murray’s choice.

“Alright boys and girls.” I heard the teacher announce as we grew closer to the classroom. “everything away, we have some very special guests this morning.”

As we walked into the room I saw a quick blur jump from a seat before charging me. Before I knew what hit me I felt the familiar embrace of small arms. “Riley!” Tak yelped. “I didn know you was coming today!”

“Neither did I.” I sighed, hugging him back before he finally let go.

“That’s my older brother.” Tak explained to the teacher before going back to his seat.

“Yeah.” I nodded my head, trying to hide how embarrassed I was.

Before I could say anything else Carter gave me a small playful push. “I don’t get a hello?” Carter teased Tak as he eagerly watched on.

“Hi Carter!” Tak happily smiled.

“Usually I introduce the boys.” Coach Murray began, trying his hardest to seem as friendly as possible. “But given the circumstances why don’t you…” He trailed off not knowing the boy’s name.

“Tak.” I quickly answered for him.

“I think that’s a great idea.” The teacher encouraged, waiving Tak back to the front of the room.

“Okay,” Tak nervously began as he stood between me and Carter. “This is my older brother Riley Walker, and his boyfriend Carter Williams.” As the word boyfriend hit the air I saw the teacher brace for the class’ reaction but they continued watching us with wide eyes.

“Riley is the starting point guard for the basketball team and Carter is the starting shooting guard. They just won the state championship like, a few months ago!” He happily bragged. “Some people think Riley is better because he’s flashy, but Carter is the best player.”

“Alright Tak,” I warned, looking down at him. “they get it. You can go sit down now.”

He let out a short laugh before following instructions and finding his way back to his desk at the front of the room. “Okay boys and girls,” Their teacher began once more. “Carter and Riley are here to answer any questions about basketball you may have.”

A sea of hands flooded the air as the floor opened to them. “You in front.” Carter chose with a smile.

“Who’s better, Curry or LeBron?” A boy asked.

“Curry.” I let out without thinking about it.

“LeBron.” Carter answered, glancing over to me.

“We were thinking more questions about the boys.” The teacher tried to clarify. “Like, boys, how do you balance practice and school work.”

Carter gave me a second to answer but as he saw the look on my face took lead. “It’s a delicate balance.” Carter began to speak. “You have to commit everything you have to it. We get home from practice at around five, then do our homework for the rest of the night.” Some gasps filled the room as they tried to imagine what that was like. “But if you’re doing what you love, then it makes it ten times easier.”

“Yeah.” I tried my hardest to support. “Like for me basketball ain’t work. It’s just havin fun with my friends. Sure, it ain’t easy, but it’s worth it.”

Hands suddenly flew right back into the air as the kids followed their usual rhythm. “How about you?” Carter offered, calling on one of the girls.

“Who’s actually the best between you two?” She asked, immediately forgetting what the teacher had told them.

“Riley.” Carter answered before the teacher could say anything.

He looked to me, expecting to hear his name but as a smile crossed my lips he knew what I would say. “Me.” I nodded. Carter playfully shook his head, drawing laughter from the class.

“There are no best players in a team sport.” Coach explained from behind us. “We’re only as strong as our weakest link, meaning we’re only as good as our worst player.”

Gasps escaped from the class as they decrypted his words, sending even more hands flying from before.

“How do you practice?” One kid asked.

“Does it ever get boring?” Another wanted to know.

“Can I make the team?” A third asked.

“How hard is it?” One prodded.

Finally we wrapped up our last few questions and hugged Tak goodbye before leaving the oddly sized building.

“So,” Carter began as we walked back towards our own school. “What’d you think?”

“It was cool.” I shrugged, keeping my face down.

“That’s the most I’ve ever seen Walker smile.” Coach Murray teased.

“Yeah, what gives Riley?” Carter giggled with a shove.

“Just liked it I guess.” I answered, trying my hardest to keep my cards close to my chest.

“You like teaching kids.” Coach analyzed, drawing a blush from my face.

“Do not.” I shook my head.

“It’s cool.” Coach Murray nodded his head. “How do you think I became a coach?”

“Maybe you’ll be coaching one day Riley.” Carter teased with a smile.

“Doubt that.” I shook my head, unable to imagine myself in front of a team.

“I don’t.” Carter smiled.

Yet, meeting with those middle schoolers seem to be exactly what I needed. Sure, some of their questions were a bit odd. But they were funny, and curious. They listened when we spoke and were interested in what we had to say.

The good mood seemed to follow me through the rest of the day. Even with surgery looming this evening, it just felt good to have done something real today. I wasn’t just sitting in a classroom all morning being lectured to. I went out and I met with real kids. I told them what it means to be a varsity athlete and how they can get there.

