I Hate This Town - 7. Chapter 7: Talk

Alec was shifting messily between frustration with himself, irritation with Finn, and anger at their stupid homophobic classmates. He released his lower lip from between his teeth, only to bring his thumb to his mouth and anxiously tear at the skin around it. The skin was better than biting his nails. Nails were gross. God only knew what got under them during the day. This was totally better, hangnails deserved to die anyway. Or that’s what he told himself to justify yet another unhealthy nervous habit. His thoughts returned to Finn. Like they inevitably always did.

Finn had been so upset and angry. Alec frowned softly, dropping his hands into his lap and squeezing them between his knees. He didn’t have the amount of friends Finn did, so he couldn’t imagine where Finn’s head was. Alec had thought he was ignoring it, or oblivious to all the judgement they’d been receiving. He was wondering if Finn had been struggling all along. Had he been hurt and sad this whole time? Was he hiding if for Alec’s benefit? There was no way Finn hadn’t picked up on how bothered Alec was. He seemed to pick up on every shift in mood, like he was watching for them. Maybe Finn had been pushing his own feelings aside to help Alec’s nerves. Alec sighed and let his head fall back against the seat, eyes closed. Knowing Finn, he’d probably rewired himself to be more observant when it came to Alec’s mood swings. That way he didn’t get yelled at again or make him uncomfortable.

The car slowed and Alec took a breath as he reached for the door handle. He froze when he looked up and around. They weren’t at his house or even River’s. His friend had driven him to Finn’s house. Alec’s hand hovered in the air on its way to the handle and he tried to make sense of what was happening. Good lord, how deep in thought had he been? He hadn’t even noticed and River was terrible on gravel. He turned to his friend, finally letting his hand fall.

“What’s going on?”

“So, listen. I know tall, wholesome, and blond said he didn’t want to hang out tonight, but I think he might not realize he needs someone to talk to. You. I mean you. He needs to talk to you and by the way you’ve been acting lately, you need to clear the air as well.” River explained, running his fingers over the buzzed sides of his head. He smoothed the longer hair on top of his head away from his face and leaned back against the seat.

“I…I know what it’s like to come out and not have anyone there for you. If that’s what happened with his friends, then I don’t think he should be alone. It’s also time for you to be honest about how you feel. I get that having people stare or talk is hard, but that happens anyway. Why not at least let yourself be happy while other people continue to suck?”

Alec swallowed, looking from River to the front door. It was innocent enough. A little spring-themed wreath hung in the middle of the wood. It was still a couple weeks until spring, so someone was clearly ready early. He swallowed again, near choking on the excess spit in his mouth. He could totally do this. Sure, Finn had said he didn’t want to hang out tonight, but River made good points. Alec could do this. He could show up to Finn’s house uninvited, get over his anxiety, and comfort the other boy for once.

Had his hands been this sweaty the whole car ride?

He took a deep breath and jerked the handle, shoving the door open as he took off his seatbelt. The faster he moved, the sooner he’d get to the front door and Finn. If he was quick, maybe he could outrun the building, violent wave of panic on his emotional horizon. River called something behind him, but the car door slammed shut, cutting his words off. Alec hadn’t been paying attention anyway. He was already halfway up the walk. Chilly water soaked into his shoes from the melting snow heaped into piles on either side of the sidewalk. His socks were going to be soggy at this rate. He bit his lip and took another calming breath as he knocked on the door. The wreath shuddered and he eyed the fake, bright yellow tulips mixed in with other fake flowers and leaves. All in pretty pastels to usher in their designated season.

The door swung open and a gruff voice exclaimed, “Jailbait! You wanna explain why my baby brother is all pissy and has a black eye?”

“Uh, something happened at school. Just some drama.” Milo’s eyes narrowed and he rested big hands on his hips. It seemed that t-shirts and joggers were the only clothes Finn’s brother wore. His hands moved from his hips to cross over his broad chest. He looked down on Alec, expectantly.

“Who?”

“I u-uh don’t know their names.” Alec let out an embarrassing noise as the man pulled him into the house, slamming the door behind him.

“You lying to me, kid?”

“I-I-“

“Milo! You leave that boy alone!” A woman walked into the entryway, holding a small square in her hands. She was around 5’9”, a little taller than Alec was, and had very light blond hair with strands of grey mixed in. Her brown eyes were lighter than her sons’ and she was thin and lightly tanned. It made a bit more sense now. She was stunning. Gorgeous. So were her sons. She’d unleashed two boys on the world that no one was prepared for. Alec definitely hadn’t been.

