Tales of the Underground: Blinded - 19. A Real Father

The second I saw the hardwood of that court my heart jumped… from the huge basketball in the center with the bull’s logo roaring out of it, to the red paint down low…it was all just so perfect. I quickly looked up to the rafters and saw all the banners which decorated the building, from the retired numbers to the countless championship flags. All of it was just so mesmerizing…so surreal.

“You okay there?” Carter giggled seeing the amazement on my face. I shook my head in disbelief as no words came out “Fan boy” he teased grabbing onto my hand and leading me down into the lower bowl.

“Carter these seats” I finally exhaled as we reached seats down near the court “I…you can’t…Carter…” I stuttered causing him to laugh even more “You can’t be spendin this money on me man!”

“Why not?” he smiled, enjoying the moment.

“Cause it’s jus too much.” I shook still taking in all the sights “This must’ve cost you a fortune.”

“It’s only preseason” he shrugged “besides, my dad loves when I go to games, says it’s a great way to learn how the game is really played.”

“Still man…” I exhaled “I don like you buyin me shit.”

“Stop thinking about it so hard!” He instructed as the smile grew wider “I’m going to spoil you, that’s just how it is.”

“But I…I can’t give you anythin.” I let out turning towards him.

“I don’t expect you to” he shrugged “The smile on your face, getting you to talk to me…it’s all enough.” My smile grew unwillingly wider as I heard his words…he’s so gentle, so giving…so pure. “but should I ever get you in bed, maybe you should remem….” WELP! So much for pure!

“Carter!” I bashfully yelped.

“What?” he giggled as I began to blush “I’m just teasing you, I swear I don’t expect anything like that from you just because I buy you things…it wouldn’t be right…it wouldn’t feel right. I want that type of thing to happen when you’re ready for it.”

My nerves began to grow heavier as our eyes met “Well…my birthday is next weekend.” I bashfully offered.

His eyes grew wide as he heard my words “No really, if you’re not ready…”

“Guess we’ll have to wait and see.” I shyly let out “Besides maybe it could help me figure some of this out.”

Carter tried to hide his smile, in an effort to remove any sort of pressure form me “Whenever you’re ready…you know where to find me.”

I carefully nodded and looked back to the court…am I really thinkin about sex?…well I mean of course I am…who doesn’t? But with another guy? With another dude! How does that even work?! Then again it’s with Carter…it’s with the guy I trust the most in the world. Am I really able to be that vulnerable around him…that open. I took a deep breath as our eyes connected…I guess I am…if next weekend is when it happens…well it’ll be more than just a quick fuck, it’ll be more than just a one night stand…it’ll be a new level of our relationship…a way of getting even closer than we are.

“I tell you coach wrote a letter for my adoption?” I quickly blurted out, changing the subject completely.

Carter took a breath to switch thoughts before tilting his head “No, what did he say?”

“I don know” I shrugged thinking it over “But the judge said it helped show I’m tryin…maybe he did it because he knows Walter?”

“Or because you’re one of his players.” Carter giggled “He can be a hard ass at times, but coach really cares about us…we’re his team. I think he would’ve written that letter no matter what.”

“I don’t know man.” I clicked shaking my head at the idea.

He took a breath and discreetly rubbed my back “He’s hard on you because he believes in you…just like me. Remember when you first came over my house?” he let out a small laugh at the memory “I got in your face about every little slip up you had, but it’s because I know you can be better…I know you are better.”

“I’ll never get why you think that.” I shook hiding a small blush “You, the james’, coach…I jus don get it.”

A smile crossed his face as he thought over his response “There’s something special about you Riley Walker…” he began “Something rough …something dark, but also something light, and good. It’s like, if we can feed that side of you…if we can help you channel it, you’ll do amazing things with your life.” I shook my head once more, not believing a word of it “Don’t worry about any of that right now.” Carter comforted “Just enjoy the game.”

No matter what happens going forwards…no matter where I wind up, I’ll never forget this game. Seeing the players this close, getting to see what its really like in the NBA…it blew me away. They all played so hard…it was only preseason and yet they made every second count. On top of it all Carter was with me the whole time, smiling, cheering, laughing…just being well…Carter.

“Okay take it down a notch!” Carter giggled as I couldn’t help but dance around “It’s only preseason and they barely won.”

“So, you don have to be so negative.” I teased with a smile.

He let out a deep sigh and shook his head “So this is the type of music you like then?”

“Of course” I quickly dismissed “and it’s Kanye, doesn get better.”

“Of course you like him.” Carter let out while rolling his eyes “You’re the definition of a stereotype, you know that?”

