Tales of the Underground: Blinded - 21. No Place Like Home

As I walked back into that house I realized how much I was getting used this place. It wasn’t just a holding place anymore, or someone else’s house for that matter…it’s become my home. I’ve explored every corner, and from time to time still scale the front to relax on the balcony…Nancy would flip her shit if she knew about that! But still this is my home…my family…no one’s going to take that from me.

All that night, and into the next day we went over what the case worker was going to ask or say. Nancy and Walter went over the house a million times to make sure it was perfect in every single way. I’m pretty sure Nancy almost got a new kitchen table out of it too! I thought I was finally gonna catch a break when I got to school but Carter was just as bad as Nancy and Walter…maybe even worse! Constantly trying to fix my English, or telling me to talk loud…but deep down I think they could tell none of it was going to stick…I am who I am, and that’s that. Yet still as practice ended, and night fell upon the North Side I couldn’t help but feel nervous. This is it…the last thing that stands between me and safety…me and a family is a case worker…I won’t let them fuck it up…I don’t care what I have to do, I won’t let it end here.

My heart seemed to beat harder and harder as knocks pounded on the door “Alright gang.” Nancy exhaled as Walter went to get the door “game faces on.” I ran my hand up towards my hair, still a bit sweaty from practice then immediately shook it free, knowing I was better off seeming real than fake.

“So I’m Natasha Davis and I’m here from Heart Link adoption agency to conduct a home visit for the case of Riley Walker.” I heard a female voice echo from the front of the house.

“Nice to meet you Natasha, I’m Walter James, and right through here…” I heard Walter drone on as a he lead the woman through the big house and into the living room where we had all been sitting “is my wife Nancy, and my son Aaron, and hopefully my future son Riley, but he prefers to go by the name...”

“Cy…” The case worker gasped getting a good look at me. She scanned me from top to bottom, from the marking and light hint of a tattoo showing under my sleeve up my body to the marked up eye on my face. I couldn’t help but fidget as her eyes quickly darted from me to the case file she was holding in her hands “Sorry” she nervously exhaled “We have so many cases we don’t always get to review the ones we’re going to, and Cy…well he’s almost a myth in the area where Heart Link is located…we didn’t even his real name.” Are you kidding me? I have to go through a Southside agency?! This is some type of joke…some type of sabotage…it has to be!

“We’ve heard he has quite the record.” Nancy interrupted “But I can guarantee you that he’s a much different young man from what you’ve heard, isn’t that right Cy?”

“Yeah” I muttered as my eyes locked with the case worker’s…she’s the only thing between me and them…the only thing.

“Why don’t we show you around the house?” Walter quickly jumped in, noticing the bad start we were getting off to “I can guarantee you everything is up to code, and that this is a safe home for him to be living in.” Walter rambled on and on as he took us all through the house, showing her every single nook and cranny. Yet as impressive as the house was, I could see her eyes drifting right back to me. Her eyes seemed to dance with a tinge of fear every time they met mine…there’s no doubt she’s heard the stories…she’s heard who I was.

“Okay” she nodded as we headed back to the living room, making sure to mark up a few sheets the second she got the chance “Now why don’t we do some quick group questions before we move onto private interviews?” She breathed, doing her best to hide the tension she was feeling “Aaron, how is Cy fitting into your school system? Has he made friends? Is he doing well in his classes?”

“I’m a year older so I don’t know much about his classes.” Aaron shrugged “But he’s definitely making friends. We all hang out whenever we’re free, but he’s also on the varsity basketball team…so he doesn’t get much free time…he’s pretty much just another student there.”

“And have there been any disciplinary issues?” she poked turning towards Walter.

“Not that we’ve been made aware of.” He answered looking over towards me “As far as we know he gets his work in on time, and behaves in his classes.”

“And his grades?” She led, writing down some notes.

“Quarter reports don’t come out for another few weeks.” He explained with a smile “but I’m sure he’s doing fine.”

