Tales of the Underground: Blinded - 42. The Plastic Bag

| Riley |

It’s a weird feeling, going from rehab right back into life here in the Northside. No stops signs, no breaks, no hand holding, just go, go, go. Then again, this is exactly how I wanted it. I didn’t want special treatment, or people patronizing me. I just want everything to be normal. Whatever the hell that is.

“You know you’re gonna have to go to your next class at some point today.” Carter teased as we lingered behind in the emptying gym.

“Yeah? And what about you?” I asked as his smile spread onto my face.

“I got distracted by this cute new kid.” He teased with mischief growing in his eyes. “He’s a bit of a dick though.”

“Ain’t everyone?” I mirrored as we finally began to walk to class.

“Yeah, but no one pushes the line like this kid.” He giggled.

“What can I say? I’m a natural leader.” I said with a quick shrug.

“Leaders don’t get in fights with teammates.” He warned, as a lecture began to form in his mind.

“Kid needed to be put in his place.” I sighed, looking ahead at the busy halls.

“Coach said he was keeping your spot either way.” Carter offered, trying his hardest to get me to look back.

“He needed to be put in his place.” I repeated, finally turning back and staring him down.

Carter shifted his mouth as our eyes met. “He’s not like you think he is.” He began to defend. “He’s actually pretty cool. Even Aaron likes him.”

“Well if Aaron likes him,” I sarcastically began.

“Don’t be a douche.” Carter couldn’t help but giggle. “Just give him another chance, okay?”

I nodded my head as our eyes stayed locked. “You think he’s cute.”

“I’ve known Aaron forever,” Carter began, purposely taking the conversation elsewhere. “nothing against him, but I really don’t think he’s cute.”

“You know what I meant.” I grumbled, as our eye contact shifted into a stare down.

“I don’t find him cute.” Carter laughed, but all I could do was roll my eyes and turn towards my classroom. “Come on Riley.” He forced out. “Don’t do this.”

“I ain’t doin nothin.” I dismissed with a wave of my hand.

“I didn’t do this over your roommate.” He blurted out. “You even called him cute.”

“That ain’t the same thing.” I grunted as I quickly turned around. “And I was just teasin you.”

“But you still called him cute.” Carter argued. “I know you thought that.”

“You fuckin hit your head or something?” I asked, not believing what I was hearing.

“So, what, you’re allowed to be upset over Trey, but I’m not allowed to be upset over your roommate?” Carter asked as his voice grew firmer.

“I ain’t upset over Trey.” I lied as he grabbed my hand to stop me from walking into the classroom. “And my roommate was something different.”

“You’re right, because unlike Trey, your roommate was gay.” Carter pointed out as he grew serious.

“That ain’t fair.” I rolled my eyes.

“But it’s true.” Carter shrugged, forcing eye contact once more.

“Nothing happened with him, okay?” I began to lash out. “I just needed someone to actually be there for me.”

“Oh.” He exhaled as he took a step back.

“I didn mean it like,”

“No, I understand.” Carter forced a nod.

“Carter!” I called out as he started to walk away. “Carter!” I repeated a little louder as the bell began to ring.

“Mr. Walker,” A teacher from another room began. “It’s nice to see you’re back, but don’t you have class you should be getting to?”

“Yeah.” I grunted, turning around and heading into the small classroom.

I wish I could talk about how great it was to be back in a Lake Michigan High classroom. How I missed this bougey ass school. But the truth is none of it really mattered to me. This was no different to me than the shitty public school I had to attend in Michigan. It all felt the same, words I can’t read, teacher’s yelling at me for not being able to read them, and the overwhelming silence that filled the air when they asked me a question.

But if my illiteracy and dyslexia wasn’t bad enough, well lately I’ve had a lot more on my mind. All I could do during class was replay the scene in the hallway. I don’t know what to tell him, Eli is gay, and I did need him, but it wasn’t like that. It was never like that. Besides, it’s not like he didn’t have Trey. It’s not like he didn’t have someone of his own to stare at.

But still, it’s Carter, he wouldn’t even cheat on me in a dream of Zac Efron. Man, I fucked up, didn’t I? I was trying my hardest not to yell at him. It’s all just a lot at once, and relationship drama, it’s still not something I’m used to.

I gritted my teeth and swallowed my pride as I quickly made my way into the cafeteria for lunch. I couldn’t help but hang back and stare at my lunch table as I noticed Trey sitting with everyone. They were all joking around and laughing, except for Carter that is. He had a blank look on his face and was staring off into the crowd.

“Yo.” I forced out as I grew closer.

