Wry Ramblings From A Hot Wing

[Jason Rimbaud]

If peanut butter is made from peanuts

And almond butter is made from almonds

Why isn't butter called udder butter? 

J (the curious)

[Jason Rimbaud]

Hello, may I have six piece wings?

Of course, what sauce would you like?

What do you have?

*trying not to be sarcastic, but looks above my head where all the sauces are listed in big white letters with descriptions*

On the left side right there, they are from mildest at the top and spiciest on the bottom, in order of spice.

What's the best flavor?

*looking a bit more sarcastic, I point to the sauce that has a big red sticker next to it that says Best Seller* 

Mango Habanero is our best seller.

I don't like spicy. 

Okay, then you should look at the sauces at the top

"What about the ghost pepper sauce?

*looks at the screen, ghost pepper is at the bottom of the list* 

That's really spicy, all the ones at the bottom are spicy.

How spicy? 

A ten out of ten.

I don't like spicy ones so thats not for me.

*sees the line forming behind the person*

How about a bbq sauce, not spicy at all, kind of sweet?

I don't like sweet sauces, what about the spicy buffalo, is that sweet?

No but its spicy and you don't like spicy.

*thinks about it for a few moments* I'll take the spicy bbq.

For here or togo

 

Edited January 18, 2025 by Jason Rimbaud

[lawfulneutralmage]

 I admire your patience. It may be there was a medical root cause to the customer's behaviour. 

[Jason Rimbaud]

13 hours ago, lawfulneutralmage said:

 I admire your patience. It may be there was a medical root cause to the customer's behaviour. 

Sorry, i have to go to the joke....

Its time to stop giving stupid people a pass, lets get back to when we can just call stupid people stupid.

Thus endth my old man worldview. Speaking of old, next Sunday I am turning fifty. 

Seeing as I'm in San Francisco, one of the possibilities could have been that person was high. They weren't, I'm very familiar with weed addicts and how they behave, look, and smell. Were they medicated in some other way, probably, most of San Francisco is medicated one way or the other. if it's not the fentanyl addicts roaming our streets like zombies, it's anti-depressant swallowing adults and children. It's really fun. 

This person was mid-twenties, always on the phone, can't really interact with real people in real life. This is the same person that walked in, took a photo of my giant menu above my head and then stared at the photo on the phone rather than experience life in color. Their entire lives are lived in that small rectangle they are just losing how to behave in reality. 

Yesterday, a mid-twenty something came into my restaurant, asked if I knew where this particular coffee shop was located. I smiled, I said, go out my front door, turn right, it's three doors down on your right. 

She made me show her the exact spot on her apple maps. Thus endth the lesson. 

[Jason Rimbaud]

Never Trust A Man With A Beard...they are all trouble...plus they have bits of food in their beards and they smell bad. 

J

[ReaderPaul]

@Jason Rimbaud -- it sounds like you also have worked fast food.  I did that for five years, part time, and saw a lot.  Cell phones were not yet popular.  I remember one customer who asked for six packets of sweetener for a 10 oz. cup of tea.  Came back, got another tea, and asked for seven packets.  When I cleaned the dining room, she had used all thirteen packets in her tea.

[Jason Rimbaud]

15 hours ago, Jason Rimbaud said:

Never Trust A Man With A Beard...they are all trouble...plus they have bits of food in their beards and they smell bad. 

J

PS: My husband has a beard and this was directed at him. 

13 hours ago, ReaderPaul said:

@Jason Rimbaud -- it sounds like you also have worked fast food.  I did that for five years, part time, and saw a lot.  Cell phones were not yet popular.  I remember one customer who asked for six packets of sweetener for a 10 oz. cup of tea.  Came back, got another tea, and asked for seven packets.  When I cleaned the dining room, she had used all thirteen packets in her tea.

Fast food is the one type of cuisine I never worked. I have worked a few fast casual concepts and my own concept is fast casual. 

I could write a post a day about the stupid things Ive heard working in the food industry. And 13 packets of sugar is crazy.

[Jason Rimbaud]

Today is the anniversary of my first date with my husband. I was having a shitty start to my day and then I remembered today was the day that started the rest of my life. It's a good day.

J

[Jason Rimbaud]

So I've been at work since 9am, it is now 7pm, and instead of running my business I just wrote a 2,500 word short story. A horror story, which is a genre I seldom explore. And unlike so many of my stories lately, zero sex. Maybe I'm growing up. 

J 

[Jason Rimbaud]

A man walks into a library, asks the librarian for books about paranoia, then looks around nervously whispering, 'Are you sure they're not hiding them from me?' 

 

[ReaderPaul]

@Jason Rimbaud, the version I heard was:  A man walks into and library and asks for books on paranoia.  The librarian at the reference desk pauses, and then says in a low voice: "They're right behind you."

