Morningstar: The Malaise - 43. Chapter 43 Coming to Grips

Morningstar: The Malaise

Chapter 43

“Are you worried about Logan?”

“Logan? No… why do you ask?”

“You seem like you’re in another world.”

“I was earlier,” Kellar said as he took in the curious hazel eyes looking up at him. Tobyn’s chin was resting on his chest, and his face still glowed from their lovemaking. “Best world ever.”

“Sweet talker. Not saying you’re wrong, though. Come on,” Tobyn said as he prodded Kellar’s underarm gently with his fingertips. “Let’s go clean up. We're both in need of a shower.”

“Not yet… please?” Kellar implored. “I just want to lay here like this with you. This is too perfect to mess with.”

Tobyn showed his agreement by laying his head sideways, and Kellar became a pillow again.

Silence settled over them for a few minutes, a comfortable blanket to luxuriate under.

Without really wanting to disturb their peace, Kellar blurted out one of the questions hovering in the forefront of his brain. “Do you think my mom and dad named me Kellar because of that prophecy? I mean, no one at Morningstar knew about the thing. Maybe Vega’s the only one that’s ever heard of it.”

Tobyn’s expelled breath sent ripples through Kellar’s chest hair before he shifted his head to meet his mate’s gaze. “Ah, I knew you were stewing about something… should have known it was about that painting. If no one at Morningstar knows about this prophecy, it’s because we don’t have a keeper… and we haven’t for a long, long time. It could have been forgotten because it’s just another old story that’s been lost… one of many. Your parents’ pack likely had a keeper if they were aware of it, and you heard what Delia said regarding seers having some of their best visions about unborn children. There are explanations for your name if you want to see them. What’s the real question here, doc, because you’re too smart not to have figured all this out?”

The outside light was deepening, turning the room soothingly darker. Kellar saw Tobyn’s penetrating look clearly, though. “Do you believe I’m part of it, the way some of Vega does? Am I, like, a reincarnation of this Cahlar guy?” There was a need to hear what his mate thought, because Kellar was torn in a way that confused him.

“I don’t know any more than you do, but we both saw the painting, and all we can do is speculate. That was your wolf… it was as if I was looking at you. A strong seer can get glimpses or visions that are from well into the future… at least that is what Miss Sybil has told me. I know it shook you up—it did the same to me—and clearly it's been percolating in that big brain of yours.” Tobyn sat up with his legs folded in front of him, and Kellar’s eyes roamed his body, momentarily distracted by the beautiful play of muscles in the suffused light.

“Do I think you’re a reincarnation? No. But a descendant, I would believe. It can’t be a total coincidence… even your unusual shade of brown shows up in that old painting… and you really are the biggest wolf anyone has ever seen, here, or at Morningstar. You know that, right?”

“Yeah.” Kellar reached for the other pillow to stuff under his head and, needing the contact, laid his hand on Tobyn’s bent knee.

“Plus, you have to admit you are saving shifters everywhere.” When Kellar went to voice his objection, Tobyn held up his hand. “Don’t even try to be modest. You asked me a question and I’m answering it. Even you have said you believe the earth mother has plans for us. Correct?”

Kellar gave him a hesitant smile. “Yes, I did say that, and I do think she does. So then… it’s possible my parents had an idea of how my life was going to be? They died knowing… maybe even what’s happening now?”

“It’s possible, I guess. I do recall Miss Sybil saying visions of the future don’t cover a lot of ground, though. They’re more like scattered pictures, and they could be cryptic—open for interpretation—and that she has an easier time deciphering ones from the past. But if your parents named you Kellar because of a reading, they would at least have known of your tie to the prophecy. Maybe a seer had a glimpse of your coat after your first shift. Anyway, Miss Sybil would be the one to talk to about this stuff. What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know… my parents… they were reported as burned to a crisp—beyond recognition—in the accident that killed them. I read a report on my social worker’s desk once, just before I was placed with the Apsleys. In my head it all seemed so final, and it made me feel so alone. It would be nice to think they shared my future in some way, even if it was only hope from some vision… that they at least had that when they died. I’m know I’m not making much sense here. It’s just….”

