Daydreamers - 13. Chapter 13

I've never been more nervous than when I was at the dinner table and Ryan was about to out me to my parents. I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't want to be stuck in a room with Kyle; someone who didn't know the first thing about what I was talking about. Tyler left with Julian, so I went to see Sam. Anyway, I wanted to thank him for what he did.

When I walked into his room, he was alone, laying on the futon. He smiled at me when I walked in and I smiled back at him. I walked over to his futon and sat next to him.

"Thanks for what you did," I said. "I...I had no idea that you were gay."

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you as soon as you came out. I...I just had to find my own time to do it. This...This wasn't really the time that I imagined, but..."

"You don't have to say it. I know. You came out before you were ready so...so Tyler and I wouldn't have to do it before we're ready. I don't think anyone has ever done anything so...amazing for me before."

"You're my brother and...and it's my job to help you out. I did it because I love you."

We sat next to each other, silent. I felt so close to Sam at that moment, but I didn't have anything else to say.

"Alex...can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," I answered.

"You and Brian have been friends for a while right?"

"Uh, yeah," I answered.

"So, is there...is there something between you guys?"

"No...but...I think I'd like there to be...but at the same time I'm scared."

"Why?"

"I don't...what if it doesn't work out? He's the best friend I've ever had. I don't wanna loose that."

"Well, I'm not too good at this advice stuff. When things scare me, I generally run away."

I felt bad for Sam. He didn't seem to have the Sullivan confidence that the rest of us had. I just wanted to shake him and tell him that he's awesome and he's got to know that. But Sam doesn't like a lot of fuss being made over him.

Waiting for something to happen, the two of us sat. We could tell that mom and dad were fighting because it was really silent. They always whispered when they argued. Kyle came in as we were waiting. He looked distracted.

"Hey, Kyle," said Sam.

"Sam...are you really gay?"

Sam put his head down. "Yeah, kid. I am."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't tell anyone."

Kyle and Sam have always been really close. Sam always spends a lot of time with Kyle doing things that dad should be doing, but doesn't have the time to do. I could tell Kyle was disappointed. But I didn't know whether he was disappointed that Sam was gay or that Sam didn't tell him, or both.

"You're not mad at me are you?" Sam asked Kyle.

"I just...I don't even know what to think of you now. I just don't understand how you can like guys. That's just weird."

"I know it's hard to understand, but...one day you will."

"Whatever. I don't even know if I want to."

Kyle turned around and left the room. I patted Sam on the back. "Sorry Sam."

"He'll get over it; hopefully."

*                      *                      *

Dad called me downstairs. I reluctantly left Sam alone in his room. I met dad and mom in the kitchen. They sat on the kitchen table waiting for me to sit down with them. I sat and we looked silently at each other.

"Did you know about your brother?" Mom asked.

"No, I didn't."

"Don't lie to us Alex," said dad. "We know you spend a lot of time with Sam."

"I didn't know, dad. I found out at the same time you did."

"Do you know if Tyler or Kyle knew?"

"You'll have to ask them. I don't know. Can I go now? I wanna meet Brian."

"Go ahead. Be back by eight to say goodbye to dad at eight."

I got up and walked back up the stairs. I gave Sam a ‘see ya later' and then I left. Once again, I walked the few blocks to Brian's. When Brian's mother answered the door, she looked at me funny.

"Hey Mrs. Albert, is Brian here?" I asked cautiously.

"I don't think now is good, Alex."

Brian cut to the side of her and walked outside to meet me. "We're gonna be in the orchards, mom."

Brian took my wrist and pulled me out to the orchards. He only did this when he wanted to have a really serious talk where we wouldn't have any interruptions. We sat under one of the trees and he took a deep breath.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I could tell he was severely bothered by something.

"I came out," he said.

"Well, there's been a lot of that lately hasn't there? Is that why you've been out of touch for a while?"

"Yeah, sorry I haven't called you. I've just been really distracted."

"It's cool," I said. "Ryan almost outed Tyler and me earlier at dinner."

"Oh shit. That's pretty messed up."

"Yeah, but Sam stepped in."

"What'd he do?"

"He came out instead."

"Sam's gay too? You have a pretty cool family."

"It's pretty weird, that's what it is. I just can't really believe that three of us like boys. Tyler says that he's bi, but I don't know if I believe him."

"There is such a thing as bisexuality."

"I don't know. It just sounds a bit like denial to me," I said, putting my arm around Brian. There wasn't some ulterior motive behind this gesture. We did things like this all the time, especially after we came out to each other months ago. But I do have to confess, part of me did wonder what it would be like to actually be with Brian. That is, until I saw the Albert's new helper. "Who's that?" I asked Brian.

He was walking through the orchards and checking on the trees. He would pick up the fruits and carefully examine them. He's tall and built, definitely built. His t-shirt hugged his body gently, not tightly; just enough to show off his chest and his sexy arms. His dark brown hair came down to his ears from across his face. He's perfect.

"Oh, that's Paul. He and his dad moved down here from Washington State. My dad hired him right away when he said he'd worked in orchards where he lived."

"I don't care about all that. Is he gay?"

"I don't know. I doubt it. Though, it wouldn't surprise me, what with all of these coming outs that have been happening."

"He's hot," I found myself figuratively drooling over this guy.

Brian sighed. "Come on." He got up and dragged me over to him.