“Do you feel at home and safe here?” Natasha asked, shifting her look to me.

I tried to force eye contact with her, but it was growing obvious that the way she looked at me wasn’t nearly the same as the way she looked at everyone else “Yeah.” I answered, still trying to force the eye contact. A few seconds of silence passed before I felt Nancy’s eyes on me, pressuring for me to say more “I mean this has become my home…I’ve never known anythin like it, I can jus be safe here…that’s new for me.”

“Nancy and Walter, you accept the risks that come along with taking in an at risk youth such as Cy?” Natasha prodded “and understand where he comes from?”

“Yes” Walter nodded with a smile, but I could feel tension slowly begin to radiate off of him as the atmosphere grew sourer.

I opened my mouth, but Nancy discreetly grabbed me before I could ask her what the fuck she meant by risks? I mean risks?! I’ve been here for a few weeks now and I ain’t don nothin wrong! Now suddenly I’m a risk? Natasha wrote down a few more notes, before announcing that we would be shifting into private interviews. Nancy went first, then Walter, Aaron and finally me.

As I walked into Walter’s office Natasha was using for the interviews I didn’t know how to carry myself…as someone who has changed? Or as the intimidating gang member from the hood? Maybe both? Maybe neither? “So Cy…” Natasha began, snapping me out of my mind “A lot of people back where I live didn’t actually believed you existed, we thought you were a rumor gangs used to hide their thieves…until you got arrested that is.” She observed, still scanning me “and I certainly never thought I’d find you in a place like this…”

“But here I am.” I interrupted, still not sure how I should be playing this.

“Yes, here you are” She nodded turning over a new sheet “And are you happy here?”

“Yeah” I quietly answered, watching here a she wrote a few more things down.

“And you want to stay here?” She continued, asking bullshit question after bullshit question.

“Alright, come on!” I groaned “If you heard of me then you know where I was, don’t you have more important questions to be askin? I mean you honestly think I wanna be back on the streets?”

“I’m not sure.” She let out, starting to grow serious “At the end of the day I guess you’re right, it’s not about what you want…it’s about what you deserve.”

I shifted my mouth as her words hit me “What the hell does that mean?”

“I think you know.” She began, finally looking into my eyes “There are hundreds and hundreds of kids in the Chicago foster system, why should you get a nice set up over them?”

“Why should anyone get a nice set up over anyone?” I pushed back “Cause life is shit and unfair. We get thrown into where we get thrown into, it jus happens that I finally got lucky.”

“So getting arrested was lucky?” She provoked, quickly jotting down something.

“Yeah, it was.” I responded in a nasty one “Cause it took me off the streets.”

“A place where many kids a lot younger than you still are.” Natasha confidently informed “Kids that haven’t done anything wrong yet.”

“Guess you should get on findin them a home then.” I spit, getting fed up with the way she was acting.

“Oh don’t worry.” She replied irritated by my attitude “I think I just did.”

“You think you some type of angel don’t you?” I called out, done with playing it nice “You do a few visits, help a kid or two, and suddenly you can judge me.”

“That’s not what gives me the right to judge you.” She concluded, as she wrote down a few more things “Your actions are what give me the right to judge you.”

I went to stand up, but grabbed onto the bottom of the seat before I could do something I would really regret “The actions people like you let happen?” I shouted back at her “You so quick to forget I was one of those kids! You people was supposed to keep me from gang life, yet where was you when I needed it? I grew up in a house full of drugs cause our case worker never checked on me! When I was orphaned there was no suit to come grab me before I could become homeless, there was no social worker there to guide me. Yous left me alone; to fend for myself…people like you created the monster you so scared of right now.”

“So that excuses your actions?” She scoffed, tired of what I was saying “You fueled gang wars by stealing weapons and drugs from other gangs. You were one of the sole reasons the Saints were so dangerous…without you they’ve been falling apart at the seams. You’re stealing is what fueled them, what made them so dangerous!” She angrily let out “You’re the one who’s responsible for all the people that died, and for all the families they’ve destroyed!”

