I Hate This Town - 5. Chapter 5: Baby Steps

Alec texted Finn four times over the weekend. He never received a response and Finn had turned off read receipts. Alec didn’t know if he was even reading them. He moved his backpack onto his lap as he waited on his front steps for River. He was in a horrible mood. He and Finn didn’t speak constantly, but the fact that the option had been removed bothered him. He’d never had to stop himself from messaging the other boy. Over the last couple days, he’d see a cat video or a cute dog picture and pull his messages up to send it to Finn.

Then he’d see the ignored messages. Alec would then stop, and roll through an intense wave of guilt, shame,and general sadness. Upset, he’d turn his phone screen off. Said phone was currently imprisoned within his school bag. That way he couldn’t look at it on the ride to school. Or between classes. Or when he went to the restroom. He wouldn’t be tempted at lunch either. Alec closed his eyes and let his head fall onto the scratchy fabric of his bag.

It’d only been two days. Well three, since it was Monday morning. The party seemed like it had happened three hundred years ago. Not just last Friday. Alec groaned. He was like a sunflower searching for the sun’s light. Turning this way and that, only to discover the star had disappeared. He missed Finn. It hadn’t even been an appropriate amount of time to miss someone. He was being dramatic. It was made worse by the fact that everything was his fault. Finn was so accommodating and Alec was so difficult. He grimaced and tugged his hair roughly.

A car horn broke him out of his pity party and he sighed when he noticed River’s car parked on the street. Alec trudged across his front yard and yanked open the passenger side door. River turned down the angry music within and gave an unenthusiastic wave. He looked tired and his undercut needed to be redone. Alec smiled weakly. Monday morning always came too fast and it looked like it’d hit River like a truck. Alec normally struggled to wake up too, but it was different this morning. One had to fall asleep in order to struggle waking up. Alec had barely slept last night and the night before wasn’t much better. Ever since he noticed Finn wasn’t responding.

“What’s up headcase?” River muttered as he started to drive. Alec shrugged, setting his bag by his feet as he buckled himself in. River turned the music down more, “You look terrible. Are you sick?”

“Uh thanks. No. I didn’t sleep well.”

“Oh, because you drove your prince charming away finally?” Alec frowned at his friend but stayed silent. River had no problem calling him out when he was stupid or made a mistake. He was thankful for it, but right now it was like rubbing salt into open, angry wounds.

When he didn’t respond, River sighed, “Hey, I didn’t mean anything by that.”

“I know. It’s just…you’re right, River. It wasn’t fair for me to think Finn would always be willing to go out of his way. I turned him down so much when he tried so hard. Then I yelled at him and we had that wreck of a conversation after the party.”

“Whine, whine, whine. Do something about it.” River sighed, shaking his head.

“He won’t respond to my messages though.” Alec frowned.

“Guess you’ll have to do it in person.” River shrugged.

Alec felt like he was going to be sick. He’d seen Finn in the hallway first thing upon entering the school. The boy had glanced at him briefly before returning his attention to a red head girl who was talking to him. She’d been beautiful and Alec had lost his nerve. He’d told himself that as soon as he saw Finn, he’d apologize, but his plan quickly went up in flames. Finn laughed at something the girl said and Alec turned on his heel before hightailing it in the opposite direction as fast as he could.

Now it was lunchtime and he hadn’t seen the blond since. River was scowling at him across the table where they sat in the library, “Ya’ know, if you address the problem you might feel better. Sulking around all day isn’t going to help anything. It’s only going to make you feel worse.”

”He won’t talk to me. I told you that. Now he’s acting weird too.”

”You might have to buck up and seek him out. I know crap like that is hard for you, but watching you beat yourself up all day sucks.” River was looking at him, frown pulling his lips down, “Also, how am I supposed to enjoy this gourmet tater tot casserole if you’re fidgeting over there, looking like you may cry?”

