How real is your online you?

[Forty-Two]

The Show Yourself topic started this seed of thought and it has grown. How real and honest is your online persona, on this site in particular (but also on the web as a whole)? It really surprised me when I first read some posts by people who are so fully involved in the site but then also say that they have a wife or kids at home that know nothing of this life.

 

When I first joined I made sure my real identity could not be discovered through my online identity. My thought was I would be a little fly on the wall and simply read and observe what everyone else was doing, and post a few stories that aren't suited for other places. I wanted to be completely anonymous so that I could say or do whatever I wanted if I chose to say anything at all.

 

Now I am much more active than I thought I would be, have made true friends, and have expressed so much of who I am. I thought high anonymity would equate to a high level of lies, aggression, and fake personality traits, interests, and opinions (see John Gabriel's Greater Internet f**kwad theory).

 

I find my anonymity has done the opposite. I am very true to my personality and opinions because I am anonymous and don't have to worry about people in my real life finding out what I've said or done. If I had any of my personal information available, I would be much less involved and much more conservative.

 

I suppose by taking a simple look at display names and pictures we can see most people have some amount of anonymity. So are you still the person you are when talking to people in real life, or is your online you a whole different person? Are you a built personality, essentially a "character" from the story Gay Authors? Are you the person you wish you could be in real life? Or, are you a hybrid of any of the previous?

[Benji]

..............My anonymity is the only difference from my profile, otherwise I have always laid out the truth here.

[Mark Arbour]

I'm wondering why you think that people who would create a fictitious persona would then turn around and admit to it here?

[soup]

My online persona pretty much holds true to how i am in real life. However a few minor things are different. I guess i'm more chipper online and also a tad more open, mostly due to the anonymity like you said. But also because i think for a lot of people, online communities can become escapist realities of sorts. Especially from the banality of day-to-day life. So i think it's fairly normal for people online to sometimes slightly exaggerate personality traits they already encompass. It's also all about selectivity and ommision; peoples' online personas are mere avatars of themselves created from the information they choose to relay. I think for some it's inherent to convey the traits you want people to see and hide the ones you dont. So no matter how 'true' you are, it's still a fabrication. But i guess that's sometimes the same in real life as well.

[Bumblebee]

im more open online because no one knows who i am on here

[Rizan]

I'm okay with being honest: I am far different online than I am in life.

 

I'm incredibly shy, and I won't approach people. I'm quiet and I often get a lot more attention than I care to. I'm not very social, and alcohol doesn't help at all. I have a personal bubble and I freak out when people break it, which they love to do. I'm awkward and I'm bad at small talk. I flinch a lot; I'm always afraid someone is going to hit me because when I was younger, I did get hit and beat up and picked on, a lot, by my own family and friends, when it was a stranger, it was far worse. I don't show much of any emotion besides laughter and 'smiling'; if I'm smiling, it's usually fake; I've been called selfish because of it more than once. I avoid eye contact at all costs; when someone is able to look me in the eyes for too long, I fear they see through me, and that scares me to no end. I switch between getting ignored and getting attention a lot; most of the time though, I get ignored. People don't usually listen to my opinions, or even listen to anything I say. I'd give anything to be someone else, to be more confident, more social; but it's just not who I am, and my family feels that they can change who I am by forcing me into their friends crowds. It doesn't work, and it just makes things worse. I'm always complacent when it comes to anything in life, I refuse to ever decide on a place to eat because I'd die knowing I chose a place someone else doesn't like, so I suck it up and eat at place and eat food that I hate and that makes me sick. I do the same thing when it comes to going places; I do them solely so other people can be happy, if I can't be happy, I might as well make someone else happy, right?

 

All of that being said, when I'm around certain people, I can be hilarious and the life of a party (for a short time), but in the end, I always shoot back to my quiet, closed off self.

 

When it's via message rather than voice or in person, I try and be as upbeat as humanly possible, but even in that, I always try and make others happy; my own happiness isn't important when it means jeopardizing the happiness of someone else. There are a few people online that I've met that I've developed crushes on, and although I'd love to express those feelings, I dare not jeopardize the friendship I have with them, because I know they don't feel the same way about me, and so I ignore the feelings as best I can so I can work on making them happy, because as long as they're happy, I've achieved something.

 

 

/rant

[Nephylim]

I'm okay with being honest: I am far different online than I am in life.

