What would your kids call ya?

[Michael9344]

This has come up in my ongoing story. What would your kid(s) call you and your partner? What would you prefer they call you? Is calling the both of you Dad odd? Will you settle with just your names?

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Mike and I are discussing this - I see nothing wrong with calling us both dad - he wants different names - I don't see that happening to be honest, but time will tell.

[Cyhort]

I never really thought about it. I guess if hell froze over and me and my boyfriend got a kid we'd probably both just be dad unless the kid got annoyed with not being able to call the one he/she wanted and gave one of us a new name.

[K.C.]

Well for us, I was Daddy until this last year when I became just Dad (usually followed by her annoying eye-rolling) my hubby started as Da but now our daughter loves to call him Pops. If she's mad at him it's Father in a bad Dr. Evil/Austin Powers accent.

[Y_B]

It's contingent on how the kid came about, ie biological/adoptive

 

Either way, I will be called sir, answered sir yes sir, and never looked in the eyes.

[rustle]

Something unfit for polite company, most likely. But at my age, it's not happening.

 

First names aren't appropriate for small children, IMO. My partner and I would have to have separate epithets. Two "Dads" would be confusing. Dad and Pop, I guess.

[Michael9344]

I think two Dads can be confusing. I like the Dad and Pop idea:)

[Cia]

I think a lot of it depends on age of your characters and their location. A lot of southern kids call their dad's 'daddy' their whole lives and kids there never use first names alone. My 21 year old brothers still do with their dad. For gay friends I've had, biology has nothing to do with it, if they are both around from birth they are both parents so some depends on when the non-bio dad comes into the picture. If they're both around from day 1 they need more intimate names, Daddy/Dad, Pop/Papa. I grew up in the Pac NW for the most part so a kid using the name of an adult close to them doesn't seem weird to me, which is another way location comes into play. In a story I wrote the 3 year old son of my main character calls his father, Daddy and the 2nd who has been around a year, 'Petey'. A combo of 'Daddy P' or something like that would suffice.

[Dannsar]

I suppose there needs to be some sort of ability to differentiate at some points, but in one to one's I imagine simply Dad would suffice. Certainly would for Gregor and I. When was a kid we referred to our grandparents as the same thing in company where they were all present, but otherwise as granny or grampa location. I suppose Dad Arisaig or Dad Glasgow, or just plain Arisaig or Glasgow would be kinda neat, referring to identities which have special meanings for us. I do think I'd hate to be referred to by my first name, though. Thats just way too familiar for good discipline!

[Lugh]

Well, our house is in a unique situation.

 

DC has always called me Dad or daddy.

 

However Bump has a daddy so he calls me a combonation of daddy and my last name because DC was calling me daddy and I didn't think it right for him to call me daddy when he had one. It works for us.

 

When I did have a long term live in, DC called him pop cause we were both of the belief that a child calling an adult by their first name was inappropriate and calling him "mister" was too formal.

[Canuk]

For some reason both my boys (now 24 & 28) call me Dad to my face and "Father" on the phone. I have never quite worked out why and they can't / won't tell me. They both call my partner by his name. very early on the youngest wanted to know if my partner wanted to be called Daddy, my dear partner looked at me with such a horrified look on his face we all agreed that his name was just fine. While my partner loves the boys dearly, he admits that the responsibility of being a parent terrifies him still.

[Dark Princess]

My current bf and I am happy with our names. I'd like to be called Jasmine as its going to be my name when i get a sexchange and him just Ruan. Its not that mom or dad or dad and dad confused us its just we see it as they wont be inferior to us or anyone else so first names work. Aunts and uncles will be first names too and anyone they so like to please. If people don't like it they obviously think my children are inferior or should pay respect to them.... Not cool in my opinion...

[TrevorTime]

If I had a son from my own sperm, then I would want him to call me Dad. However, I wouldn't mind if he called my significant other by his first name.

[MikeL]

Well, our house is in a unique situation.

 

DC has always called me Dad or daddy.

 

However Bump has a daddy so he calls me a combination of daddy and my last name because DC was calling me daddy and I didn't think it right for him to call me daddy when he had one. It works for us.

 

When I did have a long term live in, DC called him pop cause we were both of the belief that a child calling an adult by their first name was inappropriate and calling him "mister" was too formal.

 

You youngsters don't know it yet, but you will revisit this issue later in life. It doesn't matter what your sexuality is. If you have children, the issue is the same.

 

Not long after our youngest son married, he and his wife were visiting and he asked what they should call us. I know that he was asking permission to call us by our first names. My response was, "Mom and Dad will be fine". That's what he had called us most of his life. I can't imagine ever having called my father by his first name. It would have been disrespectful. So, my sons and their wives all call us Mom and Dad. There's never any confusion about whom they are addressing.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

If I had a son from my own sperm, then I would want him to call me Dad. However, I wouldn't mind if he called my significant other by his first name.

 

Clarify this Trevor. What if you and your partner used - oh say a surrogate and one of you was the known donor - for the sake of this argument, let's say you - you two raise your daughter. . . er son together. Do you still want your child to call you dad and him by his first name?

 

I get the whole notion that if you had a son THEN met your partner that might be different, but again it would depend on a lot of things. How old is the child when you met your partner? Who is raising the child? You? The child's mother?

 

For us, one of us is the donor and we know who is 'lil Q's 'father' is, but we are both her father/Dad/Daddy/Poppa/whatever. She won't be calling either of us by our first name.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

You youngsters don't know it yet, but you will revisit this issue later in life. It doesn't matter what your sexuality is. If you have children, the issue is the same.

