Would you have sex with someone who was HIV positive?

[Cyhort]

No, I wouldn't be able to. I try to keep an open mind about a lot of things but I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable having sex with someone who had HIV. I'd always be terrified of the condom breaking or not working right so even if I ever got to the sex part I wouldn't be able to relax enough to enjoy it.

[Agaith]

I voted maybe. Whilst it is probably leaning more towards no maybe rather than yes maybe, id give it some serious thought instead of making a snap judgement.

 

In any case I would have to be in an exclusive relationship and it wouldnt be something I'd walk into lightly.

 

If I loved the person enough and we were in an exclusive relationship then maybe. Then again as some have already pointed out, you could just skip the penetration part and still have a healthy sex life.

[hh5]

I met a teen like last year ... at a gay get together ... he and his uncle has aids ... I forgot the nature how they contracted it ... I've talk to his uncle in past conversations on different topics and its like talking to anyone who doesn't have aids except that their life style is different.

 

I got to talk to the teen ... he's seems to be fine ... he friendly. Its my first time to talk to someone younger than me who has aids.

Of course I don't know if he's on aids med ... the kind that sort of a long term cure ... like taking BP pill for ever.

 

When the get together ended ... we said good bye and I gave him a hug ... I guess to let him know I'm not scared to treat him like a regular person ... rather than pity

But I do wonder what he thought of the hug?

[wildone]

I forgot that this thread was still around

 

I posted a couple of times back 3 years ago.

 

Bleu, I can totally understand what you are saying. I think I said basically the same thing back here.

 

The other thing I noticed is how that the 'language' or willingness to discuss the topic has also changed over the past 3 years. I don't know if the answers are different, but the way the answers are being put forward makes me smile .

 

Oh, and the friend I spoke of, the first BF, we were out together the other weekend and he is still doing great after 20 years with the disease

[Bleu]

I forgot that this thread was still around

 

I posted a couple of times back 3 years ago.

 

Bleu, I can totally understand what you are saying. I think I said basically the same thing back here.

 

The other thing I noticed is how that the 'language' or willingness to discuss the topic has also changed over the past 3 years. I don't know if the answers are different, but the way the answers are being put forward makes me smile .

 

Oh, and the friend I spoke of, the first BF, we were out together the other weekend and he is still doing great after 20 years with the disease

 

Steve, I meant to thank you for that post actually.

 

I had made a link to it in a first version of my post. Then I hit the Back button on my browser by accident and had to retype everything, and the link to your post got forgotten. So for those who haven't read it yet, go and have a look at it, since it was the first in this thread to bring a different tone to the conversation.

Thanks for sharing your experience

 

I grew up being so scared of AIDS. During my formative years, say around 1985-1993, the equation was simply Gay = AIDS = Death.

I blame that climate of fear for making me utterly unable to realise I was gay for the longest time. Although the AIDS epidemics is far from over, and still requires our utmost attention, it has now become possible to discuss it.

[MusicalAlchemy]

If protected, yes. Unprotected, absolutely not.

[roby]

if it was someone i was deeply in love with i would...

[Mark92]

Mine is a definate yes. If It was the man I loved, then I wouldnt even think about it.

My love is for life. One man gets it. Thats all there is to it.

[Daddydavek]

If the question is narrowed to:

 

"Would you have unprotected sex with a HIV positive person?"

 

The answer is unequivocably NO.

 

While many feel the pandemic is under control, the number of new cases is still startling since so much is known. Knowledge is not power when people think with the lust in their hearts.

 

If you haven't looked at Wiki lately, it is perhaps time to refresh your memories.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HIV

[Bill W]

With the right person and taking every precaution available, I would have to say I would. At my age, you take love whenver you find it.

[Merlin]

Never ever ever.

 

Isn't it transmittable even by kissing? (A LOT of kissing and/or if you have a cut in your mouth)

[B G]

Someone asked for input from someone living with HIV . . .

 

I am HIV poz since 1987. yes 25 years, 18 of those years full AIDS. I went a lot of years without any sexual contact at all. When I started having sex again I asked my doctor what the risks are. He said if I had oral sex and came in the mouth of a HIV- guy, his chance of converting to poz was 2%. I have known of several HIV- TOPmen who have had a lot of bareback sex with poz men, for years, and they remain negative. I am certain that a poz TOPman will almost always covert the HIV- bottom man (or any woman) to HIV+. It is somewhat difficult to get the bug depending on what variety of sex you're having. Once a Negative topman made me bleed and it took 15 minutes to stop the bleeding. He remains virus-free years later.

 

Someone mentioned loneliness . . 98% of my friends died of AIDS. It's very difficult to find someone to date because of paranoid attitudes. I've given up on finding any more friends or a lover. I spend most of my time reading on Gay Authors and Nifty.

