Tales of the Underground: Blinded - 57. Peace

| Riley |

It’s a weird experience, making peace with people. Up until this point I was taught to fuel my hatred toward others. To use it as my greatest weapon. But now I see how foolish that is. Now I see that feeding my hate wasn’t making me stronger. It wasn’t making me tougher. It was pushing me towards the edge. It was pushing me towards death. I’m ready to leave that all behind now. I’m ready to find peace within myself.

The rest of the day I could feel my anxiety pulsing in the background but leaned on my friends to help me cope with it. Normally I would hide away. Try my hardest to not show that weakness. But I did that with David’s death, and look where that got me. Walter was right. I’m not the same kid from the Southside that showed up a few months ago. I’m different now, and what used to help then, only hurts now.

When basketball practice rolled around Coach forced me to take it easy. I wound up helping Trey more than actually training, but that was okay with me. Besides, even when I hated him, well I knew we had good chemistry on the court.

“What you doin?” I asked as Trey began to breath heavy. “That was weak!”

“I need a minute.” He shook his head.

“Push yourself!” I forced out in a loud voice. “You wanna be a starter? Then you don’t get a minute!”

“Riley,” Trey began to argue.

“Run it again.” I interrupted, tossing the ball back to him before he could say anything else. As he ran through the drill again I saw him clean up the sloppy play. “That’s it!” I tried to encourage. “Let it flow through you!” I shouted as he worked away on his offensive skills.

“Better?” He exhaled, tossing me the ball back and trying his hardest to catch his breath.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “But you gotta stop thinkin. The offensive side of basketball, its creativity man. It’s like art in motion.” I tried to explain as I began to dribble the ball. “Just imagine what you wanna do and then try it.” I lectured, showing off a quick dribble move with the ball.

“I don’t have that good of control with the ball.” He admitted, finally starting to stand up straight once more.

“Then practice dribblin every day.” I shrugged. “And when you are dribblin crouch lower, you stand too straight.” I tossed the ball back to him and watched as he followed my advice. “Now run it again!”

As I glanced over to the other side of the gym I caught Coach giving me a nod of approval. I don’t say it much but he’s been one of the biggest influences on me getting better. He’s been tough on me ever since I got here, but that’s what I needed. I needed someone to keep on me, to keep pushing me.

--

--

When practice ended I quickly got changed and found my Dad’s car in the parking lot. I excitedly jumped in the passenger’s seat, eager for what I had been waiting for all day.

“Coach Murray called me this morning,” He began as pulled out of the school lot. “said you had an episode in gym class.”

“Yeah.” I sighed, staring out of the window. “The buzzer randomly went off and scared everyone. It just caught me off guard is all.”

“Were you okay?” He baited. I know Coach told him the full story, but he’s giving me a chance to be honest with him, to tell my side of the story.

“Not at first,” I confessed, looking over to him. “but my friend Trey helped calm me down.”

“Good to hear.” He nodded as relief filled his face. “Now let’s get you a dog.”

I felt a smile cross my face as I heard those words. I spent the rest of the ride thinking about what to name the dog. Maybe something tough like Titan or Rocky. No! Maybe after a basketball player! Maybe Jordan or Butler!

“Where are we?” I asked as he pulled off of the main road and towards a cemetery.

“Since we have to pass it I figured we might as well stop.” He explained, looking over to me. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah.” I nodded as he slowly drove on the dirt road. To my surprise I noticed my grandmother’s car sitting outside a familiar patch of graves. “You plan this?”

“Plans a strong word.” He answered. “When I realized the breeder was out this way I let your grandmother know we’d be stopping by.”

I nodded my head but fell quiet as we crawled to a stop. “Riley!” She happily smiled as I stepped out of the car. “How are you doing?”

“I’m good.” I replied as she pulled me in for a hug. “How are you?”

“Well.” She forced a smile, still resting on me as we pulled away. “How’s Carter?”

“Annoying,” I teased drawing a laugh from her. “but good.”

“Happy to hear it.” She nodded, beginning to gently rub my back. “I’m glad you could finally come visit him.”

