Is it time for arranged gay marriages?

[West Coast Dude]

http://www.alternet.org/sex/87685/is_it_time_for_gay_arranged_marriages/

 

I heard in Korea, they have match makers where you give them the list of things you want in your spouse (this is for straight couples) and they find you a match. Two of my friends parents met this way, they've been married 40+ years.

 

Are gay matchmakers and arranged marriages the next thing to pop up, as more and more countries legalize our right to marry who we want

[Cyhort]

http://www.alternet....nged_marriages/

 

I heard in Korea, they have match makers where you give them the list of things you want in your spouse (this is for straight couples) and they find you a match. Two of my friends parents met this way, they've been married 40+ years.

 

Are gay matchmakers and arranged marriages the next thing to pop up, as more and more countries legalize our right to marry who we want

 

God I hope not. The idea of arranged marriages goes against every romantic bone in my body. People should be free to fall in love with and marry whoever they want, not who their families or some dating service tells them to marry. *shudders*

[West Coast Dude]

Thought there are many happy couples who had arranged marriages, so who are we to judge Cyhort?

[K.C.]

Jeez, I hope not.

 

Arranged marriages are so unromantic….what about the courtship? The giddy feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you first touch? Beating hearts at the first kiss? Love? Passion?

 

Don’t you want the chance at finding your soul mate?

 

 

Arranged marriages are like a bank merger…nobody ends up happy!

 

 

[West Coast Dude]

I know at least 5 arranged marriage couples, all happy. I agree that there's no romance in it...they believe that love will grow or something...

[One Cheap Suit]

One of the real joys of being "non-straight" is that I can break out of the typical roles that society wants me to fit into. I can identify any potential partner based on any criteria I want, regardless of what society thinks. It's the most freeing part of being me. I can go with FTM, MTF, M, F, any gender identity I want.

 

Arranged marriages would cramp my style. So nope, keep that over on the "always done it this way" table, it's not for me.

[Dark]

Arranged marriage? Sounds like a million of those online dating services ...!

[MikeL]

Jeez, I hope not.

 

Arranged marriages are so unromantic….what about the courtship? The giddy feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you first touch? Beating hearts at the first kiss? Love? Passion?

 

Don’t you want the chance at finding your soul mate?

 

 

Arranged marriages are like a bank merger…nobody ends up happy!

 

 

 

As the victim of a bank merger, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

 

Arranged marriages do work sometimes. There are cultures and certain social strata where that is the norm and is expected.

[Goedric]

On the one hand its difficult to give up on finding your true love, but there is something to be said for simply having someone to love as well, - even if its not the perfect image that floats around in your head. My grandparents had an arranged marriage. She was 13 and he was 26. By the time i knew them well they had been married 45 years and were very much in love. They had grown so close that they couldnt even imagine not being together.

 

I often wondered how they felt during those years before there was any love between them. And how many such years were thee. Maybe they just lucky or maybe we can we all find enough to love in another good person if we are forced to look close enough. I dont know. Ive always held out for someone special sparks and all. When i find it and the feeling is mutual (no luck so far) will it be any more real that a couple who spent 40 years building a life together in an arranged marriage. Who knows? I hope so but im not 100% sure.

 

When you think about it, many of the people whom we love the most are not in ours lives by choice, -- our biological family. Perhaps its the blood concept perhaps not, - but we usually have little choice and we more often than not end up loving them a great deal.

 

History is an important part of any relationship. To the degree than an arranged marriage works I would guess its becuase it tends to be less negotiable as time goes on and as a result it has the chance to develop a history worth remembering (otherwise i immagine it would be like being trapped in a personal hell).

 

I think about how some of my best memories center on incidents that at the time were anything but enjoyable. Memories of overcomming obsticals and the getting through difficult times sucessfully seem to somehow become fond ones over time. Maybe it would be that was in an arranged marriage as well.

 

And if the goal is to find that one perfect relationship that was set in the stars then it would seem that such a marriage has also been arranged as well, - perhaps by the universe or fate.

 

Dont get me wrong, im still holding out for my own price charming, - one i find and fall in love with and who feels the same about me.

 

But... doesnt mean its the only way to be happy.

[TetRefine]

Arranged marriages completely takes away free will and choice of people, in my opinion. 

Edited June 17, 2011 by TetRefine

[Cyhort]

Thought there are many happy couples who had arranged marriages, so who are we to judge Cyhort?

 

And if both people go into it willingly then fine, I won't judge. But I'll judge very harshly anyone who forces their child/relative into a marriage they don't want. It's cruel and backwards and goes completely against everything I believe about the way people should be able to live their lives.

[Matthew k]

It is a great tradition! It worked well for centuries!

 

 

Then maybe you can finally declare!

 

 

I don't what Neil Patrick Harris says, Broadway still belongs to us!

[JamesSavik]

It's hard enough getting gay marriage. Let's table the arranged part until later.

