' Live-Poets Society ' – A Corner For Poetry

[J.HunterDunn]

I have no guesses about the melody that inspired your song.

When reading the song-text I immediately had to think of Glen Curtis. This song could well have been part of his repertoire.

 

Added later:

 

It turned out, that the song not only could have been part of Glen's repertoire, but actually was.

I suppose AC will give more details.

Edited January 20, 2016 by J.HunterDunn

[AC Benus]

Well i think its rather a departure for you AC .. no offense but you don't seem like the horseback riding cowpunching type.  So I think it's pretty good.

 

Not sure about the cowpokes in the big dipper .. but they wrote odd songs about odd stuff back then, so it works.. 

Awwwww, Tim (LOL), I rather like the image of cowboys being scooped up in the giant ladle of stars In their dreams, of course. 

I know it speaks of a guitar, but I keep hearing harmonica. A lonesome melody, drifting like smoke into the air. Loneliness but also a sort of comfort in the vastness of nature and the sky.

Beautiful image, Pup. That's how I see it too 

Edited January 20, 2016 by AC Benus

[AC Benus]

Oh my - images first: Of firelight, sparks, and wide starlit skies. Shivering in nighttime chill. I can feel this and see it in the first part of the verse. Left alone by the sun - again, emphasizing the emptiness of the prairie night, that line somehow punched me in the gut. Blanket of Stars is a wonderful image, and I'm drawn to it. Imagine an infinite spangled duvet - but will it keep you warm?  

 

- Thank you, Parker. Great feedback. I've been reading the 1902 novel, The Virginian, by Owen Wister. He has some remarkably simple and beautiful passage of what it was like to be on the prairie all alone (and thinking about the man you love), so I suppose I was thinking of moments like that when I came to write this song.   

 

Now to rhyme, where I really liked the ...babes in the cradle  ....Big Dipper's Ladle couplet. That will catch a tune beautifully, if you have a songwriter handy.  ...lullaby ...  rockaby  is a little odd, I might have written it rock-a-bye if you want an explicitly rhyming pair of lines. Maybe that's just my eastern way of talking, though.

 

- I thank you again. It will hurt not a thing to spell it rock-a-bye, and when I google the two words together, the hyphenated version seems to be more used. So, consider the update done.

 

The verse rhymes were harder for me to access - but that could be a function of the song you have running in your mind. They got easier for me as kinds of melody tried themselves out in my head as I went farther down the page. That you wrote an odd number of rhymes (...bar...guitar...repertoire) suggests to my own melodic sense that you want a harmonically hanging chord or cadence at repertoire. At least, that's what I hear.

 

- You are very musical, and a lingering cadence that bridges into the key change/tempo change of the chorus is exactly what I want. As for the breaking up the rhymes and making them farther apart in the second part of the verse, I will say that is part of the waltz-like melody I imagine for this song.  

 

But you'd need someone - yourself, probably - to give musical life to these lovely, heart-achy words. Unlike Puppi, I don't hear the harmonica, though it's certainly plaintive enough.

 

- My tuneful inspiration for this cowboy lullaby – although NOT written as a new set of lyrics for the exactly melody – is Sweet Baby James, by James Taylor. 

 

Thanks for sharing this and letting us comment on it!

Thank you for giving me your thoughts. I appreciate all of them!

Edited January 20, 2016 by AC Benus

[AC Benus]

I had to look up cowpoke. Seems poke means almost the same as boy. I found it interesting since it's similar to pojke in Swedish, which means boy.

I would not be surprised to learn that 'poke' comes from Swedish. There's a wonderful documentary series they've been playing in recent years called America's Secret Slang. I hope you can see the link and watch some of the episodes.    

 

The segment about Gaelic is particularly interesting. The word 'cop' means boss, or 'bigman' in Gaelic and seems to be the true origin of policemen being called that. Also, the word 'doggy' meaning cattle comes from that language, and many more - like 'longshoreman.' 

 

Watch it if you can; they are fascinating dope for word fiends like us writers.    

[AC Benus]

Alas, I can't guess. Or at least, any guess I make would be hopeless.