“So am I.” I exhaled, slowly walking towards a grave I hadn’t seen in months.

“He really did see himself in you.” She reminded me. I helped her down to the ground, before following her lead and falling to my own knees.

It’s a weird experience, visiting someone’s grave. They’re gone, yet you can still feel them around you. You can still feel like they’re right there with you. There were a few minutes of silence between the three of us until finally grandma picked her head back up.

“He’s proud of you, you know that right?” She asked as I forced a nod. “You’ve come such a long way, and grown so much.”

“I didn’t really start growin until I met him.” I pointed out, unable to look up from the stone.

“Maybe so,” She said, looking over to me. “but you were marked for something special long before that.”

I fell quiet as her words began to bounce around my mind. “Why don’t we give them a few minutes alone?” Dad suggested, looking down at his mom.

“Okay.” She accepted as he helped her get to her feet, and led her to her car.

I let out a deep breath as I was finally left alone with the stone. With a trembling hand I reached into my shirt and grabbed onto the dog tag that lay inside.

“I’m finally back.” I began, not knowing what to say. “I’m not better yet, but I’m tryin to be. I wish you were here to see that.” I shook my head. “I wish you were here to guide me. But it’s okay that you’re not.” I forced out. “I got, I got my Dad guidin me. He’s just like you sometimes. He can be so strong and smart, you passed to torch to him, and one day he’ll pass that to me. I’mma make you both proud. I promise you that.” I swore, clutching the metal square tighter. “Rest easy, when I see you again I wanna hear all your stories again, and I wanna tell you some of mine.”

I took another few moments of silence before getting back to my own feet and walking towards my dad. “You okay?” He asked, but before he could say anything else I reached out and gave him a tight hug.

“Thank you for takin me in.” I said without thinking. “You saved my life.”

“Thank you for letting us.” He quickly replied as he tried to adjust to what was happening. He held me for a few second before finally letting me go. “I’m proud of you Riley.” I nodded but fell quiet, letting the moment speak for itself.

We wound up going back to the grave for a few more minutes before finally getting back in the car and leaving. Dad offered to let Grandma come with us, but she said it was getting a little too late for her. We tailed her car to make sure she got home safe before finally starting the drive to the breeder.

When we finally got there I couldn’t help but excitedly rush to the door. “You must be the James family.” A man said as the barking of dogs filled the background.

“Yup.” Dad answered from behind me. “I’m Walter and this is my son Riley.”

The man took a long look at me before nodding his head. “I’m Andrew. Come in.” He motioned, stepping aside to let us in. I noticed him watching me as he led us through his house, but tried my hardest to ignore him. He could think whatever he wants. If it means I get to take a couple of dogs from him I’m fine with it!

“Here they are.” He exhaled, pulling a door open and exposing a large room with five puppies in it. “Their mother is upstairs if you’d like to see her, but I have to be honest, she isn’t friendly to strangers.”

“That’s what we lookin for.” I said, watching the puppies run around the room. Some of them ran up to the gate blocking the now open door while others did their best to ignore us.

“Within reason.” Dad reminded me. “We have an eleven year old at home we need the dogs to be friendly with.”

“They’ll be friendly to who they grow up with,” Andrew quickly explained. “but strangers are a different story.”

“Good.” I remarked as the man opened the gate for us. Three immediately rushed us and began jumping on our legs as we finally walked inside.

“What about this one?” Dad asked as one jumped up and down on his leg.”

“Maybe.” I nodded my head, but was focusing on the dogs at my own feet. As I looked around the room I noticed one sitting in the corner observing us. As I approached I noticed the breeder watching me even closer than before.

“That one is a little less active than his brothers and sisters.” Andrew warned. “Take it slow approaching him.”

I followed instructions but noticed the dog pull away as I grew closer. “Here.” Dad instructed as he joined me. “Reach out a fist so he can get your scent.” As he reached out his hand the dog took a sniff but looked away once more.

As I mimicked his action the dog took an extra few seconds to sniff me before standing up and walking between my crouched legs. As it looked up to me I noticed something different about this one. Instead of having two brown eyes, it had one brown and one blue.

