Cards on the Table - 48. Chapter 48 A New Player at the Table

Cards on the Table

Chapter 48

Holy moly, Bodie was handsome. Nate watched the nurse walk him down the hallway, situated at the back of the waiting room. Just before he disappeared from sight, Bodie turned and flashed a heart-stopping smile at him. That one little act made him feel special in a way that was new to him. To be the recipient of such a gesture made him flush with pleasure as he slouched down to wait.

It was confusing, this jumble of emotions he was experiencing. There was no doubt about it. Bodie was the most beautiful person he had ever come face to face with. Nate remembered the crush he used to have on his Uncle Kendall. It was Christmas, two years ago, that the difference he sometimes felt, became a certainty. He liked guys. He was twelve then, and could still recall the funny feeling that grew in the pit of his stomach whenever the golden-haired Kendall, his uncle’s long-time best friend, was near. He’d had it before, here and there, but never with girls, and never as strong as it was that Christmas. It scared him and exhilarated him at the same time. Back then, he'd thought nobody on earth was better looking than Kendall, but now, a different golden-haired guy proved he’d been wrong.

From the moment Nate had approached the strange dog at the end of the driveway yesterday, everything changed. Looking up into the smiling blue eyes of the dog’s owner, he’d felt a connection. It was like the guy was staring into his soul. He’d read that in stories online, and thought they were just words, but those eyes made him a believer. His entire body had come alive, and all the messed-up things in his head he'd been trying not to think about, just went away. If there was someone like Bodie standing beside him, it wouldn’t matter what those small-minded bigots in Edmonton said or did. As nervous as Bodie made him, there was also a feeling of peace, and he wasn’t sure what that meant.

Looking out the medical clinic window, he could see his Uncle Mike sitting on the solitary bench, obviously talking to Uncle Kendall. Those two were really something to watch. It was like getting a lesson in love, and Nate drank it all in. He wanted that… what they had… someday. He could see now how very possible it was, and he was going to hold on to the hope it gave him.

His mood darkened as thoughts surfaced about the previous week with his father. The reaction he’d gotten had made him feel wrong, but Nate knew change was out of the question. If being gay meant there was something wrong with him, then there was something wrong with him. Trying to fix it wouldn’t work… that he was sure of.

After Josh had rejected even their friendship, he’d seen only one way out. Nate shook his head and shuddered at what he’d almost done. He'd been so close. Nobody knew about the box-cutter, taken from his dad’s workshop. It was likely still hidden in the bottom drawer of his desk. He’d learned exactly how to do it… straight up the vein, and not across. Fortunately, no one had noticed the little slice the razor-sharp blade had made. Well, except that Bodie had casually touched it when they were standing in line earlier. He had run his finger quickly over it while continuing to talk about Nate’s soon-to-be new school. Nate got the vibe that his friend had an inkling of what had caused it. It was now just a small red mark on the skin of his wrist, a visual reminder of something best forgotten. The reason he’d stopped was because he didn’t want his mom to have to see the blood. She hated the sight of blood. Pills were a better choice.

Nate noticed his uncle was just sitting out there now, no phone to his ear. He was tempted to go join him, but he wanted to be here when his new friend got back. Heck, maybe that was stupid, but instinct told him it would mean something to Bodie. As he pictured his face, Josh’s flickered into view, causing Nate to frown. He’d thought he loved Josh. Did he? Here it was, little more than a week after their first kiss, and Nate’s brain was almost consumed by someone he’d only met yesterday. What did that mean? Had he ever enjoyed the same connection with Josh? The hurt he felt, the damage it had done, was affecting his ability to think clearly about the question.

Uncle Mike advised him not to be mad at the only boy he’d ever kissed, and he was trying, but what Josh had done was cruel. It was like Nate’s heart had been ripped out of his chest over and over again. Sarah, and the phone message, and the way Josh had acted towards him at school. It was all too much when he was already faced with a dad he didn’t know anymore. It had made him want to die. All those special things that had been said between them had come to mean nothing. He'd been left feeling like something worse than dirt. Unbidden, tears leaked out and fell before he could catch them. He swiped at the streaks before cluing in that his uncle was standing almost in front of him.

