Would you have sex with someone who was HIV positive?

[Menzoberranzen]

HIV/AIDS is a scary reality, especially for the gay community, and I was wondering if you would knowingly sleep with someone who is HIV positive.

 

Personally, I think I would have to have very, very strong feelings for someone before I was willing to take that risk. I hate to say no, but I would have strong reservations about it.

 

Your thoughts?

 

Menzo

[Graeme]

It wouldn't be something that I would do lightly, but I believe yes, I could have sex with someone who was HIV positive. It is unlikely to happen, though, because it would have to be someone I was deeply in love with.

[NaperVic]

I said maybe , but gosh that would be scary. I'd have to really really really love someone to take those kinds of health risks.

 

However, if I knew upfront that someone was HIV+, I'm not sure I would ever allow myself to get to the point where I would love them that much to take a risk. And let's say I was dating someone, and they told me their HIV+ after I've fallen in love (and after a significant amount of time), then I'm not sure how I'd feel.

 

tough question...

[Benji]

 

 

 

NO F_CKING WAY, ARE YOU CRAZY??

[Graeme]

NO F_CKING WAY, ARE YOU CRAZY??

The question was not about having unprotected sex. It was just about having sex. I wouldn't have sex with someone who was HIV+ unless I was deeply in love with them. Even so, safe sex would still be a requirement.

 

However, as Vic has pointed out, it would be difficult to allow myself to fall that deeply in love with them -- which is a separate topic completely. Honestly, I think the only way that would work is if I had gotten to know someone, found myself falling for them and THEN started dating them -- only to learn they were positive. If they didn't tell me early on in the dating process, I would feel... not betrayed, but like that they had difficulty being honest with me.

[FrenchCanadian]

Well for sure if I'd have sex with someone who's HIV positive it wouldn't just for sex,, it would be because there's something more, like if we'd be boyfriends. That being said,, it might be a shame to say, but is it likely that I'd date someone that's HIV positive,, not that highly.

 

and in that case the sexual stuff would be limited

[TalonRider]

It wouldn't be something that I would do lightly, but I believe yes, I could have sex with someone who was HIV positive. It is unlikely to happen, though, because it would have to be someone I was deeply in love with.

 

Well for sure if I'd have sex with someone who's HIV positive it wouldn't just for sex,, it would be because there's something more, like if we'd be boyfriends. That being said,, it might be a shame to say, but is it likely that I'd date someone that's HIV positive,, not that highly.

I said maybe. If I was to become involved with someone who is HIV positive, I would hope that they would be honest enough to tell me up front. We could then proceed from there. Even if a relationship doesn't come about, at least there could be a new friendship started.

 

Jan

[JamesSavik]

It is one thing to have a choice: to know that someone is infected and have the option of safe sex or walking away.

 

Unfortunately, this is the exception and not the rule. Unless you are very careful, or even if you are very careful, you could be have sex with someone who is HIV+ and is either unaware or in denial.

[Ieshwar]

Only and only, if I really love him/her.

 

And does safe sex fully eliminate the risk of getting HIV virus?

 

Ieshwar

[old bob]

Only and only, if I really love him/her.

And does safe sex fully eliminate the risk of getting HIV virus?

Ieshwar

.

Same for me !

Yes it does, but safe sex in this case follows a lot of rules, not only condoms. As I said before, from my experiences with members of my family, it is possible to have a happy sex life with somebody you love when you are HIV positive.

[Hylas]

No.

 

But yes, if I love him and he contracted it later.. then it's a maybe. :S

 

If I were the one HIV positive tho, I'd only date other HIV positive people. I won't risk the chance of uninfected people getting it, just because I love them. More so because I love them.

[JamesSavik]

If I were the one HIV positive tho, I'd only date other HIV positive people. I won't risk the chance of uninfected people getting it, just because I love them. More so because I love them.

Same here. One of the really nighmarish things about HIV is the possibility of having it without knowing and infecting someone you care about (assuming that you care about your sex partners- something that is not a given except in people with character-like most folks on this board).

