' Live-Poets Society ' – A Corner For Poetry

[Former Member]

Thanks, Parker; Thanks, Tim

[Puppilull]

Too bad you had to wake up like that!

 

I sometimes compose poems in that stage between asleep and awake. Since I'm too tired to get up and write things down, some get lost on the way. The ones I salvage are on occasion great, but often my sleepy brain thinks they are better than they really are... 

[Drew Espinosa]

Hey everyone! I just read this poem and I like it. As far as I can tell, there is no particular form or style to it.

[Former Member]

Hey everyone! I just read this poem and I like it. As far as I can tell, there is no particular form or style to it.

Thanks for the heads up, Drew. I see quite a few from our little circle have checked out the poem, so you did good!

[Mikiesboy]

Hey everyone! I just read this poem and I like it. As far as I can tell, there is no particular form or style to it.

Liked it.. thanks drew!!

[dughlas]

Hey everyone! I just read this poem and I like it. As far as I can tell, there is no particular form or style to it.

Thanks Drew, just read it and liked it.

[Drew Espinosa]

Thanks for the heads up, Drew. I see quite a few from our little circle have checked out the poem, so you did good!

Liked it.. thanks drew!!

Thanks Drew, just read it and liked it.

Glad y'all liked it!

[J.HunterDunn]

I just found this one and thought it charming:

 

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/riley-jericho/odetoaperfectwilly/1

 

 

(Drew: I don't know how to do the this poem thing  )

[Mikiesboy]

I just found this one and thought it charming:

 

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/riley-jericho/odetoaperfectwilly/1

 

 

(Drew: I don't know how to do the this poem thing  )

Me either but it looks cool ...I'll ck it out, the poem I mean!

[Mikiesboy]

I just found this one and thought it charming:

 

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/riley-jericho/odetoaperfectwilly/1

 

 

(Drew: I don't know how to do the this poem thing  )

That was marvelous! Wow, I loved it! Thanks for the link!

[Former Member]

(Drew: I don't know how to do the this poem thing  )

Peter, when you are doing a message like this, have your link copied and ready to go. Highlight the text you want to become the link ('this poem' for example), and then click on the button on the toolbar that looks like an infinity mark with a green plus sign. (It's about halfway in the same line with the bold, italics, underscore, etc buttons.)

 

Then paste your link in the box that pops up and save.

[J.HunterDunn]

Thanks for the explanation, AC. I thought with copy and paste I was at the bounderies of my abilities, but will definitely try this next time

 

(out of likes at the moment).

Edited January 17, 2016 by J.HunterDunn

[Puppilull]

You know, I was thinking about just that earlier today. And now I know!

[Former Member]

Anybody have feedback to offer me on this song of mine...?

 

 

Verse:

See the young man on the scrubland

Pickin' chords by the side of his fire,

And though with starry eyes and hopes

He'll soon draw up his bed to him

To dream of rowdy steers and ropes,

The stars above hear out his deft hand

Cuz maybe he'll rustle them nearer.

 

On the lonesome tableland

A cowboy's got no one

To keep him company but his horse and guitar,

And after he's left alone by the sun,

He'll climb down from behind his saddle bar

To sing the night asleep with his sad repertoire.

 

 

Chorus:

I go to my rest strummin' this lullaby

'Bout a blanket of stars and a mattress of prairie,

Hummin' to your babes in the cradle,

And cowpokes in The Big Dipper's ladle,

For the day may be long, but so is my rockaby,

Pullin' up blankets of stars and bedding of prairie.

[Aditus]

 

Anybody have feedback to offer me on this song of mine...?

Just that I had to think of John Denver and 'Christmas for Cowboys', a favorite song of mine I like to hear when I'm writing. Don't ask. 

[Mikiesboy]

Oh someone wrote some poetry.. let's go read it and comment 

[Mikiesboy]

Anybody have feedback to offer me on this song of mine...?

 

 

Verse:

See the young man on the scrubland

Pickin' chords by the side of his fire,

And though with starry eyes and hopes

He'll soon draw up his bed to him

To dream of rowdy steers and ropes,

The stars above hear out his deft hand

Cuz maybe he'll rustle them nearer.

 

On the lonesome tableland

A cowboy's got no one

To keep him company but his horse and guitar,

And after he's left alone by the sun,

He'll climb down from behind his saddle bar

To sing the night asleep with his sad repertoire.

 

 

Chorus:

I go to my rest strummin' this lullaby

'Bout a blanket of stars and a mattress of prairie,

Hummin' to your babes in the cradle,

And cowpokes in The Big Dipper's ladle,

For the day may be long, but so is my rockaby,

Pullin' up blankets of stars and bedding of prairie.

Well i think its rather a departure for you AC .. no offense but you don't seem like the horseback riding cowpunching type.  So I think it's pretty good.

 

Not sure about the cowpokes in the big dipper .. but they wrote odd songs about odd stuff back then, so it works.. 

[Puppilull]

Anybody have feedback to offer me on this song of mine...?

 

 

Verse:

See the young man on the scrubland

Pickin' chords by the side of his fire,

And though with starry eyes and hopes

He'll soon draw up his bed to him

To dream of rowdy steers and ropes,

The stars above hear out his deft hand

Cuz maybe he'll rustle them nearer.

