Timmy's Journal - 24. Poetry Prompt 17 - And To Sleep, My Son and Don't Wanna

Loved them both! The last two lines of "Don't Wanna" sum it up beautifully... that stubborn streak... the indignant attitude... and I really felt the father's weary exasperation... well done... cheers... Gary....

The kind of relationship every father should have with his son. Too bad it goes down the drain when the said son doesn't fulfill his father's expectations. I it!!! Hopefully one day I'll be reciting to my son.

On 01/03/2016 08:28 AM, bignick said:

The kind of relationship every father should have with his son. Too bad it goes down the drain when the said son doesn't fulfill his father's expectations. I it!!! Hopefully one day I'll be reciting to my son.

Thanks buddy. Father's shouldn't have those kinds of expectations. Father's shouldn't expect their kids to 'fulfill' them, they need to do it for themselves. Kids are human beings, you shouldn't live through them. I hope you can recite it to your son one day too! Thanks for your support, Nick and your friendship.. both are appreciated!

tim

On 01/03/2016 08:25 AM, Headstall said:

Loved them both! The last two lines of "Don't Wanna" sum it up beautifully... that stubborn streak... the indignant attitude... and I really felt the father's weary exasperation... well done... cheers... Gary....

Well, I'm not a dad Gary, so if these worked for a dad of four, I'm happy. Thanks very much for reading them and for your comments.

tim

Both these bring back memories. Sleepless nights, and actually an argument just fifteen minutes ago about going to bed.

Very well done Timmie you captured it all wonderfully.

On 01/03/2016 09:00 AM, Caz Pedroso said:

Both these bring back memories. Sleepless nights, and actually an argument just fifteen minutes ago about going to bed.

 

Very well done Timmie you captured it all wonderfully.

 

Thanks Cazzie, Glad they worked for you. Oh dear ... well I hope you won that round!!

timmie xo

What a great pair tim!

They each whine to make their point, but daddy always wins!

Like Gary, I thought the boy's last line was genius!
You're very talented - and this was fun!

So very beautiful Tim. I've wanted to be a father for so long and your poems made me shed a couple of tears.

Beautifully accomplished!

You capture both the parent and the child so well. The unrelenting playfulness of the child versus the hopeful parent, wanting only the best for the sleepy child. Very nice.

I close my eyes and hear the voices of my son and I when he was a child. Both coaxing, pleading a desired response from the other ...
Thank you for drawing out the memory.

Amazing. Thank you for taking the poetry prompt challenge! (so soon!)

There's a lot to admire here, and not to embarrass you or anything, but the first thing that grabs my attention is how smooth and flawless your metre is. I know you had a rough time with the Meter Prompt, but in the 'Sleep, My Son' poem, you've come out on the other side of your struggles with a natural sense of poetic rhythm. I think metre is now just something you have at your disposal when it's called for by a poem. I'm so please about that.

Also, I admire how the 'Daddy' verses uses big words and concepts to communicate to the boy, while the kid's reply involves more concrete 'let's run around' terms and images.

Very, very well done!

On 01/03/2016 09:05 AM, skinnydragon said:

What a great pair tim!

 

They each whine to make their point, but daddy always wins!

 

Like Gary, I thought the boy's last line was genius!

You're very talented - and this was fun!

Hi skinnyd! Thanks my friend. Glad you liked these. They were fun to write. I'm glad they worked for you. Thank you for reading and for your comments.

tim

On 01/03/2016 09:17 AM, Reader1810 said:

Hey tim

 

The poems are great and evoke a wonderful, feel good vibe. The POVs of the dad and the little boy were terrific and believable to the point I felt as I was the proverbial 'fly on the wall' witnessing their interaction first hand.

As always, nicely done.

Thanks Reader! I'm glad these worked for you. Thanks so much for all of your support Reader. I appreciate it.

tim

On 01/03/2016 09:55 AM, Roberto Zuniga said:

So very beautiful Tim. I've wanted to be a father for so long and your poems made me shed a couple of tears.

 

Beautifully accomplished!

Oh Roberto.. thank you so much. Well hope you get to become a father if that's what you want. We dont want kids ourself but we borrow them often from Michael's brothers... Thanks for reading and for your comments.

tim

On 01/03/2016 10:07 AM, Puppilull said:

You capture both the parent and the child so well. The unrelenting playfulness of the child versus the hopeful parent, wanting only the best for the sleepy child. Very nice.