Alec avoided his eyes, looking instead at the ring through his lower lip. River was disappointed in him. Heck, he was disappointed in himself. He ran his fingers over the edge of this phone in his pocket. Taking a deep breath, he withdrew it. Before he could stop himself, he sent a quick message off to the boy he’d been avoiding half the day.

[A: Can you meet me in the computer lab part of the library?]

He worried his lower lip between his teeth and tapped out an additional message fast.

[A: Please.]

He stood abruptly and River side-eyed him with a raised brow. Alec didn’t explain himself. He threw his backpack strap over his shoulder and grabbed him lunch tray.

River called after him, “If you’re going to talk to him, at least look the guy in the eyes. Don’t do your awkward shuffle and floor stare!”

Alec threw his middle finger behind him as he continued to move. After disposing of the tray, he hurried to the back of the library. Thankfully, no one was using the computers. He closed the door behind him and looked around. Alec plopped down in the nearest seat and focused on turning his puffs of breath into regular breathing.

What if Finn didn’t come? What if he didn’t even look at the message? What if he was eating with their pretty classmate and didn’t even look at his phone? What if he did and blew Alec off completely? Alec rubbed his cheek. It was what he deserved. Finn deserved someone who didn’t make him jump through hoops constantly. Even after he jumped through the hoops, what was his reward? A fifteen-year-old who didn’t even know how to communicate or express himself successfully. What a gift.

The second door to the lab opened. The one farthest from where Alec sat. Finn looked around and made a pained face when his eyes landed on Alec. It was as if he’d been shot through the chest by that look. He was so used to Finn lighting up when he saw him. This was awful.

Finn made his way over slowly, bag slung over his shoulder as he ran his hand through his hair. It was styled messily on purpose as per usual. Some of his bangs fell over his dark brown eyes and he raised an eyebrow as he came to stand in front of Alec. Finn’s jeans fit him perfectly and the simple black t-shirt he wore seemed to stretch over his shoulders and chest. How was he still in high school? Alec was a string bean and he was silently jealous of the other’s physique. He focused on the jealousy to distract from the other ways he felt about Finn’s body.

“H-hey. How are you?” Alec said, biting at the dry skin on his lips.

“Lunch is almost over Alec. What’s this about?” Finn’s answer was short. His voice still lacked all its normal happiness and joy.

Alec flinched and looked away, “I didn’t like how we left things the other night and I wan-“

“You wanted to apologize. Again. Apologies only go so far.” Finn shrugged and pulled out the chair across from Alec.

“I know. I am trying. I promise. It’s really hard for me to do things like this.” Alec forced his eyes up from the ground as he heard River’s annoying reminder in his head. Finn looked pained again, but then his face slowly relaxed. He let his head fall into his hands and he rubbed at his temples. Alec watched nervously, unsure what emotion the blond was going through.

“I know it’s hard for you. I’m not sure why I keep expecting you to suddenly act outgoing like me or know exactly where I am coming from. Especially when I’m being vague and weird. I haven’t been very nice. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot last time. I also didn’t mean to get upset when you didn’t understand.” Finn sighed and looked up at Alec, soft smile brightening his features at last.

Alec swallowed. It was time. He needed to keep pushing. He needed and wanted to fix whatever he’d ruined between them, “I’m sorry. Again. I can’t say I won’t be stupid again, but I will try to limit the occurrences.”

Finn laughed and all was suddenly right in Alec’s world. His elbow rested on his knee and he propped his hand up on his palm, “Same, but you’re not stupid Alec. Don’t talk about yourself that way.”

Alec shifted, the plastic seat squeaking under him, “So…friends?”

Finn grinned, “Friends, but on one condition.”

Alec frowned, suddenly defensive, and gripped the strap of his backpack. Finn laughed and stood, “You gotta give me an apology hug.”