 

If I found out that I had given it to someone, it would destroy me.

[C James]

Only and only, if I really love him/her.

 

And does safe sex fully eliminate the risk of getting HIV virus?

 

Ieshwar

The answer to Ieshwar's question is no. That needs to be said, but that said, safe sex almost eliminates the risk (which is not the same as removing it).

For example, Condoms can fail. The problem here as that even though the risk is small, it is also cumulative; even a tiny risk, taken enough times, can happen.

[Krista]

I could have sex with someone who is HIV positive, but it would take a long while for me to be comfortable enough to take that step and a lot of research done on my part and all that. I wouldn't hold it against the person or not date them for that reason or anything like that. It is a scary thing to do, but there are ways to protect yourself and many people can have good sex lives and relationships with someone who is HIV positive.

 

 

Krista

[Demetz]

There's no question in my mind that I would not knowingly have sex with someone HIV positive. I know they say condoms are nearly 100% effective at stopping the transmission of HIV... I don't care. If the person has HIV, they're not having consensual sex with me. I see it as simply too dangerous for me. I may love and support a person with HIV... I can hug and cuddle with someone with HIV, but no way will I have sex with them.

 

If I were the one HIV positive tho, I'd only date other HIV positive people.

HOLD UP!

 

People who have HIV are still putting each other at risk by having sex with each other. There are many different strains of HIV, with different levels of resistances for various drugs. Drugs prescribed to treat HIV work for a period of time before they will not work anymore. That drug will never work for that person again. If that person passes the virus on to someone else, the drug will not work for that person because the strain will already be resistant to it. The only way it would work out so that people with HIV could have sex with each other without putting each other at risk, is if they both have precisely the same strain with precisely the same resistances.

[Hylas]

is if they both have precisely the same strain with precisely the same resistances.

still. If HIV positive people practice safe sex with each other..? Meh, being lonely all your life is way more difficult than dying young, imo.

 

If I found out that I had given it to someone, it would destroy me.

yes. Not being morbid, but HIV is kinda like getting on a shortlist to AIDS and hence death. If I'm with someone and I contracted HIV, I'd take it as my prerogative to stop anything that would expose him to a risk of contagion from me. I just wished everybody was like that. As it is now, some people actually KNOWINGLY transmit it in casual sex with strangers. Kinda like Typhoid Mary. That's why if I would have a partner, I'd stress fidelity for both of us and work to keep it that way.

[AFriendlyFace]

HIV/AIDS is a scary reality, especially for the gay community, and I was wondering if you would knowingly sleep with someone who is HIV positive.

 

Personally, I think I would have to have very, very strong feelings for someone before I was willing to take that risk. I hate to say no, but I would have strong reservations about it.

 

Your thoughts?

My thoughts and attitude is very similar to yours, Menzo. However, I can almost certainly say that ultimately it would be a no because...

 

However, if I knew upfront that someone was HIV+, I'm not sure I would ever allow myself to get to the point where I would love them that much to take a risk. And let's say I was dating someone, and they told me their HIV+ after I've fallen in love (and after a significant amount of time), then I'm not sure how I'd feel.

Exactly!

 

If I were the one HIV positive tho, I'd only date other HIV positive people. I won't risk the chance of uninfected people getting it, just because I love them. More so because I love them.

I think that's a very good attitude!

 

People who have HIV are still putting each other at risk by having sex with each other. There are many different strains of HIV, with different levels of resistances for various drugs. Drugs prescribed to treat HIV work for a period of time before they will not work anymore. That drug will never work for that person again. If that person passes the virus on to someone else, the drug will not work for that person because the strain will already be resistant to it. The only way it would work out so that people with HIV could have sex with each other without putting each other at risk, is if they both have precisely the same strain with precisely the same resistances.

There's a very big difference here IMO. I think this risk, if taken with safe sex measures, would definitely be tolerable.