 

KEEP ALL THE BUG CHASERS AWAY FROM ME because I'd strangle them to death long before their newly acquired HIV virus kills them!

 

P.S. All of the info above is about condomless sex.

Edited January 8, 2012 by B G

[B G]

Never ever ever.

 

Isn't it transmittable even by kissing? (A LOT of kissing and/or if you have a cut in your mouth)

 

Saliva from a HIV+ person? it takes 32 quarts of saliva to equal needle sharing or unprotected sex.

[Daddydavek]

Someone asked for input from someone living with HIV . . .

 

 

Someone mentioned loneliness . . 98% of my friends died of AIDS. It's very difficult to find someone to date because of paranoid attitudes. I've given up on finding any more friends or a lover. I spend most of my time reading on Gay Authors and Nifty.

 

KEEP ALL THE BUG CHASERS AWAY FROM ME because I'd strangle them to death long before their newly acquired HIV virus kills them!

 

P.S. All of the info above is about condomless sex.

 

Thanks for sharing, and thanks for medications which help so many but not all. It is still a dreadful disease and the social isolation is a terrible burden.

[KalenO]

I would and have, and not just in the context of a relationship. I'm 27, bi, live in LA and engage in casual sex when not in a relationship. And yet, I'm tested recently and still completely negative (and clean for all other STDs).

 

It comes down to being a) informed and safe. Having sex with a positive person should be treated seriously, but not as though they're radioactive, which sadly happens all too often.

 

The thing is myths about HIV are still so prevalent many people just take things on face value without ever bothering to actually educate themselves on what it is and how its transmitted. For instance, someone a few posts above said 'Can't you get it from kissing?'....most people even in the gay community just hear yes and never bother investigating further than that. Yes, you can be infected via kissing....but only in a very specific scenario. There's insufficient quantities of the disease in saliva to transmit it that way. The only way to get infected via kissing is if blood from the HIV+ person gets into the bloodstream of the uninfected person - meaning BOTH parties have to have open cuts or sores in their mouth in order to transmit it. Which is ABSOLUTELY preventable.

 

Sex comes in a wide range of activities, full penetration being the least of them. There are plenty of ways to have fun, engaging, completely satisfying sexual encounters without ever putting the negative participant at risk of infection - and I don't mean just by relying on condoms, which are never foolproof. You should never rely on just condoms to protect you from any STD - the only things you should rely on are your brain and being educated.

 

A lot of people (most of them other gay men) consider me reckless for willingly having sex with HIV+ men - not that I go seeking them out, just that I don't treat deciding whether or not to have sex with them any differently than if they were negative. However, I'd argue that I'm safer and less at risk than 90% of people who swear they'd never have sex with a HIV+ person. And that's precisely BECAUSE I don't treat sex with a positive man any differently than sex with a negative one. I make sure I'm protected no matter what I'm doing or who I'm doing it with. People lie. They lie to their partners, they lie to their hook-ups, they lie to themselves. And you're lying to yourselves if you think there's no chance you'll ever sleep with a positive person, because all you're really saying is you'll never KNOWINGLY sleep with a positive person. Thus you're much less likely to be protected if it turns out they lied to you about their status, or worse, were simply unaware of their status.

 

Unless you know every person your partner, boyfriend or one night stand has slept with and their status, or else go out and get simultaneous tests together (and not the kind that are only accurate up to six months ago, which are the standard HIV tests) - the only real way to be sure you're safe from HIV infection is to be educated on how you could get it and how you can prevent that. Shunning positive men (and that's kinda what flat out declaring you'll 'never' have sex with one is) is not a protection, its simply hiding your head in the sand. The truth is, you're FAR safer with the guy you meet in the bar who admits upfront that he's positive than you are with the guy who doesn't even think to ask YOU what your status is before going home with you. I mean, think about it - you may know your status, but if the guy you're with doesn't think to ask before hooking up with you, what are the chances he thought to ask his past hook-ups their status before having sex with them?

 

(Not to mention that the guy who's aware of his status and upfront about it is likely to be on modern medications, which also make the disease less infectious and harder to pass on).

Edited January 16, 2012 by KalenO

[ToddYoung]

I think I'd be worried about it. There's always the chance of a condom breaking, but if I really loved the guy I think I'd do it. If it was casual sex, I'd pass.

[Zolia Lily]

A case of THE most blatant ignorance i've EVER come across : A straight co-worker told me he recently had a conversation with his flatmates about STDs, and he raised HIV. His flatmate then casually told him that couldn't have it, since he'd never slept with a black girl. Can straight men get any thicker?!?!? ARGH!!!!

 

On another note, (and i'm sorry if it's way off topic) I started a story a while back that i originally intended to try to publish IRL (not online) where the main character has a scare and turns out HIV neg. Recently, though, I've started thinking maybe i could breathe more life into that story by making him HIV +. The problem is.... i don't want the story to be cliche, unrealistic, to put people off....

