Catering with Benefits (1) - 38. GRAMPS

One evening, while on duty Craig got a call from his father who told him his grandfather had been admitted to hospital, while on holiday in Port Macquarie, with suspected pancreatic cancer and that his grandmother wanted to speak to him about it. She said the doctors were a bit closed lipped and she hoped he would be able to explain more to her. While on his next break he called his Grandmother, but told her there was not much more he could explain until the diagnosis was confirmed and if he was not in his hospital he could not get access to his medical records anyway. He assured her that all possible would be done to help him and he would always be available to support them both.

Craig and his grandfather had always been very close so this was devastating news for Craig. He knew that if it was pancreatic cancer that it was a very aggressive cancer, there was no cure and his grandfather would deteriorate quickly.

A few days later the pathology confirmed the original diagnosis and arrangements were made to transfer him to an oncology unit in a Sydney hospital. He was transferred to Prince of Wales hospital which was close to both Craig’s flat and his parents’ home. So that she could be close to the hospital and so that they could support her, his grandmother went to stay with Craig’s parents. This meant the whole family could be close by and share the arrangements for getting his grandmother to & from the hospital for visits.

Unfortunately, Nigel’s condition deteriorated quickly over the next six weeks, despite attempts at chemo. The medical support team called a family conference with his wife, children and Craig. It was decided to transfer him to a palliative care facility and Craig requested that he be transferred to The Sacred Heart Hospice, a unit St. Vincent’s, where he worked. This was arranged and the transfer took place two days later. Craig knew his grandfather’s prognosis was not good but at least he could be close by to keep an eye on him for the rest of the family, even though Craig was not a palliative care nurse.

A few days later when Craig went to visit his grandfather, he was beaming at the site of Craig and they had a long hug. He was always proud of his achievements and was thankful that he had Craig so close now that he was living his last days. When Craig backed away to sit down, he noticed that the smile had gone from his Grandfather’s face and he was looking very serious. It reminded Craig of the sternness his grandfather showed on the rare occasions when he had done something wrong.

“Are you in pain Gramps?” he asked.

“Just a bit, but the drugs are taking care of most of that for now. There is something I want to talk to you about.”

“What’s that, do you need more information about your condition?”

“No, I know all about that, but I do need your help.”

“Anything for you Gramps, you know that.”

“Well I’m glad to hear you say that, because what I’m about to ask you is serious and I would not ask you if there were any other way, and I can’t ask anybody else”.

Craig was starting to get a bit worried now, but let his grandfather go on.

“Craig, I know you know what is going to happen to me in the next few weeks or however long I have. I also know, that you know how to help me avoid the extreme pain that I’m about to suffer.”

“Well, Gramps the palliative care team here is very good at what they do and have access to the best pain killing drugs available. But I can’t interfere in what they do, it’s not my job and I’m not specially trained in palliative care.”

“Craig, listen to me, that’s not what I’m asking. I know you have access to drugs that can put me out of pain quickly and that you know how to administer them.”

“Gramps I hope you’re not asking me what I think you’re asking.”

“Well, I am son and I want you to do that one last thing for me.”

“Gramps, you know how much I love you and would do anything for you, but what you’re asking is not possible.”

“It is possible you just have to want to do it for me. I know the pain will get worse and I want to leave this earth with some dignity.”

Craig was feeling very uncomfortable and conflicted. “Gramps I’m a nurse, my duty is to heal and relieve suffering where possible”.

“That’s exactly what I am asking you to do, relieve my suffering”.

Craig was by now becoming frustrated with his grandfather’s demand and replied sternly, “First of all, it’s illegal, secondly what if it is discovered that I did this for you”.

“You must know how to avoid that”.

“If I’m discovered or even suspected, at the very least I would lose my job and accreditation. I could even go to prison. Do you want Gran to have to spend the rest of her life knowing what I did and visiting me in Long Bay?”

“Oh mate it won’t come to that. Just do this one last thing for me.” Then he added with a smirk on his face “I won’t tell.”

Craig was by now feeling in absolute despair. He could not grant the man he loved all his life his dying wish and he actually felt guilty about it.

“Craig, when the subject of euthanasia was once being discussed at a family dinner, I’m sure you said that the old fossils and the far right of the conservatives in Government should stop listening to the churches and instead listen to the people that elected them. What happened to that socially liberal thinking young man?”

