Cards on the Table - 52. Chapter 52 A New Pair

Cards on the Table

Chapter 52

Nate woke with a start into semi-darkness. He relaxed immediately as the realization came that he was safe in his uncles’ bed, but he wondered what had awakened him so abruptly. Their soft breathing represented a calming presence to Nate. He’d hoped his nightmares were at an end when he went to bed last night, but it was not to be. It didn’t embarrass him anymore, though, because Uncle Kendall had gone through the same thing, and he and Uncle Mike understood. They were the coolest guys on the planet, and Nate, when he glanced over at their sleeping forms, was once again awed by the sight of them curled up together. Their love was a thing of beauty, and it filled him with hope for what he could have someday. Stretching under his warm comforter, his thoughts went to Bodie. Bodie! With another start, Nate remembered today was his birthday, and he would be seeing his blond friend soon. That’s why he was awake! Sitting up and thinking about all the stuff he had to do, he looked over at the clock. Miranda was going to drop Bodie off at 9:00am and that was only two hours from now. Grabbing his comforter, he jumped out of bed and bolted from the room.

“What was that about?” Michael murmured into the back of Kendall’s neck.

“Bodie. Nate just realized he’ll be here in a couple of hours,” Kendall answered sleepily. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Like fifty million dollars, Babe, but yeah, I’m a little tender when I clench my muscles.”

“Well, don’t do that,” Kendall joked as he turned around in Michael’s strong embrace, struggling to face him. Michael finally relented and loosened his hold on his partner. “Seriously, is it worse than you’re saying?”

“No, it’s not so bad at all considering how big your dick is.” He chuckled as he kissed the tip of Kendall’s nose. “I feel great, and I’m pretty proud of myself too.”

“You should be. You were amazing.”

“So were you. I’m gonna want to do that again,” he said with a grin.

“Me too, but it’s my turn next."

“Works for me,” Michael agreed. “Let’s grab another half hour of sleep, and then I’ll let you pamper me in the shower again.”

Kendall’s answer was a closed-eye kiss before he turned back around in Michael’s embrace, yawning as he settled in.

Nate was getting himself organized while trying to ignore the excitement building in the pit of his stomach. He’d just gotten out of the shower and was in the midst of picking out clothes. A knock on the bedroom door broke his concentration, so, pulling a robe on over his boxer briefs, he went to open it.

“Good morning, Grams.”

“Happy Birthday, Nathanial. I brought you a cup of tea.” Colleen smiled at her grandson. “You’re up and showered awfully early this morning. Any reason in particular?”

Nate knew his grandmother was teasing, and was also aware he was turning red. “Thanks. I just wanted to be ready for when Bodie gets here. I slept really well last night.” He set the hot mug down.

“That’s good, baby boy. Do you want me to start your breakfast now, or do you want to wait?”

“Um… I’ll wait for Bodie to get here if that’s okay? Maybe he’ll want to eat too?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll feed your young man. Nobody goes hungry in my house.” She smiled as she turned to leave.

“Um, Grams? You won’t call him my young man when he’s here, will you?”

Colleen turned back. “No, dear, I won’t do that. Anything else?”

“Well, yeah, it would be great if you didn’t call me ‘baby boy’ either.”

Colleen snickered as she walked down the hallway. “No promises, baby boy.”

Nate groaned, figuring he’d pushed too far. He became certain of it upon hearing his grandfather’s burst of laughter before closing his door.

Returning to his big clothing dilemma, he heard the email alert go off on his cellphone. Walking over to the small desk, he flipped open his laptop and signed in… to be greeted by a message from jayfire… Josh….

Nate’s fingers hovered over the touchpad. He should be eager after all this time, but that wasn’t the case. Josh had let him down badly and the last thing he wanted was some dumb birthday wish that didn’t mean anything. It was two hours behind in Edmonton, so he must have gotten up early to send this. Josh loved his sleep. Curiosity won out, and finally, with trepidation, Nate opened it.

