Make us laugh!

[Valkyrie]

We all have days like this! 

 

[MikeL]

[Slytherin]

[MikeL]

[MikeL]

[JamesSavik]

In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.
They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said: "DON'T SELL THAT COW."

[MikeL]

Penis Song:  84-year old rocks the house at America's Got Talent.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=m8273HGqxEc

Edited November 23, 2014 by MikeL

[Slytherin]

 

 

[Slytherin]

[MikeL]

[C J]

 

 

[Slytherin]

Jo Ann and her friends

 

[JamesSavik]

 

 

 

Edited November 25, 2014 by jamessavik

[MikeL]

[MikeL]

[Valkyrie]

[TalonRider]

New Tat

A Gay man goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that he would like a tattoo.

He expresses his desire to have a Turkey sketched on his right thigh just below his speedo line with the inscription that reads "Happy Thanksgiving".

Having no questions, the artist follows his instructions. Upon completion, the artist had truly created a work of art.

Being very pleased with his work, the man then instructs him to put a Santa tattoo, with the caption "Merry Christmas" on his left thigh. Once more the artist does as instructed, with the end results equal to the first.

As the man is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"

He says, "I'm sick and tired of my boyfriend complaining all the time that there's never nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

[MikeL]

 

 

 

 

BAD Parrot

 

 

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse  vocabulary.

 

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

 

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

 

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.  Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

 

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

 

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

 

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

 

 

Edited November 27, 2014 by MikeL

[Slytherin]

 

[Greg_A]

 

Zombie is going to have to start an intense work out program if he eats all those trespassers!!!

[MikeL]

[Slytherin]

Zombie is going to have to start an intense work out program if he eats all those trespassers!!!

You mean this

 

 

 

and when he is done he goes to an amusement park for more fun

 

[TalonRider]

Things That Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving But Aren't

 

Talk about a huge breast.

Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

It Cool Whip time.

If I don't undo my pants, I'll bust.

Whew, that's one terrific spread.

I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

Are you ready for seconds yet?

It's a little dry, do you stil want to eat it?

Just wait your turn, you'll get some.

Don't play witth your meat.

Just spread the legs open and stuff in in.

Do you really think you'll be able to handle all those people at once?

You still have a little bit on your chin.

Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it.

I didn't expect everyone to come at once.

How long will it take after you stick it in?

You'll know it's ready when it pops up!

How many are coming?

That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

How long do I beat it before it's ready?

Just lay back and take it easy...I'll do the rest.

[MikeL]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=igQDvYOt_iA

[Dark]

that was so wrong, but so funny, too.

 

Edited November 29, 2014 by Dark