[Jason Rimbaud]

15 minutes ago, ReaderPaul said:

@Jason Rimbaud, the version I heard was:  A man walks into and library and asks for books on paranoia.  The librarian at the reference desk pauses, and then says in a low voice: "They're right behind you."

Yours is better!

[Jason Rimbaud]

So not sure anyone knows, I'm practically certain no one cares, but I just crossed 700K words in stories I've written. I wonder how much that number would be if I included my pointless blogs. 

Anyway, out of 700K words, I think I have like four short stories posted...I suck at this game. 

J 

[chris191070]

8 hours ago, Jason Rimbaud said:

So not sure anyone knows, I'm practically certain no one cares, but I just crossed 700K words in stories I've written. I wonder how much that number would be if I included my pointless blogs. 

Anyway, out of 700K words, I think I have like four short stories posted...I suck at this game. 

J 

Well over a million, if I had to guess.

[ReaderPaul]

Well, @Jason Rimbaud, that shows you are selective in what you are willing to post.  You may reflect later and find more of your stories are worth posting.

[Jason Rimbaud]

58 minutes ago, ReaderPaul said:

Well, @Jason Rimbaud, that shows you are selective in what you are willing to post.  You may reflect later and find more of your stories are worth posting.

I'm not sure if selective is the issue. I have said over and over again that I am a firm believer in re-writes. I am always striving to make things better. And what I mean by re-writes, I physically go to the beginning, and type every single word again, paragraph by paragraph. And as I write I add things or take away. Plus I keep every single version so I always have original to reference. Most of my work is on version 6 or 9 by now. 

As someone said from another site, I'm not a perfectionist as much as I am compulsively mired down in re-writes. He thinks I'm scared to let anyone read it. But as many from this site can attest, I let people read stuff all the time.

The biggest hurdle for me is trying to format correctly into the archive system here. I've tried so many times and can't figure it out. The only reason Christmas In Glacier Bay was shared, because it was a secret author entry, someone else was responsible for formatting it correctly and posting it for me. 

Anyway, I went back to my Blog last night, and added in all the totals and in my blog alone I have just over 200K with about 500 pages. When I archived them about half a year ago, I actually re-wrote them as well. Maybe I just enjoy writing more than I like sharing. At least when I share my blog posts, no one yells at me for everything being in bold or formatted weirdly, cause I can't figure out how to copy and paste those either. 

J (this comment has been re-written four times) 

 

[Jason Rimbaud]

So I just realized, in the summer of 2000, I wrote a story that I published elsewhere, it's about an assassin, toted as the best in the world, who in twenty chapters never killed a single person. In 115K words, our hit man fails to kill anyone.

I just read it again for the first time in years, even way back then I didn't know how to construct a good story. Thankfully I was using another pen name so no one can find it.   

J 

[Jason Rimbaud]

I don't know if I'm hard of hearing, but yesterday, no less than five different people made me want to jump over the counter at my hip hot wing restaurant and choke them until all the frustration left my body.

Several people came in and this was basically what happened.

Hello, how are you?

*mumbling something*

Sorry, I can't hear you

*mumbling something in the exact same volume level as the first time*

Please talk louder, I can't hear you.

*mumbling something again at the exact same volume level as the first two times*

After about seven different people, I kind of snapped. "If I couldn't hear you the first two times, why on earth would you repeat it three times in the same volume level? Take the ear pods out of your ears and talk in a normal voice."

How on earth do I have a google rating of 4.9 out of five stars is beyond me!

J

 

[CassieQ]

14 hours ago, Jason Rimbaud said:

I don't know if I'm hard of hearing, but yesterday, no less than five different people made me want to jump over the counter at my hip hot wing restaurant and choke them until all the frustration left my body.

Several people came in and this was basically what happened.

Hello, how are you?

*mumbling something*

Sorry, I can't hear you

*mumbling something in the exact same volume level as the first time*

Please talk louder, I can't hear you.

*mumbling something again at the exact same volume level as the first two times*

After about seven different people, I kind of snapped. "If I couldn't hear you the first two times, why on earth would you repeat it three times in the same volume level? Take the ear pods out of your ears and talk in a normal voice."

How on earth do I have a google rating of 4.9 out of five stars is beyond me!

J

 

I have a coworker who will be talking to me, then turn around to grab something or perform a task that is facing away from me, while still talking and then get annoyed when I ask her to repeat whatever she said.  Like I should be able to hear someone five feet away who is talking to the wall.  

[Jason Rimbaud]

6 hours ago, CassieQ said:

I have a coworker who will be talking to me, then turn around to grab something or perform a task that is facing away from me, while still talking and then get annoyed when I ask her to repeat whatever she said.  Like I should be able to hear someone five feet away who is talking to the wall.  