“Yes you are, and I get it now. This all makes you feel closer to them.”

“I don’t… yeah, maybe… I guess it does. It’s… sort of comforting….”

“Good. I think we both know this isn’t all some weird coincidence. The survival of our entire race is at stake, and your parents played their own role in giving us a chance to save it, so you should feel that way. Even though they’re not here, they’re still a part of this journey.”

I wonder just how much they did know. Kellar smiled when Tobyn laid back down beside him and kissed the base of his neck. He was back to being a pillow again, and it was exactly what he needed. He did feel closer to his parents, and he wasn’t going to over-analyze it. For a split second, an image of them began to form, but it dissipated before he could grasp a solid hold. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, and he felt the familiar disappointment that came with the tantalizing hint of a memory. He tightened his embrace of the warm body wrapped in his arms, eliciting a sigh, and the feeling of loss faded away.

As Delia had said, whatever his connection to the painting or prophecy, it changed nothing about what he and Tobyn were doing. He heard deep and steady breathing from his mate, and decided a shower could wait an hour or so… maybe when they woke up for round two.

“Mom gave me carte blanche.”

“I gathered that from your side of the conversation. And ‘carte blanche?’ Don’t be making fun of my lingo anymore.”

“Hey, I don’t make fun. It turns me on when you talk like a professor.” Tobyn went back to toweling his hair dry. “I’m starving.”

“Me too. Those were tough workouts you put me through.”

Tobyn stopped his movements. “I put you through? I can still feel the last time.”

“You want a little trickle, babe?”

“Don’t you dare. I like the reminder. Besides, it’s almost gone anyway.”

“You’re the boss.” Kellar grinned and Tobyn smirked.

“Yeah, right. I let you be the boss once in a while… last night for example.”

Kellar chuckled before leaning forward to claim a kiss. “And I thank you for it. So, what exactly did Elinor say?”

“I can promise them anything.”

“Anything?”

“Pretty much. If they decide to amalgamate with us, they can bring anything, or set up anything. They could completely integrate, or do their own thing and keep finances separate. She’s agreed they could have access to our forests if that’s what they want… she did point out how badly we need them in all our divisions, but as she says, we can’t expect them to fall in line with our interests and needs.”

“So in other words, they could be a separate pack on Morningstar grounds?”

“If that’s what they want, yes. I hope it isn’t, though. I have to think on it some more, but I honestly don’t believe it would work well that way.”

“I agree, and I don’t need to give it any more thought. I can imagine the problems such a scenario would create. I wonder if Vega has decided anything.”

“I’m curious about the same thing. Mom wants Clarence to call her… whenever he has a question, wants an opinion, or has reached any conclusion. Other than revealing them to Denver, she won’t tell anyone about their matches… says she wouldn’t be surprised if one or two, like Hutch for example, would want to come here right away.”

“I never thought of that, but she has a point.”

“I think so too. It’s a mind-blowing thing to find out you have an earth mate.” Tobyn paused, and his smile was shared by Kellar. “So, she says a few days won’t matter, and she doesn’t want to complicate things for us.”

“Smart woman. We’re talking about a delicate sort of situation here.”

“Let’s go for breakfast so we can find out just how delicate things are. I smell bacon.”

Walking into the dining area, all conversations stopped, but only for a few seconds before enthusiastic greetings were called out. Kellar flickered, and saw some very pale auras on display. That included Delia, who was making her way from the back section. He imagined there wasn’t a lot of sleep to be had after what the Vega members learned yesterday.

“Did you guys get a good rest?” she asked with a pleasant but tired-looking smile.

“We did,” Tobyn answered.

“Our bed is so comfortable it was hard to leave it, but Tobyn needed to eat,” Kellar added just before he got smacked.

“You’re just as hungry as I am.”

“Yes, dear,” he sent with a smirk. “How is Logan?”

“He says he feels good. He’s awake and ‘starving,’ so I’m getting him some breakfast. I’m assuming you’re going to check on him?”

