Tales of the Underground: Blinded - 30. Falling in Line

The flashing lights of the city began to grow as Carter drove faster and faster, desperately trying to get out of the Southside. I did my best not to stare…but I’ve never seen him like this, so skiddish, so scared…so human.

“You alright?” I poked, watching him nervously run his hands along the steering wheel as he drove.

“I’m fine” he grumbled, keeping his eyes on the road.

I let out a deep breath, and laid back in my seat “You really gonna make me do this?”

“Make you do what?” Carter shrugged, trying his best to hide his nerves “I am fine.”

“You not fine” I leaned forward again “You shaky as hell.”

“Riley, I said I’m fine…” he began, not sure what else to say “So I’m fine.”

“Well now I’m convinced” I sighed, keeping my eyes on him “Why you so spooked? You know how the Southside is…I’ve tol you bout it a million times.”

“Riley…”

“Carter I ain’t doin this!” I groaned, starting to grow more and more irritated “Why you so crazy right now?”

“Because what if you’ve been in that car?” He yelped, finally saying what was on his mind “What if you’ve shot at my mother before? What if you’ve shot at me before?”

“Then I shot at you” I shrugged, not sure what to make of the question.

“What do you mean, then you shot at me?!” He exclaimed “This…that’s not normal…you don’t just…”

I shook my head and looked at him “What you want me to say? That I never went on runs in that street? That I never shot a gun on that street? I probably shot a gun on every street in the Southside…what the hell you want me to say here?” He shook his head and bit his tongue “What? What am I missin here? Like you didn know I was in a gang! like you didn know I was dangerous!”

“It’s not about that.” he argued “Its…its…”

“It’s what Carter?” I pressured “It’s new to ya know cause you got a taste of it? It’s scary? It’s real?”

“It is!” he shouted, still keeping his eyes on the road “It’s not like I actually understood what it was like when I was hearing your stories…”

“So you done now right?” I poked, doing my best to stay calm “You done hangin out with the boy from the hood? You ready to put space between us?”

“I never said that!” he shook, finally glancing over to me “And I never even thought it.”

“Then why you keepin shit from me right now?” I pressured, keeping my eyes on him.

“Because when it all happened…I don’t know…” he shook off “I looked at you, and it just looked like you we’re going to go join it…I thought, what if he runs right now? What if he really hates this life? That’s his gang, he could go join them right now…I thought what if you ran out and disappeared…”

“But I didn” I interrupted, shrugging my shoulders.

“You looked like you wanted to for a few minutes there.” He exhaled, turning to me once more.

“Cause I was raised to run near the shots!” I explained in a yelp “Years and years of runnin to my gang in fire fights…years and years of shootin when shit goes off, tryin to keep myself safe…and now I foun myself a few feet away from one with someone I love…what you think my instincts gonna be?” I pushed, trying to stay calm “It was to go out there and start shootin and scare em off…I haven wanted a gun in my hands that bad in a long time…but it wasn to be a gang member, it was to protect you and you mom…you so stupid sometimes man.” I groaned turning towards the window “Can’t even trus me and shit.”

He let out a deep breath as the car slowed to a stop at a red light “Riley…” he began turning to me.

“Nah, leave me alone righ now.”

“Riley…” he repeated, reaching over and gently rubbing my arm.

“What?” I groaned, finally looking over to him.

“I love you” he forced a smile, and gently put the back of his hand to my face “and I do trust you…but you have to realize I’ve never heard anything like that before…that…that was crazy to me…and it being normal to you and my mom…well that only scares me more.” He explained, looking deep into my eyes “and hearing you wanted to protect us…I love it, but that scares me too…I don’t want you going anywhere near guns…Just let the police handle it.”

“Police don handle it” I groaned, fighting off the urge to turn away “You hear sirens come by and check in to see who’s okay? Nah, cause they don care!”

“Maybe no one called them, it all…”

“Someone called them” I mumbled “And even if no one did, drive bys are loud enough for you to hear blocks and blocks away…it’s a warzone, and the only person lookin out for you is you.”

“Well you’re not in that warzone anymore.”

“No, but some kid like me is.” I groaned, as he was forced to turn away to start driving again “Probably hundreds of em.”

“So what are you saying?” He sighed, trying to get a good look at me.

“I don know man” I shrugged “Maybe I wanna help em, maybe I don wanna see anyone go through what I did.”

“Then do that” he encouraged “but having the instinct to run head first into a firefight is only going to get you killed…start taking school seriously, start taking basketball serious…put yourself in a place where your voice will be heard.”

“Are you gonna be okay with that?” I poked, growing nervous of the conversation.