“I don care.” I shrugged “I’m havin fun, besides you play ball…rap is the best for it.”

“That’s debatable.” He shrugged, keeping his pace through the thickening crowd.

“What?” I yelped “Are you crazy? You ever hear all of the lights? That song was made for it!”

“Tell yourself whatever you want.” He laughed as we finally left the huge stadium “I’m just glad to see you so alive.”

“What the hells that mean?” I protested shooting him a look.

“It means I’ve never seen you smiling for so long.” He shrugged “and you were just dancing around…I’ve just never seen this side of you.”

“Happens when I’m havin fun.” I explained walking ahead of him “Used to happen at parties all the time.” With a devious smile I turned back and raised my eye brows

“There’s no way in hell we’re having a party.” Carter exhaled, knowing what I was about to say.

“Jus think about it.” I encouraged “I mean what you worried about? That I can drink you under the table?”

“I don’t drink.” He dismissed with another roll of his eyes.

“I don’t drink.” I mimicked in an uptight tone “cut loose, have fun…you’re 17 go do somethin dumb.”

“How’d that work out for you?” He pressured “What happens if you start drinking and get really mad at someone? What if you do something stupid and get arrested?”

“Okay then we’ll wait until I’m adopted.” I exhaled “but we haven a party at some point this year.”

“No, we won’t” he shook, knowing how much trouble it would save if we didn’t.

“I think we will.” I insisted with a smirk once more “You changin me…showin me life around here, well why can’t I do the same?” I argued “I won even make you smoke, jus drink a little…I jus wanna see you try it.”

“I don’t know Riley.” He breathed as he began to waver.

“Just one night…some drinks…I can make you somethin fruity if ya need.” I winked “Some coconut rum, pineapple juice and some blue shit…I got you.”

Carter shook his head and forced eye contact “You’re 15! You shouldn’t know how to make drinks!”

“Yet I do.” I shrugged “So whadda say? An adoption party if you will.” I persuaded as we climbed into his car “How could you stand in the way of that?”

“Fine whatever.” He mumbled pulling out of the lot “And I don’t need to drink fruity things, I can drink whatever you can.” He nodded with the normal Carter flare.

“Nah you can’t.” I giggled thinking back to all the nights I had thrown up trying to find the perfect balance.

“Why not?” He slyly provoked keeping his focus on the road.

“Cause I been smokin and drinkin since I was bout 10 or 11, I can outdrink grown ass men.” I proudly exclaimed with a smile.

“It’s no wonder you barely speak English!” he giggled looking over at me “Your brain is probably mush.”

“I won’t need it anyway.” I confidently nodded “I’ve gotten this far haven I?”

“I guess so.” He shook navigating through the congested city “but I don’t think colleges will find it charming.”

“I don need that either.” I explained making a decision about my future.

“Oh yeah? Are you going to go to the NBA right out of high school?” I feel silent as I realized how crazy that must sound “Well let’s help you get there then.” He supported perfectly reading my mind.

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again…people like Carter…there’s no way they actually exist. I mean he’s so kind, so supportive…and what do I do for him? What do I give back? He’s like an angel…like god sent him just for me…to be mine. He makes my dreams feel real, he helps me to find confidence in who I am.

“Nice Jersey.” Nancy remarked as I walked back into the house “Where did you get it?”

“Carter” I exhaled embarrassed by the answer “Team went to a bull’s game, an he said it was an early birthday gift.”

“Well that’s awfully nice of him.” She let out. As I turned towards her I saw a fake smile hiding concern. “Did you enjoy the game?” I quietly nodded, trying to get a better read on what was going on “Why don’t you go get changed and ready for bed, Walter should be home soon, and well…we just need to talk to you about something?”

I took a breath and hid the worry that was beginning to grow on my own face “Is everythin good?”

“Just fine dear.” She smiled dismissing me to follow her orders.

The wait for Walter seemed like one of the longest in my life…something just seemed wrong…like really really wrong. I’ve seen that look on people’s faces before, and even worse, what comes after they “talk to you”. Do they no longer want to adopt me? Did David not waive his parental rights? Is he going to get custody of me? My mind raced on and on as I sat on my bed listening to Aaron ramble on and on about his studying. Are they going to take me away? Will I lose Carter? Will I…

“Hey buddy.” A tired Walter greeted me as he creaked open the door “Aaron, Do you mind giving us a few minutes alone?”

“Sure.” Aaron suspiciously nodded staring at us as he walked out of the room.