--

--

Carter clung to my side the best he could until we both got picked up. He tried his hardest to direct our conversation to somewhere positive and keep my smiling. I don’t know how I would’ve done this without him. I don’t know how I would’ve done any of this.

“Nervous?” Mom asked as her, Walter, and I made the trip to the hospital with Carter driving close behind.

“No.” I muttered, throwing in headphones before they could force any more conversation.

Just like this morning I stayed quiet as we all entered the hospital and waiting room. Carter and my parents tried their hardest to keep a conversation going, but I wasn’t in the talking mood. This was it. I was about to lose my eye, and there’s absolutely nothing I could do about it.

Carter clutched my hand tightly as he noticed the small signs of nervousness I was trying to hide. “Can we have a second?” He asked, looking over to my parents.

“Sure.” Walter nodded, leading his wife across the room.

“You’re going to be okay.” Carter began before I could say anything. “I’m nervous too.” He explained, holding out his shaking hand. “But I know everything will be okay. You have some of the best doctors in the state.”

“Yeah.” I nodded my head, but stayed quiet.

“What is it?” Carter pressured, forcing eye contact. “I know you’ve been hiding something, and its okay, I-I won’t judge you.”

I let out a deep sigh and thought it over. “It’s stupid.” I shook my head, but he patiently waited for my answer. “It’s like, this whole time, I just, I was hopin science would come up with a way to fix my eye.”

“Oh.” Carter exhaled, gripping my hand tighter

“It was like, as long as my eye was there, there was a chance, you know?” I finally let him in.

“I know.” He nodded his head. “But I’m pretty sure science has had more success with robotic eyes than fixing biological ones. Imagine how cool that would be?” He tried his hardest to comfort. “You’ll be like the terminator.”

I couldn’t help but laugh and lean against him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He replied before laying a kiss on my head.

It didn’t take long from there for me to be called into prep. Mom and Dad tried their hardest to convince the nurse to let Carter come, but she insisted there was some stupid family policy. It scared me to know he couldn’t come, but I knew he would be sitting there in the waiting room, waiting patiently for my return.

“Okay Riley,” The nurse began. “now you’re going to be able to go home after the procedure, but you can’t lift anything over ten pounds or rub your eye for at least two weeks.” She began to explain. “You should also stay home as much as you can for that period.”

“Don’t get excited,” Nancy teased. “I’ll be home schooling you.”

The nurse laughed along with my mother and nodded. “You also might experience headaches for the first three days, but those will go away with just some Tylenol.” She explained as I tried my hardest to focus. “In five days you can go back to your ophthalmologist and he’ll have a prosthetic eye for you.”

“And if I don’t want one?” I asked, looking away.

“Then you can have an eye patch, but we encourage the use of prosthetics in the first two weeks.” She explained as I felt my mom grab my hand. “Okay, we’re ready for you.” She nodded as she noticed another nurse waiving her over.

“Okay Riley.” Nancy began, trying her hardest to hide her nervousness. “We’ll be right there with you when you wake up.”

“Be strong.” My father instructed, laying a hand on my arm. “Like I know you are.”

I gulped but nodded my head as I heard those words. I felt my heart racing but gave everything in me to prevent a panic attack from starting. Before I knew it I was being wheeled away from them and into a bright white room. I tried my hardest to stay calm as a nurse place what I can only describe as a mouth guard into my mouth.

“Good evening Riley,” I heard a voice call out. “I’m Dr. Ashley McGill and I’m your anesthesiologist.” I watched carefully as she detached the I.V. in my arm from the fluid bag. “Now just count down from ten and I guarantee you’ll be asleep.” She explained as she connected the line to something else.

“Ten, nine,” She began. “eight, seven, six, fix, four…” She trailed off as a slow darkness began to engulf me.

From that point on there was nothing. It was just dark, and I lost all sense of time. Before I knew it I began to wake up. It felt as though my soul was being forced back into my body as I struggled to regain consciousness. Sweat soaked me as I felt my body burning up. My head boomed as though an explosion had taken place inside of it. Before I knew what was happening a small hollowed pan was forced inform of me as I threw up.

“It’s alright.” I heard a voice try to comfort. “This is completely normal for some people. The procedure went exactly as planned.”

I let out a long groan as I felt my head fall back and opened my eye. Everything was blurry at first, but soon began to focus on the world around me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders. As I turned to see my parents and Carter I nodded my head. This wasn’t exactly perfect, but it’s over. The hard part is over. Right?