I Hate This Town - 33. Chapter 33: Worry

Alec rolled his eyes when they pulled up to his home and a downright obnoxious green Lamborghini was parked horribly in his driveway. He rubbed his fingertips against his eyelids and sighed. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate River’s friends fetching him from the airport, or watching his home, but he was already at his people quota for the day. Not only was he at his limit, but River’s friends were eccentric and they… were just a lot.

Lukas snatched his suitcase once he’d managed to wiggle out of the car. He followed the two men up to his front door, which felt a little strange. When they reached the plain, grey door, both Cameron and Luke made room. He unlocked it and was met with quiet. It unnerved him. Sage was a normal human, but August was far from. He was like a toddler. If it was quiet and you didn’t have eyes on him, he was up to no good. Alec ventured further into his home and saw messy, auburn hair over the back of his couch.

“Sage.” He greeted as he rounded the couch. He almost choked when he saw the slight man seated in the middle of his boyfriend’s stomach. August was frowning up at the ceiling. Pouting really.

“Welcome home.” Sage said without looking up from his handheld game, “You’ll find everything is in order despite August’s best efforts.”

Alec watched Sage’s fingers tap buttons and move joysticks, his eyes darting across the screen. The light from it lit up his grey eyes and only his hands were poking out from a huge, mauve, hooded sweatshirt. It was so large that it almost covered his basketball shorts. His nails were painted light blue and against his pale skin, they almost made him look ill.

“I didn’t even do anything.” August whined. He was the tallest out of everyone in the room, but far leaner than say Finn or Milo. His black roots had grown out and were creeping into his bleached-white hair. He was also wearing leather pants and what was probably a band t-shirt. It was ratty and full of holes. There was a reason he and River were such close friends. Their fashion was eccentric. As were their personalities. River was a godsend, but August…Alec could barely stand the man.

“No one asked August.” Sage said as he slid his game into the pocket on his sweatshirt and finally looked at Alec, “He did manage to nearly flood your bathroom, but I’ve taken care of it.”

“Uh, thanks Sage.”

“Don’t mention it.” Sage stood and August let out a grunt.

“So, house party to welcome you back?!” Lukas said excitedly, tugging at his hand in Cameron’s grip.

“Hardly. Alec’s lost his mother and is here to get his affairs in order. No doubt he’d like to relax after the flight.” Sage shook his head, grabbing the collar of August’s t-shirt (it was indeed a band shirt) and tugging him towards the door. August followed behind his much shorter partner, sulking the whole way.

“That’s so lame! C’mon we could def throw a rager in this huge ass house! Alec, I have no idea how you live here alone! Don’t you die of boredom?” August asked. Sage shook his head, smiling softly at Alec as he dragged August from the house. Alec sighed and winced when Lukas spoke next.

“Doesn’t it get lonely? We only have a one bedroom and I miss Cameron when he’s not there. It feels so empty. Like I’m the only person left on earth.”

“He’s probably happy not to have anyone breathing down his neck and constantly needing attention!” Cameron scolded as he waved at Alec. Then he and Luke vanished through the front door too.

Alec shook his head. He had never let himself get close to any of the other men, or any of River’s other friends. It was easier that way. Now he had no one to really say goodbye to. River had been the one to ask Sage to watch Alec’s home while he was gone. If not, he wasn’t sure he really had any other options. He grimaced, trying once again to remind himself why he’d fought so hard to return here. August and Lukas were right. It was boring and lonely. He’d just convinced himself that feeling that way was okay. It was how he’d felt at home with his parents after all.

He sank down on his couch and rubbed his temples after throwing his phone next to him. The realtor should be coming by tomorrow. He was sure that Sage was true to his word. He doubted anything was amiss, but he should still probably clean up. The place had to be perfect if he was hoping to sell and sell fast. With that goal in mind, he stood and made his way to the closet near the kitchen with all his cleaning supplies. It shouldn’t take too long and perhaps the cleaning would take his mind off the growing pit in his stomach.