“Yeah, that’s where we’re headed. Kellar has to check his patient before we can eat,” Tobyn said with a mock pout.

“You’ll survive, babe. Is Clarence around?” Kellar asked.

“He’s sitting with Logan… been there all night, but he swears he slept well enough. They’ve been talking a while now, so I don’t think you’ll be interrupting anything important. I just went in to see if they were ready to eat. Our meeting went quite late after you guys left.”

“It was a lot to throw at your pack. How about you. Are you doing okay?”

“Oh, yes, I’m fine. We’ll talk later, but I’m really happy. It’s a challenge to stay calm, though. I’m dying to ask you questions about my earth mate. I went to bed with his name repeating over and over again, and every time I woke up, his name was still there. Hutch,” she said softly.

“We understand, don’t we,” Kellar said to his mate.

“We sure do.” Tobyn’s hand settled on Kellar’s shoulder. “Hutch is a great guy, Delia. He’s a year or two older than you, and he is, well, you won’t be disappointed in how he looks, and he won’t be disappointed either.”

It was sweet to see her blush before she whispered, “Thank you,” and took off for the kitchen.

“So, you think Hutch is hot?”

Tobyn grinned. “I’m not into blonds, mountain man.”

Kellar grinned back. “I sure am. Ah… just one, though,” he quickly added, when Tobyn halted their walk towards Logan’s room.

Kellar heard quiet conversation as they rounded the corner to the back part of the building. The top half of Logan’s bed was raised, and he was sitting up when they entered the open doorway. He looked bright-eyed, and Kellar was pleased with the increased strength of his aura. It was by no means a strong one, but it looked more like the others of Vega pack than it previously had.

Clarence greeted them with a beaming smile that didn’t quite hide his weariness. It was obvious the man was pleased with his son’s progress. “Good morning gentlemen. Logan and I were just talking about you. He’s been brought up to date on pretty much everything.”

“Well, that’s good,” Kellar acknowledged with a questioning look. “And how does Logan feel this morning?”

“Better than I can ever remember. I want to thank you again, and tell you I’m very sorry….”

Kellar stopped him with a hand movement. “It’s in the past. You were ill, and there’s no need. I accepted your apology yesterday, so that’s the end of it.” He joined Tobyn in taking a seat across from Clarence.

“Are you having any symptoms at all… like headaches, or nausea, or confusion?”

“No. Dad walked me to the bathroom earlier, and I felt a little dizzy when I first stood, but it passed right away.”

“And you slept well?”

“Best sleep ever,” he replied with a huge smile. “I can’t thank you enough for that alone. You were right; the noise hasn’t come back.”

“You’re welcome. What about your memory? Any noticeable lapses?”

“Yes and no. It’s weird. I remember more and more as Dad and I talk, but it’s like it I’m watching someone else. I can picture stuff that’s happened, but I don’t feel connected to it. Like I said, it’s weird. It’s as if I’m watching from a distance, but then there’s other stuff where it feels like me. You asked about confusion, and I guess maybe I am after all.”

“Sounds normal to me. I think it’s a good… no… definitely a great sign your memories are intact, and it makes sense you wouldn’t connect to some of them. Think of it as those were the times the tumor took over your actions, and just let them go as part of your ordeal. I’ve seen how everyone cares for you, man.There's no judgement for what's past, so chill.”

“Yeah, that’s what Dad’s been drilling into me. It’s hard, though. I remember my wolf running at you, Tobyn, but I can’t recall what I was thinking.”

“You don’t need to because whatever it was, it wasn’t you thinking it,” Tobyn reassured him. “We all saw how much pain you were in.”

“Okay. I’m starving, and that food smells good out there,” Kellar said, mainly to change the mood. “Delia is bringing you breakfast, so after you eat, if you’re up to it, I think it’s fine to get out of this bed for a short time… a five minute walk won’t hurt. Not by yourself, though. You need someone at your side for at least the next twenty-four hours when you’re up and walking, okay?”

“Count on it,” Clarence interjected.

“Is there anything you want to ask me before we head out to the dining room?”

“Yeah… ah… Dad told me I have an earth mate at Morningstar. Are you sure?”