Something like that just happened ten minutes ago. My very first customer, wearing a mask, comes in, she ordres, everything is good, then she turns around and starts talking. With the mask, her looking away, and the noise coming from the kitchen, I didn't hear her, she was annoyed that I was ignoring her question. People are stupid 

[Jason Rimbaud]

Random restaurant complaint. This also happens all the time.

For some quick context, any POS (Point of Sales) register, someone orders something, you are prompted on the screen to complete certain tasks before you move. Example, someone wants to order a six piece combo, there is a dipping sauce choice, a sauce choice, and a side choice. All those must be selected before you can move on to a new item .

So today, someone ordered a six piece combo, this is how it went.

"I'd like a six piece combo."

"What sauce would you like?"

"Um, togo."

"Okay, which sauce would you like?"

"I want ranch, I love your ranch."

"Okay, which sauce would you like?"

"Can I have your spicy fries?"

"Of course, what sauce would you like?"

"How much?"

I  gave them plain wings and then they got mad that they didn't get their sauce. I give up.

 

[ReaderPaul]

The above sounds like my spouse.  Spouse will say something; I ask for repeat; no repeat, but instead says something unrelated.  It might take five or six tries before I hear what spouse wanted.  Spouse like the television loud, which makes understanding speech difficult.  Plus, we are usually in different rooms when spouse starts talking to me.

I have seen the same things happen in restaurants where customers wander their conversation all over the proverbial place instead of giving a clear, planned, and concise order.

[Jason Rimbaud]

My husband and I have been having a months long argument regarding our sleeping arrangements. 

To put it into context, we have a California king mattress. We've been together long enough we rarely cuddle in our sleep. Thankfully. 

We divided the bed in half, each with our own half. That's not the contention between us. 

It's his stupid cat, Kali (Indian goddess of death) that is the pee under our mattress. Kali is a long cat and sleeps on my husband's pillow. A king size pillow, forcing my husband to use only one edge. The edge that nearest the middle. So he is sleeping in the middle of the bed, though technically still on his side. 

I have an annoying habit of sleeping crooked, my feet are at the edge of the bed while my head is in the middle, still on my side. So we are back to being face to face after almost ten years of being together. 

The argument comes in, he complains that my head is too close to him, I tell him to sleep in the middle of his side and problem would be solved. He can't because Kali gets what Kali wants. When he tries to move, she kicks him in the head. 

Full disclosure, she also kicks him in the head when someone might reach over in the middle of the night to stroke her tail. Last night, it was an even twelve times she kicked him in the head, waking him up each time. It's really not my fault he goes to sleep so early, I tend to crawl into bed around 1am. I also may or may not have set an alarm so I can wake up and stroke her tail at different times on the night. 

My cat, Peaches, sleeps wherever my head is, so she doesn't care where my head is at on the pillow, she'll be wrapped around my mouth like a face hugger from aliens. I think she likes me breathing into her fur, She's a weird cat, but when I grab her tail, she purrs and snuggles in closer. 

Who has the better cat? 

[CassieQ]

1 hour ago, Jason Rimbaud said:

My husband and I have been having a months long argument regarding our sleeping arrangements. 

To put it into context, we have a California king mattress. We've been together long enough we rarely cuddle in our sleep. Thankfully. 

We divided the bed in half, each with our own half. That's not the contention between us. 

It's his stupid cat, Kali (Indian goddess of death) that is the pee under our mattress. Kali is a long cat and sleeps on my husband's pillow. A king size pillow, forcing my husband to use only one edge. The edge that nearest the middle. So he is sleeping in the middle of the bed, though technically still on his side. 

I have an annoying habit of sleeping crooked, my feet are at the edge of the bed while my head is in the middle, still on my side. So we are back to being face to face after almost ten years of being together. 

The argument comes in, he complains that my head is too close to him, I tell him to sleep in the middle of his side and problem would be solved. He can't because Kali gets what Kali wants. When he tries to move, she kicks him in the head. 

Full disclosure, she also kicks him in the head when someone might reach over in the middle of the night to stroke her tail. Last night, it was an even twelve times she kicked him in the head, waking him up each time. It's really not my fault he goes to sleep so early, I tend to crawl into bed around 1am. I also may or may not have set an alarm so I can wake up and stroke her tail at different times on the night. 

My cat, Peaches, sleeps wherever my head is, so she doesn't care where my head is at on the pillow, she'll be wrapped around my mouth like a face hugger from aliens. I think she likes me breathing into her fur, She's a weird cat, but when I grab her tail, she purrs and snuggles in closer. 

Who has the better cat? 

You could do as I do, and banish the cats from the bedroom when sleeping.  

[Jason Rimbaud]

Um, that would kind of be the end of my marriage methinks. hubbie has zero discipline in his bones, he gives into them on their every whim. I give them treats, twenty minutes later Kali brings him the treat bag, and he gives them more. It's a wonder they aren't a big as houses. They are spoiled rotten. Just like my husband.