Hey. I know you probably don’t want to hear from me Natey but I got some stuff to say. I’m sorry- I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing- it’s like my whole life has gone nuts. I’m an asshole. I was an asshole to you. I got no excuses, dude. I suck! It wasn’t your fault what your dad did. I was a chickenshit, n I got real scared. School went fuckin crazy n I’m still scared n I’m really fucked up. You were my best friend. Okay that’s bullshit- you were a lot more than that-sorry bout the text-it was harsh n it wasn’t true. I wanted to do that-the kiss thing-as much as you-I tried to pretend I didn’t but I think about you all the time-ur dad waited for me after school on Thursday n said he was sorry n that you were okay n you were gone for good. Anyway he’ll prolly tell you I was crying but that’s okay cuz I was. He was real nice n he drove me home. And I don’t like Sarah-shes a bitch-but it keeps everyone off my back because they were all talking about us but I can’t handle her much more-she came after me dude-sorry you prolly don’t want to hear bout her anyway- I know that was mean-I remember your face when you saw us n it makes me sad. You’re lucky you got outta here Natey-I hate this fucking place n I don’t know what to do. I think my mom knows about me-shes being all weird and stuff but nice- so yeah, she caught me crying too and told me things would be okay n did I want to talk-like I said its weird. So I know you won’t forgive me, n I don’t blame you but I wanted to wish you happy Birthday anyway cuz I miss you and I feel really bad-ur dad says you’re going to a big new school- I hope you’re happy Natey-I sure aint. I meant all that stuff I said before all this went down-total truth, man. Bye. Josh. PS Please don’t hate me too much, Natey.

Time stood still for Nate. Gripping the edge of the desk with both hands, he sat down hard. Why today? Why now? This was going to be the best day for him since he arrived… since leaving Josh and Edmonton. He knew what Josh looked like when he was afraid of something, and he’d always protected him when they were together… best friends for so long. And Josh was that way now, and alone, dealing with all the crap Nate had been able to leave behind when he boarded the plane to Toronto. Yeah, he'd let him down, but that didn’t matter now. Nate felt a piece of his heart break again for the boy who had meant so much to him. He pictured that scared boy now, and it frightened him. What if he succeeded in doing the thing Nate couldn’t? His cursor hovered over reply, but he was frozen. What was he going to say? All the anger and disappointment had left him, replaced by worry. Getting up, he walked out of his room.

Nate stood at the bottom of the stairs, unsure what to do. He knew he needed to get away from that debilitating email, and there was an almost overpowering urge to run to his uncles, but he didn’t want to disturb them. He listened to his grandparents talking quietly in the kitchen, and contemplated heading in there, but with little warning, tears began forming. He wasn’t yet comfortable enough to talk to them about a boy, not like he was with his uncles. He wasn’t ashamed. He wouldn’t want to talk to them if it was a girl either. Squaring his shoulders, and wiping his eyes, he turned and headed back up the stairs to his room. Walking past his open laptop, he was glad the screen was asleep. It was no use. The tears came again, and this time he couldn’t stop them. Curling up on his bed, he shook as he fought the sobs that convulsed out of him. It all was coming back in waves… every little detail, and there was no escaping the pain of it. And now he was afraid for Josh, who was alone and miserable. He felt remorse, and a little guilt, at not being there for him. Knowing he had to answer his message was different from knowing what to say.

Another soft knock at his door, indicated Grams was back, and Nate sat up, wiping his face quickly on the blankets. “Come, in,” he called out, his voice cracking.

The door opened to reveal Kendall standing there. “Michael and I thought you might want to go skating this afternoon at the outdoor rink. Hey, what’s wrong?”

Nate looked up to meet his uncle’s eyes, and saw the immediate concern. “I… Josh emailed me, and I’m really worried about him.” It came out in a soft rush. He watched as his uncle walked towards him and sat down, holding his arms out. Nate needed the hug that followed, and it made him feel better right away.

Kendall gave him a minute before asking quietly, “What’s got you freaked out? Is he in trouble?”