“It likes you.” The breeder explained as I began to lightly pet the dog’s head.

“Why’s its eyes like that?” I asked, slowly letting the dog warm up to me.

“That happens sometimes.” He shrugged, unable to give me an actual answer. “It happens more often in Alaskan huskies, but can happen with any breed, or really animal for that matter.”

“The Native Americans used to believe dogs like that could see both the spirit and natural worlds.” Dad explained from next to me.

“Oh.” I exhaled, standing up and taking a few steps back. As I went to pet another dog I noticed the one from the corner approaching again. This time when he reached me he rolled over on his back.

“He trusts you.” The breeder analyzed. “You may not have chosen a dog, but one has certainly chosen you.”

I quickly looked back at Walter who let out a deep breath. “He won’t be nasty to my other sons or wife will he?”

“He’s never been nasty to me or my wife, even if he isn’t the friendliest one.” The breeder began. “But he’ll mainly be going off your son’s actions.”

“We’ll take him.” Walter submitted, noticing me giving the puppy a belly rub. “But Riley, that one’s your responsibility.”

“I got it.” I quickly nodded as Walter began to pick out a dog of his own. I tried my hardest to help, but most of my attention was on the dog who had picked me. When he finally wrapped up he picked one of the more high energy dogs. One he said “Tak could keep up with.”

It took another twenty minutes for Dad to fill out the paper work, but I didn’t mind. I had a dog to start taking care of after all.

“So.” Dad began as I tried my hardest to keep control over both dogs in the back of the car. “Think of a name for yours yet?”

I carefully thought it over as the dog looked back up at me, making sure to flash its blue eye. “Spirit.” I proudly answered.

“That’s a good name.” He nodded his head. “I think I’m going to let Tak name the other.”

“You gonna get a weird name.” I warned in a laugh.

“I know,” He agreed. “but it will help Tak feel more responsible for it.”

“And Aaron?” I asked looking up at him.

“Aaron likes dogs no matter what.” He smiled. “He’ll just be happy we’re finally bringing a couple home.”

“So you and Aaron wanted one, and you still let Nancy stop you?” I asked with a shake of my head.

“Hey, I’ve noticed you backing down from her lately.” He teased, taking a glance in the rearview mirror.

“Just givin her a break.” I lied, remembering just how scary she can be when she wants.

The rest of the ride went by quickly as both dogs finally fell asleep in the car. When we got home Dad scooped up his as I made sure to take Spirit. When we walked in the front door both dogs jumped awake as Aaron and Tak ran to the front of the house.

“They better behave.” Nancy warned, watching her sons rush to the dogs now walking freely in their new home.

As Aaron went to pet Spirit the dog backed away and walked back by my legs. “I don’t know what I expected.” He sighed. “Like owner like puppy.”

“Good boy Spirit.” I laughed, lightly petting the dog on its head.

“Spirit?” Aaron repeated taking a long look at the dog.

“I like it.” Tak supported, already running around with the other puppy.

“No running in the house!” Mom shouted as Dad began to laugh.

“What’s this one’s name?” Tak asked, finally slowing down.

“You tell me.” Dad offered, watching his youngest son crouch down to pet it.

“Flash!” He quickly decided as the dog began to lick his hand, before jumping on his chest and licking his face.

“How could you think this was a bad idea?” Dad teased our mother as Tak’s laughter filled the air.

“Ask me again in a week when they’ve chewed the house apart!” She dismissed, walking back towards the living room.

We spent the rest of the night running around and playing with the dogs, even Spirit seemed to lighten up when he saw me bouncing a tennis ball around! It was good to just relax for once, to just goof around as brothers with their dogs. And when it was finally time to go to bed, well I made sure Spirit was sleeping in my bed with me.

“You better make sure it likes Carter.” Aaron warned as he laid back in his bed. “He’s not very good with dogs.”

“Spirits different.” I warned, reaching down and gently petting his head. “He’s calm.”

“Sure he is.” Aaron rolled his eyes and hit the lights. “Just keep it well behaved. I’m not letting you ruin this for Flash.”

