Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Great Chapter Mike :2thumbs:

 

Finally answered the question on how Darren and Will knew each other. How much of this information is Darren going to tell Josh?

 

I find it funny that you talked about "the deal" but you never mentioned what it actually was.

 

Still a lot of unanswered questions and glad to see the story progressing nicely.

 

Maybe we get some answers in the next chapter? :unsure:

 

 

 

Edward

Link to comment
  • Replies 76
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Great Chapter Mike :2thumbs:

 

Finally answered the question on how Darren and Will knew each other. How much of this information is Darren going to tell Josh?

 

I find it funny that you talked about "the deal" but you never mentioned what it actually was.

 

Still a lot of unanswered questions and glad to see the story progressing nicely.

 

Maybe we get some answers in the next chapter? :unsure:

 

 

 

Edward

 

Darren telling Josh - its a need to know basis.

Josh has to have something darren wants in order to divulge a nation secret

 

Not going to happen - unless the bad guys get to josh first

 

I think darren doesn't want josh to find out and not get hurt too

Link to comment

Great chapter Mike, I was wondering about the connection with Darrin and Wil, we now now that Wil was a deeply embedded agent in a case that was in front of the FBI, or was it deeper? The gloves came off between Josh and Jayce, both angst are out at this time, Josh over his brothers death and Jayce on his sexuality. This chapter has only proven that a sinister event is still unfolding, why do the cops assume, even Darrin that Josh and Jayce trashed the former home? I would think given the amount of security afforded the boys that the place would have been under surveillance! Dreams be damned! Darrin is not doing what he should be doing, that would be listening!

Link to comment
Great chapter Mike, I was wondering about the connection with Darrin and Wil, we now now that Wil was a deeply embedded agent in a case that was in front of the FBI, or was it deeper? The gloves came off between Josh and Jayce, both angst are out at this time, Josh over his brothers death and Jayce on his sexuality. This chapter has only proven that a sinister event is still unfolding, why do the cops assume, even Darrin that Josh and Jayce trashed the former home? I would think given the amount of security afforded the boys that the place would have been under surveillance! Dreams be damned! Darrin is not doing what he should be doing, that would be listening!

 

 

Here, here, Benji! I was wondering, myself, when Josh and Darrin are going to talk so that Josh can find out why Wil was killed....if anyone deserves to know of Wil's ties to "The Company" it would be Josh...at least so he could stop wondering and get on with school for a while.

Link to comment
Great Chapter Mike

 

Finally answered the question on how Darren and Will knew each other. How much of this information is Darren going to tell Josh?

 

I find it funny that you talked about "the deal" but you never mentioned what it actually was.

 

Still a lot of unanswered questions and glad to see the story progressing nicely.

 

Maybe we get some answers in the next chapter?

 

 

Edward

 

Hey Edward

 

I don

Link to comment
  • 6 months later...

Last Goodbye - Chapter 7 has now been posted on efiction.

 

Enjoy, and don't forget to leave me a little note and let me know how I'm doing.

 

Just a little side note, I'd like to apologize to all the readers who waited the months it took me to complete this. Chapter 8 is already finished, so have no fear there will be another chapter next week, and so forth.

 

-Mike

Link to comment

I was pleased to see this chapter up after the long break. Really, I should go back to the beginning to get the flow going again but I am lazy and both reading and writing other things at the moment... and trying to have a life in between. Not that I really need to do that with this story, the excitement picks up after the first sentence and thrusts you right back in there.

 

Josh's memories of Will are sweet and it seems that both Trent and Jayce hold many possibilities for him... at least they did until the end of the chapter. blink.gif

Link to comment

The latest is a great chapter in a great story, and well worth the wait. The "deal" in the beginning of the chapter has unintended (at least, unforeseen) consequences, but does allow us to see more of Trent. Ditto "The world needs more Trents." Nice chapter arc: tension, resolution, tension, rest, tension, resolution, tension. Hmmm. More a roller coaster than an arc!

Link to comment

Mike.... so glad to have you back and writing.

 

Chapter 7 was really great and well worth the wait.

 

The only thing is.... are you taking pointers from CJ on cliff hangers?

 

 

Edward

 

Who me? 0:)0:)0:)

 

NEVER!

 

Glad you liked it Edward =D

Link to comment

That little part does a whole lot of character development. I always find it amazing how such simple things can do that for a story. I won't go into detail about the conclusion of the chapter. We already had words about that...

 

Keep it up Mike, looking forward to 8

 

"Die in a fire" was a great line, wasn't it? I kept coming back to it and thinking, "what a great rejoinder!" Wish I'd thought of it.

Edited by David McLeod
Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Chapter 8 is now fully completed and in the hands of my editor. Expect it up sometime early next week.

 

And let me just say this chapter will pick you up off your seat and slam you down onto the floor. So before reading it I advise you to strap yourself in, your in for quite a ride.

 

Much aloha,

Mike

Link to comment

Just as promised, I present to you...

 

Last Goodbye - Chapter 8

 

Enjoy, and don't forget to leave me a little note and let me know how I'm doing.

 

Chapter 9 has only been started but very briefly. I have a lot of papers and such for school coming up so i can't promise that 9 will be done by next week, or the following... But I will promise you that it will not take me another 6 months to write.

