Daydreamers - 20. Chapter 20

I couldn't believe what just came out of my mouth. I've never said I love you to anyone other than my mom. I love my brothers, but I don't think I've ever told any of them. I was kind of put off by the fact that he didn't say anything back, but maybe he wasn't ready.

"You don't have to say anything back," I said.

"I wanna say this...I don't know if I'm ready to say those words yet, but...what I do know is that I think about you all day and when I'm with you my chest feels like it's gonna burst from beating so fast. If that's not love; I don't know what is."

I smiled and kissed him again. We didn't really have much luck with the fishing part of why we were there, so we brought our lines in and walked back up to Ryan's Jeep. Julian drove us back to camp where it was almost dark. Sam and Ryan were starting a fire.

"No luck?" asked Sam

"Naw," I answered.

Ryan seemed unusually quiet and it scared me a bit. He didn't look at me or Tyler. He just kept helping Sam make the fire, which eventually got going pretty good. We all sat around in. Matt and his girlfriend Ally were cuddling in a two person folding chair and Ryan and Rachel's chairs were scooted together so they could hold hands. As for Sam and Travis, they were sitting on the floor in front of the fire.

I couldn't help but want what they have. They sat next to each other and Travis had his arm around Sam's shoulders and Sam was resting his head on Travis' chest. I almost cried because I wanted to be held by Julian so badly.

Everyone talked about whatever was on their minds, but not Ryan. He had this look on his face like a storm was brewing in his eyes. He just sat and held Rachel's hand and sipped his cans of beer which he wouldn't let any of us touch, not even Julian or Rachel. Finally, Rachel asked him what was on everyone else's minds.

"What's wrong Ryan?" she asked. "We're supposed to be having a good time."

"Yeah, that's what I want to know," said Sam.

He looked around at all of us and then to Julian and then me. I was sitting with Alex and Brian. Julian was sitting across from me with Sam and Travis. My heart started to beat faster and faster. What was he going to say? He looked back to Julian. The fire popped and cracked as silence fell before the crowd.

"What's really going on between you and my brother Julian?"

"I told you, Ryan. We're just friends."

"Stop lying to me!" He threw his beer into the fire and it nearly blew up. Everyone jumped back. He looked back to me. "Tyler, are you going to at least tell me."

"It's like he said, Ryan. We're just friends," I told him. My voice was shaky and I was hoping that he wouldn't notice. This was the first time I was ever scared of one of my brothers. But somehow it was fitting that it was Ryan. He's always been the distant brother, even when he was home.

"I can see you two. I see the way you look at each other and the way you're always coming up with excuses to be alone. I can't handle it anymore. Someone needs to tell me the truth."

I saw Julian's face and I knew that he was about to tell. I took a deep breath, preparing for what could possibly happen.

"Ryan, I'm gonna tell you the absolute truth..." Julian paused and took a deep breath. I took one again with him. "When I met your brother...I had no idea he was your brother. He was just someone I met in a bar."

"A bar!" His face was turning red. Who was he - my father?

"I have a fake ID," I said. "It's the one that's close to your school."

"I-I can't believe this. I can't believe you've been with my brother behind my back this entire time." He got up from his chair and was switching looks between the two of us.

"Look, we didn't tell you because-one-we didn't know how you'd react and two-Tyler wasn't out yet and he wasn't ready."

"Dude, you don't even have any business with my brother. You two need to fucking quit this shit out right now!"

"You have no right to tell me what to do, Ryan. You're not dad!" I was furious.

"I'm sure dad will have something to say about this."

"Ryan, calm down," said Sam.

"Did you know about this?" he asked.

"Tyler told me," said Sam.

"What the fuck, man? What's happening to you guys? You've all turning into a bunch of faggots!"

I saw the hurt on Alex's face, which changed from shock. Sam also seemed kind of shocked. We all thought that faze had passed. Travis, on the other hand, seemed pissed. He even got up to face Ryan.

"Look, we all understand that you're mad, but yelling and calling your brothers names isn't going to make things go away."

"You need to stay out of our business. What're you even doing here anyway?" asked Ryan, irritated.

"Chill out, dude," said Matt. "We're supposed to be having a good time."

"Don't tell me you approve of your little brother being a queer," said Ryan.

"Don't call him that, you jackass. Just because you've abandoned your own family doesn't mean we all have to listen to your shit."

"I can't take this anymore. I'm staying at the motel. Rach you coming?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes and went with him. I couldn't handle anymore of the tension. I got up from my chair and walked into my trailer. I heard steps behind me. I turned around expecting it to be Julian, but it was Sam.

"Oh," I said - not expecting him, but not disappointed either.

"Are you okay?" he asked. He smelled of smoke and I wondered if I did.

"Yeah, I think."

"At least everything is in the open now. You don't have to hide anymore."

"Yeah, except Julian's leaving."

"Why would he leave?" asked Sam.

"Why would he stay?" I asked back. "Things with Ryan and him are probably over and dad's probably gonna kick him out once Ryan tells him."

When Sam didn't say anything, I figured he agreed.

"If mom does kick him out, maybe he'll still stay in Stone Lake. He can stay at the motel."

"He's a college student, Sam. He can't afford to stay at a motel for the rest of the summer. There's still two months left."

"Quit being so damn pessimistic, Ty. Do you love, Julian?"

"I-I guess."

"Then you need to fight to be with him if that's what it comes to."

I smiled and then Julian walked in. The trailer was way too small for the three of us, so Sam left right on queue.

Julian didn't say anything after Sam left. He just kissed me and it felt really good. He made me feel like everything would be okay for that moment that he kissed me. But as soon as we stopped and I looked at his face, I knew it wouldn't be.

"We'll figure this out," he said.

"I know," I said, but I was still unsure.

"Let's just go outside and enjoy the fire," he said.

"Okay," I said with a weak smile.

When we walked out of the trailer, everyone looked at us. I just kept walking and moved my chair over by Julian's. I noticed that Alex and Brian left.

"Where'd Alex and Brian go?" I asked.

"They went for a walk by the lake," said Sam.

"Are those two like...going out?" asked Matt. He seemed a bit uncomfortable asking.

"Probably," I said. I was trying to be my usual joke making self, but couldn't manage it. It just came out like I actually thought they were, but again - I was unsure.

"Brian said that they were just friends," said Matt.

"Well, after what just happened...I think we all know what that can mean sometimes," said Julian.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"So, how long have you guys been going out," Ally asked me and Julian.

"Just a month, but I don't think we're actually going out. We haven't really been on a date," said Julian. He was right. What were we?

"And you two?" she asked Sam and Travis.

"Um...about the same," said Sam.

Travis smiled and kissed Sam on the cheek. Sam blushed.

"Well, you guys are totally cute together," she told them. They are.

Sam blushed even more and changed the subject, "So who's hungry?"

"Yeah, I'm starving," said Matt. "I'm gonna go get my brother and Alex."

Matt left and Ally went with him. Travis and Sam immediately started to make out. I felt Julian's fingers come in between mine. I looked at him and smiled. He smiled back.

Sam and Travis stopped making out and got up to start the propane powered grill that we brought. It's my dad's but mom said we could use it since he never does anymore. Travis started the grill and Sam got out the hot dogs and hamburger patties. It was time to eat, but I was definitely not hungry. I was just in a sticky mood.