“Sure” he encouraged “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You jus seem like you wan me as far away from all that as possible.”

“I mean, I do right now…but once you learn how to handle everything…once you replace all those bad instincts with better ones.” he explained starting to smile “Then that’ll be okay with me.”

I nodded to what he said, and let my head lean against the window “Jus promise me you not gonna be as crazy as you mom…I can’t deal with you putting yourself in danger like that.”

He shrugged his shoulders and smiled “I guess we’re destined to drive each other crazy for the rest of our lives.”

“Think we’ll make it that long?” I honestly let out, looking over at him.

“We’ve survived things normal couples would kill each other over.” He smiled “I don’t think there will ever be a problem we can’t work through.”

“What if it’s something outta our control?” I prodded, doing my best to see how he actually thought.

“Then we’ll find a way to make it work for us.” He decided with another nod of his head “I love you, and I will never give up on you.”

“I love you too” I exhaled, as we pulled back into the Northside.

Before I knew it weeks turned to months, and things started to radically change for me. Random kids at school started talking to me more and more…I became just as popular as Carter…and for some reason just as nice too. It wasn’t uncommon for me to talk to random kids I had never met before, or even for me to just pop in the gym and start balling with random classes. The best part is it all seemed to tick Owen off more and more, he still refused to hang around us, hell as far as I know he hasn’t even spoke to any of them since I punched him!

My family seemed to grow closer too, me and Aaron started fighting less and less, and I even started to respect Nancy and Walter more. Every now and then Walter would drive me out to see his father…and just like the first time, I listened in awe of his stories, desperately learning what I could to become a better person…to shape into the person I really wanted to be. My dyslexia still fought me from time to time, but I was getting a handle of it, and my speech…well I can at least finish words with T’s now.

“Yo” I let out as Aaron finally walked into the living room where me and Carter had been laying all afternoon “So are we gonna plan this party or nah?”

“Nah” Carter decided, keeping his feet on me “Why are you always so hell bent on getting into trouble?”

“I haven’t gotten into trouble in while” I shrugged “When’s the last time you saw me getting yelled at?”

“Yesterday in practice” Carter giggled, leaning back.

I clicked my tongue and shook my head “You know that doesn’t count, Coach literally yells at anyone for anything…I was just on his shit list for some reason.”

“For some reason” Carter repeated “Why does your brother always have to pretend like he doesn’t know why he gets in trouble?”

“I don’t know; he’s your boyfriend.” Aaron muttered, reminding the two of us to cool it with the PDA.

“You better get off me, Aaron’s getting jealous again” I teased with a smile “I don’t know if it’s because you spend more time with me, or because he’ll be single forever…but…”

“Give me a reason to hit you Cy” Aaron grumbled sitting up “I will…”

“Alright!” Carter shouted, swinging his feet off of me “God some days you two are so cool to be around, but others it’s just annoying!”

“Oh shut up” I dismissed turning on him.

“Yeah” Aaron supported “You’re not always as helpful as you think you are.”

“What the hell? One of you is always supposed to be on my side.” He laughed “You can’t both be against me!”

“Okay, whatever” I waived off “The party…okay so Mom and Dad are going to be gone all weekend, so we should do it Saturday into Sunday. We gonna need a few bottles, and an eighth”

“No!” Carter protested “No drugs!”

“Did I say drugs?” I shrugged, staring at him.

“You said an eighth.” He pointed out, leaning closer to me.

I reached out and gave him a light shove to the chest “Weed isn’t a drug dumbass.” I confidently explained “You talking drugs, then we’d get coke or shrooms…weed is a plant, and an eighth is like a baby amount.”

“There’s no way people are smoking weed in this house!” Aaron yelped “I don’t even want this party in the first place I don’t know why…”

“Oh shut up” I interrupted, waving him off “We’re doing this because you two gotta learn to have fun, don’t you want some type of crazy memory from highschool?” They both reluctantly nodded their heads and watched me closely “Then let’s get fucked up.”

“Okay genius.” Carter exhaled “None of us are 21, how the hell are we going to get alcohol.”

I mischievously rubbed my hands together and smiled “That’s why you got me here.” I reached into my hand and felt the small plastic baggy that was already there “Actually, I got half of it already taken care of.” I informed taking out the small bag of weed.

“RILEY!” Aaron shouted looking at it “Where the hell did you get it?”

“I got Curtis to hook me up.” I smiled “Now you just gotta take me to a liquor store by where I used to roll and…”

“No way.” Carter shook “I’m not taking you to the Southside, no way, no how.”

“It’s not really in the Southside” I shrugged “It’s like in the no man’s land between the city and the south.” He slowly began to think it over as he heard my words “Come on, it’ll be fine.”