Alec felt heat creep over his face and down the back of his neck. He stood up, hanging onto his bag for dear life as he looked up at Finn. The blonde tilted his head, smile widening. Alec smiled back nervously as he pictured the wagging tail again. Deep breath one. Finn held his arms out, expression expectant. Alec lowered his bag onto the chair he’d just vacated. Deep breath number two. He shifted his weight back and forth, from foot to foot. Clearing his throat, he took a hesitant step forward. Deep breath number three. As far as touching went, hugs were one of Alec’s least favorite things. Prolonged physical activity where his body was pressed against another human’s while their arms held him in place? Alec’s worst nightmare. Finn wiggled his fingers and both of his eyebrows rose. He waggled them and Alec choked on a short laugh. The other boy was such a dork.

Alec closed the distance at last and lifted his arms. He faltered and started to panic. It was okay. This wouldn’t kill him. It was Finn! Finn had touched him before and Alec hadn’t burst into flame. Alec’s mouth was so dry. At the same time, his hands were disgustingly sweaty. Finn came to his rescue. His arm wrapped around Alec’s waist and the other went around his shoulders. Alec did the same and found himself smashed against Finn’s front. Breath ghosted over his neck and Alec was mortified when a shudder rolled down his spine.

Finn’s t-shirt was soft. He smelled faintly of laundry detergent and something woodsy. The taller boy pulled back enough to look down at Alec. Who’s eyes widened at the strange look in Finn’s as his gaze dipped to Alec’s mouth. The arm around his waist tightened and Alec almost had a meltdown. He was too close, Finn was touching him too much, and he smelled too good. Alec pushed away and blinked saucer-wide eyes up at the blond. Finn smiled softly and crossed his arms. Alec was breathing hard and scrambled to his bag. He hauled the straps of his backpack over his shoulders and used them to bring himself back down to earth.

Finn smiled down at him still. His whole expression was soft. They were close. Alec took a small step backward as he tried to calm himself down. His brain was replaying the hug and how close their lips had been when Finn had pulled back. His face was on fire and he wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through the rest of the school day. Alec brushed his hair away from his face, gaze falling back to the ugly, patterned computer room floor.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you this weekend. I was upset. Not that it justifies ignoring you, but I was really mixed up.”

“It’s okay.” Alec smiled up at him and they left the library together. Finn made a joke and Alec tried to ignore the feeling of eyes on him when he laughed. Stepping out of the background to be Finn’s friend would bring more challenges with it. Alec smiled and tried to reassure himself that it would be okay.

Finn was worth it.

*

It’d been a crazy few weeks and he still wasn’t sure he was awake. Was this all just a very pleasant dream? If it was, he didn’t want to wake up. Finn had been joining them on their junk food and gaming weekends. He’d been to three of them so far, and they’d all even gone to a movie together. The movie had nearly exploded Alec’s brain. He’d been trapped between his two friends. Finn far too close for comfort. He had no idea afterwards what the movie was even about.

There had even been study sessions together in the school after classes. Those were less terrifying for him. At least they were a few feet apart. Finn had worked himself into the already established friendship with jokes, smiles, and by just being himself. He was trying hard. It was obvious and on more than one occasion, River had shot him a knowing look. Alec always acted like he didn’t see them, or flushed when it pulled a nervous laugh from him.

It was strange spending so much time with Finn. It extended farther into their school life as well. It wasn’t just after class. Twice a week, he’d eat with them in the library. Luckily, he knew better than to invite them to his lunch table again. Alec knew he was naïve and very sheltered, but what he wasn’t, was deaf and blind. He heard his classmates talking. He saw them stare at Finn when he waited at Alec’s locker for him. People were talking and judging. It nearly made Alec sick, but Finn was either oblivious or incredibly good at ignoring it all. There was no way they hadn’t said anything to the blond. Was he catching heat for befriending them? If he was, he was hiding it well.

