Musings of a Messed Up Mind - 27. Can I Forgive?

1810's a wise lady. You have to do what feels right to you and ignore what anyone else may want. Make a decision, stand by it, and in the long run what others think will prove irrelevant.

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

If it were me I'd choose to be damned for not going, I think I could live with it. The only thing that would change my mind is if he asked to see me. I'm sorry, but I can't see him asking.

A lot of people will probably disagree, but the 'blood is thicker than water' crap doesn't work for me. What works though is 'you reap what you sow.'

Think of yourself, whatever you decide make it your choice.

My response is in my poem, Honor Thy Father

To say anything different would be hypocritical of me. I understand your dilemma, but my leopard father never changed his spots... he was a cold-hearted bastard, and cancer didn't give him a free pass to forgiveness. Look inside yourself, my friend... the answer is there somewhere... just remember... you are the child... he owed you love and safety... if you forgive, do it for yourself... not him... you owe him nothing... if you can stomach it, it might be something you can do for your brother, but you don't owe him either... xoxoxo

It's a very rough decision to make and I respect the personal nature of it by not giving my opinion. I just wish you the very best moving forward. Hugs!

I had an estranged relationship with my dad, from years of family drama. When he was in Hospice, & dying from Cancer, all that went away. What I wouldn't give for another day with him.
Hugs to you, & Positive thoughts.

Bloody hell tim.... I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best as you grapple with this decision...
Love you..

Not knowing what I would do I certainly can't advise you. Just know you have my support in whatever you do. Namaste little brother.

IMHO you owe this man nothing, and your brother should know this. He was really just a sperm donor who never gave you the least bit of love, and doesn't deserve your forgiveness.
However...having gotten THAT off my chest...if you DO decide you want to do this it shows how big your heart is.
Whatever you decide is the right thing to do.
Hugs

This is such a heavy question Tim. Honestly, I don't have the experience or wisdom to offer you any advice, fortunately, there are those that can, like everyone else here.

A and for you Tim, for what must be a rough day.

On 11/20/2016 06:58 AM, Drew Espinosa said:

This is such a heavy question Tim. Honestly, I don't have the experience or wisdom to offer you any advice, fortunately, there are those that can, like everyone else here.

 

A and for you Tim, for what must be a rough day.

Oh i'm sure your advice would be well considered, Drew! Nice to see you, hope you're doing well!!

hugs xo

On 11/20/2016 06:48 AM, Coastguard said:

IMHO you owe this man nothing, and your brother should know this. He was really just a sperm donor who never gave you the least bit of love, and doesn't deserve your forgiveness.

However...having gotten THAT off my chest...if you DO decide you want to do this it shows how big your heart is.

Whatever you decide is the right thing to do.

Hugs

Thanks. I've decided to wait until/if I hear from him. Not hoping to, I'm leaving the ball in his court.

Thanks .. hugs xoxox

On 11/20/2016 06:40 AM, dughlas said:

Not knowing what I would do I certainly can't advise you. Just know you have my support in whatever you do. Namaste little brother.

Thank you dugh xoxo hugs

On 11/20/2016 05:32 AM, Defiance19 said:

Bloody hell tim.... I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best as you grapple with this decision...

Love you..

Not gonna worry about it. As AC said, thank god for poetry. If dad wants me, he can call, then I'll decide what to do.

thanks Def, xoxo

On 11/20/2016 05:32 AM, BHopper2 said:

I had an estranged relationship with my dad, from years of family drama. When he was in Hospice, & dying from Cancer, all that went away. What I wouldn't give for another day with him.

Hugs to you, & Positive thoughts.

I'm glad you had the resolution you did. Mine was not just drama. Mine was years of hell living on the street, drugs, prostitution, thanks to that man. I can never justify or forgive him for that.

I wish you could have that extra day.

tim

On 11/20/2016 05:09 AM, AC Benus said:

It's a very rough decision to make and I respect the personal nature of it by not giving my opinion. I just wish you the very best moving forward. Hugs!