 

I'm incredibly shy, and I won't approach people. I'm quiet and I often get a lot more attention than I care to. I'm not very social, and alcohol doesn't help at all. I have a personal bubble and I freak out when people break it, which they love to do. I'm awkward and I'm bad at small talk. I flinch a lot; I'm always afraid someone is going to hit me because when I was younger, I did get hit and beat up and picked on, a lot, by my own family and friends, when it was a stranger, it was far worse. I don't show much of any emotion besides laughter and 'smiling'; if I'm smiling, it's usually fake; I've been called selfish because of it more than once. I avoid eye contact at all costs; when someone is able to look me in the eyes for too long, I fear they see through me, and that scares me to no end. I switch between getting ignored and getting attention a lot; most of the time though, I get ignored. People don't usually listen to my opinions, or even listen to anything I say. I'd give anything to be someone else, to be more confident, more social; but it's just not who I am, and my family feels that they can change who I am by forcing me into their friends crowds. It doesn't work, and it just makes things worse. I'm always complacent when it comes to anything in life, I refuse to ever decide on a place to eat because I'd die knowing I chose a place someone else doesn't like, so I suck it up and eat at place and eat food that I hate and that makes me sick. I do the same thing when it comes to going places; I do them solely so other people can be happy, if I can't be happy, I might as well make someone else happy, right?

 

All of that being said, when I'm around certain people, I can be hilarious and the life of a party (for a short time), but in the end, I always shoot back to my quiet, closed off self.

 

When it's via message rather than voice or in person, I try and be as upbeat as humanly possible, but even in that, I always try and make others happy; my own happiness isn't important when it means jeopardizing the happiness of someone else. There are a few people online that I've met that I've developed crushes on, and although I'd love to express those feelings, I dare not jeopardize the friendship I have with them, because I know they don't feel the same way about me, and so I ignore the feelings as best I can so I can work on making them happy, because as long as they're happy, I've achieved something.

 

 

/rant

 

How do you know they don't feel the same way about you ?

 

Me? I can't help but be me. If I try to be all cool and savvy or lie in any way it bites me on the ass in the end. Okay I only post photos that are complimentary... who wants everyone to see their morning face And maybe I am a little more open... nope. I am shy when you first get to meet me but when I warm up my mind slips straight into the gutter where it belongs.

 

I like to make people happy but I like to make me happy too and it's a balance I have just about got right... well maybe not but I'm getting there. There are some things that I haven't told many people about myself but what I have told is absolutely true.

[Mikiti]

for the most part, what you see here is what you'd get irl. =3

[Graeme]

A really interesting question. Thank you!

 

In real life I have a very similar personality to what I have here. I'm too old to make up a new persona when I'm still getting used to my current one

 

In my case, my online persona has helped my real life persona, and they two have largely merged. Before hand in real life I was very introspective and rather grumpy. A lot of that was due to not being out, and even though I didn't realise it, it was eating at me. I know this because once I finally came out to my wife, and endured several months worrying if I had destroyed my family, I finally relaxed. People who didn't know that I had come out remarked on the difference in me; how much more relaxed and happy I was. But that started with my online life, because that's where I finally found an outlet for being gay.

 

As a consequence, I try to be as honest as I can online, and I try to be as honest as I can in real life. The one significant caveat is that my family takes precedence, so I don't lightly reveal information that may identify me. Technically, I'm still in the closet, but that's no longer for my own 'protection' -- it's for the protection of my two boys.

 

I'm wondering why you think that people who would create a fictitious persona would then turn around and admit to it here?

Because people who make up fictitious persona can get confused and forget who they are....

 

im more open online because no one knows who i am on here

Exactly I believe research has shown people tend to be more honest online (generally), because of that anonymity. On the downside, some people can also be more deceitful, too, as well as many people sometimes losing the social courtesies that make up part of our social fabric.

[Arpeggio]

I am the same me as I am online, but online, I can be more outspoken than I normally am in person because I feel braver hiding behind a computer screen. In person, I'm pretty quiet (if you have spoken to me on the phone, you already know that. XD) I'm also soft spoken, literally, and pretty much am unable to yell correctly.

 

 

Naturally, there's a lot more people don't find out about me without me allowing them too, and I won't mention any of it here because I'm insecure and afraid of being considered an attention seeker when it's actual typical behavior (trust issues, shyness, etc).

Other than that, not much is different about me. I still eat tons of food and say silly things.

 

When it comes to information about me, I give enough to answer questions, but not enough to put strangers at my doorstep.

Edited August 9, 2010 by Arpeggio

[Menorain]

To be honest, I'm a bit of an open book. The only difference that I can think of is that I'm maybe a bit more hesitant in stating my opinion when I'm online.

[Bumblebee]

I'm okay with being honest: I am far different online than I am in life.