 

I wonder if what I'm hearing in the song lyrics you posted (and the music snatches that are effervescing in my head) really speak to the archetypes we store in our brains to recognize, identify and classify images, so that we can respond to them. I think this is partly why we can identify with some songs and poems so immediately, and why some others stretch us so satisfyingly - and why still others leave us scratching our heads in confusion. Of course, this is just a math teacher talking, for whom abstraction requires a couple of variables, a differential and a lemma.  

 

And when to archetypes become tropes, anyhow?

I hoped my song would be perceived as a lullaby, so that is most certainly an archetype   The song I had in mind is James Taylor's Sweet Baby James. 

[Mikiesboy]

I hoped my song would be perceived as a lullaby, so that is most certainly an archetype   The song I had in mind is James Taylor's Sweet Baby James. 

oh i kinda like that song.. nice!!

[Parker Owens]

AC Posted the poem below in a chapter of verse entitled Polynomial recently. I liked one image especially:

 

Poem No. 9

Haiku:

 

Fiery-winged fowl,

A goose of wordless feathers

Flees his woes by flight.

 

goose with wordless feathers is such a startling, arresting image to me.

 

My thought was of a featherless bird, all bare and pink, but then I realized that was wrong. The bird has feathers, just wordless ones.

 

This led to another thought, of a bird with countless feathers, each one a word, some heavy, some light, some black, some brilliant white, and the sum of them so heavy that the bird couldn't fly. Worded feathers would somehow speak for the goose, which explains why geese are typically so noisy. Your image composed a "Just So" story in exactly four words.

 

A goose with wordless feathers can fly, of course. Unlike the run-of-the-mill goose, it's silent, and therefore unusual. It is a rarity, and perhaps something beautiful.

 

In any case, it caused me to stop and think and imagine.  Many thanks, AC for allowing me to make my views on this public.

 

 

 

 

[AC Benus]

AC Posted the poem below in a chapter of verse entitled Polynomial recently. I liked one image especially:

 

Poem No. 9

Haiku:

 

Fiery-winged fowl,

A goose of wordless feathers

Flees his woes by flight.

 

goose with wordless feathers is such a startling, arresting image to me.

 

My thought was of a featherless bird, all bare and pink, but then I realized that was wrong. The bird has feathers, just wordless ones.

 

This led to another thought, of a bird with countless feathers, each one a word, some heavy, some light, some black, some brilliant white, and the sum of them so heavy that the bird couldn't fly. Worded feathers would somehow speak for the goose, which explains why geese are typically so noisy. Your image composed a "Just So" story in exactly four words.

 

A goose with wordless feathers can fly, of course. Unlike the run-of-the-mill goose, it's silent, and therefore unusual. It is a rarity, and perhaps something beautiful.

 

In any case, it caused me to stop and think and imagine.  Many thanks, AC for allowing me to make my views on this public.

 

 

 

 

Oh I love your comments, Parker. Quite a few readers commented on this poem in one way or another, so I am really delighted it speaks to people.

Edited January 21, 2016 by AC Benus

[AC Benus]

I have no guesses about the melody that inspired your song.

When reading the song-text I immediately had to think of Glen Curtis. This song could well have been part of his repertoire.

 

Added later:

 

It turned out, that the song not only could have been part of Glen's repertoire, but actually was.

I suppose AC will give more details.

I'm thrilled that you thought of Glen Curtis. I wrote this song for a novella I've posted, and it appears in Chapter 2: Knickers to a Nudist for a vaudeville cowboy to sing on stage.

 

You mentioned looking at Glen's other song in the story, which comes later, and I bet you didn't recognize the song posted here because in chapter 2, the verses and chorus are all separated by paragraphs of text. I wanted to post the song someplace in its proper formatting. 

 

Anyway, thank you, Peter! It's great you 'heard' Glen singing this!

[Roberto Zuniga]

Hi and Welcome! This is an open thread, intended for poets to help one another on GA. It's not tied to any one piece, but a forum where we can exchange ideas, get feedback on a project we're intending to post, or one that's already up.

 

Questions and advice are always welcomed, so don't be shy about stopping by now and again to say 'hey.'

 

Hey AC and Poet Society!