Trey exhaled a deep sigh but kept his mouth shut. “No more sulking.” Noah teased as he shifted his gaze to Carter. “Your knight in shining armor is here.”

Carter glanced up and locked eyes with me as we had an unspoken conversation. He’s pissed, but not at me, not at anyone, just the situation in general. How could I blame him? I disappeared for months. And he, he just had to sit here and go through life not knowing when I was going to be back. If I was going to be back.

Noah made a face to Aaron and Trey as he realized Carter’s mood wasn’t picking up. “Everything alright?” Aaron asked.

“Mind your own damn business.” I dismissed, trying to draw eye contact back from Carter. “Wanna go eat outside?” I offered, but he stayed quiet. “Come on, it’s warm out. You know you wanna.”

“Yeah.” He finally accepted as he got to his feet.

As he got his stuff together I felt Aaron’s eyes beginning to narrow in on me. “Why don’t you go ahead Carter?” Aaron offered. “Riley will catch up with you.”

“Like hell I,”

“Riley will catch up with you.” Aaron repeated, stealing a strategy from our mother.

I rolled my eyes, but caved as Carter walked towards the door. “What you want man?”

“Whatever you did, he’s really upset.” Aaron warned as his voice grew stern.

“Why’s it gotta be something I did?” I asked with a roll of my eyes. “You aint perfect yourself.”

“Riley.” Aaron warned in an unamused voice.

“I got this handled.” I exhaled.

“Just like you had the movie yesterday handled?” Aaron asked as we locked eyes.

“That’s a low blow.” I grunted.

“It’s not a low blow,” he defended. “it’s the truth.”

“This is what you wanted to tell me?” I asked in a sigh. “Didn’t Walter tell you to give me space?”

“And mom told me to look after you.” He shrugged. “Guess which one I’m going to listen to.”

I saw Trey’s head pop up as he heard those words. “I got a boyfriend to spend time with.” I dismissed as I began to turn away.

“How do you know each other?” Trey finally asked, looking from me to Aaron.

I clicked my tongue but before I could say anything Aaron opened his mouth. “Riley’s my younger brother.”

“Bruh.” I warned, staring him down once more. “Keep our business to us for once.”

Trey swayed his mouth and took a closer look at the two of us. “We’re adopted.” Aaron announced.

“Dude!” I yelped as I finally turned away.

“Interesting.” Trey shrugged, before returning his attention to his food.

“Why? Have you guys met?” Aaron began as I walked towards the exit.

“Have they met?!” I heard Noah exclaim. “Boy do I have a story for you!”

I rolled my eyes and let the glass door shut hard behind me as I joined Carter on the stone wall.

“Go ahead,” I offered in a sigh. “Let me have it.”

“Let you have what?” He asked, not even bothering to look over to me.

“I know you’re pissed at me.” I shrugged. “So just, let’s hear it.”

“I’m not going to start screaming at you.” He rolled his eyes.

“You know you want to.” I tempted, giving him a nudge. “Come on, I’ll get you started. Riley! You’re such a dumbass sometimes!” I began as he finally looked over. “You’re a dick who says whatever pops into his head without thinking about it. You don’t realize how good you have it, go ahead and try to find another guy as good as me, you won’t.”

“Is that what I sound like?” Carter giggled as he finally began to crack.

“Somethin like that.” I shrugged in a sigh. “I’m really sorry man.” I offered.

“For what?” He asked, as our eyes connected.

“For thinkin you’d cheat on me with Trey.” I began as my hand clutched onto the wall. “For what I said about my roommate. For not letting you visit.”

“I’m not mad because you didn’t let me visit.” He shrugged. “We spoke about this yesterday, I get it.” He said, but I could tell there was something he wasn’t sharing.

“Then what are you mad about?” I asked. “And don’t make somethin up, I’ll be able to tell.”

He began to lightly kick his feet as he worked it over in his mind. “I just always thought that when you needed someone, it’d be me.” He finally confessed.

“It is you.” I shook my head. “I’ve always needed you. That’ll never change.”

“It doesn’t feel that way.” He muttered as he broke eye contact. “Feels like you’re just fine on your own.”

“Cause I am.” I confessed. “But that doesn’t mean I’m happy. Look, I’ll always be able to survive on my own. It’s just who I am.” I began. “But being alone, it sucks man. You know how much shit I wish I could’ve told you about. You know how many times I got back to my room and just wanted to talk to you?” I asked as he fell silent. “Too many to count.”

“Even with your roommate there?” He asked, looking back to me.

