Tales of the Underground: Blinded - 9. The Stone Wall

No matter what I did that night I just couldn’t get comfortable. During dinner I kept my mouth shut and didn’t bother to say anything about anything. Nancy did her best to get me to talk but this time I wasn’t playing along…this time I ignored her until she finally shut up. They could tell by my mood that I had been cut and that’s all they needed to know.

“Hey want to play xbox after you finish your homework?” Aaron offered trying to comfort me “I can even help you if you need.”

“I’m showerin then goin to bed.” I growled not even looking at him “Tell Nancy I need to be at school at 5 tomorrow.”

“Why?” He nervously poked “Cy what are you planning?”

“Mind yo business.” I snapped climbing up the stairs.

I felt his presence behind me as he chased after me “It’s nothing that will get you kicked out right? I mean I get you’re upset but…”

I clicked my teeth and stood in the bathroom doorway “No, it has to do with makin the team, now mind yo business.” I yelped slamming the door. I tried my best to relax in the shower, but felt my mind get caught in the constant frustrated loop.

As I stepped into the bedroom to go to bed Aaron stepped out to continue his studying elsewhere. “If you need someone to talk to…well I’m here.” He offered standing just outside the door.

“I’m fine.” I gratefully nodded “I just wanna sleep.”

“Goodnight.” He smiled slowly shutting the door behind him.

I restlessly rolled around as images of Carter flashed in my mind. Fuck! He’s got me all sorts of confused! He’s kind, cute and brave…but he’s a guy! Another guy! That’s not how things are supposed to be! This isn’t how I’m supposed to be…this is how I’ll get killed…I gotta put it behind me…I gotta get over this.

Right as I finally started to drift off the door to the room slowly crept open. “Cy?” I heard Nancy gently call out. I felt her eyes scan me in an attempt to see if I was asleep. There were a few more seconds of silence before I felt her weight sitting on the end of the bed. She reached up and pulled the covers over my shoulders, doing her best to tuck me in without disturbing me. “You’re such a piece of work” She gently let out to herself “But you’re so worth every second of it…I just hope you see that.” For a second I thought about opening my eyes but second guessed myself and kept acting like I was asleep “I’m so sorry you didn’t make the team, but you’re creative…you’ll find a way to make up for it.” She quietly spoke as though I could hear it “Every night I thank God you came into our lives, I know it’s still early, I know I throw a lot at you…but I just want to give you the best, to give you everything you’ve been missing…you’re rough around the edges, but inside you’re gentle, I just know it.” She softly reached up and combed the hair out of my face “Good night Riley.”

I found myself fighting off a smile as I heard her get up and close the door. I guess this issue goes a whole lot further than Carter…a whole lot deeper than just being confused. I have a shot at living a real life here…it feels like I say that every day…but it’s just…it’s hard to believe that they actually want me around…that life will actually let them be around. That night I slept like a baby, and for the first time in what feels like my whole life I actually had a good dream…one I was happy with. I was with Aaron, Nancy and Carter…just enjoying the day with them…enjoying the day with my friends…with my family.

Morning rolled around a lot faster than I thought it would, but I got up without hesitation. Nancy tried to poke and prod to see what I was up to, but I didn’t budge. I went to school dressed in my gym uniform and the second I made my way into the empty building I headed straight to the gym, and began to practice my shot. As the hours passed by people finally started to come into the building, first the janitors, then the secretaries, teachers, coaches, and finally the students. Every now and then people would stop and stare, but no one dared to ask me what I was up to.

Slowly but surely my gym class gathered around and watched as I took shot after shot. Sweat dripping from me as I kept pushing through my now nearly 3 hour routine.

“What’s going on here?” Coach Murray asked one of the gym teachers as he finally arrived.

“Beats me” I heard him shrug “I’m pretty sure this kids been here since the school opened, he one of your new players?”

Coach Murray stared me down as I took shot after shot “No, one of my cuts.”

“I’ve been watching him for the past hour, he’s got a smooth shot and good dribbling ability…what’s the matter with him?” The other coach pried.