 

On the lonesome tableland

A cowboy's got no one

To keep him company but his horse and guitar,

And after he's left alone by the sun,

He'll climb down from behind his saddle bar

To sing the night asleep with his sad repertoire.

 

 

Chorus:

I go to my rest strummin' this lullaby

'Bout a blanket of stars and a mattress of prairie,

Hummin' to your babes in the cradle,

And cowpokes in The Big Dipper's ladle,

For the day may be long, but so is my rockaby,

 

Pullin' up blankets of stars and bedding of prairie.

I know it speaks of a guitar, but I keep hearing harmonica. A lonesome melody, drifting like smoke into the air. Loneliness but also a sort of comfort in the vastness of nature and the sky.

[Parker Owens]

Anybody have feedback to offer me on this song of mine...?

 

 

Verse:

See the young man on the scrubland

Pickin' chords by the side of his fire,

And though with starry eyes and hopes

He'll soon draw up his bed to him

To dream of rowdy steers and ropes,

The stars above hear out his deft hand

Cuz maybe he'll rustle them nearer.

 

On the lonesome tableland

A cowboy's got no one

To keep him company but his horse and guitar,

And after he's left alone by the sun,

He'll climb down from behind his saddle bar

To sing the night asleep with his sad repertoire.

 

 

Chorus:

I go to my rest strummin' this lullaby

'Bout a blanket of stars and a mattress of prairie,

Hummin' to your babes in the cradle,

And cowpokes in The Big Dipper's ladle,

For the day may be long, but so is my rockaby,

Pullin' up blankets of stars and bedding of prairie.

 

Oh my - images first: Of firelight, sparks, and wide starlit skies. Shivering in nighttime chill. I can feel this and see it in the first part of the verse. Left alone by the sun - again, emphasizing the emptiness of the prairie night, that line somehow punched me in the gut. Blanket of Stars is a wonderful image, and I'm drawn to it. Imagine an infinite spangled duvet - but will it keep you warm?  

 

Now to rhyme, where I really liked the ...babes in the cradle  ....Big Dipper's Ladle couplet. That will catch a tune beautifully, if you have a songwriter handy.  ...lullaby ...  rockaby  is a little odd, I might have written it rock-a-bye if you want an explicitly rhyming pair of lines. Maybe that's just my eastern way of talking, though.

 

The verse rhymes were harder for me to access - but that could be a function of the song you have running in your mind. They got easier for me as kinds of melody tried themselves out in my head as I went farther down the page. That you wrote an odd number of rhymes (...bar...guitar...repertoire) suggests to my own melodic sense that you want a harmonically hanging chord or cadence at repertoire. At least, that's what I hear.

 

But you'd need someone - yourself, probably - to give musical life to these lovely, heart-achy words. Unlike Puppi, I don't hear the harmonica, though it's certainly plaintive enough.

 

Thanks for sharing this and letting us comment on it!

[Puppilull]

I had to look up cowpoke. Seems poke means almost the same as boy. I found it interesting since it's similar to pojke in Swedish, which means boy.

[Former Member]

Just that I had to think of John Denver and 'Christmas for Cowboys', a favorite song of mine I like to hear when I'm writing. Don't ask. 

I had to look up the song, and it's beautiful. Interestingly enough, I based my song on another one from about the same time, and this music is quite similar to my inspiration. Anyone hazard a guess at which song I based mine on...? It's quite well known. 

 

[Parker Owens]

Alas, I can't guess. Or at least, any guess I make would be hopeless.

 

I wonder if what I'm hearing in the song lyrics you posted (and the music snatches that are effervescing in my head) really speak to the archetypes we store in our brains to recognize, identify and classify images, so that we can respond to them. I think this is partly why we can identify with some songs and poems so immediately, and why some others stretch us so satisfyingly - and why still others leave us scratching our heads in confusion. Of course, this is just a math teacher talking, for whom abstraction requires a couple of variables, a differential and a lemma.  

 

And when to archetypes become tropes, anyhow?

[Mikiesboy]

Alas, I can't guess. Or at least, any guess I make would be hopeless.

 

I wonder if what I'm hearing in the song lyrics you posted (and the music snatches that are effervescing in my head) really speak to the archetypes we store in our brains to recognize, identify and classify images, so that we can respond to them. I think this is partly why we can identify with some songs and poems so immediately, and why some others stretch us so satisfyingly - and why still others leave us scratching our heads in confusion. Of course, this is just a math teacher talking, for whom abstraction requires a couple of variables, a differential and a lemma.  

 

And when to archetypes become tropes, anyhow?

I gotta learn to speak English. ..

[Mikiesboy]

I had to look up the song, and it's beautiful. Interestingly enough, I based my song on another one from about the same time, and this music is quite similar to my inspiration. Anyone hazard a guess at which song I based mine on...? It's quite well known. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejLQSpVBxBE

hint? Artist maybe?

[Parker Owens]

I gotta learn to speak English. ..

You speak English perfectly well. It's the 'teacher dialect' that might be troubling you... sorry.