OK, posting this a day early because I did kinda sorta left you hanging.
This chapter contains mentions of abuse and torture. Please be aware if this is a trigger.
Buckle up, this ride is about to start!
Lex took in a few short, quick breaths and said “Not here. I don’t trust myself. You deserve the truth and I can’t do this in public.”
Ian got the waitress’s attention and asked for the check. She smiled and told him that Duke had taken care of it. Thanking her and leaving a generous tip on the table Ian took Lex’s hand and took him back to his truck. He drove a short distance and parked the truck in lot of a strip mall that was currently closed. Unbuckling his seatbelt he turned sideways and gently reached over and placed his hand on Lex’s cheek, turning his head towards him. “Talk to me.”
Lex undid his seatbelt and turned his body and started. “I guess I need to go back to the beginning of my life so this will all make sense. I grew up with a single mom, Sarah. I never knew who my father was. My mom never told me. We found out we were backdoor neighbors with my best friend Cassie and her mom Rita, when Cassie and I started preschool . Her dad was killed in a car accident when she was just a few months old so our moms ended up raising us together. Our neighbors the Hansens, helped out as well until they passed away. Life was good for the most part, even though most people saw me as the weird kid. My mom and Cassie and her mom were the only ones who knew the truth about my ability. Cassie is my only friend. She doesn’t care and never treats me any different because of the auras.
When we were nine things changed, but neither of us realized it at the time. Both of our moms started dating around the same time and at first both guys seemed OK. I could see a dark maroon color around Tim who was Cassie’s mom’s boyfriend. I had never seen that color before and couldn’t figure out what it meant. By the time I did, I wished I had never seen it. I’ll explain more later. Joey was my mom’s boyfriend. He was funny and took us to places like the zoo and aquarium and always included Cassie because he knew we were best friends. My mom ended up marrying Joey not long before I turned eleven. Two months after my birthday she was diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer. That’s when I discovered that dark purple, like a bruise meant cancer. She managed to hang on for a year and a half, the purple turning into black threads around her gradually getting thicker as the cancer spread.
I was devastated when she died. I had no other relatives that I knew of and my mom had made arrangements for Joey to be my legal guardian seeing how they were married. Cassie was having her own problems. Tim had moved in with them about the same time my mom had gotten married. Apparently dark maroon indicates abusiveness. Cassie’s mom had been protecting her for a while. She was the one who took the brunt of the verbal, emotional and eventually the physical hits. It wasn’t until we were twelve that Cassie had begun to figure it out. We both thought that her mom was just depressed because of my mom and that’s why she had become quiet and withdrawn. It was a lot for two preteens to deal with.
It wasn’t long after I turned thirteen that the shit hit the fan. Joey had always had a funny, dark greenish gray color but it was always faint, but it quickly started to get more prominent and darker. I had no clue what it was and if I did I would’ve run away in a heartbeat and taken my chances with foster care. I would wake up in the middle of the night and find him standing over me just staring. Once he realized I was awake he would turn and leave without saying a word. I didn’t have a lock on my door and had no way of keeping him out. Turns out that particular shade of greenish gray is mental illness. I think he hid the fact from my Mom. Anyways, apparently he had stopped taking his meds. Joey was losing his mind, I don’t know if he was bipolar or schizophrenic or what, but he was definitely not right in the head. My ability to figure out auras was still developing. Even now, mental illness is hard to figure out. I couldn’t do it when I was 13.
I was nearly fourteen when things escalated, both for me and for Cassie. Now you have to picture Cassie at the time. She was little, just over five feet tall, but she was a force of nature. Still is. Tim had moved on to yelling at her and putting her down, trying to break her spirit like he did to her mom. Cass was stronger than her mom mentally and emotionally. But physically she just didn’t have the strength to defend herself. Keep in mind we were both in the midst of puberty during all of this. Hormones and physical changes were hard to keep up with and the decision making skills of a thirteen year old are not exactly stellar.
We were hiding out in the woods near our houses when she confessed that she was afraid Tim was going to rape her. He had been hitting on her, touching her and making lewd comments. She was crying when she looked at me and told me that she didn’t want him to steal her first kiss and her virginity from her. I couldn’t say no to her. We ended up giving our virginity to each other. That’s also when I figured out I was gay for sure. That’s another thing I had been grappling with.
We never thought about using protection and luckily dodged a bullet. A baby would NOT have been good. A few weeks later Tim did try to rape Cassie and she managed to hit him upside the head with one of his boots that he had kicked off. It stunned him just enough to give her time to run out of the house. I was home alone and she came flying through the door hysterical. I called the cops and between the bruises she was sporting and his state of undress he was arrested. It also served as a wakeup call for her mom. She ended up in therapy and is doing alright now. The attorneys that she worked for took Cassie’s case against Tim pro bono and he ended up in jail. Still there as far as I know.
Meanwhile Joey was sinking further into his mental illness, getting delusional. It was two weeks after we turned fourteen that my world turned upside down. School had just let out for summer vacation and Cassie and her mom were heading to the beach for a long weekend. Joey wouldn’t let me go with them. Turns out he had other plans. It was a Saturday night and without Cassie I had stayed in my room reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and had fallen asleep before Joey came home. I never heard him come in. I still can’t bring myself to finish that book or the rest of the series.