Hi Puppilull, thank you for reading and for your comments. I pleased to know this worked.

Thanks again, Puppilull,

tim

On 01/03/2016 10:19 AM, dughlas said:

I close my eyes and hear the voices of my son and I when he was a child. Both coaxing, pleading a desired response from the other ...

Thank you for drawing out the memory.

Hi dugh, that's a lovely memory. I'm glad these poems helped bring it back to you. Thank you for reading and your support, dugh. It means a lot to me.

tim

On 01/03/2016 10:32 AM, AC Benus said:

Amazing. Thank you for taking the poetry prompt challenge! (so soon!)

 

There's a lot to admire here, and not to embarrass you or anything, but the first thing that grabs my attention is how smooth and flawless your metre is. I know you had a rough time with the Meter Prompt, but in the 'Sleep, My Son' poem, you've come out on the other side of your struggles with a natural sense of poetic rhythm. I think metre is now just something you have at your disposal when it's called for by a poem. I'm so please about that.

 

Also, I admire how the 'Daddy' verses uses big words and concepts to communicate to the boy, while the kid's reply involves more concrete 'let's run around' terms and images.

 

Very, very well done!

Hi AC. Lol, well I hadn't planned to do the Prompt so quickly, but there was little choice. I think the struggle with metre taught me a lot. I appreciate all of your help with all my writing, AC. I'm glad both of these poems fulfilled the prompt.

Thanks again, AC.

tim

Oh, the stubborn child. I have two sons, the youngest is 17 and my oldest is 30, so I've dealt with two generations of stubborn children. I must admit, it has been years since I've stepped on Lego blocks or played with Dragon Ball Z action figures. "Don't Wanna" reminds me of the days when Green Eggs and Ham was a nightly read, The Wheels on The Bus was the jam, and Capri Sun juice pouches were the favorite beverage.
My youngest has turned me on to Call of Duty Black Ops, Halo novels, and the band Animals As Leaders. Go figure...my child has grown up and I've reverted back to childhood.
Both poems are very realistic. Nicely done, Tim.

Wonderful counterpoint between the two, I can see it playing out in front of me. Good job.

On 01/03/2016 01:32 PM, R J Drew said:

Oh, the stubborn child. I have two sons, the youngest is 17 and my oldest is 30, so I've dealt with two generations of stubborn children. I must admit, it has been years since I've stepped on Lego blocks or played with Dragon Ball Z action figures. "Don't Wanna" reminds me of the days when Green Eggs and Ham was a nightly read, The Wheels on The Bus was the jam, and Capri Sun juice pouches were the favorite beverage.

My youngest has turned me on to Call of Duty Black Ops, Halo novels, and the band Animals As Leaders. Go figure...my child has grown up and I've reverted back to childhood.

Both poems are very realistic. Nicely done, Tim.

Call of Duty.. oh cool you're a gamer. I played Halo and ALL of Skyrim (everything) love that game! I'm glad you like the poems, RJ and why shouldn't revert... being an adult all the time is no fun!! Play.. enjoy.

tim

On 01/03/2016 01:37 PM, Bucket1 said:

Wonderful counterpoint between the two, I can see it playing out in front of me. Good job.

Hey B!! Thank you for reading and for your comments.. Glad you liked them... I appreciate your support.

tim

As a dad, as a lover of your poetry, as a teacher, I have to say these two poems resonated deeply for me. I remember the emotions and the weariness of a long day with energetic kids. I remember being a kid myself, and I empathize with the day-is-hardly-over sentiment. I want to dance with the child, and sleep with the parent. How wonderful. Thanks to you I can feel both.

On 01/03/2016 03:06 PM, Parker Owens said:

As a dad, as a lover of your poetry, as a teacher, I have to say these two poems resonated deeply for me. I remember the emotions and the weariness of a long day with energetic kids. I remember being a kid myself, and I empathize with the day-is-hardly-over sentiment. I want to dance with the child, and sleep with the parent. How wonderful. Thanks to you I can feel both.

Hey Parker, Thanks for reading these two. I'm glad they worked for you. Having never really been or looked after kids.. I could only think back to my mum and what she did. Thanks for your comments. I appreciate your support.

tim

You. Nailed. It.!! Both poems speak perfectly to those parent/child moments. The pleading back and forth, that little tug of war to see how far they can go. It brought back memories and I still sort of go through that with little ones. I really loved them Tim.
So great!