“This seat taken?” Michael asked softly.

“What? No.” He wiped his face with his sleeve one more time before looking down, and then away. Sitting against the back wall, they had a little privacy.

“Are you doing okay? Do you want to go for a walk, and talk?” The concern in his uncle’s tone made Nate feel guilty.

“I’m okay, really. I want to be here when Bodie gets back. He shouldn’t be too much longer. He showed me his cut, and it’s not that deep. I just… I’m sorry… I was thinking about what Josh did… how he threw me away, and I know you told me I shouldn’t be mad, and I don’t think I am, but it hurts. I wonder now if he cared about me at all, and I’m even wondering how much I cared about him if I can feel this way about….” Nate stopped, knowing he’d said too much.

“About Bodie?”

It took a while before Nate turned his head towards Michael. “Yeah. How can I feel like this so quickly about someone else? Shouldn’t it take a while for me to want to, like, hang around with another guy? Not to mention he's probably straight and I’m just being an idiot." Nate slouched further down in his seat.

“Look, Nate, I know you’re hurting, and I know it’s a very real pain. You’ve gone through a heck of a lot, lost a lot, in the past week or so, but you’re only fourteen. Well, almost,” his uncle said with a grin.

Nate understood what he was attempting, but it didn’t work. He couldn’t bring himself to smile and pretend everything was fine. He was deep in thought, but he listened.

“Anyway, you’re probably going to have crushes on a few more guys before you find ‘the one’, so don’t worry about how fast you’re moving away from Josh. With affairs of the heart, there are no set rules. Do you get what I’m saying?”

Nate let out a deep breath he’d been holding. “I think so. I’ve… I’ve been thinking.”

“And?”

“I think I had a crush on Josh, my first legitimate crush, but I don’t believe I loved him… like not real love.”

“Legitimate?” Michael teased. "I guess I have to stop thinking of you as a kid. That’s a very astute thing to say, and I have no doubt you’re right, but what made you come to that conclusion so quickly?”

Nate couldn't stop himself from blushing. “Because of how I feel about Bodie. It’s different, and don’t ask me how, but it is. I never felt like this about Josh. I don’t have a crush on Bodie. It’s something more.” He looked down at his fidgeting hands. “I’m worried I’m going to be disappointed again.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Nate, except you can’t be afraid of life.”

“What does that mean?” Nate wanted to see his uncle’s face, but he felt too much emotion at the moment, so kept his head down.

“It means you should trust what you see in Bodie’s eyes when he looks at you.”

Nate's head rose quickly. “You see it too?”

His uncle’s response was to nod, and Nate felt a little bit of hope, maybe even confidence flare up, and he let himself smile for the first time since Bodie had been ushered in to the exam room. So, he wasn’t imagining it… Uncle Mike saw the same thing? Of course, they could both be wrong. Maybe he was just a friendly guy?

“Uncle Mike?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Um… when did you, ah…?”

“See something going on between you two?”

“Yeah, I guess… I mean, when he looks at me, it’s almost like he’s trying to tell me something.”

“Yeah, we noticed, and you do the same thing to him, only you do it mostly when he’s not looking at you.”

“We? What do you mean, we? Did Uncle Kendall see it too?”

“Yes, but Nate, we could be off base here a little. I mean, I don’t think we are, but you have to take it slow, and see how things develop, okay? You guys just met each other… and even though we saw some pretty intense sparks you guys were giving off, the fact is… you’re young. Just relax, and let yourself be a friend. I think Bodie really needs one.”

“Why do you say that? Wait, never mind, here he comes.” Nate shivered as Bodie’s eyes went straight to him, over the shoulder of the nurse preceding him. His confidence grew in the seconds the handsome blond stared at him. It was as if he wasn’t even listening to the instructions Nate could hear her giving, as his eyes stayed on Nate. A smile spread across his face, followed by one on Bodie’s, as he left the nurse and headed towards them.

“How did it go?” Michael asked.

Bodie shifted his attention away from Nate. “Piece of cake,” he answered with a shrug. “Four real stitches and some tape ones. The doctor said it wasn’t deep, and I can get the stitches out in seven to ten days, so I’m good to go. I have to be careful about handling the puppies, though, because of infection. He said I should wear gloves over the bandage when I handle them.” He patted his pocket. “He gave me some. Let’s go shopping.” His attention returned to Nate and he smiled. “Are you ready to do some damage, Master Grant?”