We walked, dirt soil crunching underneath out feet. I was so nervous that I could feel my heart pumping my chest. And as we got closer to him, he just became hotter and hotter. I began to feel my crotch rustling in my jeans. They were on kind of tight, so I hoped that no one noticed.

"Oh, hey Alex," said Paul.

"Paul, I want you to meet my friend Alex Sullivan. Alex, this is Paul Joyce."

Paul stuck his hand out and I shook it. "Nice to meet you," he said. He said it was nice to meet me; nice to meet me.

"Yeah, ah, you too," was all I could manage.

"I was just checking on the apples. They're coming along really great. They should be right on time for the season."

His voice was deep, but not freakishly deep. It was deep like a man's voice should be. I wondered how old this statuesque boy was. He had to be older. He's certainly older than me. I hope he's not too much older. I really want to at least get to know him; even if he's not gay. I have to have him around me. I feel like a freakish stalker now. But he's worth going crazy over.

Paul looked at his watch. "Man, I should get home. I've got a paper to write."

I looked at him funny, but only because it was summer and school is on break.

"I'm taking summer intersession at the college," he explained.

"Oh," I said. He's a college guy. Way too old for me. Or is he?

"Cool," said Brian. "You should go then."

"It's cool meeting you, Alex. See ya around."

He walked away and the heavens opened up as I caught a glimpse of him bum. It was perfectly round, but not overly obnoxious.

"Let's get the fuck out of here," I said.

"Where are we supposed to go? It's almost dark."

"To the lake," I said.

"But I can't go back inside to get my shorts. My mom'll never let me out again."

"We don't need shorts. We'll be the only ones there and by the time we get there it'll be dark."

I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew is that I didn't want to go home. I could've easily suggested going to get a milkshake or something, but since meeting Paul, I was feeling a little frisky. I wanted to get Brian out of his clothes and see his dimpled cheeks turn red in the moonlight.

So, we walked to the lake, which took about twenty minutes. On the way, Brian told me about his coming out. It was a pretty big disaster with his father freaking out. But I never knew that his brother Matt was so nice. He was usually a jerk to Brian and me. What he did kind of reminded me of what Sam did. Matt didn't sacrifice himself for Brian, but he's still a major support for Brian and Sam is definitely a major part of my support system. I don't know what I'd do without him.

We walked to the far side of the lake, where there were no buildings or home, just trees. I immediately started to strip. Brian's deer-in-headlights look was priceless. I smiled and just kept stripping until I was only in my boxers.

"Aren't you coming in?" I asked.

He jerked his head, coming out of his shocked look. "Um..."

I started to take off my boxers and he stopped in the middle of his sentence. I stood in front of him fully naked, my manhood flopping in the cool, summer night air. I caught him staring at it.

"Come on," I said. "No one's around."

He was started to strip as well but, super slowly. I just stood there, waiting for him. He took at least five minutes. Brian is really hot. He's just really insecure about his body. And once he was fully nude, I naturally glimpsed down to his dick. His well groomed bushel of red hair, the same as on his head, was very exciting to me. He was excited as well. He had a semi hard-on.

I walked closer to him. "It's okay. Let's go. The water will feel good."

I put my hand in his and led him, slowly, into the lake. The sound of the water slowly splashing against our bodies was very exciting. We both stood in the shallow part of the lake, which brought the water to just below our chests.

"You know what I love about you, Brian?" I asked.

"Wha-What?" he asked.

"I like your red hair. It's very sexy."

"It is?"

"Yeah, and those dimples of yours are pretty irresistible as well."

"Why are you saying this?" he asked. He seemed kind of hurt.

"I'm trying to say that I like you, Brian. But there's one thing that I'm really scared of."

"What?" He didn't seem hurt or scared anymore.

"I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"So are you saying that you'd rather just stay friends?"

"No, what I'd really like is...is you...all of you, but...on the chance that it doesn't work, I don't want it to get awkward. I want us to be this close forever." I stopped and he didn't say anything. So I went on. "But I also want to do this."

I walked up to him, pushing through the water. I put my hand on his cheek and I led his lips to mine. We kissed an innocent kiss for about a second. He looked at me shocked, but pleased at the same time. I smiled and then went under. I didn't want him to see my red cheeks. I also swam away, embarrassed of my major hard-on.

He swam over to me and I turned around. My boner still wasn't gone. He put his hand on my shoulder and then turned me around. I pushed away from him. I couldn't let myself give into what I was feeling. I couldn't. I can't take the chance. It's too much of a risk. No. I can't.

"What's wrong?" Brian asked.

I might as well tell him, I thought. "I've got a boner," I said, turned away from him.

I heard him giggle behind me. This shocked me and I immediately turned around. "That's not funny."

"No, but it is really cute."

"Don't say that," I said. "It's only making things worse."

"I know. I'm sorry, but, I can't help it. There's a connection between us. There always has been, even before we knew each other were gay. I bet even before we even knew it for ourselves."

"I don't want it to ruin our friendship." I said.

"I don't either. Maybe...Maybe if we promise for it not to get weird it'll turn out better."

"I have to think about this more. Maybe we should head home."

"Okay," said Brian.

We got out of the lake and shook as much water off of our bodies as possible. I was glad that my hard-on had gone away, or it would be shaking with me. We put our clothes back on. It was hard to put my jeans back on with my wet legs, but I managed.

We walked to Brian's house almost silently. Every now and then we would bring up little bits of random information like a band that we like coming to town or a good movie coming out. I don't think it would've mattered if we promised not to be awkward. This situation was destined to be awkward from the get go.