Daydreamers - 24. Chapter 24

I should've never gone camping with Alex and his brothers. It was the single most awkward weekend I've ever had in my life. All I could think was that I wanted to be with Paul. So as soon as Matt and I got home, I got my cell phone from my room and called him.

"Hey, Brian-what's up? How was the trip?"

"Awful," I said sitting on my bed.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Alex confessed his love to me," I said.

"Oh..."

"I just don't feel that way for him."

"But you used to right?"

"Yeah, what does that matter?" I asked.

"It matters," he said.

"But we're together now right?"

"That's not what I asked you," he said.

"Look, there's nothing for you to worry about. I'm with you. I'm not leaving you to be with Alex."

"How do I know that?"

"You want me to prove it?" I asked. "Why don't I come over?"

"Um, sure...my dad's not home."

"I'll be over in a minute," I said. "I just gotta take a shower."

"No, it's fine. Just come over."

"Um, okay," I said.

When I walked out of my room, I ran into Matt. I nearly knocked him over trying to get downstairs.

"Whoa, where are you going so fast?"

"Nowhere-um...I'll be back."

"Wait, where are you going?"

"I told you that I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going out."

Matt shook his head. "Okay, just be safe."

"Since when do you tell me that?" I asked.

"I don't know. Just be careful okay?"

"Yeah, yeah...I will."

I walked to Paul's. It's not a far walk-only about two blocks. I walked with my head down and my hands in my pockets. I was super nervous. After what happened in public in broad daylight with Paul, what would happen when we were along-in his room?

When I reached his house, I knocked softly on the door. I waited a while and there was no answer. I looked for a doorbell, but there wasn't one. I knocked harder on the door. I waited. Eventually Paul answered the door. His face lit up into a wide smile when he saw me.

"Get in here," he said.

I walked in and in one swift motion, the door was shut and I was against the wall with his tongue in my mouth.

"I missed you," he said.

"I missed you too," I said.

Our chest contracted wildly in deep, quick breaths. His lips were on mine again before I knew it. His hands wandered to my waist and into my shorts, cupping the curve of my ass. His other hand was cupped tightly to my neck, where it met with my jaw. My hands were fixated in his upper waist. It was toned and tight. It felt good.

As we separated, he looked at me and smiled. His hand took mine and our fingers locked perfectly. He led me to the living room where we sat on the couch. Right away, he was kissing me again. This time his hand wandered up my shirt and his warm hands somehow felt as cold as ice. He leaned into me and I had to lie back on the couch to compensate.

"I don't know what you've done to me, Brian, but I like it." He smirked and started to suck on my neck. He sucked harder and harder. At first it hurt, but as he kept doing it, it felt good. He put his hand up my shirt and felt my thin body-my ribs, my chest.

His knee stood between my legs and rubbed against my package as he moved up and down only slightly as he sucked on my neck, giving me a hard on. I wanted to go on, but I got a text.

"Shit," I said.

"Don't answer it," said Paul as he looked down on me, his lips dry from sucking.

"What if it's important?" I asked.

He sighed and got off of me. I adjusted my boner and then took my cell from my pocket. The text was from Matt telling me that my dad was angry that I left without telling him.

"Shit, my dad's pissed. I've gotta go."

"Stay a little longer? We're just getting started."

"I can't. If I stay I might get grounded and not get to see you for days."

"Oh, we can't have that, can we?" He smirked. "One last kiss for the road?"

I smiled at him and he put his hand on the back of my head, pulled me in, and kissed me. His tongue slipped in my mouth and he somehow got me to lie back down onto the couch. I pushed him off once I realized what we were doing.

"I have to go, Paul."

Paul whined. "But when am I gonna see you again?"

"I'll call later if I can and we'll talk about it then."

"I'm crazy about you. I've never felt like this for anyone."

I smiled. "You're so cute. I'll see you later."

I pecked him in the cheek and left his house. I walked home the same way that I walked there-with my head down and my hands in my pockets. When I got home, things seemed silent. It seemed like the silence before the storm.

"Where the fuck have you been! Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?" My father screamed and I thought I heard pictures of the wall rattle. He stood in the foyer, a dark figure looming over me.

"I-I just went out for a while," I said, trying to be as brave as I could. My father's angry mood always scared the shit out of me.

"You can't just leave like that! Where do you think you are-a hotel?!"

I could see my mom in the background with her terrified face. Why couldn't she say anything? She was just standing there. And where is Matt?

"I'm sorry dad. I-I didn't think I'd be gone for long."

"Bullshit! You were out with that boy weren't you?! Yeah you were because you're a disgusting little-"

"Dad!" It was my big brother to the rescue."Stop! That's enough. He's your son. You need to stop and think about what you're saying."

He came down the stairs and stood in front of me, facing my father.

"You stay out of this, Matthew."

"I'm not just going stand aside and let you bash him, dad. It's not right. He's my brother and if you're not going to stand behind him, I will. Now BACK...OFF."

Tears were rolling down my face from fear, but even with the tension leaving the room, they still came rolling down. Matt turned around and put his hand on my arm.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "Wipe your tears. We're leaving."

"Where are you going?" asked dad.

"None of your business," said Matt smartly.