Nate pointed to his open laptop. “You can read it… his email.”

Kendall said, “Okay,” and walked over to wake the screen. Nate watched him, but couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. His face was impassive as he returned to the bed. “What are you going to say to him?”

“I was hoping you’d tell me. I don’t want to say the wrong thing. What if he does what I was going to do?”

“Hey, don’t go there. It’s different for Josh. His secret is his own… maybe his mom has figured it out, though, and that could be a good thing. What’s she like?”

Nate felt some pressure lift and became a little more animated. “She’s awesome. She’s really cool, and easy to talk to. She’s tough too. Josh’s dad lives in Windsor, Ontario, with his new wife, so Carol raises Josh by herself, and they’re pretty close. I miss her. She bakes great cookies.”

“Well... cookies are important," Kendall said with a grin. "So if she finds out her son is gay, do you think it will be a bad thing?”

“No, I don’t think so. I think she’d be okay with it, like my mom was. She really loves Josh… he’s her baby,” he answered, giggling and wiping a few stray tears at the same time. “It’s the people at school who’d give him a hard time, and he doesn’t have anyone to protect him. The guys on the hockey team won’t be his friends anymore.” Nate silently cursed the tears that welled up again.

“Your dad did a really great thing, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I forgot about that; it was really cool of him to apologize for what he did, and to drive Josh home.” Nate felt his spirits lifting a little, and he gave Kendall a smile. “What do you think I should say?”

“That you’re his friend, and you forgive him, and you understand how tough it was on him too… how tough it still is for him. You do forgive him, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do. Uncle Mike said I should feel sorry for him, not hate him, and he was right. I do feel sorry for him, and I understand better now. Josh… well, it’s not that he’s weak, but he isn’t all that strong sometimes.”

“Then let him and yourself off the hook. Tell him how you feel now. I think it’ll help him a lot to hear it. The boy needs to know he can talk to someone, even if you live far apart… okay?”

“Okay. Thanks. Uncle Kendall? Do you think I should tell him about Bodie?”

“What would you say?”

Nate saw the knowing smirk, and realized his error. “Never mind.”

Kendall laughed out loud, and Nate felt himself blush. “I think that can wait for another time. He just wants to hear you two are still friends… I think that’s enough for now. From the sounds of it, he still has some strong feelings for you, so I would wait a little while for his sake. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, it does.”

“All right, then. Answer your email, and then you have to get dressed. Your Bodie will be here in less than an hour,” Kendall said with a grin. “And text him and tell him to bring his skates, just in case.”

“Arghh, he’s not my Bodie. You’re as bad as Grams!”

“Happy Birthday, Nephew. Don’t forget that text.” Kendall closed the door, and Nate heard him chuckling as he walked away. Why did everyone leave his room laughing?

Nate shot Bodie a quick message, gulped down some lukewarm tea, and then looked at the clothes he had spread out on the lower bunk bed. Sighing, he looked over at the computer. First things first. He could picture Josh curled up in the corner of his bed, against the wall, waiting to hear back… hoping to hear back, just like he had hoped to hear from Josh, day after day. None of that mattered now. He was in a good place, despite missing his family, but his friend was not.

Hey, Josh! It’s good to hear from you. I’m glad my dad apologized to you. What he did was wrong, but he’s trying. He’s right about me being okay. I’m a lot happier than I was. Those guys were mean, and you should keep what you’re feeling to yourself, except maybe tell your mom. She’s cool, and I think she’d be fine with it, but that’s up to you. I was hurt, J, but I understand. I know what it’s like to be afraid. I’m glad you told me you meant what you said, like before all this shit happened. That text was hard, but it’s all right now. I understand, and I’m glad you don’t really like Sarah. J She’s always been a bitch, ha ha.

