' Live-Poets Society ' – A Corner For Poetry

[dughlas]

A while ago I posted a poem here, but today I decided to reformat it slightly. What do you think?

 

 

 

Sorrow is like a black hole

It can crush the fabric of reality

Into what is impossibly dense –

A Rip that sinks to

never rise

But

One that

demands constant feeding

So it drains all happiness as well

Into the other-side universe

Where all is sadness and hope.

 

  How many are the springs

  That feed our lamentable place

  With the tears and joys

  Of our mirrored home in the universe?

 

Well what can I say that hasn't been said before ... and it seems that is a valid approach as tim's response posted as I was writing mine.

[Former Member]

I posted this on my blog and was requested to submit it here: so here you guys go!

I write poetry in my spare time, but normally only I see it. I wrote this piece today.

 

—————

 

"To Face The East—To Drown The Dawn—"

 

With gleaming heads of pulpy white,

More tan, they say, or golden blonde;

But what I see is naught but white

To face the east—to drown the dawn—

 

I cry at you—not for you, though,

The tears line up, about to jump;

They seem afraid, as if death row

Was nothing but heartache—a dump.

 

To face the east—to drown the dawn—

Is something that one lingers for—

To face the west—to save his pawn—

Nevermind—show him to the door.

 

I wait forever—but a day,

In order so I might find light,

Of golden locks of gathered hay,

To muster will—and/or my might—

 

My weakness, my blonde deity—

Come back to me, I cry to you!

Bear the pain that hath saved me

From my ordering the hearts' coup!

 

I know that this is all for naught,

I accept it, though it me pains—

To face that dawn, is not my lot!

But, it hath saved you from my maims.

 

—————

 

Love, Atheugorei :-)

I always like it when refrain is explored in poetry. I think here you've done it in an intriguing way. Thanks for sharing, and I look forward to seeing more and more  

[Former Member]

I like this a lot, AC.  The spacing of the words is reminiscent of something passing through a black hole - whole, then crushed/condensed, then remade.  A perfect representation of the stages of grief.  It also speaks to the mirror image.  It may appear to be the same, but changes in the passing. 

Thanks, Val. I don't know how or way, but I was working away on something completely different and thought of this poem. It just appeared as a question: why hadn't I formatted it as a shape to match the allusion in the poem? Dunno, but I tried it and think it's evocative this way.

 

Thanks for your feedback and support!  

[Former Member]

I really like the way you have reformatted this. The broad lines shrink to a single syllabic width, in the same way a vortex swallows everything it catches.  It perfectly captures the ideas you write about in the text. Once the words drain out below, we get a stimulating set of lines which got me thinking about whether there is a physics of sadness and hope. Is it all a zero-sum affair? Your question posed at the last make me think of the unexplored depths of the universe, and the lacunae into which we cannot see for the blackness that occupies them.  What a poem, AC!

Thank you, Parker. You say in brief terms what I got re-inspired to do. 

 

Love the phrase/question if the emotional life of the universe is a zero-sum affair. Methinks there is material for a great poem with that term/quotient.    

[Former Member]

I thought I'd found most your poems.. seems not ... but i love it.. and I cant do better than Emi, Val and Parker ...so I'm leaving it there... 

Thanks for your support, Tim. There are a few more of these Lyrics laying around.... 

[Emi GS]

A tribute for Tim, for not taking his suggestions into consideration... where I requested him for. Sorry Tim. But to make you cool down, I'd written a Cinquain as Peace Offering...

 

Fury

My brave stallion,

Free soul—King of wild west.

You're my knight and my dearest friend.

Love, Joey.

 

I hope you like it...

[Mikiesboy]

A tribute for Tim, for not taking his suggestions into consideration... where I requested him for. Sorry Tim. But to make you cool down, I'd written a Cinquain as Peace Offering... Fury

My brave stallion,

Free soul—King of wild west.

You're my knight and my dearest friend.

Love, Joey.

I hope you like it...

I like it! You never have apologize for not using something...And I'll never be upset or miffed! Sometimes talking helps you to see things more clearly. Seems like it worked to me, my friend!

[Emi GS]

I like it! You never have apologize for not using something...And I'll never be upset or miffed! Sometimes talking helps you to see things more clearly. Seems like it worked to me, my friend!

I just felt up to it. That's why I apologized. I am glad you liked it. And thank you for your suggestion. Because of that I had read about 'Fury', such a nice story. Thank You My Friend...

[Parker Owens]

So I posted two more poems today...find them here. https://www.gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/occasionalpoetry/26

I have been very busy and absent (and absent minded) lately...

[dughlas]

So I posted two more poems today...find them here. https://www.gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/occasionalpoetry/26

I have been very busy and absent (and absent minded) lately...

 

Definitely worth reading. I like them both. The cat was amusing in hearing its thought wrought poetical. The second gave me pause, not due to dislike but rather because it caused me to ponder ... I think I'll need to read again more than once to hear/feel all that is bound by those words.

[Emi GS]

So I posted two more poems today...find them here. https://www.gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/occasionalpoetry/26

I have been very busy and absent (and absent minded) lately...