The anxiety in my head only seemed to ring out more and more as Walter took a seat at the desk across from my bed. “Is everythin okay? Where’s Nancy?””

“She…she needs to talk to Aaron about something.” He took a breath and thought over his answer carefully “Well there’s good news and bad news, which one…”

“Am I not gonna get adopted?” I interrupted not having control of my own words.

“No, no…” he quickly dismissed “Nothing like that.”

“Then what?!” I demanded, feeling my anxiety shake with each work that escaped my lips.

“David Walker waived his parental rights today.” He exhaled forcing eye contact with me “I…I actually sat down with him for a few minutes...”

“When do I get to see him?” I interrupted once more “No that I’m in a rush, I just feel like…”

“Cy…” he exhaled stopping my sentence “He requested that you not visit him.”

“What?” I let out in shock “He can do that?”

“I’m afraid so.” He nodded reaching out his hand “Look if there’s…”

“No.” I shook still not understanding “He can’t…he knows bout me…he signed my birth papers. He owes this to me!”

“I know.” Walter supported in a disappointed tone “I tried my best to convince him, but he wouldn’t budge.”

I pounced up not knowing what to do with myself…not knowing how to react “Whatever!” I yelped turning my back to Walter “I don need him! I made it this far didn I?!” I shouted shaking my head “I…I made it without him, I was the man of the house! I bought home the food! I..me!” My anger began to build up as I thought it over “And where the fuck was he when my mom got killed? Where was he when I got hurt? He’s never been a part of my life! Why would I expect that to change?” The words began to break up and shake as I kept speaking. No matter how tough I was trying to act, no matter how brave I was trying to be…it was all falling apart as doubt crept into my mind. “Why doesn he want me man?” I exhaled as the first tear feel “What did I do? I never even got to meet him!”

“I know.” He consoled with as much sadness as me “It’s not fair for him to leave you like this. It’s not fair that you won’t have the answers you want, but he’s not worth blaming yourself.” Walter grasped onto my arms and turned me around to face him “He’s not worth hating yourself, and he’s not worth the tears.” Walter breathed still holding onto me “He’s the one missing out here, you’re an amazing kid and whether you believe it or not, you have so much potential.” He shook his head thinking over his encounter with my birth father “He’s the one missing out.” He repeated still shaking his head.

“What did you two talk bout?” I pried still not bothering to look up. I did my best to hide my tears, but I could tell they were obvious.

I heard another deep breath escape Walter’s lungs as he thought about how to word it “Not much, I asked him to waive his rights and he did. He…he wasn’t much of a talker, but I made him listen…” As I heard Walter’s words I looked up and finally connected eyes with him “I told him what a mistake he made walking out on you, what a mistake he was making by refusing to meet with you, what a mistake he was making by not being the father you deserve…I told him how strong you are, how you don’t fear anything, and how good you are at basketball…how you fly when you hit the court, how you have a real gift…but most importantly what a good kid you are. I made him know what he was missing, I made him know the young man you’re growing into, and the shame and pain he should have in never getting to know you.”

I bit down on my lip as his words hit me harder and harder…he went to bat for me…he stared down the face of a murderer and didn’t back down. I nodded not knowing what to say…not knowing how to thank him. A few seconds of silence passed but still nothing came to mind.

“You’ll be okay.” Walter supported once more “You’re strong.” I nodded again, but just sat back on my bed in silence “Why don’t you try and get some rest?”

“Okay.” I softly responded not having the strength to say anything else. I heard the door close behind him, but instantly reopen as Aaron stepped back into the room.

“I know you’re going to be mad…” he began “but mom told me what happened. I’m sorry..” he continued not quite sure what do say “I know how you feel…I know what it feels like to not know who your birth parents are.”

I took a breath and thought it over “How do you get over it?” I exhaled not bothering to roll over and look at him.

“Honestly…” he contemplated “I don’t think I did, I think it’ll always be something that bothers me, but having my parents love, it calms that feeling…it reminds me how lucky I am to have been adopted. Cy…”he confidently let out, figuring out what he wanted to say “We were wronged the first time, abandoned by our birth parents, but boy did we get lucky this time around. I promise this place will start to feel like home, and I promise you’ll shrug off that jerk…you don’t need him, you have us for family now.”

I nodded to what he said but kept silent and drifted off to sleep. It’d be easy to say this day went south fast…but I don’t think it did. I wish David would meet with me, I wish I could sit across from him and see the person he is…see why he left, but with the family I have here…with Aaron, Nancy and Walter…well maybe I don’t need that. Like Walter said, I’ll be okay…I’ll be okay.