It was now after dinner and Alec had arrived around lunch time. He sank back onto his freshly vacuumed couch and tucked his legs under himself as he ordered himself some delivery. It hadn’t even occurred to him that he’d been almost completely out of food. He’d only discovered his lack of sustenance after lightly cleaning his entire house. At that point, he had very little motivation left. So, takeout it was. After he put in the order, he tugged the couch’s designated blanket over his legs and switched on the TV.

He made it about ten minutes into a documentary when his pocket started vibrating. He pulled his phone out, engrossed in his show to the point that he didn’t even glance at the cell’s screen.

“Hello.”

“I take it you landed and got home okay?” Alec wanted to scream at himself. How could he forget to call Finn?

“Oh, yes. I’m sorry. I started cleaning and time got away from me.” Alec explained.

“I’m glad you’re okay. I, uh, I got nervous.” Alec frowned at Finn’s voice. There was a note of something in it that he couldn’t identify, but it worried him.

“What’s wrong? Why did you get nervous?” Alec asked as he sat up more.

“Well, I practically had to beg you to come back and then you go home to sell your house, and I get radio silence for a whole day.” Finn said. His voice sounded tense, unlike him.

“I’m sorry. I told you, I got distracted.” Alec said.

“I understand that. It’s just-“ Finn cut himself off and Alec heard a heavy exhale. His frown had deepened. The last sentence had morphed Finn’s voice into something else. He wasn’t just upset, he sounded angry. Alec heard an equally deep inhale and then Finn’s voice had leveled out, “I’m sorry. It just freaked me out. My brain immediately went to you not coming back.”

“I said I was.”

“I know! I didn’t say it was rational. I said it’s what my brain was telling me was going on. You’ve left before, why wouldn’t you again, you know?” Finn’s aggravation was back in his voice and Alec felt his own spark of anger.

“Look. I told you I’m coming back. I was completely open with you the first time we dated and you really have no reason to be suspicious of me. I just left and I was only M.I.A for a few hours. Calm down.” Alec held the phone between his cheek and shoulder so he could cross his arms.

“Yeah, because you’re always calm.” Finn mumbled under his breath.

It was Alec’s turn to take deep breaths and he let himself fall to the side, spreading out on his couch. He rolled onto his back, lifting his hand to hold his phone against his ear as he dropped his voice. He spoke softly, “The realtor is coming tomorrow. You’re getting stuff figured out and then you’ll be here. We talked about all of this. I’m coming back. You’re bringing me home.”

“I know. I know. I just get so freaked out and then I can’t stop. Even when it’s obvious I’m being ridiculous.” Finn sighed and Alec smiled when he noticed the tension had left the other man’s voice.

“Let’s try to keep it to one high strung person per relationship, huh? I’ve already claimed it. Sorry.”

Finn laughed softly, “I’m sorry for freaking out. I was out of line.”

Alec closed his eyes, “I get it. No judgement here. It’s okay to feel things that aren’t happiness Finn.”

“The flight was good then?” He asked and Alec smiled.

“About the same as always. River sent his friends to get me at the airport, so that was interesting.”

“Interesting how?” Finn asked.

“They’re a lot like River. Loud, eccentric, extroverted. They’re nice but it was kind of overwhelming.” Alec smiled softly, “One of them kind of reminds me of you.”

“Am I overwhelming?”

“In the best way.” Alec laughed.

“Should I feel threatened? You’re out there with someone who reminds you of me?” Finn was trying to laugh it off, but Alec still caught the insecurity underneath his chuckle.

“Lukas is madly in love with his husband. I’m definitely not his type. I’m not snarky enough.” Alec said.

“There’s someone snarkier than you?” Finn’s loud laugh made Alec relax, keeping his eyes closed as a smile stretched his lips even more.

“Oh yeah, Cam is something else. He’s also the youngest so he’s refined his skill in a short amount of time. He will only get more vicious with age.”

“He sounds…nice?” Finn said.

“I’m not sure anyone’s described him that way. Maybe Lukas because he thinks the sun shines out of Cam’s nether region.”