Nate grinned. “Yeah, I’m ready. These chairs suck,” he complained. “Walking will be good. Are you ready, old fella?” he asked his uncle.

Michael grimaced and groaned as he pretended to struggle to stand. “I’ll try to keep up with you young whippersnappers.”

Both boys giggled as they began the fun part of their day.

At Bodie’s suggestion, ‘Hollisters’ won out as the store of choice. Nate’s heart skipped a beat at the look he received from the blonde boy when he exited the change room to get opinions on the dark blue jeans with a few strategically placed little rips and wear marks here and there.

“They look good, considering they already have holes in them,” Michael commented with a pained look that had Nate smiling. He turned his attention to the other guy standing there.

“You gotta get those, for sure, man. They fit you, um… just right,” Bodie said in earnest. “I think you should try this on with them.” He held out a tee shirt. “It’s almost the same blue as your eyes.”

After Bodie said that, Nate noticed his ears went red at the tips, and he also didn’t miss the smirk on his uncle’s face. “I don’t know. I really don’t need any shirts."

Nate felt his own blush coming. He didn’t like being the center of attention… he never had, and the way Bodie was looking at him so intently was making him feel things he shouldn’t at that moment. Why did this guy have such an effect on him? A painful memory intruded, and he saw the cold look on Josh’s face… it was the last time he’d seen him. He couldn’t imagine Bodie looking at him with that kind of disdain. It hurt to remember, but leave it to his perceptive uncle to pull him out of himself.

“Try that one on for size, and then pick a couple more colors. These are forty percent off, so they’re a good deal. This is your birthday present remember. And you need two more pairs of jeans. Look for some black ones and maybe a lighter-blue pair. Don’t just stand there… Bodie, help him pick out more jeans. Jeez, guys, wake up!”

It was exactly what Nate needed. Both boys reacted to the prodding, and quickly found more jeans for the birthday boy to try on. Bodie threw a yellow shirt at him with a grin, and his heart lurched again. “I don’t think yellow’s my color, dude.” He tossed the shirt onto the pile.

“Trust me.” Bodie threw the same shirt back. “It’ll look good.” He smiled when Nate picked it back up and put it over his arm.

“Uh uh, no more holy jeans. One pair of those is enough.” Michael put his foot down when he saw Bodie pick a pair in light blue to give to Nate. “Get some that look new, this time,” he said, and a chuckling Bodie quickly found a different style.

When Nate came out with the jeans and shirts he wanted, he noticed his uncle checking out a bright blue shirt, and figured out immediately what he was thinking. “Hey, that’s the same color as Uncle Kendall’s eyes. You should get it for him.”

“Nah, he doesn’t like a lot of writing or labels on his shirts. He likes them plain.”

“Here’s one in the same color, and it only has a little bird in the corner, and it’s hardly noticeable. There’s a darker blue one here too, the same color as the one Nate got. You should see if this one fits. It’s an extra-large.” Bodie held the shirts out to Michael and he took them.

“Okay, I’ll try this one on. Be right back, guys… behave yourselves." A scant minute later he came out in a perfectly fitted tee shirt that showed his physique to perfection. It had a v-neck, but the point wasn’t too far below his throat. While he checked it out in the full-length mirror, Bodie nudged Nate.

“Holy shit, dude,” he whispered, “that’s what you’re gonna look like in a few years. Wow.”

“I don’t think so. He works out all the time,” Nate whispered back.

“Dude, you already look like that, just younger… you have the same shape of build as him, and your face is almost identical,” Bodie whispered fiercely, causing him to blush for what seemed like the hundredth time.

Michael turned around to look at them. “What the heck are you guys whispering about?”

“Um… we think you should get the shirts,” Nate muttered, hoping his heated face wasn’t obvious.

“Yeah, we think you should get them,” Bodie said with a very serious expression. Michael shook his head at the two of them, and headed back to the change room.

Growing boys needed to eat, and Nate knew, with his uncle’s appetite, he’d agree. It wasn’t a big decision for them as to what to choose. Two slices of pizza and a can of coke each, and they were happy.