 

I've just uploaded a translation of a poem I wrote in Spanish a long time ago. I'd loe some feedback on it!

 

You can find it here: 

 

Thanks in advance!

[Mikiesboy]

Hey AC and Poet Society!

 

I've just uploaded a translation of a poem I wrote in Spanish a long time ago. I'd loe some feedback on it!

 

You can find it here: 

 

Thanks in advance!

Welcome Aboard Roberto!!!

[Roberto Zuniga]

Welcome Aboard Roberto!!!

 

Thanks a lot Tim!

[Drew Espinosa]

Sorry I haven't been here much, been busy getting back into the groove of things at college

 

Oh! I just read this poem, it's really creative!

 

 

Hey AC and Poet Society!

Yay!!! Welcome Roberto!

[dughlas]

Welcome Roberto. I enjoyed your poem.

[dughlas]

I came across a poetic form that I’d never heard of before, a cinquain. According to Young Writers UK [https://www.youngwriters.co.uk]  a cinquain poem consists of five unrhymed lines. Each line has a set number of syllables see below:

 

Line 1: 2 syllables
Line 2: 4 
Line 3: 6 syllables
Line 4: 8 syllables
Line 5: 2 syllables

 

With our earlier interest in haiku and tanka I thought this might be a form to explore.

[Parker Owens]

I think

it might be nice

to attempt composing

my own cinquain. But I might not

succeed.

[Roberto Zuniga]

Welcome Roberto. I enjoyed your poem.

 

Thanks a lot Dughlas!

I came across a poetic form that I’d never heard of before, a cinquain. According to Young Writers UK [https://www.youngwriters.co.uk]  a cinquain poem consists of five unrhymed lines. Each line has a set number of syllables see below:

 

Line 1: 2 syllables

Line 2: 4 

Line 3: 6 syllables

Line 4: 8 syllables

Line 5: 2 syllables

 

With our earlier interest in haiku and tanka I thought this might be a form to explore.

 

 

This sounds like an interesting challenge!

[dughlas]

I think

it might be nice

to attempt composing

my own cinquain. But I might not

succeed.

Wonderful.

[Mikiesboy]

Thanks a lot Dughlas!

 

 

This sounds like an interesting challenge!

oh neat... love new stuff.. 

[Drew Espinosa]

oh neat... love new stuff.. 

tim, did Roberto draw your avatar? It's amazing!

[Mikiesboy]

tim, did Roberto draw your avatar? It's amazing!

yeah.... cool huh?  it was a super thing for him to do.. 

[Defiance19]

Since I'm snowed in, I thought a winter haiku or 2 would be appropriate..  

 

Thoughts, critique, have at it..  

 

Gray clouds blanket sky

Snowflakes chase each other down

Cold delight on tongue

 

Icy wind blows by

Snow pillows gently flutter

Each a kiss so soft

[Aditus]

Cinquain? *pricks up ears*

 

Again

we have something

inspiring to play and

to tinker with until the words

fit in.

 

 

How's that?

[Parker Owens]

 

Since I'm snowed in, I thought a winter haiku or 2 would be appropriate..  

 

Thoughts, critique, have at it..  

 

Gray clouds blanket sky

Snowflakes chase each other down

Cold delight on tongue

 

Icy wind blows by

Snow pillows gently flutter

Each a kiss so soft

 

 

Def - I love the second of these two - the Snow pillows image sticks in my mind especially, and absolutely love how they are a  kiss so soft. I know about snow like that. Beautiful.

 

 

Cinquain? *pricks up ears*

 

Again

we have something

inspiring to play and

to tinker with until the words

fit in.

 

 

How's that?

Adi - These kinds of counting poems are good for us math/quant thinkers, no?  I love the way your sentence and syntax flow through the syllable counts. 

 

Thanks to both of you for sharing these!

[Aditus]

 

Since I'm snowed in, I thought a winter haiku or 2 would be appropriate..  

 

Thoughts, critique, have at it..  

 

Gray clouds blanket sky

Snowflakes chase each other down

Cold delight on tongue

 

Icy wind blows by

Snow pillows gently flutter

Each a kiss so soft

 

 

The second is my favorite.