“Gramps, that is very unfair of you to try to make me feel guilty about my position on this. You know full well that I was referring to making it legal.”

By now Craig’s state of mind had reached exasperation. He knew he could not do what his grandfather wanted and he also knew he could not placate him now that his mind seemed to be set on this course.

“Gramps, I’m going now, before either one of us says something we might regret later. Bye Gramps” and with that he gave his grandfather a big hug, a kiss and left the ward.

That night at home, Craig was very morose and hardly spoke a word to Justin, who wondered if he had done something wrong. Justin prepared dinner for them and even opened a bottle of Craig’s favourite wine. He was not sure if he was trying to apologise of just cheer up his partner. Craig barely touched his dinner but drank most of the wine. Justin was hoping the wine may have mellowed him a bit so asked “Have I said or done something wrong that I’m not aware of. If I did, please tell me so I can fix it.”

“It’s not you my darling.”

“Well, what is it then, tell me?”

“I can’t, it’s just something at work.” Not wanting to antagonise Craig he said no more about it. Justin had learned during his childhood not to antagonise those around him because he feared the consequences, which he and his mother had often experienced.

They had previously planned for the following day to be a shopping day, so before going to bed, Justin asked “What time do you want to go shopping tomorrow, will we go in the morning or go out for lunch to that great fish & chip cafe by the beach and shop afterwards?”

“I’m not going shopping tomorrow I’ve taken an extra day shift so you will have to shop on your own. Drop me at the hospital in the morning and you can have the car all day.”

The next day Craig was having lunch, in the cafeteria when Romel arrived for a coffee before starting his shift. Romel observed that Craig seemed stressed. “What’s on your mind today, you seem a bit edgy?”

“It’s Gramps.”

“Has his condition deteriorated?”

“It has a bit, but it’s not that.”

“Are you going to tell me what it is?”

“Not here, finish your coffee and we can go for a walk in the garden.”

“It sounds serious, ok, but you haven’t touched your lunch.”

“I’m not really hungry.”

Romel scoffed down his coffee and the two went out to the hospital garden.

Craig said “It’s so crowded here at this time of day, there are too many people in earshot, let’s go over to Green Park.”

“No problem.”

When they reached the park Romel asked “Now are you going to tell me about your grandfather?”

“Romel, I love me Gramps so much, but I can’t help him.”

“I know, but he is getting the best care available and you know there is no cure for this form of cancer. The Hospice has the best palliative care in the country. But why could you not discuss this with other people around.”

“There’s something else, something I can’ even mention in that building without suspicion being raised. He knows there’s no cure and he knows the pain will get worse. He says he doesn’t want the pain or the indignity of dying a slow painful death. He thinks eventually the drugs won’t be enough to relieve the pain. He wants to be euthanized, and he wants me to do it for him.”

“What did you say to him?”

“That was the hardest part. I want to help him, but apart from being illegal, it’s against all that we studied for and what we do every day. I had to tell him I couldn’t do it. Then he begged me and it made me feel really shitty that I couldn’t help him. Romel, I hate being in this situation”.

“No wonder you’re on a downer. Can I do anything to help you?”

“Do what you always do, just be my friend and support me. I can’t talk to anyone else about this, it’s too risky. You understand what it means.”

“Sure, talk anytime.”

“You know Romel, when it comes this close it makes you think differently about it. With my background and training I should be against euthanasia, but I have different thoughts. It should be the patient’s decision no one else’s, especially not some right wing politicians or a church, run by a cock in a frock.”

“Wow, this has really got you churned up.”

“You bet it has. Any person at any time can jump in front of a train or hang themselves and nobody can do anything to stop it. Why shouldn’t someone, at the end of their life anyway, have the means to slip away peacefully at a time of their choosing. It’s just plain wrong.”

***

After doing the shopping as requested, Justin went to pick up Craig from the hospital in the afternoon. He arrived a bit early and was waiting in the foyer when Romel passed by and stopped to ask Justin “What brings you here”.

“I’m waiting for Craig, have you seen him?”

“I know he finished his shift as he handed over the keys of the drug room to me about twenty minutes ago. Maybe he went to visit his Grandfather.”

“Thanks, you’re probably right, I might as well go and say hello to him as well. Bye, catch you around.”