 

Anyway, I hate to say that I wouldn't because I think that's a bad attitude (assuming safe sex practices), but I wouldn't.

 

 

Take care everyone and have a great day!

Kevin

[BeaStKid]

My answer is no, as the question just said 'sex'.

 

If I have very deep feelings for that person and have safe, protected sex, then I have no problems....otherwise.....

[Jack Frost]

Somehow my best friend is doing it unprotected with one and he knows.

 

He was f**king lucky that his test turned out negative but he went to do it again after it. Now it's not clear.

 

But his life and choice. I won't think less of him. I woud just prefer that he be clean.

 

 

As for me, I'm too paranoid. So no. Besides, it doesn't matter much now since I already have someone for almost five years now.

[AFriendlyFace]

Somehow my best friend is doing it unprotected with one and he knows.

 

He was f**king lucky that his test turned out negative but he went to do it again after it. Now it's not clear.

 

But his life and choice. I won't think less of him. I woud just prefer that he be clean.

Oh my gosh!

 

None of my business certainly, but I think perhaps your friend does deserve to be thought less of. I'm certainly not condemning people with HIV, or people that love them anyway, but what your friend is doing sounds pretty stupid to me, and I would think most HIV+ people would agree.

[Graeme]

Oh my gosh!

 

None of my business certainly, but I think perhaps your friend does deserve to be thought less of. I'm certainly not condemning people with HIV, or people that love them anyway, but what your friend is doing sounds pretty stupid to me, and I would think most HIV+ people would agree.

Unfortunately, there ARE people who want to get HIV. I'm not saying this is the case here, but it's possible.

[FrenchCanadian]

Unfortunately, there ARE people who want to get HIV. I'm not saying this is the case here, but it's possible.

ya sadly that's true, I don't know why they do,, there's quicker way to kill yourself, maybe those that really are looking to get HIV want to get some attention.

[Razor]

Dude, hell no. I don't care how much I "love" somebody. I kind of like being alive every now and then.

 

HIV would be a complete, unavoidable, total death sentence in every capacity. I'm aware that there are treatments and blahblahblah, but no. Any relationship with anyone who did not have HIV from that point on would be impossible. Even if they thought they could take the risk of having sex with someone with HIV, I wouldn't be able to allow them to do it if I had even an inkling of a regard for their life. I would know that, barring insane medical breakthroughs, I would die a slow, painful, debilitating death.

 

So, NO. Don't care about the specifics. It just ain't gonna happen for anyone.

[wildone]

Wow

 

 

I must say I'm surprised.

 

First off, let me say that I totally understand and respect everyones opinions here, as everybody is entitled to them.

 

What I find a little shocking, is some of the comments that have been posted here. I have been hoping that someone who is HIV + possibly commenting in this forum. Unfortunately if there was someone, I don't think they would be too comfortable doing so. I imagine that since we are a group of people attracted to GLBT writing, that there must be some members that are dealing with AIDS on a daily basis, either with it, or with someone that has it. Maybe we should all go back and look at our postings and see how we may have come across to someone in their shoes.

 

I respect the honesty of everyone, but unfortunately I do see some attitudes that haven't really changed over the last twenty years. I guess the original question was a personal question, so people are expressing personal opinions. It just pains me a bit that we may be excluding some members by expressing those opinions without taking their position into thought.

 

Okay, enough of my babbling. I did not post in order to make anyone feel bad about anything they said or feel, but just posted on the feeling that I have got over the last while in this forum. Please don't change your opinions, or feelings based on what I have said. All I ask is that everyone educate themselves and learn as much about this disease (plague?) that has swept the world.

 

Thanks for letting me ramble.

 

Steve

[Jack Frost]

Unfortunately, there ARE people who want to get HIV. I'm not saying this is the case here, but it's possible.

It is not in his case of course.

 

But...long ago I learnt to...let and live.

 

I am not his mother. I told him what I had to and let him whatever he wants. I'm happy enough to have my say.