“After we’re finished, we need to look at shoes,” Michael mumbled around a mouthful of food.

“I don’t need shoes, and you are not spending any more money on me,” Nate said with conviction. He was determined not to let him win this one.

“You’re right, and I’m not. Kendall and I already got you your gifts. Now it’s your grandparents’ turn, or do you want to call your grams and argue?” One of his uncle’s eyebrows went up, and Nate sighed.

One pair of very cool hi-top basketball-style shoes later, they headed for the truck. Nate enjoyed watching Bodie’s eyes light up as the bright yellow truck came into view. He automatically picked up speed in order to match his new friend’s hurried pace.

“Shoot, dude, this is awesome,” Bodie exclaimed as he neared the vintage vehicle. “My dad would love this. Man, I love this! Oh, boy, I can’t believe we’re riding in this. I wish my friends could see….”

Nate noticed the brakes go on abruptly, as Bodie’s head seemed to duck and he went dead quiet. He looked at his uncle, who shook his head subtly.

“Okay, hop in, and we’ll go cruising around town like the cool guys we are.” Michael had smoothed over the awkward moment, and Nate was grateful. He was curious, but he wasn’t going to ask. He had his own stuff he didn’t want to talk about. In that short time, the blond head came back up, and Bodie was back to being his enthusiastic self.

“Do you want the middle or the outside?”

“I’ll take the middle I guess.” Nate said as he climbed in with his friend right behind him. Because of the stick shift, he found them in close proximity. They didn’t make trucks as big in the old days, and with his uncle’s suspiciously exaggerated gear-shifting, Nate had to press against Bodie from shoulder to calf. With the first sharp turn, Nate found himself swaying out of balance towards the left, and before he knew what was happening, Bodie had his arm around his shoulder, pulling him back against him. Nate glared at his uncle and saw the corner of his mouth lift, proof he’d taken a sharper turn than necessary.

“Whoa. I got you,” Bodie said, and Nate was afraid to look at him. He didn’t mind, though, when Bodie left his arm draped across the seat behind him. It took a couple of minutes, but he ended up relaxing against him, and it felt good… amazingly good.

Michael slowed as they drove past the stone house, and once again, Nate felt like he was looking at a castle. It was exciting to think about living there. Out of nowhere, he felt a pang of yearning for his family: his mom, dad, and his little sisters. The feeling was interrupted when Michael commented on a car in the driveway.

“It looks like the owners are there. I should go have a talk with them. I’ve been thinking about something,” he mused, almost to himself. “How about I drop you two off at your place, Bodie, and then I’ll go back to the house for a chat? I shouldn’t be too long.” He had reached the Cavanaugh driveway, and pulled in partway.

“Sure. We’ll get out here, and when you come back, just pull up in front of the grey board-and-batten kennel on the left. It’s the first building. We’ll be in there.”

“Okay, I shall return, youngsters,” he said as they jumped out of their side of the truck. They watched him back out and head towards the stone house before they started their own little trek up the driveway.

“I can’t wait for you to see the puppies. I wish we could keep them all, but my dad says two dogs are enough.”

As they cleared the spruce trees lining the driveway, Nate stopped dead for two reasons. One was the two big dogs barreling down on him, and the other was the barn-like structure that was the house. It was massive, but he had little time to look at it with the dogs going crazy over not only their owner, but demanding attention from him as well. He saw that Bodie remembered to put a glove on his bandaged left hand. Dinah was big, but the male, Rufus, was bigger. And friendly. So friendly, he had Nate giggling at the wet tongue attacks when he knelt down to greet him. He was the opposite of his mate. Whereas she was mostly white, Rufus was mostly a rich, glossy brindle, but he was every bit as magnificent.

After a few minutes of continual love from the boys, the dogs trotted ahead of them, confident of where the boys were headed. Dinah went through the swinging dog door of the impressively constructed kennel, while they went in through the human door. On the right were two chain link, full-height rooms, obviously for the two adults. Dog doors led out to long outdoor runs. Where they entered, was a good-sized open area, immaculate, with thickly padded rubber matting on the floor. To the left was a whelping pen, high enough to keep the puppies contained, but not too high to lean over and say hello, and that’s what Nate did. Eleven puppies clamored for his attention, and he did his best to accommodate them, laughing at the antics of the little bundles of energy. Dinah, checking that all her brood were fine, went back out her door to join Rufus. This was like heaven to Nate; there was so much love in such a small area. Turning to Bodie, he saw that he was standing back, smiling as he watched him.