“One-hundred per-cent.”

Logan’s face lit up at the confirmation. “Can I ask… is she… what’s she like? Do you know her well?”

Tobyn laughed. “She’s my best friend, man, and to tell you the truth, when I first met you I would have said you would never in a million years deserve someone like her. She’s awesome. And she’s beautiful. You’ll be very lucky if she accepts you.”

“Accepts me? Oh. I thought….” Logan looked momentarily lost. “Do you think she will? Accept me?”

“The guy I’m talking to now? Yeah. What do you think, doc?”

“Absolutely, she will… well, probably,” he teased. “But, buddy, you’ve met your match with Tilly. You better learn to say ‘yes dear’ to whatever she wants.” Kellar and Tobyn shared a grin.

“Sounds like just what you need, Son.” Clarence shared in the humor.

Logan let out a long breath through a tentative smile. “Yeah, Dad… in all honesty, I hope…. She sounds great. I… I can’t wait to meet her. Do you think she’d ever want to come here to live? If she accepts me?”

Kellar exchanged looks with his mate. Was this a sign of where Vega was at with the offer? He couldn’t imagine Morningstar without Tilly. And he couldn’t ever envision her and Adelin willingly going separate ways. “That’ll be between you and her. One thing I would never do is speak for Tilly.”

Tobyn sighed before he chimed in. “The thing about earth mates is, you’ll always want to put yours first, and do what’s best for them. Selfishness melts away in the face of what you feel for your other half.” He spoke with his gaze on Kellar, and their hands automatically came together. “Tilly and her sister are incredibly close, and she came as near to losing Adelin to cancer as anyone can. Fortunately, Kellar was able to heal her. I’m only giving you fair warning; Tilly’s a reasonable woman, with her own strong will, but the bond with her sister is made of iron. When you do meet her, I can’t see you wanting to take that away from her.”

“And remember what I said about learning to say ‘yes dear’ to your mate. I learned that early on,” Kellar added.

“Hey,” Tobyn objected. “I agree with you just as much.”

“Yes, dear, you do.” He winked at Logan, and the pensive man laughed, but Kellar didn’t miss the way he looked at his father. Has he already decided where he stands on Morningstar’s proposal?

They were on their way out of the room when Tobyn stopped and turned back. “I just realized something, Logan. Adelin’s mate is Warren, Kellar’s brother, and since Tilly is her sister….” He tilted his head in amusement. “That kind of makes us bros-in-law.”

Logan stared for a second as he processed, and then broke out into a grin. “Cool. I always wanted a brother.”

Kellar chuckled. “Well, now you’ll have three. Welcome to the family, bud.”

Kellar pushed his plate away first, and realized he’d been eating too fast. He was always hungrier than normal for a few days after a healing, especially a draining one like Logan’s had proved to be. There weren’t many others to have witnessed him shoveling the food in, though. By the time they’d entered the dining room for breakfast, most of the pack members had left, including Bill, seen shuffling out the door as they arrived. Kellar’s desire to relieve his pain was put on hold when Delia informed them the man would get agitated if he was held back from attending to his work. It could wait. “That hit the spot.”

“You barely took time to breathe, mountain man.”

“I was hungry.”

“You should be with all the energy you’ve been expending, and I’m not just talking about your healing skills.” Tobyn’s eyes were twinkling. “You outdid yourself last night.”

Kellar grinned. He loved the place they’d gotten to. “We both did. The second time was a marathon.”

“Wear you out?”

“Hardly,” he scoffed. “You?”

“Completely recharged.”

“You want to…?”

Tobyn laughed. “Yes, but how would that look if we retired right after breakfast? We should pass on what my mom said, to Clarence.”

“Then what?” Kellar said suggestively, eyebrows raised.

“Well, we did promise we’d go for a run and check for hunter sign. These people’s noses aren’t up to par, and while it’s unlikely, it is possible there could be another one out there.” He laughed again when Kellar’s face fell.

“Okay, run it is. I can wait until tonight.”

“It’s a date, but you know it’s my turn, right?”

“Oh yeah. I’m counting on it, babe.”