I don’t hate you, J. I get it… why you did what you did. My dad was being a prick, so I felt all alone. But I don’t feel like that anymore. I’m going to be living with my uncles, and they’re gay too, and they are totally in love, and so happy. They’re going to get married in May. I wish you had someone like them to talk to. They are the best. But you can talk to me if you want—anytime—just because we live far apart now doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. You can email me, or call me or text. I’m sorry you’re not happy, but trust me, it’ll get better. Just promise me you’ll be careful, and don’t tell anyone (other than maybe your mom) until you’re ready. I think most people are smarter when they get older and you’ll be in Grade 10 next year. I wish I could be there for you, J, but I never want to go back there, and besides, everyone knows about me so we couldn’t hang out anyway. Thank you for the email, and I hope to hear from you soon. I’ll always be your friend. Natey.

Nate reread what he wrote and found he meant every word. He was always going to care about Josh. He was the first boy he’d had feelings for and the first boy he sort of kissed… well, the only one… so far. He smiled when he thought of Bodie. Pushing send was easy, and he felt good when he did it… way better than when he first read the email.

Bodie! Crap! He had to hurry in case his blond friend was early. He grabbed the loosest of his new jeans, the darker ones, and pulled them on. He added his white woven loop-through belt, making sure the tail hung over his left pocket, before choosing his shirt. On a whim, he ignored the blue one lying there, and grabbed the yellow v-neck Bodie had insisted he get, and put it on. Looking in the mirror, he had to admit it suited him, and fit just right… not too short, and not too long. White socks, and he was flying down the hall to the main bathroom to fix his hair. He usually hated any haircut he got, but this one he liked. Uncle Mike had been right about his barber. It didn’t hurt that the style made him look even more like his uncle. Shoot. Maybe he should have shaved… his beard seemed to get heavier every day, and now a one day growth was quite noticeable. Oh well, he liked it on Bodie, so maybe Bodie liked it on him. He was tempted to put on cologne, but he didn’t want to be too obvious. Deodorant was enough. Satisfied he was as presentable as could be, he charged down the stairs and headed for the kitchen with twenty minutes to spare.

A loud 'Happy Birthday' greeted him from all four adults as he walked through the doorway. He was all smiles until Uncle Mike threatened to give him a noogie.

“Hey, you’ll wreck my hair, and I just got it right!” Shoot. Wrong thing to say to this group as he faced the razzing from the men while his grandmother stood back with a smile. “Help me, Grams… don’t let them touch my hair, pleeeeze,” he pleaded while evading reaching arms.

“Leave the poor boy alone,” Colleen said as Nate took cover behind her, sticking his tongue out in defiance.

“Hey, we’re just kidding, No one’s going to touch your precious hair. Unless you let Bodie run his fingers through it.” Michael high-fived his father as they both grinned at him.

Kendall interjected. “Did you get the thing fixed up okay that you were working on earlier?”

“Yup, all taken care of. Thanks for your help.” Nate watched his uncle Mike look quizzically at Kendall, but he was ignored, much to Nate’s relief. He didn’t want to have to think about that now, let alone explain it.

“You’re welcome.”

Nate watched from the front window with his coat at the ready and his shoes on. It was five minutes after nine, and he wasn’t here yet. He could hear the voices from the kitchen, and every time they laughed, he wondered if it was about him. He knew he appeared eager, but he couldn’t help it. He hadn’t seen Bodie since Tuesday at Markham High, and he really missed him. His excitement rose when he saw the front of a white BMW SUV coming towards the house. When it turned into the drive, he was out the door, pulling his coat on as he waited on the front step.

Miranda stepped out at the same time her son did, and out of politeness, Nate focused on her while Bodie waved and grabbed his duffel bag out of the back seat. Nate started down the steps to help, when he heard the door open behind him. He turned to see his uncles on the deck, big smiles on their faces.

“Miranda, you’re invited for one of my mom’s Saturday morning breakfasts,” Michael called out.

“Oh, thank you, Michael, but I really am in such a hurry. Maybe another time?”

“Sure thing. I would like you to meet your other new neighbor. This is my fiancé, Kendall Dooley.” Michael looked so proud, that it caused Nate to laugh. He watched as Kendall went down the steps to shake hands with the already advancing woman, before heading towards Bodie.