She smiled kindly at Alec and he blushed, “I’m Maisie. I’m guessing you’re Alec?”

“Yeah, this is jailbait. He was just explaining Finn’s black eye. Weren’t you?”

“Milo James! Do not call the boy that!” she snapped and Milo cringed. He was at least half a foot taller, but it was clear who ran the house by the way he seemed to visibly shrink in front of her anger. She scowled at him and then turned another smile Alec’s way, “His bedroom is in the basement Alec dear. I’ll take you. Milo, I told you to take out the trash yesterday. If I go in the garage and it’s still there, you’ll be sorry young man.”

“Yes ma’am.” Milo said, sulking as Maisie led Alec past him.

“You’ll have to forgive my Milo. He’s protective of his younger brother. More so since Finn told us.” Maisie nodded and opened a door that revealed a carpeted staircase.

“Told you what?” Alec asked, frowning as he followed Finn’s mother down the stairs, trailing his fingers over the railing built into the wall.

They reached the bottom and Maisie turned, smiling softly at Alec, “I want you to know that if you ever need anything, honey, you just let us know. It was really hard for Finn to talk to us. Everyone’s different, but I know he cares about you. So we do as well.”

Alec opened his mouth to respond, but Maisie simply patted his cheek, handing him the small square she’d been holding, and climbed back up the stairs. He watched her go, deeply confused. The small square was an ice pack. He frowned and ran his fingers over the cold material wrapped in a hand towel. Then he turned. He hadn’t been down here when they’d hung out. They’d only traveled between the kitchen and living room upstairs. There was a dimly lit room with a small TV, a large sound system, and a nice-looking home gym. There were two doors to his far left. One was open and he could barely make out the outline of a shower and toilet. The other door was closed and had various posters tacked to it. They were the state colleges and Alec assumed they were sports-related.

He wiped his hands on his pants and the rolling panic got way closer. He couldn’t do this. What the heck was he thinking? To top it off, what the heck had that conversation been about? Did Maisie know who her son liked? Milo had seemed to when he’d first visited the house. Had he told his parents, or had Finn? Was he that comfortable with them? That trusting?

Alec didn’t even want to think about telling his parents that he might not be straight. His father would hit the roof and his mother wouldn’t be far behind. To be honest, he was lucky they hadn’t already found out with the attention Finn showered on him. It was one of the reasons he didn’t necessarily want to hang out with Finn at his house. He bit his lip and swore the door grew substantially taller. His chest hurt. It felt like rope was wrapped around him and someone was pulling it tighter and tighter. How long until it crushed his chest?

He let out a small gasp, rubbing at his sternum to hopefully alleviate some of the sharp pain his own body was creating. He glanced back to the door and frowned. What was Finn feeling? How much was he hurting? He’d potentially lost some of his oldest friends today. They’d physically fought and that girl…clearly there was a history there as well. Was he sad that he was losing her too? Did he have feelings for her? How far had they gone? Alec rubbed at his neck and closed his eyes as he weathered a slash of jealousy and hurt.

No, it wasn’t fair to get angry at Finn. He’d had a life before they’d ever met. What he’d chosen to do with his time was none of Alec’s business. Plus, he he’d been willing to throw three relationships away today simply because he wasn’t ashamed of who he was and who he liked. Alec wished he could be that strong. What would it be like to be able to face things head on without the bitter taste of anxiety constantly on his tongue?

Alec closed his eyes. More than once, Finn had gone out of his way to calm Alec’s nerves, to make him feel better. Now that it was his turn, was he just going to panic and run away? That didn’t seem right. Opening his eyes, he made a conscious effort to slide his feet forward and approach the door. He knocked once and cringed when it hardly made a noise. Another deep breath and he knocked twice, with a bit more force.

A muffled voice shouted at him and then the door was yanked open, “I already told you Milo, I’m-Alec?”

Finn’s eyes were wide as he looked Alec up and down and then leaned out of his bedroom to look suspiciously around the basement, “How’d you get here?”

“Uh here specifically, or your house in general?” Alec tried to smile reassuringly, but he felt like he was walking a tight rope. Well actually, he felt like he’d taken a clumsy step and was now flailing his arms to stay up as his balance failed.

“I guess both?” Finn’s face softened a bit, the deep line between his eyes lessening as it did.

