Fae Briona

Love this. Reminds me of C, but in a comforting and reassuring way. 💗

Just now reading your poems. Both of these are good, but love the first one more - been both the scattered stars, and the gatherer. Always remember that the shards of broken glass put back together make a stained glass window -- when can be more beautiful than an unbroken pane.

The lead singer of 21 Pilots deals with depression, and a lot of songs touch on the subject: "I begin to assemble what weapons I can find; 'Cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind."

I've dealt with depression my entire life, and understand the desire to be "normal".

When I see "holidays" and May 1 I think of Beltane. 🙂

I got an email this evening, with an apology for not responding earlier and a promise to tell me when the headstone is installed. I think it was bothering me more than I had wanted to admit to myself. Woke up this morning with "Surrender" by Paloma Faith running through my head.

Haven't heard back from his from his friend or sister after paying off the headstone, but I really didn't do it for them -- I did it for him, and for myself. A "thank you" would be nice though.

Growing up in a rural area [mumble] years ago, I can say that just knowing other people like you even exist can be a wonderful thing. And too many fetishes have stigma's attached to them, with too many preconceived ideas of what "roles" one must play in them. It's human nature to put labels on things and tuck them away in neat little boxes. But most of human nature doesn't work like that. Who we are can be a bit blurry around the edges, blend from dominate trait to secondary trait without a clear dividing line. We're all shades of gray, not sharply defined patches of black/white

Was going to say the same thing -- especially if you've never had one before and have no idea what's up. Hope things get better.

L gave me the number to the Memorial place that C's sis had used. She'd put down a down-payment on the headstone, but wasn't sure how she was going to pay for the rest of it. It's been such a busy week, I hadn't had time to call them until lunch today. Thay had to call his sis to get her verbal OK before talking to me (which I expected) and I paid off what was left on the headstone; was about what I was expecting. It was something I felt like I had to do for my Boy. I didn't expect the emotions that took a hold of me. Doing this was such a final thing - the period at the end of a painful sentence. And in the afternoon mail was the pamphlet from his funeral, and a DVD with a copy of the recording they took of his funeral. I think it will be awhile before I can watch that. Most days are better. I can look back and think of him and the time we did have together and smile, but.... I know there will always be that "but" -- those moments that sneak up on you from nowhere.

I'm happy for you, for both of you, but at the same time I'm envious of what you have together. Love your Sir; love your Boy.

Noah is in a bad place. I remembered that the photo was the V-Day photo with the inscription on the back. This could very well push him over the edge, entirely into the abyss -- I hope it doesn't.

This I have a problem with, though obviously it depends on the type of criticism. I don't think there is a need to confine brief, politely phrased , criticisms to privately comments. If someone has a longer critique, then a private message to the author would be appropriate.

" But I left it, because I like the flow. " <-- this That's what should determine chapter length - the flow of the chapter. What is the a good, logical, place to stop the chapter? You shouldn't feel compelled to "wrap it up" just because you hit some arbitrary word count.

I started getting arthritis when I was 16 due to a number of developmental bone deformities in my legs. Nothing is really visible or noticeable, so I get the odd look when using my cane unless it's a day that the pain is obvious on my face (like today, when I came home at 2pm). Thankfully [and I truly am grateful for this] I work somewhere that is very supportive and understanding and lets me adjust my hours when I need to. I also bring things home at times to work on them on/off during the day if it's a day I'm hurting enough that I can't be at work, but things still need to be done -- some things I can do from home, stretched out on the couch; or on the computer, in short stretches of time. I'm sorry that you're dealing with pain. It's constant presence isn't fun. And, especially now, there are those who question you one needs long-term pain Rx.

Yep - things are about to get interesting. Glad Aiden got them to talk to one another.

So much for a relaxing day off. We're bringing in candidates for a few open faculty positions. Flight for the one leaving today has been delayed / cancelled. Waiting on automatic call-back from the airline to cancel the last two legs, as the candidate has made other arrangements to get back home (weird set of coincidences, but at least they have a way back).

Had my second counseling session yesterday. Honestly not sure how effective they are. Things are, ever so very slowly, getting better. Getting easier to think of the good times and the memories without hyperventilating or collapsing into a pile of tears. Doesn't look that professional when it happens at work. Biggest hurdles for me are still the guilt of not having told him that I loved him -- even though I know he knew I did, and I know he felt the same way about me; and letting go of the idealized version of our next date, which would have been so very soon, when we had so many firsts planned. The feeling of having waited too long for those things -- even though I know that if I had pushed him too fast he would have bolted and ran. He was so afraid of being hurt again. A special place in hells for someone who hurts someone else that badly. Still odd random things that will trigger a wave of pain and grief. I love you my baby - you will always be your daddy's boy. 💗

I know this is easier said than done but.... FIND A NEW DOCTOR ASAP! And I'm sorry about the health issues.

Good chapter but.... a bit difficult for me to read at the moment. 😢

Reading Changes now.

Oh the joy of family

You know it's your fault I'm not getting painting done in the loft because you posted this? 😉

Great start to the story. Don't think I ever read the original - though it wasn't necessary to get into this one; will have to look it up while I wait for the next chapter.

Got a second email from her. Both of them have made it easier to think of the good memories that I will always cherish. He had told her he was dating someone in a "somewhat long-distance" relationship, so that silenced the voice of depression that had started whispering in the back of my mind that they didn't call because regardless of what he had said it was all a lie and I had read more into it that was there -- I knew that voice was wrong but... the self-doubt of depression can be insidious. She was happy to know he was dating someone who loved him enough to be patient and try to help him through the fear of commitment that she knew he had; the fear of being hurt again.