“Even with Eli there.” I nodded my head. “Cause I mean it when I say it wasn’t like that. He, he’s had a worse life than me man. We just, understood each other.” Carter nodded his head but stayed quiet. “He lost his boyfriend and dad a couple of years ago. Said he’ll never date again.”

“How old is he?” Carter quickly asked. “There’s no way he meant that.”

“He’s your age.” I shrugged. “But trust me, he means it, and I, I get it.”

Carter slightly tilted his head and stared deeper into my eyes. “You do?”

I slowly nodded my head and sighed. “God forbid somethin ever happened to you,” I shook my head. “ I couldn’t move on.”

“I’d want you to.” He decided as his head fell against my shoulder. “I want you to be happy Riley Walker.”

“Then do us a favor and take care of yourself.” I smiled as the tension began to dissipate.

“I’m more worried about you than myself.” He forced out.

“Yeah.” I nodded my head.

“At least you stayed out of trouble after gym.” He shrugged. “You did stay out of trouble, right?”

“Yeah.” I quickly replied. “Just sat in class like everyone else.”

“Maybe you actually learned something.” He couldn’t help but tease.

I nodded once more but felt my mind grow serious again. “You know I’m gonna get worse before I get better, don’t you?”

“No.” He rejected. “Because you know you need to be better so I expect,”

“Carter.” I cut off, wanting nothing but the truth.

“I’m not going to pretend I understand why you’re acting out.” He finally confessed. “But I know in your mind it’s something you feel like you have to do.”

“I’m just, I’m working though stuff right now.” I swayed my head.

“And how long will that take?” He asked with a concerned look.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “A few weeks, maybe a few months, I just don’t know.”

“Do you at least know why?” Carter prodded, trying to deeper.

“No.” I slowly shook my head. “Things just feel, messy right now.”

Carter observed me closer as he began to finally understand. “You’re talking about in your head, aren’t you?” I shrugged but stayed quiet. “Are you going to see somebody?”

“Yeah.” I confessed. “But I can’t promise I’m gonna get better.”

“You will.” He decided with a growing smile.

I let out a deep sigh as I turned and stared off into the field. “I got so much noise in my mind now man.” I complained. “I just wish I could shut it all up.”

“You’ll find a way.” He supported as his hand met mine. “And I’ll be here for you the whole time.”

I nodded my head and we both grew quiet. This time not because we were mad, but because we were enjoying each other’s company. There’s some level of peace that comes with sitting with him. Some level of quiet his confident energy brings. Sometimes I swear it’s everything I’m looking for.

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The rest of the day seemed to go on faster from there. I kept my head down and my mouth shut as class carried on. I know I’m all over the place right now. I know that one second I’m withdrawn and the next I’m fighting with someone. I know I’m fucking up, but I’m trying. I wish I could just pause time and think for a while, but that’s not how life works. So I’ll keep moving, and maybe, maybe I’ll finally stumble into the answer I’m looking for.

“Awww shit!” I heard a voice shout as I walked out of the locker room and into the gym. “I thought I heard you was back.”

“You know I am.” I nodded as Curtis gave me a friendly shove from behind.

“Him too?” Trey complained to the open air.

“Riley’s cool.” Cam shrugged in support. “I don’t know what your beef with him is, but everyone else on the team likes him.”

“And one even loves him.” Curtis teased in a childish laugh.

“Man shut up.” I dismissed, drawing a laugh from the two of them. “I’m still the baddest.”

“Yeah? I’ll have to see that for myself.” Cam provoked with a smile.

“You will.” I nodded my head as Carter wandered out of the locker room to join us.

He shot me a suspicious look as he heard the tail end of our conversation but laughed as I gave him a light shove. “Happy to be back in practice?”

“Yeah.” I confessed in a nod. “Happy to have me back on the point?” He stayed quiet but his smile said everything I needed to know.

I went to say something but Coach Murray’s whistle silenced the room as practice finally began. Just like this morning basketball was exactly what I needed. It took up all my concentration and left me pushing myself harder and harder.

“Walker,” Coach Murray boomed waiving me to the empty half of the court where he and Trey were waiting. “You and Trey are going to work on passing and dribble moves.”

I looked down at Trey’s ankle then up at the two of them. “You gonna be able to keep up.”

“Yes,” Coach Murray answered for him. “Because you’re going to take it slow.”

“Man,” I clicked.

“I’m going to cut you off right there.” Coach Murray interrupted. “Because I know you’re not going to talk back to me.”

“Sorry coach.” I forced out as he tossed me a ball.

“You’re both point guards, I don’t care what kind of pissing contest you got into this morning,” He warned. “I expect you both to get along.”