 

Not long after our youngest son married, he and his wife were visiting and he asked what they should call us. I know that he was asking permission to call us by our first names. My response was, "Mom and Dad will be fine". That's what he had called us most of his life. I can't imagine ever having called my father by his first name. It would have been disrespectful. So, my sons and their wives all call us Mom and Dad. There's never any confusion about whom they are addressing.

 

Mike,

 

In our family it's sorta different. My brother in law calls my parents by their first name, as does Mike. My sister in-law-calls them Mom and Dad. I call Mike's parents by their first name too. My parents always called their in-laws Mom and Dad. When I'm messing around with my Dad, I call him by his first name, but normally it's dad. My mother is a saint - like all Italian moms - so she is always mom or mother.

Edited March 31, 2012 by Quonus10

[Cia]

Well I have a very weird family. I grew up with my Dad and Uncle. My dad remarried when I was 9 and I was instructed to call the first mom I ever had by 'mom'. Then I met my mom and ex-stepdad when I was 11. I called her mom as well, since she was my mother, but my stepdad was Mike. I was/am close to my bio dad so while I love my stepdad, his name is just what fit for us. Tha threw them quite a bit, since they are south/east coast types where it is very disrespectful for kids to use adults names. I never picked up the habit or used Mr./Ms. with adult's first names though and they got over it.

 

Both my husband and I call our inlaws by their names. We don't do the whole 'dad/mom' thing, though my sister and her husband do. It's just about what works for you personally, and your family. It can be made up of many different types of people that come and go from your life at different times. I have cousins who I have not acknowledged being family that I call by their last names as I would a stranger, and yet growing up had the third cousin of my stepsister's dad (my stepmom's ex husband) consider me a cousin and both of us freak out because we were 'family' and someone asked us if we were flirting. Gross!

 

When it comes to showing your ties, and affection for those in your family, nothing is right or wrong; it just comes down to what is acceptable for everyone involved. Sometimes it evolves and changes as the relationships change.

 

For the original poster, if you're still interested, I think that is what you want to show the most. Make sure the names or titles used fit the relationship and the setting, then go with it. You've gotten some great examples here.

[TrevorTime]

Do you still want your child to call you dad and him by his first name?

Yeah, because I think the "Dad and Dad" thing could get quite confusing. I would want my son to know who his biological dad is. BTW, I call my step-dad and my grandparents by their first names. I'm weird, I know.

[Billy Martin]

Master or Lord would be fine

[JamesSavik]

The old man and sir.

[Graeme]

A lot of this is cultural, and it can vary within a country. My parents were always Mum and Dad, but my wife's parents insisted that I call them by their first name - something I found very uncomfortable doing for quite a few years.

 

My mum remarried after my dad died, but we were told to call our step-dad "Uncle Len". Of course, the youngest of my siblings was well in his thirties by then, so it would have been weird calling starting to call someone new "Dad" at that age

 

Our boys call us Mum and Dad or Mummy and Daddy (the eldest changed his form of address about a year ago - the youngest boy hasn't changed yet). But we've also made it clear they can address us by our first names if they want to, and from time to time, they will (usually when talking about the parent who isn't there at the time).

 

For a baby/infant, two parents both called the same thing would be confusing, so in that situation, I'd suggest Dad and Pops/Pa. In the situation where one is known as the biological parent, calling the other one Uncle <first name> would also be fine, though that may cause confusion further down the track, especially if they have other uncles as well.

[John Doe]

Eh my two cents: I call my parents Mom and Dad. Normal family setting. But if I was straight and married I would call my inlaws Mom and Dad. Culturally, thats what we do. To call them anything else is very disrespectful. Even if they remarried later and we're in our 30s, we still call them Mom or Dad, depeding on the case. So assuming that in the future being gay becomes okay, I figure that parental name thing will still stick. I would still call my husband's father, "Dad." I could care less one way or another when I adopt or have my own kid if he called me Dad and my partner "Dad," even if he's my biological son. I wouldn't mind going the "Dad" and "Pa" route.

 

And TrevorTime I'm sure if you have a conversation with your kid about whose what (biological vs. non-bio) they'll understand... Kids are smart. What you wrote almost seems to suggest that they'll forget if they call your partner "Dad"

 

As GLBT family, you would have to have open communication within you family to begin with I think. Explain to your kids, why they have two fathers or mothers instead of a mom AND dad... or rather, not really explain to them, as they willl already notice, why they have two dads or moms but that they are no different from anyone else, their fmaily is no different from anyone elses... one day they will ask how kids are made and you can choose to lie to them (which I will advise against) or sit down and have a conversation. Again I will say it again kids are smart they will figure it out and they don't have the trained mindset to think that something is bad or wrong... especially about a type of relationship.

 

In the end, I want to do what my child feels most comfortable with. You teach them to call you dad and they will. One day they will grow older and learn more about the world and if they want to call (if they are my biological) my partner dad or some other varient of dad that's fine too or even me. Or if they want to call him by his frist name... okay. If I adopted them with my partner and they grow up and want to call us by first name, that's fine. If they want to call us dad, okay too. Really, in the end, knowing that I loved the child and raised him/her with my best effort and intent, I hope they'll know and understand. Most people do come to that realization that you are his/her dad, blood related or not. (Or mom... just thinking from my perspective).

[Mark Arbour]

I have to wonder at the concept of calling a parent by their first name as being disrespectful. That just chafes as being monumentally judgmental. I think this is really a personal, family choice, and whatever works for that given unit, that should be just fine with the rest of the world. .

[colinian]

I'm Colin so I'll be "Dad C" and Doug will be "Dad D". We plan to adopt, and we're thinking two boys and see how that goes.

 

Colin

[Benji]

..............Most of the kids I know just call me 'old'