“Bye, and give my best wishes to the lovely old gentleman.”

Justin took the lift up to the palliative care ward and as he stepped out of the lift he saw Craig go into the staff lift, but the doors closed before he could call out to him. He thought that as long as he was here he might as well pay his visit to Mr. Simpson. When he walked into the room he seemed to be asleep, so Justin touched his hand lightly to check if he was just napping. He did not move, so not wanting to disturb him, he left and returned to the foyer, where Craig was waiting impatiently.

“Where have you been?” demanded Craig”

“I went to see your Gramps.”

“How was he?” asked Craig

“Well he was asleep, but you.....” Justin stopped himself there.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing, don’t bother.” Justin muttered almost inaudibly.

Craig was clearly distracted and took no notice of Justin’s half finished sentence.

The two drove home in silence.

While Justin prepared dinner, Craig showered. Justin was mulling over the events of the past two days and assumed Craig’s silence today must be related to whatever happened at work yesterday and remained unresolved. He decided to let him get over it in his own time. After his shower Craig came into the kitchen, gave Justin a peck on the cheek, went to the fridge, took out two beers and opened one for each of them. He then raised his bottle to Justin and made a toast saying “Here’s to life and oh, sorry about yesterday.”

Justin was so relieved. He gave Craig a quick kiss, clinked his bottle with Craig’s and took a large gulp of his beer.

***

At home, later that night, Edward was working on some questions for an upcoming interview and needed some medical knowledge to phrase his questions properly. He called Romel at the nurses’ station, “Good evening, ward 3 north, this is Sister Andrews.”

“Hello sister, this is Edward, can I speak to Romel please?”

“Just hang on I think he’s in the drug room.”

Edward took another sip of his wine while he waited for Romel to come on the line, and then another sip. Finally a voice came on the line, “Are you there Edward, I can’t find Romel, the drug room is locked and no one knows where he is.”

“Can you ask him to call me, thanks sister?”

“No problem, bye.”

***

Romel returned to the ward about twenty minutes later to be met by an agitated nurse. “Where have you been?”

“I just had something to attend to; why what’s wrong?”

“I need your help with Mrs. Collins in bed 4b. It says here on the drug register that you gave her intravenous meds about an hour ago, but she is still complaining of pain. She is not due again till midnight. Should I give her another dose, or should I check with her doctor first?”

“Leave it with me, I’ll check on her and take care of it. In the meantime, since it is otherwise a quiet night, will you do a store room check of supplies? I noticed we’re a bit low on some items.”

“Isn’t that day shift’s job?”

“Are you too busy doing something else?”

“No”

“Then do as I ask, thank you sister.”

***

Edward was still up when Romel arrived home. “Hi I’m home, why are you up so late?”

“I was working on my interview questions and waiting for you to call me back. Didn’t you get the message?”

“No, those young nurses never write down messages and it was such a busy night whoever took the message must have forgotten. Sorry, what did you want?”

“Don’t worry now, we can do it tomorrow. Do you want anything before we go to bed?”

“No, I’ll be OK, just need to get to sleep.”

***

Just as they were about to go to bed, Craig’s phone rang. He went to retrieve it from the coffee table, answered it and said. “Hi Dad”. He then stood with his back to Justin and said nothing for a minute or so, then, “Thanks for letting me know.” and hung up. Justin looked quizzically at him but said nothing, hoping Craig would tell him in his own time. All he said to Justin was “Gramps passed on this evening”.

***

Sometime in the middle of the night Romel’s phone received a text message, but Romel was sleeping soundly. Edward heard it and awakened Romel to alert him.

“Romel, are you awake, your phone beeped.”

“It’s alright I’ll get it in the morning.”

“But it might be the hospital needing you.”

“I doubt it, nurses don’t usually get called in like doctors.”

“OK I’ll check it for you.”

“Don’t bother.”

“But I won’t be able to sleep unless I know why someone has texted you in the middle of the night.”

“Enough! Edward. I’ll check it then.” Romel snapped, then checked his phone .“It’s from Craig.”

“What does he say?”

“Wait a minute....Oh his Grandfather has died.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that. I did not know him but I know Craig really loved him. It makes me so sad.”

“It was expected.”

“Why do you say that so coldly?”

“Um...he did have a terminal cancer and was weakening by the day.”