“If anything, Flash is trouble.” I clicked my tongue. “Spirit wouldn’t do anything wrong.”

We both fell quiet for a few seconds until suddenly I heard a squeak from Aaron’s bed. “Why do you want to see Owen again so badly?”

“I don’t want to,” I tried to clarify. “I just have to.”

“No you don’t.” He rejected. “You have to breathe. You don’t have to meet the kid who almost had you killed.”

“You breathe to survive,” I began. “you settle your past so you can live. There’s a big difference in the two.”

“Eli tell you that?” He shot back, unamused by my words.

“Does it matter?” I asked, finally glancing over to his dark outline. I noticed Aaron shake his head as he turned his back to me.

Despite Aaron’s words, that night I slept the best I had in months. It was like I finally felt safe in my own bed. Like I finally felt like there was something protecting me. When Aaron’s morning alarm finally sounded I couldn’t help but laugh as Spirit had the same reaction as me. He let out a small whimper before curling back up into a ball and falling asleep once more.

--

--

The day before seemed to have set a precedent for my week as I slowly but surely improved my mood. Before I knew it I was smiling and laughing openly instead of keeping my emotions locked inside. Carter insisted I go over his house until Spirit could get more used to his new home. I pleaded my case, but Carter didn’t want to take any chances until I could guarantee that Spirit and Flash would behave.

As the weekend approached Carter reached out to Owen and made a plan for the three of us to meet Saturday afternoon. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous, but this is something I need to do and deep down I bet Owen feels the same.

“You sure you want to do this?” Carter asked as we pulled into the driveway of Owen’s house.

“I have to.” I nodded my head, trying my hardest to hide my shaking hand.

“I’ll be with you every step of the way.” He tried to comfort, reading the nervousness in my eyes.

“I love you.” I said, as we both stepped out of the car.

“I love you too.” He accepted, leading me to Owen’s front door. Carter watched closely as my trembling hand reached out and forced the doorbell in.

After a minute or two of silence a figure appeared on the other side of the glass and slowly pulled the door open. “Hey.” He forced out. I couldn’t help but freeze at the site. It was clear he had some work done in an attempt to hide his scarring, but no matter what he did, they were always going to be present. Thick red lines spanned different parts of his face and arms, reminders of what had happened between us.

As I reached out to shake his hand I noticed him jump back. “Come in.” He tried to play it off, but Carter glanced to me, having noticed the same thing.

“It’s good to see you again.” Carter forced out, as Owen quietly led us to his living room.

“You too.” He replied, but his tone said a different story.

As we all took a seat I let out a deep breath. “I’m sorry.” I began. “What happened in the Southside, what I did to you, I ain’t that person anymore” I lectured as Owen stared at the ground. “Now even if I had a gun to my head, I still couldn’t do it.”

“Why are you apologizing to me?” He shook his head. “I almost got you killed.”

“I know,” I nodded my head. “but that don’t make what I did any easier to swallow.”

“I still have nightmares about it.” He suddenly let out, hardly listening to a word I said. “All of it.”

“Me too.” I forced out. “Maybe, maybe you should go to rehab like I did.”

“That’s stupid.” He rejected, still not looking up. “Why did you come here today Riley? To shove in my face how grown you think you are now?”

“That’s not what I’m doin.” I said, caught off guard by the way he was acting. “I want to make peace. I think that’s what we both need.”

“Don’t tell me what I need.” He lashed out, finally looking back up. “After all of this, after all we’ve been through, I still hate you Riley.”

“Then why agree to this?” Carter suddenly spoke, catching everyone’s attention.

“Because I needed to remind myself that Riley’s only human.” Owen shook his head. “That he still doesn’t belong here.”

“After all you’ve been through, you still believe that?” Carter asked before I could say anything.

“How could I not?” Owen asked, looking over to him. “He doesn’t speak proper English. He doesn’t have any manners. He does whatever he wants. He takes advantage of whoever he wants. He hurts whoever he wants, just give him the chance and that side comes out.”