“It’s easy to point fingers ain’t it?” I shook, forcing eye contact once more “but like I said, had you been there to take me from it, I would’ve never become that kid. You let an eleven year old push drugs, I didn know better, it’s jus as much on people like you as it is on me.”

“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes and sighed “I’m done here. Don’t expect good news, and don’t expect a forever home.”

“Natasha Davis” I called out, finally learning how I needed to play it. I took in a deep breath and exhaled it “I’ll remember that name.”

“I hope you do.” She angrily let out, starting to stand up.

I nodded and made a face “Oh don’t worry I will, and when I get back to the Southside I’ll make sure to pay you a visit.”

“Oh if you think I’m having them keep you in state…”

“If the cops can’t keep me in a cage, what the hell makes you think you can?” I cockily laughed “I had gangs nearly killin people to find me, and yet they still couldn’t. If I don wanna be found…there’s no way to find me, and if I wanna be free…I’ll be free.” The chill in my words hit her hard, as she stumbled back into her seat “Ship me off, I’ll find a way to be back, if you know my record then you know I don let people wrong me. You seem like a really nice women, probably got a real nice family too. I’m sure they’ll welcome me in.”

“If you think you can intimidate me…” she began in a shaky voice.

“Bitch I ain’t tryin, I am intimidatin you.” I stood up, beginning to pick up on her fear “Fail this home visit, I fuckin dare ya. Put me back in the system and the saints will be knockin on your door…whoever you love…I’ll personally take care of em myself.” I closed my right eye as I got in her face, giving her a good look at the dark yellow broken one “I’m notorious, I’m feared…like you said I’m the single biggest threat in the Saint’s army, we can be friends or we can be enemies” I explained reopening my eye “I wanna be friends, how bout you?”

“Friends” she nervously nodded, letting out a sigh of relief as I sat back down.

I forced a smile and comfortably sat back “Good, then as a friend you gonna give me whatever you wrote, and write a whole big fancy report bout how amazin this went.”

“But I can’t…”

“Oh Natasha, never say never.” I bit, starting to grow angry with how long this was taking. She let out another shaky breath as she quickly ripped a few papers off the clipboard and handed them to me. “Thank you…friend.”

She shook her head in disbelief, and quickly stood up. I lightly laughed to myself as I saw the fear explode out of her…a sight I haven’t seen in months. “I actually have to get going, I forget about something another case I have.” She announced, heading back where the living room met the kitchen “It was nice to meet all of you” she quickly let out.

“Are you sure? I made enough dinner for everyone!” Nancy offered with a polite smile.

“Yes” she quickly answered, heading straight to the door. “La Culebra” she mouthed looking over to me “Que dios te ayude” she loudly prayed as she shut the door behind her.

I quickly took the papers in my hand, and stuffed them in my pocket so no one could see “Well that was kind of rude.” Nancy remarked, observing the case worker’s hasty exit “I mean was that Spanish?” Nancy poked looking over at me.

“Yup, it means may God help you…I guess it was a blessing.” I let out, forcing a smile.

“Well how nice” She giggled to herself “I’m not particularly religious, but it’s always nice to hear people wish for God to help you...I didn’t know you spoke Spanish.”

“I don.” I shrugged, still wearing the smile “I’ve just heard a lot of people say it.”

She nodded then turned towards Walter and Aaron who were anxiously sitting at the dining room table, eager to hear how my interview went “So it sounds like you had a good interview then…the 3 of us were just saying it felt like we did too.”

“I think so” I maliciously giggled to myself.

“It sounds like it got a bit loud…not that we were eavesdropping.” Walter observed “We were worried things were going wrong.

“Oh no” I waved off “We just got excited talkin bout the neighborhood we grew up in, nothin to worry bout. I think we’ll be jus fine.” I smiled, as I looked over at the 3 of them.

Nothing is getting in my way…nothing.