Miranda reached out her hand for Kendall to shake. “Goodness, I don’t know which of you two is better looking. I’m so pleased to finally meet you, Kendall, and I want to thank you both for what you and Nate have done for my son,” she said as the boys were chattering beside the big SUV, seeming oblivious to anyone else, but Nate could hear her clearly in the crisp air. “He’s back to being the happy boy he used to be.”

Michael, now at Kendall’s side, took Miranda’s hand, and said, “It’s a two-way street… we’re seeing just as big a change in Nate. They seem to be good for each other.”

Miranda leaned in and whispered, “Isn’t young love grand?” Her words carried to the boys, causing Bodie to roll his eyes at Nate.

Smiling, both uncles replied at the same exact time with a “Yes” and they all laughed. When Miranda turned to look at them, Nate could see she was misty-eyed.

“Okay, well I really must be going… I have a meeting with my accountant before my weekend can start.” Turning to her son, she told him to behave himself and then hugged both boys, wishing Nate a “Happy Birthday.” She waved to Kendall and Michael as she was getting in her car. “You can bring him home tomorrow whenever it’s convenient, since he’s done with school for the Christmas holidays. Thanks again,” she called out as she disappeared behind the wheel. They all waved to her as she backed up and drove away.

“I like her,” Kendall said to Michael.

“I do too. I think she's a real go-getter, and you can tell she adores her son.”

"What's not to adore?" Bodie asked with a grin.

Nate was beside himself with excitement. His nervousness had retreated as soon as he’d locked eyes with his handsome blond friend. He'd heard everything the grownups had said to each other while he talked with Bodie, and while awkward, it'd made him feel warm too. He had grabbed skates from the floor of the vehicle’s back seat, and noticed they were the exact same brand and style as his. He wasn’t sure why, but that meant something to him. One more bit of proof as to how in sync they were?

A snowball hit him in the chest, and he turned to see a smug Michael. Before he knew it, a little war had begun. It ended quickly when Bodie got Kendall in the neck. No one had gloves on so they called a truce and headed inside, laughing like the little boys they’d all reverted to.

Colleen stood just inside the door, shaking her head and smiling at their antics. Her husband stood back a ways behind her. “Welcome, Bodie. I’m Colleen, and this is Big Mike.” Bodie held out his hand but she sidled by it and gave him a hug. “I hope you’re hungry, young man.”

“I had cereal before we left,” he replied as Big Mike shook his hand in welcome.

“Cereal won’t do for a growing boy. Now you two take that stuff up to your room, and breakfast will be ready in about twenty minutes.”

Nate chuckled at an uncertain Bodie. “Don’t argue with my grams… if she says you have to eat, you have to eat. Let’s go,” he said as he headed for the stairway.

Once the door was closed behind them, Nate’s nerves re-activated, and he found himself close to stuttering. “Um, this bed is mine, but you can take it… the bunk beds are not as long, and you’re taller than I am… um, the top left drawer is empty… this one… for your clothes and stuff.”

Bodie walked up to Nate, and lifted the skates off his shoulder, setting them on the floor bedside the dresser. “Relax, okay? I missed you… Happy Birthday.” The hug that followed let Nate get back to being Nate.

“I missed you too,” he spoke against the muscular neck that felt so warm against his cheek and jaw. When they separated, it was with matching grins, and Nate noticed Bodie looked as flushed as he felt.

“I’m not taking your bed, either. I can fit on the other one no problem. Why are there three beds in here anyway?”

“Oh, this used to be the kids’ room… for me and my two sisters when we were a lot younger… Kelsey and Lacey… that’s their names. I miss them even though they drive me crazy most of the time.”

“You’re lucky to have them. It gets kind of lonely at my house sometimes. Especially now that I don’t have my friends come around anymore.” Nate looked for signs of sadness, but all he saw was a matter-of-fact acceptance.

“Well, you’ve got me… and we can hang out every day once I move in.”

“I know, and I can’t wait. We can have sleepovers on the weekends. Did you know we have an indoor pool?”