“They’re incredible. How do you get them to stay still long enough to tell them apart?” He was giggling as he asked the question.

“Here. They’ll never get enough attention as a group.” With that said, he leaned over and picked one of the puppies up and placed it on the matting. He did the same until there were three running around them and the room. “These are the three best females in the group, in my opinion, and that one there"--he pointed to one that looked very similar to her mother--“is the smartest one in the whole bunch. She’s always listening and paying attention. You probably didn’t notice, but when all those others were going crazy, she was sitting back watching you.”

Nate, sitting cross-legged on the floor, could hear the pride in Bodie’s voice as he spoke. “Actually I did notice that one of them stayed back.” He was stroking the puppy who'd made its way onto his lap. “So this must be Eyebrows, then?”

“Yeah, that’s her,” Bodie said as he sat on the floor close to Nate. He was concentrating on keeping the other two puppies with him, and that gave Nate some uninterrupted time with the beautiful girl in his lap.

“She’s beautiful, and I see why you call her Eyebrows,” he said with a chuckle.

“That’s just a kennel name. She deserves a better name when she gets new owners. It’s easier when you don’t actually name them… before they leave, I mean. I made that mistake with the last litter. She’s my favorite, but picking a puppy is personal. If your uncles decide they want one, they may click with a different one altogether. They’re all exceptional, in my opinion.”

“Well, if it was up to me… I mean, I like them all, but I think she’s the prettiest one. I guess because she looks more like her mother than the others do. Her color pattern is a lot like Dinah’s. And if you say she’s smart, then I hope they pick her.” Nate grinned. “Then she would be like my dog too, wouldn’t you, Eyebrows?” He turned his attention to the calm little animal with the big feet who was looking up at him intently.

“And I could come and see her every day,” Bodie said wistfully as he held the two other puppies, who'd momentarily quieted down.

“That would be great. I can’t wait until we’re neighbors. There are no kids my age at Grams and Gramps' place. It won’t be too much longer though… only about a month, and school before that, so….”

“Yeah, a month will go by fast,” Bodie said softly, his head down. Nate looked at him, but he didn’t look up. The whole happy vibe that was present in the kennel a moment ago, had changed, and he didn’t understand why, but knew it wasn’t his imagination.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Nate watched his new friend raise his head, and there was pain in those shaded blue eyes.

When they settled on his, he could see uncertainty as well. Bodie went to speak, but then lowered his head once more, removing his troubled eyes from view. “It’s nothing,” he said with a sigh.

“Bodie… we’re friends, right? If something’s bothering you, you can tell me. What are you thinking about?” Nate used a coaxing tone, but it was edged with worry.

He expelled a deep breath, as if to calm himself. “I want us to be friends, but I’m worried that you might not want to be, once you start school.” A crack in his voice shot sympathetic shivers through Nate, as he gazed at the top of the blond head across from him. One of the puppies got restless and ambled off of Bodie’s lap. Nate watched a drop of water roll down its side which it shook off with a full body wiggle. Crap, he was crying.

“I don’t know what you mean, but I would never not want to be friends with you. I… well, I don’t know how, but I’m certain we’re meant to be important to one another, and I think you can feel that too, can’t you? Bodie, look at me. Please?” Shimmering eyes slowly met his. “Why would you think such a thing?”

“Because, when you go to Markham High, people are going to tell you things… things about me. My friends,” he said before stopping. “The guys who were my friends, the three guys I used to hang out with since we were all in grade four… they sure don’t want to be friends anymore. They don’t even want me on the same hockey team.” His head started to lower again, so Nate reacted quickly. He was certain now what this was about.

“Hey! I’m not them, okay? Will you tell me what happened? I don’t want to hear about you from anyone else. Only from you. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, but I have things I need to tell you too.”