“River brought me here so we-you and I-could talk. Your mom showed me to your room.” Alec shrugged, fiddling with his fingers behind his back.

“Well, come in. No doubt Milo’s at the top of the stairs spying.” Finn’s eyes narrowed on the staircase and he stepped aside so Alec could enter his bedroom. Alec walked in slowly. It was a normal bedroom. Nothing too crazy. There were clothes littered over the floor and the bed was a mess, but the room did belong to another teenage boy. Alec’s parents would’ve never allowed him to keep such a messy space. He shuddered at the mere thought of leaving anything on the floor.

There was a small desk in the corner with Finn’s blue backpack throw onto it, books were spilling out. His walls were a deep blue and Alec briefly wondered if he should have stuck with his blue hair. He tugged absentmindedly at a dull purple strand and thought. It was nearly time to dye it again.

“So, uhm, why are you here? I thought I took a raincheck?” Finn closed the door and walked around Alec, plopping down on the bed and cracking his knuckles, “Sit anywhere. Sorry, it’s kind of a mess.”

“It’s okay.” Alec again tried for a smile as he crossed the room and sunk into the surprisingly wobbly desk chair, “I…I just thought…A-are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Finn shrugged and smiled, but it was dull and empty.

“I-I d-don’t think you are.” Alec frowned, looking pointedly at the fully developed black eye that’d swelled enough to close the other boy’s eye. It looked painful and there were scratches on his cheekbone too.

Finn raised an eyebrow and sighed, “It was a bad situation. I’m sorry you walked up when it was happening.”

Alec struggled to force his nerves down as he stood and sat next to Finn on the bed, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Do you?” Finn chuckled but it only made Alec frown more, “Feelings aren’t really your thing.”

Alec bit his lip and played with the pack in his lap, “They are hard for me. It’s hard for me to communicate what I’m feeling.”

Finn sighed and Alec turned, pressing the ice pack gently against the worst of the swelling. Finn hissed and pouted softly, “That hurts.”

Smiling, Alec didn’t relent. The swelling, bruising, and scrapes looked way worse up close, “Why did they attack you?”

Finn’s good eye closed and he was quiet for a long minute. Alec held his breath and fully realized how close they were. He hadn’t noticed how close he’d sat to Finn. Another heavy sigh and Finn shifted on the bed so Alec could hold the ice pack less awkwardly, “They asked if I was gay. Actually, they asked if you were and if I was dating you.”

Alec’s brain stalled and he dropped the ice pack on the bed. In all of this, the thing that somehow hadn’t occurred to him was how people would react to Finn showing interest in him. Not simply because he was different, but because he was a boy. Was this all Alec’s fault? Finn had everything going for him. He was in all the sports, he had a huge group of friends, and he was universally well-liked. This would surely ruin that, if his friends’ reactions were anything to go by.

It took him a second to hear that Finn was still talking, “They said some crap about you. I didn’t like it so I called them out. Things got heated and that’s about the time that you and River walked up.”

“You were…defending me?” Alec frowned, chomping at the skin on the inside of his cheek, “But they’re your friends and you’ve known them for a long time. You haven’t known me that long.”

“You’re right.” Finn shrugged, “I’ve known them longer, but today showed me that they aren’t who I thought they were. I’m not ashamed of who I am and what-or who-I like.”

Alec blushed and scrambled to pick up the ice pack as Finn moved closer. He slapped it back on Finn’s face and flinched when Finn grimaced and winced, “Ow.”

“Oh, s-sorry!” Alec fumbled the pack again and as he was reaching for it, Finn gently took ahold of his wrists.

“Hey. Look at me.” Alec’s face was on fire and that sounded like the last thing he wanted to do, but he made himself anyway, the panic pulsing unchecked through his mind and body. Finn smiled. He was very close. Too close. They were sitting on his bed. The door was closed and Alec was sitting on the other boy’s bed. If possible, he ascended to new shades of red as the situation he might have put himself in registered. Finn leaned forward, resting their foreheads together, “We haven’t really been together since that night. I should’ve asked way sooner if you were okay with it? You seem more freaked out than normal.”

Alec let his gaze fall to Finn’s chest, avoiding his eyes. Well, eye. He sorted through his muddled thoughts and sighed, “I was okay w-with it. I’ve just never done anything like that so I wasn’t sure if you did.”

Finn laughed softly and Alec could feel the breath against his lips, “I must’ve done something wrong if you had any doubt that I liked it. I’ve only wanted to do it since, like, I met you.”