“His work ethic didn’t seem to be there.” Coach Murray muttered watching me closely “Walker!”

“Yes coach?” I responded stopping my dribble.

“What are you doing?” He questioned shooting me an intense stare.

“Practicin.” I answered, starting to dribble once more.

“My decisions already been made, you’re on the JV roster.” He announced keeping his eyes on me.

“Well so has mine.” I resumed my one man practice as they started the gym class around me.

“Walker!” Coach Murray called out once more “You’re now going on 3 and a half hours of practice, you’re going to collapse if you don’t cut this out!”

“If I collapse I collapse” I breathed pushing myself harder and harder “but I won’t be told I don’t work hard, I won’t be disrespected, and I won’t take lower than I deserve.” I looked up and shot him a determined look “I’m hungrier than anyone you put on that roster, I have more to prove than anyone you put on that roster, you tried to make an example out of me…now I’m makin an example out of you.”

“So what? You want to prove to me that you’re stubborn?” he provoked, seeing what I’d say.

“No.” I quickly answered “I want to prove that I’m more than just talk, I’m more than you think I am, Imma do this every single day until you give me my spot.” I nodded to myself and kept pushin.

“Darryl you have to stop this before he gets hurt.” One of the other coaches warned “Get a control of your players.”

“Walker!” Coach Murray yelled

“Yes Coach?” I repeated giving him the same determined look.

“Jump.” He ordered, before he had time to take a breath I followed his orders “Jump.” He commanded once more, and just like that I was off my feet “Jump!” he tested and once more I jumped “JUMP!” he shouted at the top of his lungs.

This time I made sure to go up high and slam down my feet against the hardwood “Anything else Coach?” I yelped trying my best to not show fatigue.

“Practice today at 3:30” he nodded “So help me god you don’t play defense, you don’t follow your shots, or you even look at me the wrong way and you can kiss your whole basketball career goodbye!”

“Yes coach” I nodded fighting off a proud smile.

He scanned me once more “And you’re not getting 23, no one in this state wears that number besides MJ himself…so what number will it be?”

“1” I happily replied understanding what he was saying.

“Rose isn’t even a bull anymore!” Carter laughed showing that he had been watching the whole situation play out since he got to class.

“Mind ya business.” I snarled keeping my eyes on Coach.

“1 it is.” He sighed “Now go rest! Don’t do anything else physical until this afternoon!”

“Yes coach.” I nodded heading over and taking a seat on the sidelines.

“I knew you weren’t a quitter!” Carter encouraged with a proud smile

I shook my head and looked away “Guess you got your point guard.”

“More importantly I have my friend playing with me.” He giggled trying to make eye contact.

“Don’t even try an bring that shit to school.” I sighed trying my best not to amuse his little game.

“What are you going to do about it? I saw that little smile you hid last night! You’re enjoying it just as much as me.” He smiled proud of himself.

“Oh so this is a game?” I provoked as he nodded his head “Alright then its my move right?”

“Yup.” He chuckled as his grin grew bigger.

“Alright” I nodded “Yo Nicole!” I shouted “get over here!”

“What?” she nervously grinned walking over “Is something wrong?”

“Nah girl” I stood up, trying to act smooth “I just made the varsity team.”

“Oh yeah?” she giggled getting closer to me “So then you’re a star now?”

“Guess I am.” I exhaled quickly leaning in and stealing a kiss from her lips. I felt nothing but took the kiss deeper in an attempt to make a point to Carter.

“HEY!” one of the gym coaches shouted “This isn’t prom! Nicole! Other side of the gym! Now!”

As she pulled away I forced a smile and stared at her “Damn girl, you’re what they talk about when they say God’s creations are perfect.” Her face seemed to blush further as she quickly rushed away. “Your mo…” I began turning towards Carter but stopped as I saw how pale he was. Disappointment filled his face as life escaped his eyes “You good?”

“I-I’m fine.” He shook trying to hide his face “Everything is cool.” He repeated walking away and joining the rest of the gym class. The rest of class he refused to even come near me, it seemed like every time I looked towards him he would look away, like I had genuinely hurt him.