Bodie wiped the moisture from his eyes and sighed. “Evan, he was one of my friends… he went on my computer when I was doing something for my dad, and he saw stuff, sites I’d been on, and he said it was okay, that he understood, but he was lying. When he left here, he told our friends. I’m gay, Nate. And the guys I grew up with, don’t want anything to do with me. They’re not mean or anything... not really. They just don’t want to hang out with a gay guy, so they avoid me. I want you to be different. I really like you, but I understand if you don’t want to be friends. I know I’ve probably been pretty obvious with the way I’ve been looking at you. I can do better.” He finally met Nate’s eyes head on, his stare resolute.

Nate was glad he could see no apology there, but the pain of bracing himself for disappointment, was starkly visible. “I’m sorry.” Nate saw the disappointment flare, and he was quick to continue. “I’m sorry about your friends, but you’ll never have to worry about that with me, because I’ve been there. I am there. My supposed friends did the same thing to me when they found out.” Nate allowed a small smile to grace his face as he watched comprehension replace the agonizing Bodie had been going through.

“Holy shit. You’re gay? Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously. Are you really that surprised?” Nate was curious to know if Bodie had been getting the same, somewhat confusing messages he had.

“Geez. Wow, I felt something when I first saw you… and there were things… I mean, I hoped, but I thought it was just my wishful thinking, because I was lonely. I convinced myself we had this amazing connection, and I even talked to my mom about it, but she told me not to get my hopes up. She said you were probably just being friendly, but, wow, it wasn’t my imagination… it was real? Did you feel anything? When you met me… like, did you know how I felt? Were you attracted to me, like I was to you?” It all came out in a rush.

Nate laughed. He was flooded with such relief, and Bodie’s animated questioning was amusing to listen to. “Yes. I felt something, and it was way more than I’ve ever felt before.” Nate stopped, thinking he may have revealed too much, but the joy radiating from this blond-haired boy told him he hadn’t. “Wait, you talked to your mom about me? And you’re attracted to me?” The last question was asked softly, and as if he needed verification… needed to hear it again.

“My mom is great,” Bodie said, almost apologetically. “She and my dad asked me why Evan and Dan and Kyle weren’t coming over anymore, and I told them. I was scared, but I told them, and they were so freaking amazing. My dad called them assholes, and told me to not be ashamed of who I was. It’s… I’ve been pretty bad for a while, and I know they’ve been worried about me, so when we met, I couldn’t help telling them about you. I think I got carried away, but I won’t tell them anything you don’t want me to, I promise.” He was apologizing, Nate realized.

“It’s okay. You can tell your parents about me. I’m not hiding who I am. I already did that. Uncle Mike and Uncle Kendall don’t hide, and neither do I. I’m not going to broadcast it or anything, but I’m not broken. There’s nothing wrong with me, and there's nothing wrong with you. We don't have a damn thing to be ashamed of. Your dad's right.” The smile he received at his words was best described as blazing. “So, you’re attracted to me?” he asked with a smirk that turned into a shy smile as he waited for the answer.

“You’re the most beautiful guy I’ve ever seen, and I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since I first laid eyes on you. So, yeah, dude, I’m attracted to you. I like everything about you, especially the gay part."

Nate laughed. "Good. Bodie?”

“Yeah?”

“I have a lot to tell you, stuff I need to tell you, about what happened to me and my parents, what happened with my dad, and my… friends, but we can talk about it later, okay?”

“Okay. I know you’ve been suffering, but we’ve got lots of time, neighbor,” he said, sounding peaceful, the same way Nate was feeling.

“Bodie?”

“Yeah?”

“I feel the same way about you.” Nate looked him in the eye and grinned. He felt a little shy, but no longer nervous.

“Good,” Bodie said, sighing as he shifted closer, careful of the puppy sleeping on his lap. The third one was passed out on the soft matting. He reached over and gently patted Eyebrows before taking Nate’s hand in his own unbandaged one, the tips of his fingers once again caressing the little nick on the underside of his wrist before he took a firm grip.

Nate was sure now that Bodie knew what the little scar was from, but he didn’t mind. Nothing had ever felt more right to him. He gently squeezed the warm hand, in essence, claiming it, and the golden-haired boy it belonged to.