He came into my room and grabbed me and dragged me off the bed out of a sound sleep. I was strong when I was fourteen but he was stronger. He dragged me down to the basement and I knew I was screwed. That’s the moment I figured out what color insanity was. I’m not going to go into too many details but he spent most of the next twenty-four hours pretty much torturing me. I lost track of time. He chained me to one of the rafters and cut my clothes off of me. He beat me and sodomized me with a broom handle. Repeatedly. He told me he didn’t want to be stuck with a little faggot. I have no idea how he knew. Best guess is I must’ve forgotten to erase my history or close a browser on the computer. He used my back to put out his cigarettes.
It must have been sometime in the middle of Sunday night when he stumbled back down the stairs, drunk, still holding a bottle of vodka and still drinking from it. I remember him walking toward me. I could barely see him as both eyes were swollen. I heard him drop the bottle of vodka and heard it shatter. The next block of block of time is still crystal clear to me.
I can still hear the whistling sound a whip makes as it cuts the air. I can still hear the crack it makes right before it hits skin. I can still feel the excruciating pain of the steel tip of the bullwhip ripping open my back. I can still hear my own screams and smell my own blood. It seemed to go on forever until I finally blacked out. Cassie had to tell me what happened next.
She and her mom had gotten home really late Sunday night. She didn’t come over because my house was dark and she figured I was sleeping. It took her awhile to get over the guilt of not checking in with me that night. Monday morning she came over and let herself in. She told me that she got a really bad feeling when I wasn’t in my room. She looked for me in the kitchen and noticed the basement door open. She found me. She told me I looked like something from a horror movie. He had released me from the rafters and and I was laying in a huge pool of congealed blood and piss. My back was filleted. Strips of flesh were hanging. Hearing her cry out brought me back to semi-consciousness and I still had enough wits about me to utter one word ‘Joey’.
I pieced together what happened next from what Cassie told me and the police reports. Cassie told me she ran upstairs to call 911. I remember her running up the stairs. I also remember hearing a gunshot. I have a vague recollection of people all around me, getting put on a gurney and being in an ambulance. I don’t remember much else until after I woke up in the hospital in ICU.
Cassie told me that after she ran upstairs she had to check to see if Joey was still in the house. She told me he woke up when she got to his room and when he saw her he grabbed his gun off his nightstand and shot himself in the head. That was the only time she ever lied to me. I never let on to the police that Cassie had protected me and took matters into her own hands. As far as they were concerned he had shot himself. I knew better. She knew better and one of the investigating officers knew better. He never said a word, and neither did we.
I spent the next ten and a half months going through several surgeries and was in and out of the hospital and rehab centers. Cassie’s mom had gotten her shit together and petitioned for custody of me. When I was finally released from care I went to live with them. Cassie’s mom had sold her house and moved across town. Her lawyers came through again and took care of my mom’s estate and put the profits from the house and the benefits of a small life insurance policy in a trust for me. I never did go back to high school. Cassie dropped out and we both got our GEDs. I had discovered an aptitude for computers while I had been cooped up recovering and enrolled in college and got a degree. The money my mom left was enough to pay for the local state college and to cover our living expenses while we went to school. Cassie and I got an apartment together when we turned 18.
You asked why I was afraid to sleep and I gave you the long version. The short version would’ve been that I’m still afraid of being dragged out bed and tortured.”
When Lex slowly raised his head and looked at Ian he saw tears running down his face. Lex started to turn away from him when Ian reached over and pulled him close. “You are amazing.” he choked out. “How you found the strength to survive what you did and still managed to become the beautiful person you are amazes me. Don’t try to hang your head. You have nothing to be ashamed of. That monster who hurt you, guess what? You beat him. He’s not here and you are. That makes me happy. If you could see my aura right now you would see how proud I am to know to you. How proud I am that you are here with me and have made the most difficult choice to share this part of yourself with me. You would see whatever color it is that shows how honored I am that you are here, here with me. Yes, my tears are sorrowful. I’m sorry that you had to endure all of that. But my tears are also tears of joy. I’m joyful that you survived and that I get to have you in my life. Believe me Lex, I want you in my life. I really do.”
It was Lex’s turn to have the tears slide down his cheeks. He reveled in the comfort of the strong arms around him. He hadn’t ever been held by anyone other than Cassie or his mom. He was too afraid to let anyone get close. He couldn’t bear the thought of someone being horrified by the scars on his back. But from the very first day Ian hadn’t been horrified. It was the exact opposite. Lex remembered his disbelief when Ian had first laid eyes on the scars and how the first thing he remarked was how beautiful a canvas it was. His back was beautiful. Ian truly saw the beauty in the scars. Somehow even without an aura to guide him Lex knew he could trust Ian and that’s why he found himself not even hesitating to give him total control over the tattoo and why he had no desire to see it until it was done.