What I DO want is to raise awareness, take some of the fear out of it and show that it's not the death sentance it might once have been, as well as saying "it could happen to anyone".

 

My question is: Do you think there's a market for this?

[Timboy]

I dont know how many of you have seent the Movie "Jeffrey" ? well one character has aids and the other guy is falling for him. THe reason I brought htis up is becuase the hiv+ guy tells the other one, "THere are other thigns we can do..' So I guess what Ia m saying I probablywould not have anal intercourse but there could be things we could do.

[Y_B]

Hook up sex? Absolutely not.

 

But then there is the question of whether or not I'd let myself be in a relationship with someone who is hiv+ or develop feelings for that person. If I love the guy and want to be with him, sure I'll take all the precautions and enjoy what I can with the person. However, I'm very hesitant to believe that I will like an hiv+ guy enough to get to that point. Even the concept of hiv scares the shit outta me and it's a huge stigma to me for someone to have contracted it. Sure it takes only 1 time of carelessness but what are the chances someone who has hiv was that unlucky? If that's really the case, I'll be more understanding but it just seems like the vast majority of folks who have hiv are so promiscuous and irresponsible that it's inexcusable in my book.

 

In any case, the amount of energy, stress, and mental hurdle I'll have to overcome to be involved with an hiv+ guy will probably be overwhelming to me. I'm 22 years old, healthy and looking forward to great things, so preferably I don't want to deal with that when there are millions of other hiv- men out in the world I CAN enjoy a better life with without all that unnecessary stress. With that said, I'm very much inclined to believe that I'll probably not want to develop anything with an hiv+ guy, so hopefully whoever I am with in the future will be honest about it right off the bat to save us both the grief. If by chance someone I come to love admits he is hiv+ wayyy down the road....well, I'll have to cross that bridge when I get there

[wildone]

Someone asked for input from someone living with HIV . . .

 

I am HIV poz since 1987. yes 25 years, 18 of those years full AIDS. I went a lot of years without any sexual contact at all. When I started having sex again I asked my doctor what the risks are. He said if I had oral sex and came in the mouth of a HIV- guy, his chance of converting to poz was 2%. I have known of several HIV- TOPmen who have had a lot of bareback sex with poz men, for years, and they remain negative. I am certain that a poz TOPman will almost always covert the HIV- bottom man (or any woman) to HIV+. It is somewhat difficult to get the bug depending on what variety of sex you're having. Once a Negative topman made me bleed and it took 15 minutes to stop the bleeding. He remains virus-free years later.

 

Someone mentioned loneliness . . 98% of my friends died of AIDS. It's very difficult to find someone to date because of paranoid attitudes. I've given up on finding any more friends or a lover. I spend most of my time reading on Gay Authors and Nifty.

 

KEEP ALL THE BUG CHASERS AWAY FROM ME because I'd strangle them to death long before their newly acquired HIV virus kills them!

 

P.S. All of the info above is about condomless sex.

 

Thank you for your honest and open account of your life and experience.

 

We all have to remember that everyone has feelings and emotions. In a way I wish this topic would be 'Would you befriend an HIV positive person' but it does eventually lead all of our minds to would you have sex with them.

 

If you want my opinion, you need to go waaaaay back to the near beginning of this topic

[Ragingquiet]

I think this is a really hard question to answer without considering, who you are with and how you feel about them. I think I'd be scared but at some point, if you really love some one, you want to be intimate with them.

[joann414]

I said maybe, but I go with the fact that you can have different kinds of sex, and the honesty always being first and foremost. It would absolutely enrage me if someone knowing I had fallen in love with them kept such pertinent information from me. I read the beginning posts here, and now the newer ones, and yep, awareness and treatment of this disease has come a long way, and knowledge goes a long way in making decisions.

[stephendelmar]

A number of years ago I met this amazing man that was HIV+, we tried to do the whole very safe sex thing, but I could never get it out of my mind that he had a very deadly (back then) disease that I could catch. I just couldn't do it. I felt like a putz but I had watched so many of my friends die from that damn virus I just couldn't do it.

[Mann Ramblings]

I'm in the maybe category. HIV positive men are just as deserving of love and affection as everyone else, but I know that nagging fear of the unknown would make it difficult. Yes, it is defintiely possible to have a healthy, loving relationship with one partner HIV positive without infecting the other, I've seen it. I believe if you go forward knowing the risks and actively take steps to stay healthy, there's no reason you shouldn't.

[LemonFresh]

ok The logical part of me says absolutly no way,however the hopeless romantic part of me says true love can find its ways over any hurtles. and as much as i hate to admit it i tend to listen to the hopless romantic in me more than i should.