Alec sighed and looked out the car window. He couldn’t wait until he had his own license and vehicle. Then he wouldn’t have to deal with awkward car rides when one of his parents brought him somewhere. It was the first time they’d arranged a hangout at Finn’s house since the party. River was having dinner with his mother and would be by later. That meant Alec and Finn would be alone for at least a half hour. Well, not entirely alone. Finn’s parents were doing something at their store and then going out with friends. Which meant Finn’s brother Milo was their supervision for the night. Alec still hadn’t even met the older Larson boy. He wondered if he was like Finn. God, could the world handle two of them?

“So, I know his parents aren’t home tonight, if you need a ride home you call me. If they put you in a bad situation, you just let me know.” His mother squawked from the driver’s seat.

“Yeah, I know.” Alec muttered. He hadn’t been on great terms with his parents since they’d enrolled him in public school. Their constant badgering hadn’t helped either.

“How was school today?”

“Make any new friends yet?”

“How’re your classes? Are they harder than your home lessons?”

Alec rolled his eyes. School was a struggle daily. He had the worst time connecting with other kids. He was socially handicapped. They weren’t like his online friends or the weird other homeschooled kids he’d been forced to interact with. His classes and grades were fine. He had a perfect GPA and had outlined early graduation with River. If he played his cards right, junior year would be his last in his hell hole. The sooner he could get out, the better.

“Well, have fun honey.” His mother smiled nervously at him and he waved half-heartedly. He was already out the door and grabbing his overnight bag from the back seat, when she spoke again, “Remember Alec, you call me if you need me. Love you.”

“Yeah. Love you too.” Alec mumbled as he slammed the door, starting up the neatly shoveled front walk. He held his bag as he opened the screen door and knocked. It took a minute, and Alec blinked when he thought he heard yelling. The door jerked open and a huge man filled the doorway. He wore a simple white shirt and black joggers. Alec was immediately intimidated. The man looked down at Alec, deep brown eyes dissecting him. He was bigger than Finn. Both taller and wider. If Alec had thought Finn was muscular, he was small compared to this guy. Alec could see his hair would be darker blond than Finn’s if it wasn’t buzzed down to his scalp. There was the same strong jawline, but covered in blond scruff. They even had the same nose. His lips were a bit thinner than Finn’s, though. Alec would know, he’d looked at them enough.

“You the Alec kid? You look like a Hot Topic reject. Nice.” The man’s left arm was out of view, but the muscles in it were tense and his body jerked every few seconds. There were also muffled sounds of struggle that Alec couldn’t see the source of. The man’s face was still serious, mouth downturned a little as he looked Alec over.

Alec frowned in confusion, but found himself nodding, “Yeah. Nice to meet you…Milo?”

The man-Milo-stared down at Alec for a few seconds before a familiar, wide grin brightened his whole face, “Yeah kid.”

Alec took a step back when arms flailed into the doorway and he heard a muffled curse. Milo grinned and dragged something into Alec’s view. The something was Finn and he was immediately tucked into a brutal headlock. Alec laughed softly as Milo smirked and tightened his arms, knuckles rubbing brutally against the top of his brother’s head. Finn’s face was contorted in a glare as he tried to free himself.

“Jailbait if I’ve ever seen it. What’re you twelve?” Milo chuckled, wheezing when Finn elbowed him in the ribs.

“Uh, no. Fifteen.” Alec raised an eyebrow and took another step back when Finn managed to free himself.

“Milo go away! Why are you embarrassing me in front of my-“

“In front of your what, baby brother?” Milo tilted his head to the side and smiled from Finn to Alec, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

Finn was still flushed, “M-my friend.”

“Riiiiiiight. Anyway, don’t destroy the house. I’ll be upstairs if you need me.” Milo turned and climbed the stairs before disappearing around a wall.

“I’m sorry. Come in. He’s an ASSHOLE!” Finn yelled the last part and then shook off his irritation to smile softly at Alec, “I grabbed some snacks and I figured we’d order something now since River’s already eating.”