 

I'm incredibly shy, and I won't approach people. I'm quiet and I often get a lot more attention than I care to. I'm not very social, and alcohol doesn't help at all. I have a personal bubble and I freak out when people break it, which they love to do. I'm awkward and I'm bad at small talk. I flinch a lot; I'm always afraid someone is going to hit me because when I was younger, I did get hit and beat up and picked on, a lot, by my own family and friends, when it was a stranger, it was far worse. I don't show much of any emotion besides laughter and 'smiling'; if I'm smiling, it's usually fake; I've been called selfish because of it more than once. I avoid eye contact at all costs; when someone is able to look me in the eyes for too long, I fear they see through me, and that scares me to no end. I switch between getting ignored and getting attention a lot; most of the time though, I get ignored. People don't usually listen to my opinions, or even listen to anything I say. I'd give anything to be someone else, to be more confident, more social; but it's just not who I am, and my family feels that they can change who I am by forcing me into their friends crowds. It doesn't work, and it just makes things worse. I'm always complacent when it comes to anything in life, I refuse to ever decide on a place to eat because I'd die knowing I chose a place someone else doesn't like, so I suck it up and eat at place and eat food that I hate and that makes me sick. I do the same thing when it comes to going places; I do them solely so other people can be happy, if I can't be happy, I might as well make someone else happy, right?

 

All of that being said, when I'm around certain people, I can be hilarious and the life of a party (for a short time), but in the end, I always shoot back to my quiet, closed off self.

 

When it's via message rather than voice or in person, I try and be as upbeat as humanly possible, but even in that, I always try and make others happy; my own happiness isn't important when it means jeopardizing the happiness of someone else. There are a few people online that I've met that I've developed crushes on, and although I'd love to express those feelings, I dare not jeopardize the friendship I have with them, because I know they don't feel the same way about me, and so I ignore the feelings as best I can so I can work on making them happy, because as long as they're happy, I've achieved something.

 

 

/rant

 

did you take a walk in my shoes???? if i bothered to type a longer answer, i would have written what you said

[MikeL]

..............My anonymity is the only difference from my profile, otherwise I have always laid out the truth here.

I'm very much with Benji here. All I've said on GA is true. My real name is the only thing I have not revealed along with specific information that would lead someone to uncover my real name.

 

In real life, I'm am probably a little quiter than I appear here.

[Douw]

So basically what you see is what you get but thats just me

[phana14]

In the homophobic world that I find myself surrounded by, anonymity is paramount!

I googled *phana14* a while back and was led immediately to my profile page including posts. That got my attention!

To answer the question, I'm with Mikiti.

And Lacey and MikeL said it best--one doesn't want strangers to come aknockin'.

My posts should be read as if you are standing here in my presence, as they are coming from the REAL ME, NOT a scarecrow.

 

 

[Nephylim]

 

 

Naturally, there's a lot more people don't find out about me without me allowing them too, and I won't mention any of it here because I'm insecure and afraid of being considered an attention seeker when it's actual typical behavior (trust issues, shyness, etc).

 

When it comes to information about me, I give enough to answer questions, but not enough to put strangers at my doorstep.

 

Hun you don't need to seek my attention. Just flutter those eyelashes this way and I'm there rivetted.

 

 

As for strangers knocking at my door... well I've had enough of them in my time and I consider strangers to be friends I haven't met so if anyone wants to visit it's open house. Send me a pm and I'll give you my address for a promise of cookies and that you'll wash the dishes as long as you're here. You'll probably have to sleep on the sofa (except Sam or Rush who will be sleeping with me) but if you can rough it you're welcome.

 

The only difference that I can think of is that I'm maybe a bit more hesitant in stating my opinion when I'm online.

 

Really ?

 

In the homophobic world that I find myself surrounded by, anonymity is paramount!

I googled *phana14* a while back and was led immediately to my profile page including posts. That got my attention!

To answer the question, I'm with Mikiti.

And Lacey and MikeL said it best--one doesn't want strangers to come aknockin'.

My posts should be read as if you are standing here in my presence, as they are coming from the REAL ME, NOT a scarecrow.

 

 

 

that's sad. I have been so lucky in my life to have always been accepted for who I am and therefore able to always be who I am.. Well except by my family.. Often I get sneers or even laughed out loud at but that's okay. Perhaps it's just that I haven't noticed anything else. I can be blind to bad things sometimes.

 

ANd as I said before.... this one is quite happy with strangers coming a'knocking

[Hoskins]

My username isn't anything close to my real name, I am a lot more honest on here than I should be.

[old bob]

As Graeme said :

In real life I have a very similar personality to what I have here. I'm too old to make up a new persona when I'm still getting used to my current one

Its the same for me.

 

BTW I checked "Old Bob" in Google and found 135'000 answers ! So I dont care if you want to find me in it .Try and tell me the results

So I am who I am, and my blogs say enough for anybody to learn to know me, the real me.

 

About what Graeme told us about his difficulties to getting used to his current persona...dont worry, its the same for all of us, young and old. Each morning, when I wake up, I discover new sides of my personality. Thats one of the nicest pleasures of life.