 

Aloha

 

-Mike

Link to comment

Intense indeed. While I was reading this, I thought of the anger and violence I usually put in my stories, within my own characters. At first I was a bit surprised, because while your earlier chapters expressed Josh's loss and sadness, in this chapter it wasn't just words I was reading. I was actually feeling it. Like in the scene where Josh wanted to beat Trent up, his fist poised, ready to strike, but at the last minute controlling himself, knowing he couldnt and didn't want to actually hurt Trent. Well done. I love that silent raging anger ready to bubble over.

 

I don't know if I'm rubbing off on you, lol. But I like the strength and depth of the emotions. The pain that Josh feels, it comes across so clearly. More so in this chapter, I felt more of his pain, so you're progressing really well with this story. Glad you got bit by the writing bug again. Maybe it's your way of taking a break from all those papers and crappy school.

 

So...keep writing and be a good boy in school, get those good grades we both know you can manage...and I'll buy you a ticket to the Big Apple, LOL.

 

Let's see what you have in store for 9!

Link to comment

I so totally loved that chapter! Excellent work, Mike! :worship::worship:

 

Needless to say, the closing scene was my favourite. Trent deciding that he needed to come clean or forever lose Josh; Josh's anger melting away; Trent and Josh smooching. :wub: Scenes just don't get any better than that. :music:

 

But I also wanted to comment on the scene where Roger wakes Josh up from his nightmare. That was very powerful. Up until that point, Roger had only showed Josh his strength, you know, that masculine macho "I'm in your face and not goin' anywhere" stuff. Roger sees that Josh is hurting and then he (Roger) delivers this "caring" to Josh - well, it was caring and strength together. Men are so inept when it comes to expressing feelings and had I been in the room I'm sure I would have seen Roger squirming a lot - but he delivers anyway, so beautifully, in the best way that he could. A very powerful scene. :2hands:

 

I'm proud of you, Mike!

Link to comment

Tiff and Conner stole so many of the good words, there's not much left to say. A very powerful chapter with an excellent arc.

The story arc (disaster-rescue, betrayal-reconciliation) was excellent and well-paced. The dream sequence was brilliant, building on the reality Josh had just experienced and incorporating more of the story's mysteries. The scene between Josh and Roger after the dream was a good way to bring the readers back to reality and to remind us of the broader context of the story. If Trent would do what he did just for a kiss, imagine what he'd do for something more intimate! (Just kidding. I hope he's learned his lesson.)

Link to comment

But I also wanted to comment on the scene where Roger wakes Josh up from his nightmare. That was very powerful. Up until that point, Roger had only showed Josh his strength, you know, that masculine macho "I'm in your face and not goin' anywhere" stuff. Roger sees that Josh is hurting and then he (Roger) delivers this "caring" to Josh - well, it was caring and strength together. Men are so inept when it comes to expressing feelings and had I been in the room I'm sure I would have seen Roger squirming a lot - but he delivers anyway, so beautifully, in the best way that he could. A very powerful scene. :2hands:

 

You made a good point. I was so focused on Josh's anger, that I forgot to comment on the really powerful scene between Roger and Josh. I think we all saw a side of Roger we didn't expect to see, but knew was lurking in there somewhere. After all, how bad could he be if he is trusted by Darren? But Roget never shows any weakness and probably hates seeing weakness in other people. May stem to his childhood or upbringing, but it's obvious he has no tolerance of Josh's moody and immature ways, even if he is justified at times.

 

There's also a huge part of Will that Josh doesn't know, and I'm curious about Will and his hidden life (away from Josh) that Roger and Darren seem to know so much about. Needless to say Will had good character and it reflected in the way Roger remembered and spoke of him.

 

In his own way, Roger was really "nice" and "caring" toward Josh, by giving him the pep talk about what Will would have expected of his younger brother, how Will taught him better. It was a lecture, but a respectful lecture, akin to a father-son, mentor-student, etc. Then at the end when he told Josh to rest up and made the deal that he wouldn't tell Darren of the violent nightmares, it was Roger's soft side, or him taking some pity. I love that he has a heart, underneath all that bad-assery, lol.

 

Great character development. I like how we see bits and pieces of all the characters, a little at a time, rather than all at once. It gives the readers a way to get to know the characters at a good pace.

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...
  • 1 month later...

I'm bumping this up, as the story deserves it. We want more chapters biggrin.gif

The story has the right mix of sadness, tension, mistery, nice characters, etc.

 

By the way, one of the first lines in your story jogged my memory. I actually had someone tell me once something along the lines of: "Oh, you just lost your significant other? I can so relate to that because my guinea pig snuffed it last week"! Some people are so insensitive I don't think slapping them senseless would even help.

 

Anyway... could we please have some more? innocent.gif

Link to comment

I am going to agree with everyone here. We do need a new chapter. It's too good a story to see it stall for months, You are a very good writer my dear. Don't be surprised if so many others have forgotten about this story, I know I did until I saw this post. Please, don't let it die!!!

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...

I am going to agree with everyone here. We do need a new chapter. It's too good a story to see it stall for months, You are a very good writer my dear. Don't be surprised if so many others have forgotten about this story, I know I did until I saw this post. Please, don't let it die!!!

 

Hey guys,

 

Sorry I only came across this just now. I haven't been around much lately if you haven't noticed and the same goes for writing. Summer's are usually really bad for me as work eats up all and any free time I put away. But I promise I haven't given up or quit writing LG. I'll have a new chapter as soon as time permits me to continue writing. Till then I hope you won't forget about it!

 

Hugs Michael

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..