“Are they nice to you?” Finn asked and Alec heard telltale snuffling that meant Herky was getting all up in the other man’s business, “The dog misses you. Traitor.”

“Awe I miss my Herky too!” Alec cooed dramatically and giggled when Finn audibly scoffed, “Tell him I love him.”

“Fucking dog gets that shit when I don’t even get it,” Finn muttered.

“I miss you too Finn.” Alec said quietly. They both knew that wasn’t the part Finn had meant, but for now it’d have to do.

“I’m trying to move as fast as I can with arrangements.” He said and Alec let his eyes close. The flight and day overall had finally caught up with him. He felt a wave of exhaustion and he had little hope the next day would be better.

“Take your time. School’s important.” He said after realizing he’d been quiet for a long time.

“I don’t care about all that. Mom, Dad, and Nina have the bakery under control. Nina even said she’d keep an eye on Milo at the gym so stupid doesn’t overwork himself.” Finn said. The irritation was back in his voice and Alec resolved to talk more about it when they were reunited.

“Your school is important. You have goals and things to accomplish. You can’t just throw them away because you miss me.”

“I’d give up a lot more for you. I’m not losing you again.”

“I already told you Finn. I’m coming back. I just need to sell the house and I at least want to say goodbye to a few people.” Alec grimaced. He had friends, but no one had stuck quite like River had. He kept everyone at arm’s reach. All of River’s friends had even tried to include him and he’d resisted until River-sometimes literally-dragged him along.

“Can I see you?” Finn asked softly, “Before you go to bed.”

“Mhm, I don’t think I’m going to last much longer to be honest. Even though it’s early, I’m beat.”

“Okay, I’ll call in a little bit.”

They disconnected and Alec sighed heavily. Hopefully the realtor had super speed or something. He wasn’t looking forward to weathering his own fears while also having to soothe Finn’s from across the country. The man’s love language was definitely touch and Alec didn’t exactly have the ability to do that at the moment. He cleaned up his takeout containers, loaded the dishwasher, and looked around his living room. It was big. Huge sectional, big TV, pretty much any gaming console you could want. It barely looked lived in. He’d been in the house for two years, and there weren’t any real indications that someone lived here. None of his personality met his eyes when he did another scan.

He remembered all the pictures on Finn’s walls and felt an unpleasant feeling bloom in his chest. It made his stomach feel like it was doing flips and he walked to his bathroom. The space was smaller. It wasn’t as easy to focus on the things that bothered him. His whole life here was a carefully constructed image. It was what he’d told himself he’d wanted when he was in college or even when he was still living in Iowa. He had it all, but he’d never allowed himself to see just how unhappy he was. He was like a ghost. He’d leave here and there would be no trace of him. River’s friends would forget him after some time. River probably would too when he came back to the states.

Alec shook his head and tugged at his hair. This wasn’t the time to feel sorry for himself. He didn’t have enough time for a pity party if he was going to quickly get his affairs in order. Maybe he could do it so fast that Finn wouldn’t even have to come to Washington? He nodded to himself as he popped his toothbrush into his mouth. He met his own eyes in the mirror above the sink and knew he had to shake the worry before he talked to Finn later. You could see his stress and anxiety all over his face. The big dork would be on the next flight if he worried him like that.

Later, Alec was curling up in his too-big bed when his phone rang. He rolled onto his side, tucking his arm under his head as he pressed the button to answer the video call. He was greeted with an obviously tired Finn. His hair was a mess. Not his normal, purposeful, disheveled look, it was like he’d been running his fingers through it. Finn was also in bed, holding his phone directly above his face for some reason.

“If you’re not careful, you’re going to drop that right on your nose.” Alec said, smiling softly.

“Pfft, I’m fine.” Finn grinned and Alec felt his spirits lift a little.

“How’s Herky?”

“Annoying. Clingy.” Finn chuckled, “I was not talking about myself, but dang if the shoe fits…”

“You’re not annoying.” Alec laughed, “I’m not upset that you miss me. It’s nice? In a way. I’m glad someone cares.”