[TalonRider]

I think I'm about the same on and offline. There are some topics I stay out of.

[NaperVic]

My online persona on GA is basically me, but like in other situations in life, I vary how much I let my hair down.

 

For example, work Vic is much more reserved & professional versus hanging out with friends Vic. Hanging out with Family Vic is also a different person. Tipsy/Drunk Vic is just a monster .

 

GA Vic is also different than all those other Vic's.

 

The interesting thing about online personas is that they're mostly based on our typed words . While I don't think I've flat out lied, I probably have accentuated the positive about myself while downplaying or ignoring the negative.

 

It's hard to look at yourself objectively, but based just off those words, I wonder how I would perceive myself if I were a 3rd party. I'm betting they'd be different.

 

When I started adding GA friends to Facebook, I kinda worried a little about those two worlds colliding as well worried that there might be some discrepancies in information . But the melding has been good. I'm still more reserved on Facebook as I have lots of family & former high school mates on there, but overall it allows (forces) me to bring more of the real me into all of my worlds.

 

Take Care®,

 

Vic

 

 

 

 

[Cia]

I'm me no matter where I am but the difference is comfortability. I, like Paul, am very scared of people out in public though that is almost completely limited to men. Lack of eye contact, posture and soft voice just comes automatically to me when I'm lost in a sea of strangers. But here on GA I don't have to worry about that and the freedom of not having to work away the intimidation allows me to become friendly. I am the same way when I finally get to know someone though, so it's not a 'new' me. It's just the me that is comfortable with people. I talk a lot, sometimes share way too much info and like to tease.

 

 

I do like a certain anonymity with this site. Cia is a part of my name but google it and you get CIA so I'm pretty sure the spooks protect me in that respect Some of my GA friends are on my facebook which has some personal information as to location and such but for the most part that's relatively tame as well. I don't post my pictures online or my kids for our protection but I've always been that way. I've shared some pictures with people but only when I can just show them, I don't like the idea of people seeing my pic when I don't know about it.

 

As for my openness about this site and my real life... A good portion of my immediate family know, a few of my sisters, one of who called me a freak, and those friends who are important to me. I like who I am on GA and who I am in real life, they're pretty much the same person but I have to admit to a bit of compartmentalizing. I think most people do it. I don't think hiding or omitting some things is always lying as long as you try to not misrepresent yourself. Sometimes you have to do it to make your life work.

Edited August 9, 2010 by Cia

[viv]

I've met several people from GA, introduced them to my husband, my kids, my sisters and brothers. I've invited them into my home, they've eaten at my table, slept on my couch or, when I had one, my guest room. I've vacationed with them, waited in amusement park lines, sat through movies, met their families, and washed their underwear.

 

I couldn't really hide who I am or what I'm thinking or feeling because it shows all over my face, so if we're together, you're going to know it. In the same respect, what I say here is an honest representation of my thoughts and feelings, mostly because that's what I expect from everyone else. I suppose I've been lucky, and the people I choose to be the most personal with are the honest ones, and that's something I appreciate and respect so much.

 

If I'm honest, there are things I would like to hide sometimes, but it's pointless to do so because eventually I'm going to meet these people and lying is ridiculous. If I really dislike something about myself, it would be smarter to use the energy on changing it, than figuring out how to lie and keep up that lie.

[JamesSavik]

I'm meaner in person.

 

[Westie]

Well this is an interesting question. for example, who is to say what "real" is. You may only show one facet of your personality on GA. or indeed you might choose to completely re-invent yourself. You say you live in Thailand, when really you're in sweeden.

 

I *DO* have an online persona that I have created over time. I have used it on many sites. I do not use it here, for the simple reason that there are people on here (paya ) who actually know me, and who I am. In fact since i started publishing my story here (shameless plug alert) I would sayb that you guys know the real me better than many who have met me face to face.

 

West

[Aeroplane]

Tipsy/Drunk Vic is just a monster .

 

GA Vic is also different than all those other Vic's.

 

When I started adding GA friends to Facebook, I kinda worried a little about those two worlds colliding as well worried that there might be some discrepancies in information

 

Is he really different to all the others?

 

 

I was worried about discrepancy in information too. I've not been actively lying, but I'm not above misleading if someone asks a question I don't want to tell them the answer to. Thats not materialised though.

 

 

 

In real life I'm less argumentative, quieter, less overtly opinionated, nicer, and I react to what people have said using my face and tone more than words which I use here (because I can't do proper faces here ). I'm mostly argumentative here because people seem to feel free to run roughshod over others online, and say stuff like 'Ok, you disagree with me.. and I'm a mod.. KICKBAN' whereas in real life.. there is no facility for that so people have to be more reasonable towards each other.

That said, I am still the same person reacting in this situation the way I would if it appeared in real life.. it's other people who are different .