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    MacGreg
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Poems and Short Quips - 3. Brink of Night

“I can’t see us walking off into the sunset together,” he once said

when I demanded to know,

to understand,

why he was so persistent to keep me at bay.

 

I lay on the rumpled pillow facing him,

recovering from the intensity of love,

gazing into his gold-green eyes –

those eyes like stained-glass windows

illuminating a prismatic soul,

leaving me with the sensation of free-falling,

too soon to hit the ground –

 

And I reached out to caress his scalp

and touch the light stubble on his jaw

which mirrored my own appearance,

and I whispered, “I just want to be with you, goddammit...”

while the ache in my chest and in my heart

churned harsh and painful,

like a storm inside my rib cage.

 

Because there was nowhere else I longed to be,

no one else I longed to be with,

than with him,

this colorful, enigmatic man who’d managed to spellbind me,

despite my resistance,

despite my determination to not be that guy.

 

In my own ignorance, I couldn’t see

that he was never going to be the savior of my delusion.

He couldn't ever be that.

Only I could save myself.

 

And for a while, sunsets no longer held color or promise for me –

Only bleak, repetitive signals to the brink of night.

Copyright © 2017 MacGreg; All Rights Reserved.
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It's an awful feeling when you realize what you thought was there, isn't. Is that a delusion? Maybe, but I believe more that it is intrinsic in us to hope. We put our hearts out there and we trust. People play games. Many let us see the illusion rather than the truth because it suits them... I don't let them entirely off the hook for that, but in the end, two people have to want the same thing... wonderfully expressed, Mac... cheers... Gary....

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On 02/08/2017 08:06 AM, AC Benus said:

Beautiful! Sometimes no more than that is needed to be said. Love the concluding pair of lines

Thank you, AC, I really appreciate your comment.

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On 02/08/2017 08:57 AM, Headstall said:

It's an awful feeling when you realize what you thought was there, isn't. Is that a delusion? Maybe, but I believe more that it is intrinsic in us to hope. We put our hearts out there and we trust. People play games. Many let us see the illusion rather than the truth because it suits them... I don't let them entirely off the hook for that, but in the end, two people have to want the same thing... wonderfully expressed, Mac... cheers... Gary....

You're right about that - both people have to want the same thing. It's tough when they don't. Thanks for the review, Gary. As always, insightful. Cheers - Mac

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Great poem, Mac. It's a horrible feeling when you realize that your partner doesn't have the same vision of your relationship as you do. I loved the line:
In my own ignorance, I couldn’t see
that he was never going to be the savior of my delusion.
There's hope at the beginning of the last two lines, though. "For a while..." I hope those sunsets hold color and promise again. :hug:

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This poem helps me feel the ache of rejection, the desperation for deepening. The way the final lines change sunset into night is quite beautiful, in its very sad way. I admire this.

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On 02/08/2017 11:18 AM, Valkyrie said:

Great poem, Mac. It's a horrible feeling when you realize that your partner doesn't have the same vision of your relationship as you do. I loved the line:

In my own ignorance, I couldn’t see

that he was never going to be the savior of my delusion.

There's hope at the beginning of the last two lines, though. "For a while..." I hope those sunsets hold color and promise again. :hug:

Hi Val, yes, the disparity can be quite saddening (and maddening), but life is a myriad of events and interactions that we must muddle through and sort out and hopefully come out better on the other side from. There are always sunsets, therefore there are always sunrises, so that's a plus. xo

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On 02/08/2017 11:15 PM, Parker Owens said:

This poem helps me feel the ache of rejection, the desperation for deepening. The way the final lines change sunset into night is quite beautiful, in its very sad way. I admire this.

Hi Parker, thank you for the kind words. Sunset leading into night inevitably leads to sunrise and the morning, so that brings some reprieve. Cheers - Mac

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this brought tears .. the first i read it, and i could not write anything and again i feel them there.. wanting to fall for the loss in this .. or is it loss because you never truly had it... 

 

 

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