[Caedus]

I'm confused...

 

Wouldn't arranged gay marriages be against the traditions and values that come with arranged marriages in other cultures?

Edited June 17, 2011 by Caedus

[Former Member]

Well personally I am against the idea of arranged marriages, however I think it would be nice to be given the same rights and privilages as 'straight couples' because we're no different in reality. Neither are special because they happen to be gay, or straight. I guess at this time being given the same rights and privilages would also include the right to have an arranged marriage.

[thephoenix]

The kind of people who would force arranged marriages upon their children are the same people who are most likely homophobic to the extreme (i.e. worse than gay bashing).

 

Even though I am at the age of 25 and I have never been in a relationship, I would never settle for an "arranged" marriage.

[old bob]

It's hard enough getting gay marriage. Let's table the arranged part until later.

 

I agree. As usual, James is one of the wisest guy I know here .

[Ara]

Meh im very much anti arranged marriage so I think that makes me anti gay arranged marriage as well

 

Im not doubting some arranged marriage couples are happy but just no theres no romance no fun it just goes against everything I believe in. I think rather than looking to have arranged gay marriages we should be looking to get rid of the notion of arranged marriages in its entirety. Alot of things worked well over the past 1000 years doesnt mean we should keep them going now that we have outgrown the concept and practice

[evergreen]

On the one hand its difficult to give up on finding your true love, but there is something to be said for simply having someone to love as well, - even if its not the perfect image that floats around in your head. My grandparents had an arranged marriage. She was 13 and he was 26. By the time i knew them well they had been married 45 years and were very much in love. They had grown so close that they couldnt even imagine not being together.

 

I often wondered how they felt during those years before there was any love between them. And how many such years were thee. Maybe they just lucky or maybe we can we all find enough to love in another good person if we are forced to look close enough. I dont know. Ive always held out for someone special sparks and all. When i find it and the feeling is mutual (no luck so far) will it be any more real that a couple who spent 40 years building a life together in an arranged marriage. Who knows? I hope so but im not 100% sure.

 

When you think about it, many of the people whom we love the most are not in ours lives by choice, -- our biological family. Perhaps its the blood concept perhaps not, - but we usually have little choice and we more often than not end up loving them a great deal.

 

History is an important part of any relationship. To the degree than an arranged marriage works I would guess its becuase it tends to be less negotiable as time goes on and as a result it has the chance to develop a history worth remembering (otherwise i immagine it would be like being trapped in a personal hell).

 

I think about how some of my best memories center on incidents that at the time were anything but enjoyable. Memories of overcomming obsticals and the getting through difficult times sucessfully seem to somehow become fond ones over time. Maybe it would be that was in an arranged marriage as well.

 

And if the goal is to find that one perfect relationship that was set in the stars then it would seem that such a marriage has also been arranged as well, - perhaps by the universe or fate.

 

Dont get me wrong, im still holding out for my own price charming, - one i find and fall in love with and who feels the same about me.

 

But... doesnt mean its the only way to be happy.

 

 

 

Well, it's true. It's entirely possible to end up falling for someone after living with them for so long. I guess you sort of form a special bond (by trusting each other and etc). However, I don't know if what they would feel for each other is as true a love as say another couple who fell in love before they decided on marriage.

 

We can all talk the talk but unless we somehow manage to try both, I guess we'll never know the truth. And maybe it's for the better. So whatever you might end up with, you can convince yourself that it's the better option

 

 

 

 

[Dan Umbero]

Interesting quandary. If we were allowed to marry should we not learn from straight society and try for something better? Arranged marriage, polygamy, polyandry All of these work or have worked down the ages. I kinda like the idea bounced around awhile back during the German elections that perhaps marriages should have expiration dates like 15 years at the end the partners can renegotiate or go their separate ways.

[hh5]

Why not? Your getting a choice of a guy or its an insentive to not be single for ever ... they might thing your straigt?? lol

 

Well - i have been on a couple arrange introductions ... its yuck ... those girls need to be matched farm animals!! lol

[WatchPatRun]

Is this srsly a thread?

 

Arranged gay marriages?

 

How about arranged deaths?

I'd also like to fight for arranged hairstyles, clothing, location, housing, what I am allowed to say and what I have access to. HELL! Lets just take away out freedom all together. We might as well all live in cages, like gorillas at the zoo. Seriously.

 

Next.

[Jack Frost]

Wouldn't arranged gay marriages be against the traditions and values that come with arranged marriages in other cultures

This.

[cehammock]

As I get older and older, and remain single, an arranged gay marriage does not sound so bad. I do get to specify his characteristics right?

[Cailen]

I read a nifty story about this. An arranged marriage between a wealthy oil tycoon's son, to the son of a head of a major bank. I think the story was indian in nature. so the idea is out there, if your child is gay to have a gay arraigned marriage. now if someone can find the story 50pts!