“I know that but it is still sad when it finally happens. I don’t think I can sleep now. Are you going to call Craig?”

“No, I’ll leave it till the morning. If he wanted to talk he would have called instead of texting.”

“I suppose you’re right, he’s probably talking to family anyway. I’m going to make some tea, do you want a cuppa?”

“No, I want to sleep.”

“How can you sleep at a time like this?”

“I’m a professional; I deal with death every day.”

“But Craig is family to me and your closest friend and colleague.”

“Edward just leave it will you?”

“OK, but I think you are more upset by this than you want to let on, so I’ll let you deal with it in your own way.”

“Finally!”

***

Craig was not on duty until night shift the next day so he went over to his parents’ place to visit his Gran and see if he could help with any of the funeral arrangements. The family went about organising the usual practical matters of contacting a funeral director, notifying family & friends and Craig checked with the hospital about the release of the body. There was no problem there, so the funeral director was advised and they left the arrangements with him.

***

The service was held at the funeral chapel, rather than a church and a celebrant was engaged instead of a priest. This was at Nigel Simpson’s request. Also at his request was a cremation at South Sydney crematorium. The family and a few close friends were invited back to Craig’s grandmother’s place for a gathering. Craig had one of his assistant cooks prepare the food and Justin volunteered to serve and clean up. All of this kept Craig busy for a few days and Justin was always there to support his man, drive the family to where they needed to be and prepare meals. The day after the funeral, Craig seemed to return to normal, was talking to Justin in a loving way and checked their diary for catering bookings. Justin felt Craig had done his grieving very quickly and worried that he might not be entirely finished grieving, so kept watch for signs.

They did have a couple of bookings in the diary, but Justin had not added any during Craig’s difficult period. He had taken all catering related calls and told party organisers they could take no more bookings for at least a month. When he told Craig this, he was angry with Justin and said, “You should have asked me first”.

“I was just trying to support and protect you during this difficult period.”

“If I want your protection, I will ask for it.” Justin felt his suspicions were correct and Craig was not done with grieving, so he would have to tread carefully. Craig had taken two weeks leave from the hospital commencing the day after the funeral. During this time he busied himself with sorting out recipes and ordering supplies for the few bookings they had. He also phoned around his regular clients to apologise for not being available and advise them he was back in business. He took on so many forward bookings for the next six months that Justin wondered how they would manage them all, especially as Craig was due to return to work the next week. He asked Craig “Where is your roster for this month?”

“Why do you need it?”

“So I can check if we can manage all these bookings you’ve accepted.”

“That will not be a problem as I’m not returning to work next week.”

“Why, have you extended your leave?”

“You might put it that way.”

“What do you mean exactly by that?”

“If you must know Mr. Nosey, I have resigned from the hospital and will not be returning. That way we can work full time at catering and waiting. There are some very big jobs coming up and I have some very interesting ideas for you. You will need to start practicing soon.”

“But you love nursing, you are good at it and you are relied upon at the hospital. Why would you want to give up all that”?

“I’m tired of it. It’s too demanding, the shifts are horrendous and the pays not that great either. We can make a week’s nursing wages in one night for a big party and there are plenty of them coming up.”

“Have you told your parents and what do they think of this sudden decision?”

“No, and I don’t care what they think.”

“Craig, this is not like you Mr. Careful and considerate. What’s really the matter?”

“I’ve told you and that’s the end of the interrogation. It’s not up for further discussion.”

“You know I’ve always supported and trusted you in what you want to do. I even put my body on the line for you, doing whatever you want me to do to impress your clients. But as your partner, I deserve a better explanation of this nonsensical and rash decision.”

“There’s no more to be said. I have resigned and now we need to get on with running our business as best we can, because it’s all we have to financially support us now. Or maybe this is because you will miss my steady money coming in weekly”.

“That’s a bit low Craig, I appreciate all the support you have given me and I do my best to earn my share. I’m just concerned that you may regret this decision to give up all that training and experience and a career that you have always loved. It was you who told me you took up nursing because of the time you spent at the hospital when your grandfather was having his heart trouble and also to follow in your mother’s footsteps. What would they think of what you are doing now? Just think about them Craig”. With that said, Justin left and went over to the dance studio to see if Tristan was free after rehearsals. He needed to talk to a friend who would listen.