“Oh.” Alec said and watched Finn get fractionally closer. There were a lot of things his brain told him to do. Freak out and run was at the top of the list, but he didn’t want that. Instead, Alec closed his eyes and hoped Finn would understand.

As with all of his other social shortcomings, Finn noticed and picked up the slack. There was movement and then lips touched to his. The swarm of thoughts in his head was quiet for a few seconds. Finn broke the gentle kiss and Alec almost jumped when he kissed him again. Then again. He wasn’t sure what had changed, but Finn’s hand lifted and slid behind his neck, pulling Alec closer. He was out of his depth and the more kisses that Finn pressed against his mouth, the more scrambled thoughts returned to the forefront of Alec’s dumpster fire brain. The hand on his neck was adding to it all. Fingers held his hip gently and then something wet slid over his lower lip.

Alec jerked back and Finn’s eye shot open, “Sorry! Too much? It was too much, wasn’t it? I’m sorry.”

“It’s o-okay. I’m just not ready for that.”

Finn held up his hands, “Totally fine. I’m moving too fast. I have to remember that this is still mostly one-sided.”

“What do you mean?” Alec frowned, head tilting to the side.

“I like you and you’re still getting used to me. To the idea of us.” Finn shrugged and smiled almost shyly.

Alec’s frown deepened and everything screeched to a halt, “What? I’ve had a crush on you since before I even talked to you. I like when you kiss me. I just get uncomfortable at school because I’m already anxious.”

Finn stared for a minute and then one of his trademark bright smiles lit the whole room, “Really? Wow! Can I…can I kiss you again?”

Alec looked away and then met Finn’s eyes again, “Yes.”

Finn threw himself forward, tackling Alec onto the bed and pressing kisses all over his cheeks and mouth. Alec giggled, struggling half-heartedly. He looked up, smiling up at Finn as the other boy grinned down at him. He lowered himself for one last kiss and reluctantly moved off Alec. To the younger boy’s relief. It’d been overwhelming. Nice, but overwhelming.

“Do you,” Finn’s cheeks dusted pink and he cleared his throat, “Do you wanna be mine? My boyfriend that is? Do you want to date is what I’m asking I guess. Jesus Finn. Why are you this way?”

Alec laughed and smiled, playing with his fingers, “Yeah. I want that. All of that. I like you.”

Finn’s frustration for himself disappeared and he smiled yet again, “That’s awesome. I’ll try to hold off at school.”

“I mean,” Alec sighed softly, “It seems like everyone knows anyway.”

“If they didn’t before, they will now. No doubt Veronica, Cody, and Brandon will run their big mouths to whoever will listen.” Finn brushed his hair away from his face and rubbed his neck.

“Is it going to be hard on you? Will you lose a lot of friends? What about sports and everything?” Alec frowned, moving farther away from Finn who’d rested his hand suspiciously close to Alec’s on the bed.

“I mean, it’s probably going to be hard. It is what it is. If people want to dip on our friendships, that’s on them.”

“What about your family?”

“They all know. They’ve known for a while. I, uh, talked about you a lot when you were coming into the store. It did not slow down when you enrolled in the high school.” Finn laughed nervously and looked down at the distance between their hands.

So that’s what his mother had been talking about. In all fairness, it shouldn’t have been hard to figure out. Sometimes, Alec couldn’t handle how dense he was. He slid his fingers over Finn’s larger ones. Did this mean he should tell his family? There was no way they’d be as cool and understanding as Finn’s had been. Alec watched fingers link with his and blinked in surprise when tears rose in his eyes. No way. He wasn’t a baby. He blinked them away and let out a shaky sigh. He was supposed to be here to comfort Finn.

“Are you okay? Your face scrunched up the way it does when you’re having a hard time.” A thumb rubbed gently over the knuckle that connected his thumb to his hand.

“I’m worried about my parents.”

The bed shifted and Finn pulled Alec forward very slowly. Alec resisted at first and then gave in. Finn tucked him into his side, wrapping an arm around his waist. Alec closed his eyes and let his head drop onto the other’s shoulder. Lips grazed his forehead and he sighed softly as he curled more into Finn. This wasn’t terrible. This he could do. It wasn’t too much for Alec. It was physical contact, but it wasn’t scary to him, just comforting.

“Will they be upset?” Finn whispered.

“That’s an understatement.”

“We’ll figure that out too then.”