“If you get us killed…”

“Oh relax” I dismissed “I know what I’m doin.”

“Well I’m not coming.” Arron stubbornly grumped “Enjoy getting shot!”

“Man whatever” I groaned as we got up to get to the car “If I get shot I’ma buy a gun and shoot you outta spite.”

I could tell Carter was starting to get nervous as we left the Northside, but it honestly wasn’t even that big of a deal! In fact, we didn’t even have to switch to the junky car we use when we visit his mom at her new place!

“You sure this is safe?” Carter nervously let out, as we both stepped out of the car.

I shrugged my shoulders, starting to walk to the small run down store “What does safe really mean anyway?”

“Riley!” he groaned, as we stepped into the tight store.

“No!” the old clerk dismissed, watching me slowly walk into the store “Get out!”

“Good to see you too Rick” I giggled, beginning to take bottles off the shelf.

“I’m serious!” he shouted, standing up behind the counter “I’ll call the police if you’re not out of here within the next minute.”

I turned to Carter and raised my eyebrows as I handed him bottles “Oh relax, we goin.”

“Not with those bottles you’re not…” he shouted. I’ve taken from this store since I was 12, and not once has he actually stood up like this “Things are changing around here…the saints are falling apart…and you…I’ve heard you don’t even run with them anymore!”

“People be sayin some whack shit my man.” I laughed, finally satisfied with the 5 bottles we had “I’m aroun, and I’m still me, so sit your ass back down and don’t be callin no one.”

“Or what?” he tested, trying to see if the rumors about me changing were true.

“This” I shrugged, taking a bottle off the shelf and throwing it at a nearby wall “Let’s go man” I motioned to Carter.

“Leave the bottles.” He sternly commanded, leaning over the desk.

“Then give me all that money you owe me for rocks” I pushed, walking up to the desk with no fear “You forget all those times I hooked you up? You forget the deal we had? I haven’t been capitalized on it lately, but maybe I should be.”

“Get out of my store” he growled falling back into his seat

“Glad we could reach an agreement” I snarled, holding the door open for Carter “Now play nice…or I’ll be back.” I warned, shooting him a look I haven’t used in a long time.

“What the hell was that?!” Carter shouted, placing the bottles in the back of his car “You’re supposed to have changed…you’re supposed to have a conscience now, you’re supposed to…”

“Oh relax” I dismissed, climbing into the passenger’s seat “It’s not like we stole.”

“Well what would you call taking things and not paying?” he yelped, angrily looking at me.

“He and I had a deal, not my fault he was tryin to back out of it” I shrugged, motioning for him to pull away “I used to give him drugs, and he would give me bottles…he owes me here.”

“Is it naturally wired into your brain to do some really stupid things every few months?” he pushed, eagerly driving back to the Northside “Or do you make the choice?”

I rolled my eyes and stared off into the distance “Look, this was my last time doin that if it helps.” I grumbled “but we didn’t do anything wrong, it was like we redeemed a voucher.”

“One you got from selling drugs!” he argued “What if he goes and tells the Saints you were hanging around here?”

“Trust me; no one willingly goes to the Saints.” I laughed “Especially with how violent they getting…everything is okay.”

He shook his head, still irritated with my actions “I still can’t believe you right now. You’ve worked hard to prove you’re not that person anymore, but here you are, intimidating and taking what you want.”

I shrugged my shoulders and tried to force eye contact with him “It was a sacrifice I made for this party…I think I’ll sleep well tonight.”

“Sometimes Riley…” he groaned “Sometimes.”

“You know you love me” I teased with a smile.

“If you know I love you, why do you always have to make me worry?” he complained, as his anger began to fade.

“Was what I did really that bad?” I exhaled, not truly knowing myself.

“Look…” Carter began “If he really owed you, then no, it’s, just, whatever. But trying to scare him off, and throwing that bottle…that’s crossing the line.”

“He did owe me” I insisted “And alright, that’s all you had to say…I’ll cut it out.”

“You better before I kick your ass.” He teased, playfully swatting at me.

“Is that a threat or a promise?” I giggled, realizing that he could never actually stay mad at me.

He shook his head and ignored me “Just watch yourself before you get in real trouble…you’ve had a good past few weeks, don’t ruin it for yourself.”

“I won’t” I smiled, as our eyes connected “I have too much to lose to mess up now.”

He let out a small laugh, as we only fell deeper for one another…the same way we have all year. When I step outta line like I did today…well he makes sure I find my way back. That’s why were the perfect match…that’s why we’ll never leave one another…and Saturday night…well I’ll pull him out of line for a few hours.