Daydreamers - 7. Chapter 7

I was so excited to know so many gay people in Stone Lake, but at the same time I was disappointed. The one person that I wanted to come out didn't. Of course I'm talking about Sam. I felt like he had something more to add to our little coming out circle, but he just wasn't saying it. Could it be that even in that throwing up of coming outs, Sam was still afraid of coming out himself? Or I could just be making up stories like I always so to get what I want through fantasy.

If Sam was gay, that lake trip was the perfect opportunity to say so. I even came out and he still didn't say anything. If he isn't gay, I hope he isn't freaked out with being my friend. Of course he isn't, he defended Alex to Ryan didn't he? Well, Alex is his brother. What if he was doing it just to support his brother? Holy shit, I'm a mess. I have to talk to Sam before I go back in to see my aunt. I have to know what's on his mind. So, I asked him to come to my aunt's house with me before he went inside with his brothers and Julian. We stood in front of her garage.

"So, I hope you're not freaked out about me being gay," I said. I can't believe I actually said that. I never used to care what anyone else thought. But of course Sam is different. I feel such a connection to him, but I barely know him.

"N-No," Sam stuttered as he talked. This meant he was either nervous or lying.

"Are you sure?" I asked, even though I was scared shitless that he would change his answer.

"I don't care if you're...g-gay." He stuttered again. Shit.

"Look, you can be honest."

"I am being honest," said Sam. "It doesn't matter to me if you're gay or straight."

"Why not?" I asked. What kind of question is that? I'm such a dumb ass. This guy is turning me into a complete fool. I knew that I was going to be calling Grace as soon as I got into my room. She's my older sister who's currently attending UCLA.

"I don't know. Please, can I just go? This is getting a little uncomfortable."

I knew I should do what he asked. "Okay, I'm sorry. I just really need a friend here, ya know, ‘cause I don't know anyone."

"Yeah, I know. But it doesn't bother me that you're gay so you don't have to worry."

"Thanks, Sam. I...You have no idea how much I appreciate it."

Sam and I shook hands and my body trembled at the moment of his touch. When our hands parted, I was sad. I wanted to feel his touch for longer. As I watched him walk away into his house, I noticed that he had sort of a sway in his hips as he walked. It was really cute. Then, I looked to the left and saw Alex, Sam's little brother, staring right at me. He walked over. I really didn't want to talk to him.

"Do you like my brother?" asked Alex.

"Why?" I asked, trying to sound put together.

"You were staring at his ass as he walked away," he said.

"Oh...that..." I was embarrassed. I put my hands in my pockets and started to kick the ground.

"Look, I doubt that he's gay. Two gay brothers and a bi one is kind of unlikely."

I knew he was right, but I hoped he wasn't. "Look, it's just a crush."

"Yeah, I know how that goes. I just don't want you to get your hopes up."

"What do you care?"

"Well, my brother seems to like you. He doesn't have a lot of friends, so I just want this friendship to go smoothly."

"Right...well, I'm going to go inside."

I walked away from Alex and walked into my aunt's house. I said hi to my aunt. She was watching Jeopardy. I walked upstairs, walked into my room and immediately dialed Grace on my cell phone.

"What's up, Travis? How's Nowheresville, California?" asked Grace.

"It's actually pretty cool here," I said. "I really like it."

She giggled. "Okay, what's his name?"

"Wha - Why does it have to be about a guy?"

"Why else would you like a town like that?" asked Grace.

"It's a really great, town."

"Whatever, come on and spill it."

"Sam," I grumbled.

"Oh, so what's he like; tall, dark, and handsome?"

"Actually he's tall, blonde, and completely gorgeous," I said, tossing myself onto my bed. "Plus he has three brother and they're even hot. But he's just different. I don't know if it's just because he's the only one I've spent any real time with, but...he's different than his brothers."

"Wow, does he have an older brother?"

"Actually, he does. He's really hot too."

"Hmm...Too bad he's so far away."

"He's only here for the summer anyway. He goes to some university I've never even heard of."

"So, tell me more about Sam."