Nate’s thoughts went straight to an imagined picture of Bodie in a bathing suit, and he chastised himself. Slow down, buddy. “No, I didn’t. That’s awesome.”

“Yeah, it is. I swim pretty much every day,”

“Well, that explains why you look like that,” Nate said with a slightly embarrassed smirk.

Bodie laughed. “We have a fully stocked workout room too, with lots of free weights, and weight and cardio machines for my mom.”

“Okay, that really explains it then.” This time they both laughed.

“And how do you explain you, Mr. Grant? How come you’re in such great shape?” Bodie raised an eyebrow in question.

“Well, my dad limits the amount of weights I can do… he says I have to be careful not to overdo it while I’m growing, but I play hockey, baseball, soccer, and I run quite a bit. And I used to swim… I competed for a couple of years before it got to be too much.”

“Oh cool. So you’re a good swimmer.”

“I guess so. I did freestyle and butterfly.”

“Well… that explains your upper body. You’re months younger than me, but you wouldn’t know it to look at you. You’re beautiful.” He looked Nate in the eye, letting him know he meant it.

“Um, thanks. So are you. You’re the best-looking guy I have ever seen… for real.” Their eyes held.

“So… we feel the same way about each other?”

“I... do you remember when we were headed to the Issues office at Markham High?”

Bodie nodded.

“You said you couldn’t stop thinking about me?”

Another nod from an attentive Bodie.

“I can’t stop thinking about you either, and I just wanted you to know that.”

“So we do feel the same way then.” This time it was a statement.

“Yeah, we do… for sure, we do.” Nate was mesmerized when Bodie took his hand and lifted it to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the palm… it was the second time he’d done that.

“Okay then, birthday boy… would you, ah… would you consider being my boyfriend, or is it too soon to ask?”

“No way… it’s not too soon to ask… yes, I will be your boyfriend.” This time, Nate took the initiative and leaned in before he could think too much, placing a sweet gentle kiss on those full and welcoming lips. It didn’t last long, and it may have been tame in comparison to others’ standards, but Nate knew it meant the world to both of them. They followed it up with a hug, and the last vestiges of feeling alone melted away. Bodie’s tight grip told Nate the healing had begun for him as well. He breathed in his scent, remembering it from the first time they’d hugged in the kennel, knowing somehow it would stay locked in forever. When they finally let go, it was with happy reluctance. Smiles soon turned to giddy laughter, and it took a little time for it to stop.

“I never thought I would be this happy again, Nate. For a while there, I was pretty low… and I had some scary thoughts, and I’m sure you understand how bad that feels. I know we’re young, but I can’t imagine anything feeling more right than this.”

“I was pretty low too, and yeah, I know about those kind of thoughts. And I don’t think being young has anything to do with it. My mom and dad met when they were fifteen, and they’re still together… I don’t really feel like a kid anymore, although I’m not going to be ready for the heavy duty stuff for a long while yet.” That got a nod of understanding from his brand new boyfriend. “I felt something wicked powerful the first time I saw you, and it gets stronger every day.”

“You are quite the guy. I like that you can just say stuff like that. I feel like I’m the luckiest person in the world right now. Thank you for rescuing me.”

“I think we rescued each other. After Josh… I didn’t feel much hope and… oh, speaking of Josh, I finally heard from him.” Nate was surprised to see a flicker of worry in those bright blue eyes. “Hey, I cared a lot for Josh, but I never felt about him the way I do about you, okay?”

Bodie gave a sheepishly relieved smile. “Okay.”

They were interrupted by Colleen calling them down for breakfast.

“Are you ready?” Nate asked.

“Lead the way, boyfriend.” The smile on his face was infectious, but it floundered when Nate grabbed his hand in a firm grip as they stepped out into the hall. Bodie looked pointedly at their hands. “Are you sure?”

Nate grinned. “If my uncles can do it, so can we.”

“Works for me.” Bodie grinned back, and they headed for the kitchen, joined in more ways than one.