Read and Reviewed. I liked those both... Edited May 26, 2016 by The Eminent MGK

[dughlas]

So this morning as the pup and I were walking we encountered three young men preparing for their morning run. It was early, just past dawn and dressed in nothing but running shorts and shoes they were stretching to loosen lean muscles and then ...

 

They ran

As young hounds might

When coursing, sun dappled

lissome forms move with an easy grace

they ran.

 

It's been a while since I posted hope this is deemed worthy.

[Mikiesboy]

So this morning as the pup and I were walking we encountered three young men preparing for their morning run. It was early, just past dawn and dressed in nothing but running shorts and shoes they were stretching to loosen lean muscles and then ...

 

They ran

As young hounds might

When coursing, sun dappled

lissome forms move with an easy grace

they ran.

 

It's been a while since I posted hope this is deemed worthy.

dugh, this is lovely, certainly feel it and see them... 

[Headstall]

So this morning as the pup and I were walking we encountered three young men preparing for their morning run. It was early, just past dawn and dressed in nothing but running shorts and shoes they were stretching to loosen lean muscles and then ...

 

They ran

As young hounds might

When coursing, sun dappled

lissome forms move with an easy grace

they ran.

 

It's been a while since I posted hope this is deemed worthy.

Dammit... out of likes, but I will return... I love this dugh! You've painted a beautiful picture of motion. You should do this more often, my friend, as I've said many times xo

[Defiance19]

So this morning as the pup and I were walking we encountered three young men preparing for their morning run. It was early, just past dawn and dressed in nothing but running shorts and shoes they were stretching to loosen lean muscles and then ...

 

They ran

As young hounds might

When coursing, sun dappled

lissome forms move with an easy grace

they ran.

 

It's been a while since I posted hope this is deemed worthy.

 

Bodies in motion.. Very clear image. I love it Dugh! I hope you post more! 

[Reader1810]

So this morning as the pup and I were walking we encountered three young men preparing for their morning run. It was early, just past dawn and dressed in nothing but running shorts and shoes they were stretching to loosen lean muscles and then ...

 

They ran

As young hounds might

When coursing, sun dappled

lissome forms move with an easy grace

they ran.

 

It's been a while since I posted hope this is deemed worthy.

 

Your words drew that vision beautifully, Dugh

[dughlas]

Thank you all for your kind words. I've meant to write for some time but the words just wouldn't come and then his morning I saw poetry in motion ...

[Mikiesboy]

Thank you all for your kind words. I've meant to write for some time but the words just wouldn't come and then his morning I saw poetry in motion ...

Luckily for us, dugh.

[Emi GS]

So this morning as the pup and I were walking we encountered three young men preparing for their morning run. It was early, just past dawn and dressed in nothing but running shorts and shoes they were stretching to loosen lean muscles and then ...

They ran

As young hounds might

When coursing, sun dappled

lissome forms move with an easy grace

they ran.

 

It's been a while since I posted hope this is deemed worthy.

That was beautifully expressed. I can see lithe bodies posturing as sun beamed in gold on their skin.

 

What can I say, I've a perverted mind...

 

Nice work Dugh. And keep post when ever you felt upto it...

[Parker Owens]

So this morning as the pup and I were walking we encountered three young men preparing for their morning run. It was early, just past dawn and dressed in nothing but running shorts and shoes they were stretching to loosen lean muscles and then ...

 

They ran

As young hounds might

When coursing, sun dappled

lissome forms move with an easy grace

they ran.

 

It's been a while since I posted hope this is deemed worthy.

Dugh,

 

this. Is. Awesome.  I see it. Beautiful.

[dughlas]

A double cinquain ...

 

Dawn comes

with softening

light and the night’s cool breeze

that washes over heated skin

at peace.

 

A wren

thrills merrily

in the arbor, his song

greeting to both his mate and the

new day.

[Emi GS]

A double cinquain ...

 

Dawn comes

with softening

light and the night’s cool breeze

that washes over heated skin

at peace.

 

A wren

thrills merrily

in the arbor, his song

greeting to both his mate and the

new day.

You are making me more perverted than I was. I am again seeing an nude form wakes up as sun rays pour on his every single inch of body, stretch the sleep out of him. And that too in seventeen words set as five simple lines. As well as it will continuing a personal task of a couples morning routine.

 

Wow!!! That just Awesome and you are becoming an efficient member of our gang...

[Mikiesboy]

A double cinquain ...

 

Dawn comes

with softening

light and the night’s cool breeze

that washes over heated skin

at peace.

 

A wren

thrills merrily

in the arbor, his song

greeting to both his mate and the

new day.

oh these are lovely dugh. 

[Defiance19]

A double cinquain ...

 

Dawn comes

with softening

light and the night’s cool breeze

that washes over heated skin

at peace.

 

A wren

thrills merrily

in the arbor, his song

greeting to both his mate and the

new day.

There is such serenity in the images these bring Dugh... Beautiful... 

[Headstall]

A double cinquain ...

 

Dawn comes

with softening

light and the night’s cool breeze

that washes over heated skin

at peace.

 

A wren

thrills merrily

in the arbor, his song

greeting to both his mate and the

new day.

Absolutely lovely, dugh. There is a romanticism to the words you use and the pictures you paint...