“Sounds good.” Alec smiled and held his bag tight to his chest as he followed Finn to the kitchen. He’d underestimated what it would feel like to be alone with him. At least when he’d arrived, Milo had been a buffer. Like River was every other time they got together. Now, though, there was nothing to prevent the awkward silences. There was no way for Alec to ignore how Finn’s eyes seemed to linger.

“What sounds good?” Finn set the few restaurant menus on the counter. There wasn’t much that delivered in Sunnyside, so the choices were limited. Alec set his bag on a bar stool tucked under the island they stood around. The kitchen was decently sized, with upgraded appliances, white cabinets, and a tan marble counter with lighter colors swirled through it.

He had to round the counter and stand next to Finn to get at the menus. The other boy had set them in front of himself. Alec snatched up a Chinese menu and flipped through it. His family hardly ever ordered takeout. His mother wouldn’t hear of it and cooked every night. He wasn’t seeing any of the words or pictures, too conscious of how close they were. He nearly choked when Finn’s arm pressed to his.

He was pointing to something on the menu, his voice so close to Alec’s ear, “They have really good orange chicken. Like top tier.”

Alec blinked as he turned his head. He regretted it right away. Finn was close. So close. When Alec turned his face, Finn’s breath ghosted over his lips. Dark eyes had been focused on the menu, but when Alec turned, so did Finn’s attention. Alec stopped breathing for a solid thirty seconds as Finn looked into his eyes and then his gaze dropped to his mouth like it had the day in the computer lab.

“I l-like orange chicken.” Alec stuttered, eyes wide and lips parted as he struggled with his breathing.

“Yeah?” Finn asked quietly. His palm covered the menu and he pushed it down. Alec let go when the paper was flat on the island. His hands twitched and he forced them to stop. He felt like his chest was heaving, he was breathing so hard now. Finn’s toned arm was stretched in front of him, face still dangerously close. Was he getting closer?

“I-I…Is there something you’d rather h-have?” Alec swallowed and took a step back. Finn watched him go and Alec watched his chest expand with a deep breath. Finn stepped forward and Alec took another back. It continued until he ran into the counter behind him.

“Yeah. There is.” Finn’s palms rested on the counter behind him. On either side of his hips. Alec’s heart was trying its best to smash out of his body. He stared at the center of Finn’s chest so that he wouldn’t have to look at his face.

“Is this okay?” Finn whispered the words into his ear and Alec felt a shudder run down his spine. Was it? Was he okay with being trapped against a counter? Finn wasn’t pressed against him, but the space between them was mere inches. Finn’s cheek pressed against his. Alec could feel his lips. If either of them turned their head that last little bit…

“S-so orange chicken!” Alec gasped as he pushed Finn’s arm and freed himself. He heard a heavy exhale as he turned his back and fumbled for the menu.

“I wouldn’t do anything you don’t want, but I’ve told you. I like you. Not only as a friend Alec. You still seem confused. I don’t know how to make it any clearer than this.” Came the even, calm voice behind him.

Alec took deep breaths as he braced himself against the island. No way this was real life. He wasn’t stupid. He’d thought that maybe River had been right, but he still couldn’t believe Finn was interested in him. He stared down at the countertop, eyes unseeing as he struggled to make out up from down. His vision was blurring as his brain went into panicked overdrive. No way, no way, no way.

There was another audible deep breath behind him and he felt Finn get closer again. Fingers slid gently across his cheek. They turned his face to the side and then moved down to tip his chin up. Finn’s eyes were like rich chocolate and they were filled with so many emotions it made Alec close his own. He felt breath against his lips again, “You can tell me to stop.”

Alec’s eyes remained closed. A nose knocked clumsily against his and then soft lips pressed to his own. It was gentle and almost hesitant. Then, they were gone and Alec let his eyes open, looking up at Finn through lashes as insecurity replaced panic. The kiss had been short. Did Finn not like it? Was he a bad kisser?

“I like you. Do you…do you understand now?” Finn asked softly, taking a step back to give Alec a bit more room.