“Noah!” I called out as we all headed towards the locker room “What’s goin on with Carter?”

Noah made a face and shrugged “Not sure, looks like he fell for another straight boy” Noah giggled “That’s the face he always makes, he runs away with the idea of someone, then finds out their straight and gets all sad.”

“So then he’s dated dudes before?” I poked trying to find out more.

“No” Noah scoffed “Carter literally only falls for straight boys! I think his gaydar is broken! The only person who breaks his heart is himself…it’s just weird because he was fine this morning…why did you see any…”

“Nothin.” I interrupted speeding up to the locker “Thanks doe” I quickly hurried to my locker and started to get changed. Carter did his best to hide in his locker and get done as fast as possible “You sure you good?”

“I’m great.” He quickly replied still not looking at me.

I let out a deep breath and tried to force eye contact “You don’t look great.”

“Just…I need to be left alone for a bit.” He let out as he finished up getting changed.

“Every time I wanna be left alone you annoy the shit outta me.” I giggled “Consider this payback!” I threw on my last shoe and chased after him “Why you upset? Is it cause I kissed Nicole?”

“No!” he yelped trying to shake me.

“You’re such a bad liar.” I laughed “You set us up, you said we’d be a cute couple.”

“That was before…I just…after last night…I just thought things were different” he quickly let out “When you called this a game this morning…I guess I just didn’t know it was actually a game to you.”

“Well yeah” I lied “I thought I made that clear last night.”

“I-I guess I just read it the wrong way” he sighed “I always read it the wrong away” he repeated under his breathe “So then you really don’t like me like that?”

“Nope” I lied once more…what the hell am I doing? Why am I blowing this?! This is my chance! This is what I want! Whether I’m okay with it or not…it is!

“Okay” he sadly nodded as we reached my class “I…I’ll see you at practice.”

“What bout lunch?” I called out as he disappeared into the crowd. I shook my head at the silence and went into my second period. I fustratedly made my way through the day trying to fight off the therapist and just catch up on some sleep. The second my lunch period started I ran from her and down into the cafeteria “Yo, where’s Carter? I questioned getting to the table.

“Why?” Owen shrugged “He wants to be left alone. You probably said something homophobic to him.”

“I don’t got time for your bullshit…Aaron wheres he at?” I continued staring down my foster brother.

Aaron shrugged and thought it over “Whenever he’s upset he eats on the wall out back.”

“Gotcha” I nodded making my way to the back door.

“He wants to be left alone!” Owen emphasized enjoying my distress.

It took a minute or two but I finally saw the cute figure sitting on the stone wall, staring off at the huge field in front of him “Lonely out here isn it?” I poked taking a seat on the wall next to him.

“That’s what I like about it.” He quickly replied hiding his face “Look, like I said, I just want to be left…”

“How many times you leave me alone when I say that?” I interrupted “How many time you call me Riley when I say not to? I’ll listen to you when you listen to me.”

“Cy please” he pleaded “This isn’t a game.”

“Man I tol you you were gonna get hurt.” I provoked “I just didn’t think it’d be so soon. That’s like a new record isn it?”

“This isn’t a game!” he snapped “To you it might be! To you I might be some freak…someone you want to beat up…but to me…to me this sucks!” he shouted “I always do this! I always fall for the straight boy! I’m so sick of it!” his voice started to crack as he pushed through his words “I just want to find someone to care about! Is that so much? Am I that annoying that I can’t find anyone? That…that ugly?”

I felt my heart beat faster as I realized how stupid his questions were “You’re not ugly.” I scoffed “Trust me I’ve seen some ugly fuckers in my day…but you…you got that pretty boy charm.”

“Shouldn’t you be with Nicole?” he grunted blowing off my compliments.

“I don’t like Nicole!” I quickly forced out “I just did that to annoy you…I thought it would be funny…I…I crossed the line I’m sorry.”

“Doesn’t matter.” He shook “You’ll just find another girl you do like.”

“Who says I want that?” I sighed “Why you bein so over dramatic? You broke your own heart…you got it in your own head that that’s how I’m gonna be.”