“There are plenty of people who care about you.” Finn’s smile dipped and then brightened again, “Plenty, but I’m the most important one.”

“Yes Finn.” Alec tucked his hand under his head, propping his phone up as he got more comfortable.

Finally, the view shifted and Finn rearranged on his side as well after turning the lights off, “There, now it’s like I’m lying next to you.”

Alec smiled and shifted up to turn his light off as well. He snuggled back up and let his eyes drift over Finn’s face. He was right. If you didn’t pay attention, it was almost like he was back in Iowa, curled up in Finn’s bed.

“Is it weird that you just left and I’m already upset?” Finn said, his voice softer.

“I think it might be what you told me earlier. About being afraid that I wasn’t coming back. I’m sure there’s something there that needs to be addressed. It’s almost like my leaving was a trigger for you.”

“It definitely was. I about drove myself insane when you didn’t message or call. I knew I was being crazy, but I immediately thought the worst.” Finn said and rubbed his fingers over his face, “It’s embarrassing. I need to get it together. We can’t be attached at the hip every waking moment of the day.

“On the bright side, I miss you too, so maybe we both need to get it together.” Finn’s frown morphed into a lazy smile and he brushed his bangs off his forehead.

“So, tell me about River’s friends. There’s people as wild as him?” Finn laughed and the sound stopped his mood from its repeated attempts to plummet.

He told him all about Cam’s pickpocketing days and how he’d stolen from the wrong person. Luke had never let him go once he’d caught him. He was surprised he knew so much of their story. In fact, he knew everyone’s. He knew how August was in a band that were good enough to tour the country and maybe more. Then Sage’s video game development came up. How they met was still a mystery to Alec. Sage hated leaving the house and August was rarely in his.

As he spoke, something twisted inside his chest. He knew so much about all of them. Details of their lives had crept into his memory and it left a bad taste in his mouth. They were friends. Alec was friends with all of them, but he’d never recognized the signs. They were good people. They could’ve had great memories together and then maybe his house wouldn’t feel like a shell. He hadn’t been good to them. He’d kept everyone away, so afraid he’d build another connection that would break down or be torn from him.

“What’s wrong? You look really upset.” Finn had sat up and taken the phone with him, brow furrowed in concern.

“It just occurred to me that I’ve been basically torturing myself my entire adult life. Ugh, I’m so dramatic. One bad experience and suddenly I can’t ever make another meaningful connection?” Alec shook his head and scoffed at his own idiocy.

“It messed me up too Alec.” Finn said. He lowered his eyes from the screen and took in a deep breath, “I was really angry for a really long time. I took it out on everyone around me. Hell, Milo and I almost got into fist fights a couple times. My relationships were messed up. I would convince myself I wanted a partner and then once they were in my space, I’d absolutely hate it.”

“So, good. We’re both ridiculous.” Alec laughed bitterly, “It was puppy love. Overreactions all around.”

“It wasn’t puppy love. If it was, we both would’ve moved on easier. It wouldn’t have scarred the way it did. When I saw you again for the first time, it was like you never left. All those feelings came right back and hit me over the head.” Finn said as he lay down again.

“Really? I thought I was going to throw up.” Alec laughed.

“Not exactly the reaction I like to inspire.” Finn joined in his laughter and finished it with one of his trademark smiles that made Alec feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

They talked for another few hours. Right up until Finn could barely hold his head up. Alec didn’t want the phone call to end. He wanted to fall asleep and wake up to the other man. When the screen went blank, he reminded himself that it was only temporary. He had to sell his home, go through all the paperwork and then he’d be free. Running his fingers through his hair, he flopped onto his back. He should plan something for he friends he never let himself call friends. He knew once the ball got rolling it'd go fast. Plus it already sounded like Finn was rushing his side of things, so maybe he’d be here sooner rather than later.

He hummed softly to himself and got comfortable, trying to ignore how different it was to sleep alone.