Thanks AC ... i'm just glad for your support. Hugs xoxxo tim

On 11/20/2016 04:29 AM, Headstall said:

My response is in my poem, Honor Thy Father

 

To say anything different would be hypocritical of me. I understand your dilemma, but my leopard father never changed his spots... he was a cold-hearted bastard, and cancer didn't give him a free pass to forgiveness. Look inside yourself, my friend... the answer is there somewhere... just remember... you are the child... he owed you love and safety... if you forgive, do it for yourself... not him... you owe him nothing... if you can stomach it, it might be something you can do for your brother, but you don't owe him either... xoxoxo

Thanks Gary. It's up to him, if he calls, then I'll make a decsion. If he doesn't, then it's made.

thanks for your support xoxox

On 11/20/2016 04:29 AM, William King said:

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

 

If it were me I'd choose to be damned for not going, I think I could live with it. The only thing that would change my mind is if he asked to see me. I'm sorry, but I can't see him asking.

 

A lot of people will probably disagree, but the 'blood is thicker than water' crap doesn't work for me. What works though is 'you reap what you sow.'

 

Think of yourself, whatever you decide make it your choice.

No, I'm not one of those either. He told me what he thinks when he threw me out of the house and then again later when he assaulted me, in front of my husband and in-laws. If he calls, i'll decide.

thanks William, xo

On 11/20/2016 04:03 AM, Carlos Hazday said:

1810's a wise lady. You have to do what feels right to you and ignore what anyone else may want. Make a decision, stand by it, and in the long run what others think will prove irrelevant.

Thanks C. You're right Readers is a wise lady. I've decided to decide if he calls and asks. I cant see a reason to volunteer.

hugs xo

On 11/20/2016 03:54 AM, Reader1810 said:

Hey tim

Only you can decide if forgiveness is the right thing to do. I don't generally believe that forgiving will make a person feel better or help him/her move on with life. I think we are stronger than that and don't need to forgive what is unforgivable to be happy.

As for him being your father? He is that. But, is he your dad? I recall the comment you made recently regarding Mike's parents. It was fierce and from the heart because it was about your mom and dad even if thy be not their names.

When all is said and done, do what you need to do to be happy. It's what you deserve.

As always, nicely done.

I don't believe that either. That I need to forgive him to be happy .. or go on with my life, no i dont think so. It's my brother really that's upset me...but I dont see him jumping on the next plane to visit.

thanks Reader xoxox as always

This is a tough call. I have some idea what I would do but it must be your call. You need to do what is right for you, what makes you comfortable. Big hugs for you. I am a bit confused about your brother, is he asking you to go in his place?

On 11/20/2016 09:02 AM, Bucket1 said:

This is a tough call. I have some idea what I would do but it must be your call. You need to do what is right for you, what makes you comfortable. Big hugs for you. I am a bit confused about your brother, is he asking you to go in his place?

Joey lives in BC. He left as soon as he could get away from home. He's never been back to see daddy dearest. Not sure why I'm expected to.

Thanks B for the hugs ... xo I'm doing a whole lotta nothing about this right now.

What answer can you give? Only you can decide that. Your brother did not live the life you had to, and the old tyrant who sent you to perdition, does he regret one word, one shove out the door? This comes through clearly. Gary spoke eloquently, too. Whatever you choose, know that there is a whole cloud of loving support behind you.
xo P

On 11/20/2016 10:37 AM, Parker Owens said:

What answer can you give? Only you can decide that. Your brother did not live the life you had to, and the old tyrant who sent you to perdition, does he regret one word, one shove out the door? This comes through clearly. Gary spoke eloquently, too. Whatever you choose, know that there is a whole cloud of loving support behind you.

xo P

He's gonna have to do a lot of saying the right words before I'll go to his bedside. My mother-in-law wants to go ... I'd hate to be him if she does...

Thanks Parker.. knowing you all are out there.. well I know I'm very lucky.

tim xo

As always well-written timmie,  hope everything did/will work out