“You know what man,” I clicked my tongue and stood up. As I reached my feet I noticed Owen jump back in his chair. “you cling to whatever ideas you need to to survive. I thought after everything that happened you would’ve grown. I thought you would be different now, but you the same scared kid I met when I got here.” I shook my head. “I’ll pray for you man. Let’s go Carter.”

“You’ll pray for me?” Owen asked as Carter stood up. “You’ll pray for me?” He asked louder. “I don’t need your prayers!” He shouted as Carter and I began to head towards the door. “God doesn’t listen to monsters like you!”

“What an asshole!” Carter remarked as he slammed the front door behind us.

“It’s fine.” I sighed, climbing into the passenger’s seat of Carter’s car.

“It’s not.” He tried to argue. “Owens always been an,”

“Owen’s sick.” I interrupted, not wanting to hear another word. “He’s held onto hate for too long, and now, now look at him.” I lectured as Carter grew quiet. “That’s what I could’ve become.”

“You won’t.” Carter supported, looking over to me.

“I know,” I nodded. “but only because I got you and my family. I hope you see that.”

“We do.” Carter forced a smile.

“You sure about that?” I asked as he let out a small laugh.

“I’ll show you.” He said, backing out of the driveway. “I’m not letting Owen Avery ruin another day of your life.”

I couldn’t help but smile at his words. Owen can believe whatever he wants. He’s no longer someone who effects me. I’ve made my peace with him. I’ve said my words. He can take them or leave them. It makes no difference to me.

--

--

When we pulled into the driveway of my house I couldn’t help but shoot Carter a confused look. “Okay, so how you gonna show me?” I teased as his smile grew.

“Follow me.” He instructed as we both got out of his car. “Close your eye.” He insisted, taking me by the hand and leading me around the house. “Your left eye is peaking!” He joked as I shook my head.

“Stupid ass.” I laughed, giving him a light shove.

As I heard him open the back gate I went to look, but didn’t want to ruin whatever surprise he had planned.

“WELCOME HOME RILEY!” I heard a group shout as I finally opened my eye and saw all of my family and friends standing there.

“Wh-what?” I asked, looking towards Carter.

“We never got to properly welcome you back,” Carter announced with a growing smile.
“and now, now that we know you’re staying in Chicago, well I’d say it’s warranted.”

“You did this?” I let out in surprise.

“With some help from your parents.” He nodded his head.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” I exhaled, pulling him in close. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He said, holding me close.

As we finally broke apart and joined the party I couldn’t believe all the people he had invited. My Grandma, Coach Murray, the basketball team, Noah, hell, even Eli was there! For the first time ever I felt like I belonged with all of them. Like I was finally a real part of the Northside.

We spent the whole party eating, listening to music and just goofing around. Eli was more than happy to see that Trey and I had finally settled our differences. That for the first time since I had gotten home I was fully and completely happy.

Eventually I even convinced Carter to come upstairs and see Spirit!

“You’re sure he won’t bite me?” Carter skeptically asked as we stood outside of the door.

“Positive.” I nodded my head. Spirit must of heard me because suddenly his loud bark filled the air causing Carter to jump. “It’s fine.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “He’s just a puppy, show your dominance and you’ll be fine.”

“Easy for you to say.” He gulped as I slowly opened the door.

“Spirit.” I called out as he rushed me and began to jump on my legs. “They lock you in here cause they a bunch of bullies?” I asked, reaching down and picking him up. As I walked over to my bed and took a seat I noticed Carter slowly walking into the room. “Come pet him.” I instructed as Carter grew closer.

As he reached his hand out I noticed Spirit’s lip starting to curl up. “No!” I let out in a strict voice, causing him to immediately stop. “Give him your fist so he can get your scent.” I explained, remembering my Dad’s words for when I had first met Spirit.

Carter did as instructed and before we knew it Spirit was lightly licking his hand. “Good boy!” I encouraged, quickly petting the dog. “I was talkin to you by the way.” I teased Carter as he rolled his eyes.

“You had to go and get a dog just like you?” He sighed, slowly starting to pet the dog.

“The dog chose me.” I shrugged. “Besides, if I’m like this dog, then I’m the shit.”

“That’s what we need,” Carter sighed. “you to get a bigger ego.”