They found the alpha in his office.

“Come in, gentlemen, and close the door please. Logan is doing remarkably well, isn’t he?”

“Yes, he is. He’s not the guy we met our first day here.” Kellar joined Tobyn in taking a seat.

“He’s my boy again, thanks to you. I know you saw the worst of him….”

“We like him, Clarence. He’s part of the family now… well, almost,” Kellar said with a grin and Clarence chuckled. “Don’t go apologizing for someone who was ill, because there’s no need.”

“Right you are. I suppose you have some questions about where the pack is at after last night’s meeting.”

“We are curious,” Tobyn answered. “We know how difficult it must be to even consider our proposal. My mom wanted me to tell you to call her any time, for any reason. Morningstar is open to you keeping your pack separate if that’s what you want, although I don’t know how that would work. Mom is the one to talk to about that.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, son. For now, we’re going through a process of getting everyone’s head around the idea of leaving our homes, even if it’s only temporary. We discussed time frames last night, with five years being considered. There were some who were completely against the idea… even Logan’s reaction was negative at first. I think you managed to do something I couldn’t when you talked about his mate this morning. I believe he sees now it won’t be all about what he wants. I saw the change in him, so I’ll just let him simmer.”

So that was the look shared earlier. “What about the rest of the pack?” Kellar asked. “You were saying….”

“They’re simmering too. We have another meeting scheduled for tonight after supper. It gives them time to get used to the idea. I opened some eyes last night when I let them pore over the financials. It’s not that they were secret, but I hammered a few realities home. It’s slowly sinking in that we aren’t going to have five Morningstar mates come here, and even if they did, it wouldn’t solve all the problems the malaise has caused.”

“Are you saying you’re on board with the proposal, Clarence?” Tobyn sounded a little breathless as he asked the question.

“I’m saying it’s my job as alpha to look for the best option for Vega, and I believe you’ve given us that. But as I said before, I won’t force this on my people. Whatever we do will be their decision, but I do have influence, and I’m justified in using it.” His smile was just a little bit sly, and Kellar read his commitment in it.

“I’m responsible for this mess we’re in. Even the loss of manpower, but I can’t go back and change things. I can only look forward, and yes, there are some costs; no one wants upheaval, but we have a chance to undo the damage. It’s up to me to help my people understand that. We could forge ahead on our own, and maybe we’ll end up doing so, but it would mean some very lean years, and it would also require us to go back to searching out mates. That’s another loss of manpower, and why would we not take advantage of the abilities you have, Kellar? It doesn’t make sense, and, given time, I think the right conclusions will be reached. I’ll know better tonight where the pack is standing.”

“It sounds very promising, sir,” Tobyn said.

“It got a little chaotic a few times, but I let it go because it was what was needed. The emotions had to come out, and believe me, there were a lot of them. I have a question for you, Kellar.”

“Yes?”

“Logan has expressed an interest in attending tonight’s meeting. Do you think it’s a good idea? Just say the word, and I’ll forbid it.”

“I don’t think you need to. As long as he’s helped out to the dining room, and stays sitting down, it should be okay. This is an important situation, and he should be included. If he gets too excited, though, you might want to end his involvement.”

Clarence grinned. “No worries there. I plan on wheeling his bed out to the dining room. It’ll have a better impact, and remind them we almost lost another one of us to the malaise. Shine a light on what’s most important.” His grin got bigger.

“You’re a smart man, Alpha Stanley,” Kellar said with a corresponding grin.

“I’ve been at this a long time, and I do have my moments.” He hesitated, and his smile was replaced with a resolute expression. “I have a job to do, and that’s to get people past their fears. I’m determined to do my best, and when all is said and done, I’ll let the chips fall where they may.” His resolution appeared to falter. Spinning his chair around, he stared out the window.

Kellar appreciated the determination in the alpha, but what he heard was accompanying skepticism.

“What do you think, babe?”

“That Clarence isn’t exactly confident of the outcome.”

“I don’t envy him.”

“I don’t envy any of us if Vega stays put. I really need that run now.”

“Me too.”