“Because that’s what you said in the hallway!” he insisted, still not looking at me.

“It thought you see right through me?” I mocked recalling his words from last night

He looked over and shot me a skeptical look “What are you trying to say?”

I shrugged my shoulders and began to nervously shake “I don know man.”

“Wait.” He exhaled “So then I was right?” he slowly questioned.

“Look…I…just” I groaned regretting that I had chased after him “I’m sittin on a damn stone wall right now when I could be inside at a table…don’t make me say more.”

“I find it relaxing out here.” He mused trying to pry more from me.

“Damn then maybe I should go chase Nicole.” I teased trying to joke my way through the nerves.

A small smile crossed his face, but I could tell he was still being cautious “So then you like me?”

“We’re friends.” I taunted with a smile

“So just friends?” he asked falling right back into disappointment.

“I ain’t gonna say it” I shrugged “I…look…I’ve never had a home…I’ve never had people who care bout me…I…its gonna take me a while before I really get comfortable…before I can really open up…but with you, it just comes easy, you make me feel happy, maybe that means somethin.”

“Isn’t that just what friends do for each other?” he gently asked not sure what to believe.

“I wish the friends I had looked as good as you.” I nervously flirted “I…you…you’re different…” I shook my head and snapped myself back before I said too much “That’s all you’re gettin! So stop being such a baby!”

“So can I take you on a date?” he smiled as excitement started to grow.

“What? No!” I shouted “I ain’t ya girl!”

“When guys date they take each other on dates.” He smiled knowing he was starting to gain the upperhand.

“I’mma go join Nicole in another second.” I teased trying to get him to stop pushing me.

“We’ll work on it.” He giggled “I just…thanks Cy.”

“Riley.” I mumbled.

“What?” he softly uttered looking at me in shock.

“You can call me Riley if it makes you happy.” I shyly offered as a blush grew on my face.

“Riley!” he happily let out “Well you’re cute Riley Walker.”

“EY!” I shouted “Don say that to me!”

“Oh I’m sorry you’re very muscular and strong.” He giggled trying to find the right compliment.

“Cut it out!” I protested “I will dump your ass before we even start anythin!”

“Then what do you want to be called?!” he laughed bucking me with his shoulder.

“Nothin!” I exclaimed “I just…would you stop pushin me!”

“Nope.” He chuckled “The Point Guard and Shooting Guard have a thing for each other…we’re going to make Curry and Thompson look like enemies.”

“You can’t broadcast that shit!” I cried out “You’ll get me hurt” I sighed thinking it over “Seriously…I’ll get…things wont…I’ll be gone if the wrong people find out.”

“Oh calm down.” He smiled “I wasn’t going to tell anyone anyway…well not until you relax about everything.”

“Good” I nodded “You sure I’m what you want?” I offered starting to doubt myself “I don’t talk properly, I can’t really see, I can’t read all that well, I’m not smart, I was in a gang which means I got a lot of trust issues and baggage, and we’re pretty sure I’m dyslexic.”

“The heart wants what it wants.” He teased “Besides all those things…at least you know who you are…what you are. I’m so sick of all these fake people…you you’re real, and that’s exactly what I want.”

I smiled and bucked shoulders with him. So this is it…I’m really doing this. No warnings, no real time to think about it all, I’m just diving head first into this…I guess that’s the way I do things. I looked into his hazel eyes for the first time all lunch and smiled.

Carter quietly giggled to himself starting to ruin the moment “Riley.” He laughed to himself.

“I hate you” I sighed.

“Aww you were trying to have a moment with me weren’t you?” he teased starting to get under my skin…starting to act the way I loved “Come on lets try that again.”

“You’re obnoxious.” I groaned looking away.

“That’s a big word for you!” he taunted with a laugh “I don’t know whether to be proud or offended.”

I clicked my teeth and jumped up, but he quickly grabbed onto my shoulder and pulled me back down. I fought off a small laugh and looked over at him again “Watch yourself Williams.”

“I’d much rather be watching you.” He giggled face turning a bit redder.

Things…they’ll be okay…for the first time in my life…well…I honestly believe that.