“You love it.” I laughed, looking over to him.

“I do.” He nodded, leaning in and giving me a kiss.

When I was sure Spirit had calmed down I was able to let him go and freely roam the room once more. I gave Carter another kiss before standing up and grabbing a box off my desk.

“What’s that?” He asked, but I stayed quiet as I pulled it open and removed the contents. “Riley.” He pressured noticing me pull my eye patch off and force something into my eye. “Woh.” He gasped as I turned to him. “I-I can’t believe my eyes.” He forced out as shock entered his face. “You, you’re beautiful, you know that?”

“Why you always gotta call me beautiful?” I complained as he grew closer.

“Because you are,” He tried to encourage. “and I know it bothers you.” He teased with a growing smile.

“It doesn’t bother you that it drifts?” I sighed, as he looked deeply into my eyes.

“No.” Carter shook his head. “I don’t even notice that. It’s just, it’s crazy to see you with two real eyes.”

“Oh.” I exhaled as my eyes began to drop.

“I think you’re perfect no matter what.” He tried to encourage, picking my head back up. “No matter what happens, I always will.”

I leaned forward and let our lips connect once more. “I love you.” He let out as I pulled away.

“I love you too.” I nodded. We let silence fill the air as our eyes met once more, until finally Spirit ran over to the door and began to bark. “He’s gotta go out.” I groaned.

“Sucks to suck.” He giggled, heading towards the door.

“You ain’t comin with me?” I asked in surprise.

“Nope!” He teased. “I’ll meet you in the backyard when you get done.”

“Yeah whatever.” I dismissed with a wave of my hand.

“Oh, and after the party, you’re coming over.” He let out, looking back at me. “I’ve got something I want to show you.”

I let out a laugh of my own and shook my head. “You somethin else Carter Williams.”

“So are you Riley Walker,” He smiled, as I grabbed a leash from my desk. “and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

As Carter finally left I hooked Spirit up and made my way to the front of the house. After he did his business I found myself taking a seat on the front steps and just thinking everything over. I just need a moment to take this all in. To finally let it all click in my head.

“You okay?” Mom asked as she pulled open the front door with Flash on his own leash.

“I’m good.” I nodded my head. “Just lettin Spirit have some freedom.”

“That’s nice of you.” She smiled, taking a seat next to me.

“Thank you for the party.” I forced out, watching Spirit sniff around the grass.

“You deserved it.” She nodded her head. “You’re wearing your eye?” She asked, finally getting a good look at my face.

“I wanted to show Carter.” I confessed as her smile grew.

“What’d he think?” She asked in an excited voice.

“What do you think?” I teased, causing her to laugh.

“I bet he thinks you’re perfect.” She said as a blush entered my face. “He really is perfect for you.”

“I’mma marry him.” I nodded my head.

“I know.” She agreed. “But he’s going to have to fight me for that.”

“You a crazy lady.” I laughed, looking back to the dogs.

A few moments of silence filled the air as we both thought it all over. “You’ve grown so much,” She finally let out. “when you first got here, I, I…” She trailed off, trying to find the best words she could.

“You looked at me like you knew me,” I began, filling the silence for her. “then you said you was expectin me. I’ll never forget that moment.” I shook my head. “It was the first time I felt like I was finally where I was supposed to be.”

Tears began to fall from her face as she heard those words. “I felt that too.” She nodded her head.

We both grew quiet once more, except this time we could hear the music from the party. I quickly tied the leash in my hand to the post before taking Flash’s from her and doing the same. “Dance with me.” I suddenly offered, surprising even myself.

“What?” She asked as her smile grew the widest I had ever seen.

“Dance with me.” I repeated, standing up and reached out a hand.

She gladly took it and before I knew it she was holding me close, holding me in only a way a mother could. My whole life I was looking for a family, looking for people who actually cared about me. There was a time in my life I never thought that would come. Then there was a time when I didn’t think I was worthy of it. Hell, a part of me still thinks that. But everyone here today, Carter, My Mama, they show me just how wrong that part of me is. They show me I’m loved. They show me I finally have a family. They show me I’m worth it.