“Yes coach.” We both forced out as we began to pass the ball back and forth between us.

“Maybe we got off on the wrong foot this morning.” Trey began as he tried his hardest to force eye contact.

“Maybe.” I grumbled, more focused on the drill than on talking to him.

“So think we can restart?” Trey offered.

“Sure.” I slowly nodded my head.

“You don’t sound like you mean it.” He sighed, taking another long look at me.

“I don’t know what to tell you.” I forced out. “You wanna be cool with me? That takes time.”

“It doesn’t mean anything that your brother and boyfriend like me?” He asked.

“Not a damn thing.” I rejected. “You didn even know I was Aaron’s brother until today.”

“It’s not my fault neither of them would talk about you.” He shrugged, as the ball almost slipped from his hands.

“What you mean?” I provoked, shooting him a serious look.

“I don’t know, they wouldn’t tell me about you.” He replied. “I guess they just missed you. It wasn’t anything personal.”

“And you didn’t hang out with them outside of school?” I asked, beginning to play with the ball in my hands.

“If it doesn’t have to do with basketball, my parents don’t let me leave the house.” He explained eagerly awaiting the pass back. “You don’t believe me?”

“I believe you.” I nodded, finally passing it back.

“You’re not acting like it.” He pressured.

“Cause I don’t trust you.” I shrugged. “You was talkin mad shit this morning, and now you want to be buddies.”

“That’s why I want a fresh start.” He reminded me. “This morning is behind us.”

“You ain’t from around here, are you?” I asked, watching him closely.

“Nope, I transferred here from Missouri in January.” He clarified.

I let out a short laugh before nodding my head. “Do yourself a favor. Ask Cam or Curtis about me.” I warned. “Then you’ll understand.”

“Understand you were in a gang?” Trey asked as our eyes locked. “I’m not clueless. I can put two and two together pretty fast.”

I nodded my head and passed him the ball a little bit harder this time. “Then watch yourself. You ain’t in the backwoods anymore.”

He nodded his head and kept the drill going as we both fell quiet. Something about him, it gives me a bad feeling. He wants to make peace and break bread, fine. But don’t expect me to go out of my way to please him.

When our drill finally came to an end practice seemed to flow a little faster. Every now and again we would size one another up, or get in a stare down, but I didn’t care. I’ve already proven I can kick his ass in a one on one. He’s got nothing on me.

“You don’t like Trey?” Curtis asked as we both waited for Cam and Carter to get done changing.

“Don’t know.” I shrugged, not wanting to say too much either way.

He nodded his head before picking up his backpack and riffling through it. “Well either way, look what I got.” He smirked, pulling out a plastic bag with small green nuggets in it.

“Where the hell you get that?” I excitedly asked, taking a long look at it.

“I’m sellin it to the kids up here.” He cackled. “Sellin eighths for forty.”

“Man, they could get a quarter for that much. “I dismissed in a sigh. “How much you sell it to me for?”

“Wait,” He hesitated, throwing it back into his back. “Didn’t you just come back from rehab?”

“That wasn’t for drugs.” I dismissed. “That was cause I needed time away from the Southside. Besides, it’s just weed bro. Don’t trip.”

“Word?” He asked, slowly pulling it back out. “I’ll sell you it for forty.”

“Bruh.” I forced out, starting to stare him down. “I know you paid twenty for it, so I’ll give you thirty and that’s it.”

“Fine.,” He grumbled as I reached into my pocket.

“And you gotta throw in your papers too.” I negotiated, keeping a serious look on my face.

“Man,” He clicked his tongue.

“What do papers cost, two bucks?” I asked. “And you probably used most of them anyway. You’re making a profit.”

“You’re lucky I like you.” He sighed as we quickly made the swap. “You sure this is a good idea for you.”

“Yeah.” I quickly nodded my head. “I was in need of something that would help me relax.”

“Oh trust me,” He laughed. “This shit will turn off your mind just like that.” He snapped his fingers.

“Good shit.” I nodded my head. “Play your cards right and I’ll roll up with you one day.”

“Hell yeah.” He nodded his head. “Remember the kickback at your place?”

“Nope.” I laughed as Carter finally walked out of the locker room.

“Ready to go?” He asked with a wide smile.

“Yeah.” I nodded, smirking towards Curtis as we left.

I’m not overly proud of what just happened, but fuck man, I’ve smoked weed so many times before in my life and been fine. And now, well now I actually need it to help me. I need something to help quiet my mind. Something to help me stay grounded when Carter isn’t around. Even if it’s just until I can get a handle over everything that’s going on. I’ll be fine. I know it.