Matt grabbed his keys from bowl on the stand by the door and led me to his car. I wiped my tears as I waited for him to get in and start the car. He drove me to the lake. We walked to the door and sat down.

"What're we here for?" I asked.

"Well, it's not really my favorite place in the world. It's nothing compared to Twin Lakes. But I know that you like it here. I thought coming here might help you feel better."

"Thanks," I said. I looked at him and then to the lake. I started to pick up rocks and throw them in.

"So, where did you go anyway?"

I sighed. "Come on, Matt. I don't wanna talk about this."

"Oh no, I just saved your ass. You at least need to tell me what I risked myself for." He pushed me with his shoulder. "Did you go see Alex?"

"No, of course I didn't go see Alex."

"What do you mean ‘of course'? I thought you and Alex were working things out. Wasn't that what that walk was all about?"

"No. Alex and I are not together. That time has come and gone. I didn't go see Alex."

"Then who?"

"Why did I have to go see someone?"

"You would've explained to dad where you went. You didn't want to lie so you didn't say anything."

I turned my head to him and then back to the lake. I threw another rock into the lake and it made a small splash. I took a deep breath and sighed as I let it out.

"I went to see Paul."

"Paul..."

"Paul," I said again.

"What the hell are you doing with Paul? Brian, he's way too old for you. It's like...Ew."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. He's not that much older than me. Besides...he's good to me and he's willing to admit his feelings for me, unlike Alex."

"Oh, is that why you're with him? You want to me Alex jealous?"

"No, that's not why I'm with Paul. Alex doesn't even know that I'm with him. And please don't tell anyone. Paul isn't exactly the out and proud type."

"What he's not proud to be with you or what?"

"You know it's not that simple, Matt. We're not a straight couple, ya know."

"I know, I know. I'll keep your little secret." He sighed. "I guess you feel better now."

"Yeah, thanks a lot. I mean it."

"Look...I know that dad is making it difficult for you to live there. What if-What if I got a place-an apartment for the two of us. I've been saving up for a long time. I was actually saving for a new car, but-"

"Matt, you don't have to do that. I-I'll find a way to survive through dad."

"For two more years? What happens when he goes too far?"

"Dad can come around. You never know."

"I doubt it. You know how he can be. Come on. How great would it be to have our own apartment?"

"Mom and dad will never let it happen. They're still my parents you know. Just because you're an adult..."

"I'm not letting you stay in that house. You didn't see your face. You were scared shitless of him in there. I didn't like seeing you like that."

"I'm fine, Matt. Maybe I'll spend the night at Jessica's or something?"

"Cousin Jessica all the way across town?"

"I'm sure Aunt Rosie won't mind me staying with her."

"No, you should let dad chase you out."

"It's his house."

"But it's your house too. You should feel safe there."

"I do feel safe. Dad won't hit me. He just gets mad sometimes."

"Do you really wanna take that chance?" He asked.

"I don't know. I'll think about it. Let's just go home."

"I thought you wanted to go to Aunt Rosie's?"

"Yeah, well, you're right. I need to feel safe in my own home. I'm gonna go there and stand up to dad. I need to or he'll never respect me for who I am."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, besides you'll be right next to me. Right?"

"Right," he said with a somber smile.

We got up and left the lake. The short drive home was pretty silent. Not even the radio was on. We got home and slowly got out of the car and walked back into the house. Dad was sitting alone in the living room. There was no TV on and no music. He just sat and stared into space.

"Dad," I said sternly.

"What?" he asked annoyed.

"I've got to say something and you're gonna listen," I said. "Never in my life have I ever been ashamed of who I was. I'm gay and there's nothing wrong with it. I'm not hurting anyone. So what's the big deal? I'm not going apologize for it. If you can't handle it, I'll just find somewhere else to live-somewhere where they'll accept me for who I am. So dad-what'll it be?"

My dad got up from the couch and walked slowly over to me. I was almost afraid, but he didn't seem mad. His body language even seemed apologetic. But I wasn't gonna get my hopes up. I knew it could all be a front until he smacks me across the face. Matt's theory really had me scared now.

"I'm sorry, son. I don't think I've ever been more ashamed of myself. The way I've been acting these passed weeks is unforgivable. I've just been so shocked that...that you turned out this way. I guess I was trying to scare it out of you hoping that it was just-I don't know-some kind of way for you to rebel."

"Dad, this is who I am. It isn't some phase."

"I know. What your brother said to me was very eye opening. You're my son and I should love you for who you are and I do love you for who you are."

"Was it just Matt who convinced you?"

"No...your grandfather. He helped me cool down and see the big picture."

I knew it was grandpa somehow. I just had the feeling. He's good at that kind of stuff. He's especially good at getting my dad to see he's being a jerk. Dad hugged me for the first time in what seemed like forever. He stopped hugging me when I was thirteen. And damn it, I hugged back. I wasn't going to miss this opportunity.

Normally, I would be a bit skeptical because the turnaround happened so quickly. But I saw an honestly in his eyes that hasn't been there since I came out. He was genuinely sorry to the point that he was almost crying as he told me. But my dad doesn't cry so he didn't let it get that far. Everything was back to normal again and I was happy.