Gently pulling himself away from the man who believed in him, Lex wiped his tears away, feeling slightly drained. Ian reached behind the seat and pulled out two bottles of water and handed one to Lex. They were both silent as they recentered themselves, both pulling their emotions under control again.
After several moments Ian looked over at Lex and softly asked “You OK?” Lex nodded. Ian continued on “I still owe you an ‘explain’. You asked why I said no to kissing you. It’s because of your back.”
As Lex’s eyes went wide Ian held up his hands and kept talking “Shh,shh, it’s not what you think. I’ve already told you that your scars make up the most incredible canvas that I’ve ever seen. The second I laid my eyes on it I got a picture in my head that was the most intense I had ever envisioned. When you gave me total control, Lex, you have no idea what that did to me. That night I was up for hours sketching. I knew exactly what I wanted. I just had to figure out how to do it. It truly is the most complex and intensive tattoo I have ever attempted. Your back has become an obsession for me. That is why I won’t kiss you. At least not right now. Lex, if I kissed you I wouldn’t be able to stop.”
Ian looked deeply into Lex’s eyes, the sharp blue darkening with lust. His voice, already the sexiest sound Lex had ever heard, dropped an octave and the sound slid over Lex like silk.
“I’ve spent the last month seeing your gorgeous face almost every day, hearing your voice glide around me. I’ve inhaled your scent. Sweet. Spicy. Musky. I’ve touched your skin, oh God I’ve touched your skin and it’s never enough. If I were to kiss you, get even just one little taste of you, I would never stop. My tongue would take over and I would need, yes NEED, to taste every damn inch of you.
I’ve pictured it already. Taking those lips and devouring them like they were the sweetest, ripest strawberries. I would inhale your breath when I slid my tongue along yours and breathe you in like I was drowning and you were the only source of air for me. I’ve pictured myself sucking on the sweet spot I can see pulsing at the base of your neck near your shoulder. I would mark you. Mark you as mine.
I’d strip you naked as the day you were born and let my tastebuds roam over the tangy, saltiness I’ve imagined and that I’ve jacked off to a hundred times. Oh yes Lex, for the past month it’s been you starring in my every fantasy. I’ve imagined taking hold of your prick and swallowing you whole. Letting my throat milk you dry.
I’ve pictured my hands roaming over your tight ass, spreading those cheeks and I’ve dreamed of sliding my fingers into you. I’ve heard your moans as I’ve dragged my finger along your prostate and I’ve heard you scream my name as you came. I’ve dreamed of rimming you until you’re nothing more than a boneless mess begging for more.
I’ve dreamed of giving you more, of sliding my cock into your tightness. I’ve felt you squeeze me until I couldn’t breathe any more. And just when I’ve dreamed that I can’t take anymore I feel you drive me over the edge and heard myself scream out your name. Lex. My sweet, sweet Lex.
You want to know why I won’t kiss you? That’s why. Because I won’t stop and if I don’t stop I won’t finish your tattoo. I have to finish, I made a promise to myself, and when I’m done, THAT’s when I’m going to kiss you.”
Ian leaned over close to Lex and growled in his ear. “And when I’m done doing to you everything I’ve dreamed about? You’re going to do the same to me.”
Lex lost it. He stiffened up and moaned as his cock exploded in his pants. His body shuddered and his breathing came in short, rapid bursts. It felt like it would never end. He had never experienced anything so intense and he had never come without touching his dick.
Ian came out from the haze that had surrounded his mind and his eyes widened “Did you just…..?” Lex turned bright red and lowered his gaze. Ian chuffed and put his finger under Lex’s chin and gently nudge it up so he could look at him. “That was the sexiest thing I have ever seen. My voice did that? Wow!”
Lex got his breathing under control and looked at Ian and told him “You’re voice has been driving me crazy. It’s like liquid sex. You’re like the offspring of Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones and that dude who does all those voices in the Disney movies. He was the big dude in The Emperor’s New Groove, um, Kronk!”
Ian laughed “You mean Patrick Warburton?”
“Yeah! That’s him!” Lex laughed back at him.
Both men continued to chuckle, it quickly turning into all out gut busting laughter. It was the kind of laughter that once you start you can’t stop. Everytime it starts to fade one glance at the other person sets you off again. It’s the kind of laughter that gets so intense that no sound comes out of you, taking up all the air in your lungs until you finally burst with another explosion of sound. It’s the kind of laughter you can only do with someone you really care about. It was cathartic and dispersed the somberness that had still remained from Lex’s revelations.
When they finally got themselves sober and no more spontaneous laughter burst out, Lex took Ian’s hand in his. He noted the slight shiver that ran up the other man's arm. “Thank you. Thank you for explaining. Thank you for listening to me. And thank you for still wanting me. I need you to know that I want to kiss you too. I think I’ve wanted it since the moment I laid eyes on you, but I can wait.”
Ian smiled again and said “You’re welcome. So, any more questions?”
With an evil grin and a gleam in his eyes Lex spoke “Only one. When are you going to finish the tattoo?”
Ian just snorted.
Please tell me I did OK! This was a REALLY hard chapter to write.