Catering with Benefits (1) - 6. Round up the Usual Suspects

Thirty six years later, Edward was in his kitchen preparing dinner. His partner, Romel was in the living room watching TV with the sound turned down. He thought this might help him learn to lip read. Not, that he had any deaf or mute friends; it was just that he thought he could eavesdrop on other people’s conversations from a distance.

He called out to Edward “CAN YOU HEAR ME OUT THERE?”

“YES SWEETIE, WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

“I RAN INTO CRAIG TODAY AND HE INVITED US TO DINNER ON SATURDAY NIGHT.”

“DID HE HAVE A CAR ACCIDENT?”

“WHAT...OH WAIT A SEC, I’LL COME OUT THERE.”

“What happened to Craig?” asked Edward

“Nothing happened to Craig.”

“I thought you said he ran into something.”

“No, I said I ran into him at lunch break and he invited us to dinner on Saturday night.”

“Oh that’s nice, are we free?”

“Yes, there’s nothing in the diary.”

“Is it a special occasion?’

“Actually it is. He wants us to meet his new boyfriend.”

“Fabulous Sweetie, he hasn’t had a steady relationship for about a year now.”

“Who else is coming to this soiree?”

“Tristan and Raj.”

“Oh it’s a case of round up the usual suspects.”

“Why do you always call our group that?” Romel replied, sounding a little exasperated

“Don’t get your pantyhose in a knot; it’s just an expression from an old movie. Claude Rains says it in Casablanca.”

“Hmm.”

“So do we know anything about this new BF?”

“I think maybe he was a patient in the hospital about a month back.”

“How so?”

“Actually, one night I found a group of young nurses giggling in the corridor and when I asked them what was going on they wouldn’t tell me. That is, until I threatened to put them all on bedpan duty. Then one told me there was a hunky young patient in their ward that was getting a lot of attention from Craig, even though he wasn’t rostered on that ward.”

“Hunky, you say, I just love fresh beef.”

“Stop that and behave yourself when we meet him, he’s Craig’s.”

“Are you suggesting I would flirt with someone else’s boyfriend?”

“Does the Pope shit in the woods?”

“Oh, you can be cruel. You know I love Craig to bits and wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. He’s like a son to me.”

“Well momma, your son’s got a new boyfriend and it’s up to us to make sure he is right for Craig and that he doesn’t get hurt.”

“You’re right, so what do we do?”

Romel picked up his phone and started texting.

“Who are you texting?”

“Tristan and Raj, I need their help with this.”

“What are you up to with Dance Boy and Vindaloo?”

“Don’t call them those names, it’s not nice.”

“I don’t mean them any malice, I love them all and besides that’s what they do. Tristan dances with boys in that company and Raj serves curry in his parents’ restaurant.”

“Ok then, let me get this text done.”

“Run it by me first. What are you saying to them?”

“Actually, I thought we should all vet Mr Hunky individually and then let each other know if we approve of him.”

“Well, that’s sounds fine up to the point of letting each other know. We can hardly discuss the man in front of him and Craig.”

“That’s my plan. I’m giving them two code words, so that when any of us feel we are happy with the new boy then we use one of those code words in the conversation.”

“Dinner’s ready, pull up a stool and then tell me more.” Edward served the dinner on the kitchen bar, topped up his wine glass and asked Romel “You want a splash of red”

“No thanks, I’ll get a cola.”

“So tell me James Bond, what are these code words. I don’t know if I can weave antidisestablishmentarianism or supercalifragilisticexpialidocious into a conversation.”

“I thought just simple words like car or Christmas.”

“Oh that’s easy, I can manage that. Well done Sherlock.”

Just then Romel’s phone rang. It was Tristan wanting an explanation of the text. Romel did his best to explain to Tristan and then phoned Raj to ensure he understood also, then returned to his meal and his conversation with Edward.

“So, is it all set?” asked Edward.

“Yes, I think they both understand now.”

“Good, now did Craig say we needed to bring anything?”

“Actually, he didn’t say, but I guess we take a few bottles of wine as usual.”

“So, do you know anything more about this new man?”

“Not really, if it is the patient that was in last month, he came in with a concussion from being knocked over by a car in Oxford St. He recovered quickly and was discharged a few days later.”

“Good I’m looking forward to meeting him. I really hope he’s right for our darling Craig, he deserves a good man. Well come to think of it, don’t we all?”

“I’ve got one.”

“And so have I my sweet. Now tell me what shift are you on tomorrow?”

“I’m off tomorrow; remember I’m going to the dealership to take delivery of my new vehicle.”

“Of course, how could I forget you buying your very own set of wheels?”

“You’ve forgotten a few things lately.”

“No I haven’t.”

“What about last week when I was waiting at the hospital for you to pick me up after work. You not only forgot to collect me, you actually drove right past the hospital on the way home.”

“OK, I forgot once.”

“The week before you got into trouble with your boss when you forgot a meeting with him at a client’s office and he was embarrassed because he needed you to explain the technical stuff to the client.”

“Oh, I’ve been busy and a few things have slipped my mind.”

“Yes, and they are becoming more frequent.”

“So what are you accusing me of?”

“I’m not accusing you of anything. It’s just that I’m worried you may forget something that endangers your health or safety. We need to keep an eye on this. Maybe you should keep a diary of the times you forget things and we can go from there.”

“How could I write them in a diary, if I forget them?”

“I mean when you realise you have forgotten and that’s another idea to help; keep a diary of your appointments.”

“Are you suggesting I’m going ga ga, so you can put me in the home for the bewildered?”

“No! and don’t say that. It’s just that as we age, we all get a bit forgetful but if it worsens you may need to be assessed.”

“You want me to see a shrink?”

“I want you to take me seriously and talk to me about it. Maybe it’s just the natural ageing process but if it’s something more serious, diagnosis and therapy may help.”

“I think you are suggesting I might have....what’s the word...?”

“The word you’re looking for is Alzheimer’s, and it is a real possibility.”

“I don’t want to continue this conversation. I’m going to open another bottle and forget all about it”. Edward thought for a moment and then said “Oops!”

When Edward returned from the kitchen with the wine, he tried to lighten the conversation by asking “Will we go for a spin in the new wheels tomorrow night?”

“Certainly, where would you like to go?”

“Maybe to a drive-in.”

“They don’t have drive-ins anymore.”

“More’s the pity; it used to be so exciting to take your new boyfriend to supposedly watch a movie. We got junk food from the cafeteria, climbed in the back seat for a snog and sucked away to the Sound of Music or the James Bond theme. Dating was a challenge then when you had to fold your body into contortions that would fit two people into the back of a Datsun 120Y.”

“Sounds like I’m fortunate to have been born into the video age.”

“Yeah, they sing ‘video killed the radio star’ but it also killed the spontaneity and risk of gay sex.”

“Maybe, but it was replaced by an even bigger risk. One that can kill!”

“You’re right, it was all quite innocent when the biggest risk was being caught with your pants down. Speaking of which,” said Edward “I think it’s time I took down your pants, because one thing I’ve not forgotten, is how to fuck that tight little arse of yours.”