"I don't really know much about him besides that he likes to swim."

"That's a plus. You're into the whole water thing, right?"

"Yeah, but I don't know. I'm not sure if he's gay."

"Well, does he know that you're gay?" asked Grace.

"Yeah," I said. "He didn't say anything. He just said he didn't care that I was gay."

"Ouch, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he's not gay. He could just not be ready to tell you yet."

"Which means he doesn't like me the same way that I like him," I said. I pouted. I didn't really feel like talking anymore. "I gotta go, Grace."

"Aw, come on. You just called. We don't get to talk anymore."

"I just don't really like where this conversation is heading." I said.

She sighed. "You really like this guy, Sam, huh?"

"I think I do. I've never felt like this about anyone before."

"You need to tell him, Trav. You never know."

"I don't know. I don't want to freak him out or anything."

"You said he was okay with you being gay," said Grace. "Just tell him that you like him. Take a chance on love."

"I doubt that it's love. I just met him a few days ago."

"Stranger things have happened," said Grace.

"Shit, Grace, I gotta go. Aunt Nancy is calling me for lunch."

"Okay, call me again soon okay? I want to know how it goes with Sam."

I hung up with Grace and shuffled into the hall and down the stairs to meet my Aunt Nancy in the kitchen. She had chicken sandwiches on the table with chips and sodas. I smiled as my stomach growled and sat down with her.

"I was just on the phone with Grace," I said.

"Oh, how is she doing?" she asked sweetly.

"Great," I answered.

"I bet your father is proud; her going to UCLA and all," said Aunt Nancy.

"Yeah," I said. I took a chip and popped it into my mouth. Then, I took a bite of the chicken sandwich. It was delicious. I've learned in the past few days that I've been here that my aunt is a great cook.

"How was the lake?" she asked.

"Um, it was great." I answered in a sort of nonchalant way. I was trying to figure out if I should tell her that I'm gay. What if one of those guys blabs and she finds out from someone else in town. I couldn't let that happen, but I still wanted to try and respect my dad's wishes.

"I told you that you'd like the Sullivan boys. They're good boys."

This made me think about Sam again. I thought of his gorgeous eyes when he took off his glasses earlier today to get into the lake. I thought of the way his chest flexed when he lifted his t-shirt over his head and then tightened he threw his t-shirt on the ground. His abs were flat and toned and just...just perfect.

"Yeah," I answered, coming out of my fantasy.

"Sweetie, you have something on your mind?"

Shit, she's good. "Um, I kind of been wanting to tell you something, but I can't."

"Why not?"

"My dad asked me not to tell anyone."

"Is it about your parents' divorce? Because I know all about that."

"No, it's about me." I still wasn't sure if I should say anything.

"You can tell me anything, Travis."

"Well, I just don't want to do something my dad didn't want me to do."

"I think you may be one of the only teenagers that I've ever heard say that."

I wanted to laugh, but I just couldn't. I knew she was right, but this wasn't about something he didn't want me to do. What if she didn't accept me? She is my aunt, but still. What if she kicks me out or something? Would I have to go back to LA and witness the ugly divorce between my parents?

"I'm gay," I said, then popped another chip into my mouth. Silence fell between us after I finished my chip. She just looked at me, amazed. It seemed like forever when she had just barely moved her head.

She put a hand through her hair and then flattened her blouse with her hands. "So, your parents know?"

"Yeah," I said.

"And your dad is okay with it?"

"Yeah," I said. "I even brought a guy home to meet them before."

"Oh so you...you have a...guy friend?"

"Um....well, not anymore; it didn't work out." I said.

"Oh...um...if your father is okay with it, why did he want you to keep it a secret?"

"I don't know, but it just isn't me to keep this from people who are important to me. That's why it's been bothering me."

"I don't understand. You...You like boys?"

"Well, not boys. I like to say guys," I said. Boys sounded like I was a pedophile.

"For how long?"

"I don't know. For as long as I can remember."

"This...This goes against everything that I've been taught, but...but you're my nephew and I support you."

A glow of happiness overcame me. "Thanks Aunt Nancy."